"Harry...do you think I should tell him, or something...?" Tom asked quietly. Harry looked up from what was supposed to be dinner and looked at his friend sympathetically. It was times like this-times that Tomas Eugene Paris was a little unsure of himself, when he wasn't the cocky flyboy pilot everyone thought he was, that Harry really knew why he liked this man so much.
"Well, I don't think he'll get the point if you keep taunting him like you do." Harry replied. Tom's shoulders fell.
"I don't know how else to talk to him, Harry...I just don't want..." to get hurt... Harry seemed to understand the rest of Tom's sentence and sighed.
"Tom look. If you love him-and I don't doubt that you do-you should tell him. If you don't, you're not even giving it a chance. Maybe he loves you back; maybe he doesn't, but he's willing to try. Maybe he doesn't want anything to do with you. But you have to give that move to *him* you can't move his pieces for him, Tom. Give him a chance." Tom looked seriously distressed for a moment, then abruptly his face cleared and Tom Paris was the arrogant flyboy again.
"Your right, Har." He smiled brightly.
"He's right about what?" Harry grimaced as he realized why the ship's clown was suddenly back. B'elanna sat down and looked in between them expectantly.
"I've finally decided to tell Chakotay how I feel." B'elanna smiled brightly.
"Finally! Good for you, Tom!" She had been after him to tell the first officer how he felt since she had found out. Tom tossed her that flyboy smile she hated so much, and excused himself, presumably to find the Commander.
Tom Paris stepped into his quarters and immediately began removing his uniform.
"Computer, location of Commander Chakotay."
"Comander Chakotay is in his quarters." Tom lowered himself to a chair, wearing nothing but his black uniform pants, the rest of the Star Fleet issued uniform in a pile on the floor. He steepled his fingers on his desk and took several deep breaths. Harry was of course right, he wasn't protesting that at all but it made little difference to his aching heart.
"Risk everything or gain nothing. Right?...Right." He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "Computer, open anonymous letter to Commander Chakotay." There was a soft beep symbolizing that the computer had opened the letter. "Computer, activate P-Shadow lock on anonymous letter to Commander Chakotay." A pause and then another, more technical beep told him that the lock had been put on the letter. "Begin letter; text only: Commander I would be most obliged if you would join me in holodeck one at 2030 hours...pause letter..." He rolled his eyes. "I should probably see if holodeck one is even available, shouldn't I?" Tom shook his head and found a pair of comfortable sweat pants and a large sweater.
"Computer, is holodeck one available for...four hours beginning 2030 hours?"
"Negative."
"See, I can be intelligent some times. Computer is holodeck 2 available for four hours beginning at 2030 hours?" He asked, voice slightly muffled as he pulled the much too large sweater over his head.
"Holodeck two is open for the time period of four hours beginning 2030 hours." The computer informed him. Tom nodded, satisfied.
"Computer, resumed letter. Amend 'holodeck one' to 'holodeck two' and read letter."
"Commander, I would be much obliged if you would join me in holodeck two at 2030 hours." Tom nodded in satisfaction; short, sweet, mysterious and to the point. Just the way he liked it. Closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair, he listened to the recording again.
"Good. Computer, send letter to Commander Chakotay under specifications of P-Shadow lock." The computer acknowledged the command and Tom turned his attention to the chrono above his door. 1600 hours.
"Computer, place a hold on holodeck two for 2000 hours for the time period of four hours and half hours...now to get a program ready..."
Tom waited on the holodeck, pulling at his clothing nervously. 2020, just ten minutes. What if the Commander didn't come? He got up and walked over the mirror in the corner, looking himself over again. Tight black pants hugged his hips nicely and brought out his legs, the complementary sleeveless black turtle neck was just short enough to show off his tight stomach, but the white silk open shirt over it was modest enough to present his sex appeal without labeling him 'sluty'. /Okay, that took up some time...I wonder what times it is?/
"Computer? Time?"
"2030 hours." Tom brushed his hair nervously and twirled his fingers together.
"Computer, location of Commander Chakotay."
"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters." Tom thought he heard a note of annoyance in the computers mechanical voice, but that was foolish.
"He wouldn't be here exactly on the time. No one is exactly on time." He reasoned with himself, rearranging the flowers on the table again, and surveying the room he had built. The room was lit subtly by candles decorating a desk, shelves and end tables. In the center of the room was a table, dressed in a white table cloth and set for two with delicate almost transparent china, crystal glasses, fine silverware, white perfectly folded napkins, and a centerpiece of red roses with a white candle in crystal holders on either side. It presented a lovely scene and set off his clothing perfectly. He checked the time again and straightened the silverware a few degrees. Then stood by his chair and waited for a few moments before unfolding and refolding the napkins; then he checked the time. 2046.
/He can be eleven minutes late nothing wrong with that.../
"Computer, location of Commander Chakotay." Still in his quarters.
/But that's okay. He look even more stunning when he gets here.../ he didn't mention the 'if he gets here' part to himself, since his self confidence had already faltered badly. Tapping his long pale fingers on the top of the chair for a moment he turned to the walls. They were covered in sheer white cloth and billowed slightly, giving the appearance of an outside room, but really it was a cleaver ploy to hide the bed behind one of them. He would love to share that bed with the Commander, but didn't want to scare the man off. Then a thought abruptly occurred to him.
/What if he doesn't like men...maybe I shouldn't do this...I'll just send him another letter not to come.../
"Computer time?"
"2054"
"Computer, location of commander Chakotay?"
"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters." Tom sank to one of the many pillows around the room and pulled his knees to his chest, looking at his barely covered feet. His ankles and much of his graceful instep were showing over the black slip ons, another little seductive gesture he hoped the Commander would appreciate. He checked the time again. 2100.
/He's not coming./ he felt a pressure behind his eyes and pulled his knees a little closer.
Chakotay stood and stretched. It had been a long time since he'd talked to his spirt guild and it had taken him seemingly forever to find her, but when he had, he found he'd nothing to talk about. She had seemed extremely disappointed with him over something and when he'd questioned what he'd done, she shook her head and turned away. Now, confused and feeling a little weak limbed he checked his chrono. 2130. Popping his back he headed toward the bed when a small red light caught his eyes and he abruptly remembered the letter.
"I hope it was urgent." He opened it, eyes narrowing when the computer refused to tell him who sent it, only that it was anonymous. "Read letter." He barked.
"Commander, I would be much obliged if you would join me in holodeck two at 2030 hours." He grimaced, looking at his clock again. Because of his open door policy, he got a lot of anonymous letters-none that he couldn't figure out who it was from until now-and one of this type usually meant that someone really needed to talk to him.
/Or someone wants a date./ Either way, he always went. Perhaps it would be his downfall someday, but he went anyway.
"Computer, who's in holodeck two?"
"Unable to comply. Holodeck two is occupied until 2330." Good, they were still there then. He decided he would shower and change then run to the holodeck, apologize and hope whoever it was would forgive him.
Tom checked the time for the fiftieth time. 2200. Chakotay was still in his quarters. The Commander wasn't coming. The rejection hurt somehow; it shouldn't, after all Chakotay was only rejecting a nameless person that had mysteriously asked him to come to the holodeck, not Tom Paris. But it hurt anyway. He was sitting in his chair, facing the translucent cloth covering the doorway, the pressure building behind his eyes.
"Did you really think he would come? You're an idiot Paris." His stomach growled at him as if to remind him of exactly how much of a foolish idiot he was to wait for a date for two hours. That seemed to be the breaking point, and he folded his head into his hands and cried quietly.
Chakotay hurried down the corridor, tugging at the high collar of his light brown sweater and adjusting the hem that hung down around his thighs. He was dressed to please, but not too much in the event that this was just someone who needed to talk and wasn't after any kind of a date.
"Computer, is holodeck two still occupied?"
"Holodeck two is occupied until 2330." The computer answered. Chakotay took a breath and palmed the pad, opening the door and stepping into a wall of cloth as the door closed behind him. He moved around in the cloth, trying to find the split, barely recognizing the shadowy figure of a person slouched in a chair, hands cover their face.
"Hello?" The figure stilled and was quiet. "I seem to have gotten a little tangled here..."
Tom didn't hear the holodeck door open, nor did he see the figure blundering through his wall of cloth.
"Hello?" He stilled, a sort of hope stirring in his chest. "I seem to have gotten a little tangled here..." He recognized the Commander's voice immediately and quickly wiped the tears off his face before he stood. He took one step toward the now still Commander, but stopped suddenly and nervously glanced at the mirror. It was pretty dark so maybe Chakotay wouldn't be able to tell he'd been crying. He straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair quickly before resuming his approach, giving up his last chance to call everything off and tell the Commander to leave before he was recognized.
Chakotay was quiet as the layers of fabric were carefully spread and he stepped into candle light beyond. The room's other occupant was standing off to his side, back turned as the fabric was arranged again. He could tell the other was nervous and took the chance to look around the room as a pretense to letting his companion calm down. The table immediately caught his eye and he smiled. It was beautifully arranged with red roses, white, and crystal everything else. A bottle of wine was chilling in a half melted ice bucket, and the candles had obviously been replaced many times as they still looked fresh. Chakotay's eyes were drawn to the meticulously set silverware and decided that his companion was definitely a woman to have paid attention such detail. Therefore he was twice as shocked when he turned to find Tom Paris standing quietly behind him.
"Have you eaten yet, Commander?" Chakotay felt suspicion and rage well up in his chest, but something stopped him from brushing past Tom and leaving. He was silent for a long time as he tried to figure out what kind of joke the pilot was pulling on him.
"No." He said finally, taking in Tom's apparel, the slight redness in his eyes and his tense stance.
"Would you like to join me?" He asked quietly. Chakotay considered answering 'no' and demanding to know what was going on, but he didn't.
"Alright." He answered instead. Tom smiled tentivly. It was a real, dazzling smile, not his fake flyboy grin he alway had on. He allowed Tom to lead him to a chair and sat quietly while he rolled over a cart.
"I've kept everything warm...all vegetarian." He assured the Commander quickly. Chakotay nodded and watched Tom's face while the pilot lifted the various covers and placed a salad in front of his guest. Chakotay cast a glance at it; it really did look very good and he hadn't eaten in a long time. He remained silent while Tom served himself and sat down to eat; he could tell the pilot wanted to tell him something, but seemed unable to do so, so Chakotay remained silent and let Tom brood, still trying to discover the prank behind all this trouble Tom had gone to.
"Is it good?" Tom asked quietly, stirring Chakotay out of his reverie. He looked down and discovered that he had mechanically finished the entire salad. He really was hungry-it was a big salad. He nodded and picked up the carefully folded napkin, admiring the shape before pulling it apart and gently dabbing his lips. Tom also pushed the salad away and asked if he was still hungry. Apparently he had a lovely pasta and a Vulcan sweet-ice for desert. Chakotay nodded, but what he really wanted to do was bang the pilot's head on a bulkhead until Tom told him what was going on. It couldn't just be dinner.
While they ate their pasta, Chakotay let his eyes wander around the room. It was really done very well and Chakotay had to wonder how long it had taken Tom to create it, adding fire to his growing suspicion that this was a very large prank that had been planned for a very long time.
Tom could tell that Chakotay was suspicious and technically, he couldn't really blame him, but he also couldn't suppress the feeling of hurt and the overwhelming desire to show Chakotay his sincerity. They went through the pasta and sweet-ice (a sweet little dessert similar to ice cream) in silence. Tom checked the time. 2245. With a glance at Chakotay he renewed his reservation until 0030, glad that neither he nor Chakotay had duty the next day.
Chakotay narrowed his eyes slightly when Tom renewed his reservation, confirming that this was not just dinner. Finally he sat back, napkin settled on his lap.
"What's this about, Tom?" He asked carefully. Tom stilled, and closed his eyes for a moment, as he leaned back. Taking a deep breath, he stood and reached out to Chakotay. Eyes narrowed, Chakotay pushed his chair back, carefully took the offered hand and stood. Tom led him toward one of the fabric walls and slowly pushed through it, pulling the first officer with him. Chakotay found himself on a balcony overlooking a lush mountainside blanketed with greenery and faint tendrils of mist. His eyes immediately fell on the bed off to one side. It was covered with white silk, a fluttering canopy of white gauze-like material shrouding it, the bed and pillows covered in deep red rose petals. However, Tom ignored it completely, passing it by to lean against the rail over looking the mountain.
"This place," he said slowly, not turning to look at Chakotay, who was still close to the fabric doorway. "Was a palace of some great Arabian king. It's in the Chinese mountains. My father used to take my mother and I here all the time. Not that it was a family vacation or anything, but he had a lot of dealings in China-not all of them legal, mind-so he would take us here. This was my room. And yes, the bed was out on the balcony. There are heavy blinds that can be pulled down if there was any need. This place was really secluded though, and it stays warm most of the time, so there really wasn't much need unless it rained. I wanted to show it to you." Chakotay found himself taken by Tom's quiet voice and moved closer, putting Tom between him and the bed as he leaned against the rail as well. Tom remained silent, eyes scanning the beautiful mountains surrounding them while Chakotay surveyed him.
"Tom?" The pilot didn't look at him, but he could tell by the slight tip of the man's head that he was listening. "Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the dinner and this place is really lovely...but I can't believe this is the only reason you've brought me here." Tom sighed.
"I suppose you wouldn't be the first officer if you weren't so perceptive, huh?" Chakotay said nothing, eyes narrowing further. "I just wanted to tell you something...I've wanted to tell you this for so long...but...well..." He closed his eyes took a deep breath, then looked up at Chakotay, trying to deny how bad the open distrust in Chakotay's eyes hurt him. "I...I..." He found himself freezing, unable to speak.
"You what?" Chakotay asked quietly, but his voice carried a very distinct warning that Tom picked up on easily.
/He hates me.../ Tom thought as Chakotay rolled his eyes and sighed impatiently, starting to turn away.
"I love you." Chakotay stopped dead, a sudden rage building in his breast. So that was the prank? Tom was looking at his feet; he could feel the anger rolling of the big Commander in waves.
"What?" He asked quietly, voice rich with his rage.
"I love you." Tom repeated. In for a penny in for a pound, right? Chakotay's fists clenched, his jaw tightened, shoulders squared.
"That's a good one, Tom. A real fucking good one. When did you decide that you loved me, huh? You betray me, and spend the following two years putting me at the blunt of your every joke and prank and you've suddenly decided that you love me?!" His voice was raising at a dangerous level. Tom winced with each of the Commander's harsh words.
"I've always loved you..." He said quietly, when Chakotay stopped and looked at him with those rage-filled black eyes. Without warning, the man turned back to face him.
"How many rations did you wager on this? Huh? Does Kim have a part in this little joke too? Is he watching on some vid screen somewhere?!" Tom shook his head, holding back his tears. Chakotay looked away from him for a moment, then turned his back on him sharply.
"I'm going to pretend this never happened, and I'm going to leave. If you ever do anything like this to me again..." Tom choked softly as a sob escaped his throat.
"Chakotay, please! I'm not joking! I'm not, I swear it. I love you so much...please, give me a chance..." Another sob, a single tear. Suddenly uncaring if anyone was watching, Chakotay rounded on the man, lifting him by his high collar.
"You love me, huh?" He hissed, giving the pilot one last chance to deny it. But Tom only nodded, holding Chakotay's arm lightly to support himself. "Let's see how much you love me in the morning..." Chakotay whispered fiercely, undoing Tom's pants with one hand and pushing the pilot towards the bed with the other. Without warning, he flipped the lengthy pilot onto the bed, the rose petals scattering as he pushed Tom roughly onto his stomach.
"Don't make a sound." He warned, placing a security lock on the door and pulling up his sweater up as he unzipped his pants and pulled out his sex, quickly working it to an erection and burying himself to the hilt in Tom's body in a single thrust, not bothering with preparation of any kind. Tom make a choked sound and Chakotay hit him hard across the head as punishment. Moving in and out of the prone body beneath him, he did not register the trickle of blood running down Tom's pale legs.
Tom clutched the bedding desperately as Chakotay shoved into him, but he couldn't resist making a small choked sound when a red hot pain spread through his body as he tore; Chakotay hit him hard across the head and his vision swam. He clenched his jaw and didn't make another noise, but still the large man over him found it necessary to smack him across the back, shoulders, and arms; to yank his hair and pull his ears as he sought his pleasure.
"You're a good little fuck..." Chakotay told him, thrusts becoming uncontrolled and erratic as his orgasm approached. Tom said nothing, only rode through Chakotay's climax as it ripped through him violently. Chakotay thrust a few more times, weaker as he regained his breath. Tom remained still. Chakotay leaned down close to him.
"Do you still love me, Tommy baby?" He asked almost sweetly. Almost. Tom nodded, still holding back his tears and Chakotay pulled out of him abruptly, shoving him into the bed hard. Tom heard nothing else while Chakotay made himself presentable and left. He heard the Commander bark for the door and the holodeck doors slide shut behind him. Only then did he pull his legs up on the bed and let his blood stain the white sheets, mingling with the rose petals scattered across the bed.
"I love you, Chakotay. I love you still." He whispered, tears mixing with his blood.
Chakotay stalked out of the holodeck and strode purposefully toward the turbolift. Once inside with doors shut and lift moving, he slouched against the back wall and messaged his temples. He couldn't figure out his actions back in the holodeck; he wasn't like that, it wasn't in his nature. He wanted very badly to turn around and apologize, to gather the man in his arms and make him feel better. He knew he had injured Tom badly-both physically and mentally-and he didn't know how he could look at the pilot again. Not after what he'd done. But still he couldn't figure out *why* he had treated the man the way he had-the man who had just confessed his love, even if Chakotay still didn't believe him. The turbo lift came to a halt at his deck and he got off, nodding to a passing ensign and hurrying into his quarters.
Tom took an unsteady breath; he needed to get to his quarters.
"Computer, time?" he choked out, his voice cracking dramatically.
"0015" Rubbing his eyes, he carefully made his way back into the main room, located the basin and filled it with tepid water before washing the worst of the blood, cum, and tears from his body and pulling his clothing back up.
"Deactivate program Paris-one." The walls of the holodeck returned and he carefully practiced walking around the grided room a few times. The pain that laced through his body with every step was almost enough to make him cry, but he held the tears in and when he judged that his gait was almost normal, he took a steading breath and stepped into the corridor. Luckily, it was completely deserted and he ran into no one as he made his way back to his quarters, staying close to the wall incase he suddenly needed the support the gray padded walls offered.
Stumbling into his quarters he called for lights. Tom immediately headed for the first aid kit he had assembled for the almost regular beatings he received from the Marquis crew. Dragging it out from behind several boxes in his wardrobe, he set it on the bed and immediately went for the hypo kit. Injecting a pain killer into his neck he closed his eyes and waited for it to take effect. The dose had been just large enough to make the pair bearable (after all, it was easiest to heal wounds of theses type when you knew where exactly to heal) before he pulled out the thermal regenerator and the medical tricorder. He had a few bruises along his back, legs and arms that were easily healed. Tom's head however, had received enough of a concussive force that there was actually a very tiny paper thin crack just above his ear. He healed this carefully, then moved down. His anal passage had sustained extreme damage-not all of which he would be able to reach, though up higher it wasn't so bad and should be able to heal on its own-the tissue along the entire passage was torn and bleeding badly. Spreading his legs wide, he ran the regenerator along the opening, then held it open with two fingers and healed the inside as best as he could manage with the low powered regenerator-it really wasn't made for major damage. Satisfied that he had done the best he could, he injected himself with a Klingon drug meant to speed healing-though he couldn't pronounce the name if his life had depended on it, then a sleep aid; showering would have to wait until he'd healed a little better. Yawning largely, he carefully packed everything away and hid it again before falling onto his bed, asleep before he hit the pillow.