Wandering 
Part 3: ...Found
by Ina-chan
First Posted Online:  July 27, 2002
History:  Ina-chan's first Yukiru Fic

             The curtains danced gently in time with the evening’s cool breath. She turned under her blankets restlessly for the umpteenth time and sighed in the futility of her battle against sleeplessness. So she simply contented herself with admiring the paleness of the new moon as its light filtered right through the glass of her window.

             It felt surreal. She never thought that she would be able to watch the moon through that window, from this room, on her bed like this again. It was almost like she was dreaming herself in a bad fairytale. Then again, that was what her life had always been when she was with the Soumas. A fairytale…

             She rubbed her eyes and couldn’t help but wince in pain. Her eyelids felt swollen and heavy. Her eyes probably looked worse than how it felt. She never felt so emotionally drained in her entire life. Yet still, Momiji’s earlier words burned in her mind, keeping her awake despite the protests of her tired body.

/“That was three years ago. Shortly after that, Akito died. We expected it for the longest time… But him dying shortly after that happened caught everyone off guard. He seemed to be well at the time. I personally think… I think he just gave up. I think he finally accepted it as a fact. No matter what he does, he can’t win over you.”/

             So in the end, she “won”… but at what price? She tried to burrow deeper under her covers to take shelter from another wave of self-pity that has been threatening to drown her. So many people suffered because of her selfishness. People she cared deeply about…

/“To tell you the truth, it was actually a blessing in disguise. With one tragedy after another, everyone ended up concentrating on helping Yuki. It’s still hard to believe that in only been three years. Still, Yuki was able to re-learn to walk… to talk… to function in a level that you won’t even believe that he was literally a vegetable once. Or that he was seriously ill and bed-ridden for almost a year before that.”/

           No… it wasn’t her who “won”. It was him who was right all along. The longer she clung to her selfishness, the more damage she caused. The more she hurt all of them. Yuki didn’t deserve to suffer like he did. And yet he did, they all did. All because of her… because she let all of them get too attached to her. Looking at what happened as a blessing is blindness. What she did was simply give Yuki… and the rest of the Soumas… another kind of curse.

/“Well… truthfully? Yes… Harii doesn’t think that Yuki will ever be exactly like he was before. No one ever had his or her memories completely erased. So we don’t really know what to expect./

            She blew another breath of frustration as she struggled out of her cocoon. Like the rest of her life, her first night home was not going well. Late in the evening, Momiji received a frantic emergency telephone call. He was posed to call Haru to replace him, but she couldn’t allow Haru to be bothered with that when she was completely capable of doing the task herself.

            She could have sworn she saw a triumphant look quickly flash on Momiji’s face when she said that. Though she did catch what Momiji meant when he gave her a knowing wink as he wished her luck before he left. Her ears were still burning in embarrassment from the memory.

            Not that she expected anything to happen. She found the other occupant of house curled up in bed and dead to the world since that afternoon. It seemed, even at an subconscious level, that Yuki was avoiding her. Then again, what did she expect? At least to him, she was a stranger anyway.

           With another sigh, she pulled herself out of bed and trudged out of her room. Perhaps some warm tea would help soothe her frayed nerves. As she stepped out into the hallway… she stopped by her doorway in surprise. The doorway to the bedroom that her housemate occupied was wide open. With her pulse pounding loudly in her ears, she quickly made her way across the hall and prodded to the open door only to find the formerly occupied bed empty! Without another thought, she dashed her way through the corridors as fast as her feet can carry her.

/“Since moving back in Shi-chan’s house, he’s seemed more relaxed and less restless… but Yuki still has ‘episodes’ when he suddenly gets completely confused and disoriented. Once, he accidentally almost set the kitchen on fire. Last winter, he managed to wander out of the house in the middle of the night, in just his bedclothes and bare-foot. I don’t think we can ever trust him to be on his own. Shi-chan is usually around most of the week. We help out by taking turns spending time with him if Shi-chan has something else to do to make sure he’s never alone.”/

            “Yuki-kun?” Her frightened voice echoed within the house’s empty walls. She poked her head hopefully in the common room, “Yuki-kun, are you here?” She felt her blood turn cold as her eyes spied the sliding door open halfway. She slid the door open all the way and quickly scanned the darkened yard, “YUKI-KUN WHERE ARE YOU!?”  

            “I’m right here,” A voice answered from the direction of the washroom behind her

            She hastily spun around to face him, and to add to all the misfortunes that happened to her throughout the day, felt her foot slip from the edge of the elevated wooden floor. The next thing she knew, she was once again sprawled on the ground, stunned, the wind knocked out of her.

            “Are you alright?” His voice spoke from over her head, full of concern

             In spite of everything, he immediately rushes to her side. She didn’t trust herself to look up, fearing that her eyes would find themselves welling up in tears again, “I’m fine.” She simply answered quietly. She struggled to get back on her feet only to fall back as a sharp pain ran up from her left ankle.

             Without another word, she felt his arms take her by the shoulders and support her gently to her feet. Head bowed, eyes staring listlessly on their bare feet, she put her arm around him and leaned her weight as close as both of them dare. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe in the air that surrounded him as he helped her hobble back in the house. Though her mind knew differently, it still felt the same. His scent… the warmth of his body… how just being near him like this would cause her to feel overly conscious that he would also hear loud, quickening pace of her heart.

             She felt disappointment welling up inside her when he deposited her on the floor wordlessly before disappearing to the kitchen. Only to have her heart beating wildly again as he returned with an icepack and knelt opposite her. He elevated her injured foot by resting it on his lap and he applied the ice on her slightly swelling ankle. They stayed like that for a while, relishing the comfortable silence between them.

             “I don’t think its bad…” he spoke so suddenly that she almost literally jumped out of her skin, “…but I think you should still let Hatori take a look at it in the morning.”

             “Un…” She could only agree dumbly, once again letting the silence between them linger until she couldn’t stand it much longer, “I’m sorry.”

             “Accidents happen,” he replied  

             “I wasn’t talking about that,” she whispered almost inaudibly

            “Aa…” It was his turn to give a guttural reply with a long pause, “I was rude to you earlier, so we can call it even.”

             She automatically looked at him to check if he was joking, only to see the solemn expression on the face looking back at her. She struggled to hold back her laughter, but the urge to do it was just too strong that it managed to pass through her nose as a loud, unladylike snort. Yuki’s laughter, which immediately followed, allowed her to release her own barrier. The situation was just totally absurd, but she was thankful. At least, now, the ice between them had broken.

             “What brought you back to Japan ?” He spoke politely, and she was grateful for that as well. She knew what he really wanted to ask was what brought her back from the dead. The truth of the matter is… she didn’t really know.

             “Work,” It was the relative truth anyway. She was the perfect representative for closing a deal with a big Japanese client. That is, ignoring the fact that her boss threatened to fire her if she didn’t take a well deserved vacation after this particular transaction.  ‘Take a break from all this insanity,’ Her boss instructed her, it’s the perfect opportunity to return home, to see her family whom she hasn’t seen in a decade.

             But after her grandfather died, she didn’t really have anyone left in Japan whom she considered as “family”… except for Hana-chan and Uo-chan… and “Them”.  Of course, at that time, going back to the Soumas was out of the question. But still… still… she wanted to at least have a brief glimpse of them… have a brief glimpse of him.

             “How about you?” She began cautiously, “How have you been?”

             “I guess I’ve been doing okay,” He replied with a shy smile, “Though everyone comments that I’m doing much better, I don’t really have much of a basis for comparison.”

            “What is it like?” The words flew from her lips before she could stop them, “I mean… if you don’t mind me asking… that is. I’m sorry. That was rude, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

            “It’s alright,” He gave her a reassuring shake of the head, “It’s like waking up suddenly from the middle of a forgotten dream while sleepwalking. Then realizing that you lost all sense of direction or comprehension,” he quickly added seeing the look of horror starting to envelop her features, “But it’s more frustrating than frightening. Specially with the part on needing to depend on other people for many things. It does feel a little strange seeing pictures of me that I can’t recognize or hearing things about me from other people,” He continued with a small laugh, “Overall, they’ve been openly helpful with a lot of my questions… and tight-lipped about others.”

             “Like?”

            “Akito, for example,” He said with a shrug, “I remember attending the ceremony when he died. But that’s all I can remember about him. Everyone was reluctant to tell me anything else.”

            She couldn’t help but shiver at the mention of the former Family Head’s name. But at the same time, she found it hard to believe that this same person spoke of the former Head of their family with such nonchalant casualness was the same person she remembered who struggled with his emotions just at the mention of that name. Perhaps it really was a blessing in disguise.

            “But, if there’s one thing I learned from all of this,” He continued, “Is that it’s useless pondering and crying over what’s already done. I know if I persist on searching, I’ll find the answers to all my questions… eventually.”

            “What if you never find what you’re looking for?” She asked as she reclaimed her foot from his grasp

           “That only means that I still need to search some more,” was his simple reply

            “But WHAT IF you never find it?” she asked more insistently, as she wrapped her arms around her knees

            He watched her for a moment before bending one leg and mirroring her gesture, “Haru told me once that there was someone we cared about who used to live by this phrase, so its only appropriate for us to follow it as well,” He rested his chin on his knee, and slightly cocked his head to the side, while giving her a small child-like smile.

           “Never give up.”

            With those words said, and for the hundredth time since the afternoon, she let her tears flow freely from her eyes. She threw herself prone on his feet, sobbing uncontrollably., “I’m so sorry Yuki-kun. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

            She felt his hands again, gently pulling her up to face him. Because she refused to meet his eyes, he lightly lifted her chin, “Don’t be,” he said giving her another comforting smile, “Because I know I’m not.” She closed her eyes as she felt his fingers tenderly tracing off the tears trailing down her face. “Back then, it was something I believed that was worth dying for,” he whispered as he rested his forehead on hers, “I don’t need to remember everything for me to know for sure that it must have been something truly…” His voice trailed, struggling as he searched for the right word to describe his thoughts, “…wonderful.”

            She clutched his hands in hers and brought it to her lips, still crying silently as she finally realized what Momiji meant. The Yuki before her may not be the same Yuki she remembered in the past. But it was still Yuki nonetheless…

           …her sweet, kind and gentle Yuki…

          …without the painful past…

          …without Akito.

          It truly was a blessing…

             …a second chance.

           “Honda-san.”

           Her eyes widened and savored the warmth spreading inside of her from hearing him utter her name again for the first time. She slowly lifted her eyes to face his hopeful expression, “Yes?”

           “May I ask a favour from you?”

           “Yes, Yuki-kun. I’ll do anything you ask me to.”

           “I still can’t… read too well…yet,” He stated, looking a little embarrassed

           “Yes?” She frowned, not really understanding where he was getting at.

           “Well… everyone has been telling me stories about you for as long as I could remember, but I always had this feeling that they weren’t telling me everything. Then when I moved here…” He paused, and she could almost swear that a little flush was forming on his face, “…there were these old letters from you in my old room...”

           “Y-yes…” She felt an identical flush rising on her own cheeks. She remembered her own precious bundle of letters that she kept secretly. She treasured them, with great guilt, even back during that time when she was supposed to marry someone else.

            “Haru and Shigure offered to read them to me… but I didn’t let them,” He added quickly, seeing another mortified expression appearing in her eyes, “They were your private thoughts… after all.”

            “Haaaa…” She stared at the pair of hands still clasped in hers, now resting on her lap, suddenly feeling shy

            “I want to know you. I want to know everything about you again,” He spoke with such conviction that it forced her to raise her eyes to meet his. “Will you…” He continued, “… will you let me?”

            That frightened illogical part of herself nudged her from the back of her mind. Though any threat from Akito is gone now… there are many other obstacles and complications lined upon this road before her. Her life with the Soumas felt like a surreal fairytale back then. Is she really willing to face the risk and enter that fairytale world again? And this fairytale had no guarantees on a happy ending. Just as it happened ten years ago, reality could still come crashing down painfully. And who knows how bad the casualties will be the second time around. Is she really willing to take that risk?

            However…

           Sitting there, and staring into the intense gray eyes of the man who was willing to sacrifice his very life just to cling on the mere memories of that fairytale… she already knew the answer to that question…

           Shifting her injured leg into a more comfortable position, she scooted around so that she would be sitting beside him, still holding on to one hand, intertwining her fingers with his, “Once upon a time… there was a young girl who just lost her mother.”

          …though there are no guarantees that the ending to this fairytale would be a happy one. There are no guarantees that this fairytale will even end at all.

           “For reasons beyond her control, she decided to live in a tent.”

           …She realized just now that the reason why she failed the first time around. It was because she faltered in believing in the strength that she didn’t realize she had in the past. That same naïve faith and strength now reflected back to her, by the man sitting beside her.

           “It was one fateful morning, on her way to school, she met her high school prince…”

           Never give up!

 ~OWARI~    

 Return to Part Two: ...Searching...  
Continued on Finale: Incentives 

Author's squawk:  

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DEKITA! I never thought I’d finish this though. When I was typing it out last night, the lack of sleep from the nights before finally caught up with me and I actually ended up falling asleep in the middle of the story!

 Then when I was typing it up this morning, my loving family reminded me of a picnic that we were supposed to attend today! We had to leave when I was just 1 page length away from the ending! AAAAARGH!

 But now its finished! And I’m so happy! This is actually the first FURUBA fic I wrote that made me happy with just the first draft! Yes, you are reading the first draft of this entire fic series. I probably had a couple of spelling and grammar errors in all of them, but I don’t really care. ^_^. I’m still feeling kinda warm and fuzzy. ^_^.

 Ja!
Ina-chan