3. Asking too Much?
Adam:
I slowly wake back into consciousness. I hear an agitated voice, and running water. I open my eyes to see nothing but steam, and through that, Matt's dark eyes piercing me.
"Adam!" he said again, poking me. "Wake up!"
"Phnughf," I moan, and attempt to sit up.
"You fell asleep in the shower AGAIN!"
Indeed I did. I was so upset about last night, I guess I just couldn't fall asleep. I just said "hi", and left. Asshole. "Sorry," I yawned.
Matt shuts the curtain. "What's the matter with you?"
"I need more...sleep..."
"Yeah, well, hurry up and get out of there! We have work today!"
Kurt:
"Get up! We have work today!" I was hoping it was a nightmare, but it's not. It's Chyna, trying to get me out of bed. "Kurt! Wake up!"
I open my eyes to find myself tangled in the covers, chewing on my pillow. "Bleh!" I spit out feathers. I see her standing beside the bed, unamused, so I roll over to try and avoid her. I'm still moody over last night. I said "hi", and walked away. What kind of asshole does that??
"Kurt!" She chucks one of my -beloved, precious, irreplaceable- gold medals at me, and it hits my spine, causing me to sit up.
"Ow!" I vetch, shamelessly. "That's *not* how you handle an object of honor!"
Adam:
Ahh...traffic! What a bitch. And it's New York. And it's January, so I'm freezing my balls off. I stopped at a deli to pick myself up some real coffee, where, it's true, no one speaks English, hoping it would help. I'm still groggy. Still bitter. I still hate`em. I still love`em.
Kurt:
Ahh...gridlock! I need this? I'm cold, I'm hungry, and I'm whining to no one in particular. I find myself addicted to these Caramel Machiatos...I'll be broke in months flat. Stupid Adam...no, stupid me. I still love`em.
Adam:
Oh, how nice. Someone graffiti-d FAGGOT on my locker, AGAIN. So mature. I won't point fingers...*beer swilling, vagrant low-life APA*...nor will I let it get to me. Speaking of which, here comes Jay.
He runs his finger down my arm. "Hey, big boy."
Now, contrary to what you may have thought, Jay and I, in reality, are not the best of buds like on TV. We dated for a year, it got serious, too serious, it fell apart on its own. He's still an instigating little petticoat, I avoid him at all costs.
He looks at my locker. "Ooh, that`s not very nice!"
I roll my weary eyes. "No shit."
He continues to behave like an abhorrent bitch. "Aww, woke up on the wrong side of some stranger`s bed this mor-"
I slam my locker. Enough. "Cut the shit, Jay. What do you want?"
He answers me with comparable vice. "YOU cut the shit, Copeland. I've heard things."
"I hear things, too, Jay. That's why the Lord gave us ears." Sarcasm isn't a virtue -it's a way of life.
"That's not what I meant, dick. I've heard things...about you...and...*Kurt*..."
My defense is up, up, up. "So?"
"Ah! So you admit it! You like him!"
"What are you, 15?!" High School flashes before mine eyes.
"You don't get it, do you?"
I shrug. "Get what?"
"Kurt is uncharted, and not-to-mention unpermeable territory. He wouldn't even touch a woman the way you'd like him to touch you."
"Who says it's sexual?"
He grins. "Sources."
"Sources, " I retort. "Just who gave you this shit information, anyway?"
"Let's say...Jeff?"
"Yeah, well, Jeff has a big fucking mouth, okay?"
"Whatever."
I walk away. Let me tell you something. You think chicks gossip? You should hear us fags.
Kurt:
I'm taking a shower here, cause I got up a bit late at the hotel. Very late, actually. I feel a hand tap my back, and turn around, tense. The last thing you expect when you're naked and wet, is to see someone else behind you.
Jeff Hardy. I wasn't sure if it was him at first. The room is steamy, and under the nozzle, his hair looks almost mono-colored. "Yes?" I ask, uneasy.
"What's up?" he asks, expressionlessly. I look at him, and can't see him as anything else but what Adam might be fucking.
"Ah...not much...why?"
He shrugs. Suddenly, the fact that we're both naked starts to get to me, and I'm a little weirded out. He thinks for a while, and as I'm shampooing, he, out of the blue, asks, "What's your stand on gays in the military?"
I am so tired of that word right now. I respond as rudely as possible. "If I were in the military, I'd want to worry about who was in front of me, not behind me."
He gives me a grossed out look, and walks away. In the distance, I hear him say, "Tell him to forget it Jay, that guy's the biggest breeder I've ever smelt!"
What the fuck is going on? Tell WHO that?
Adam:
As I walk, I hear the unmistakable squaking of Jeff and Jay, and waste no time in interrupting. "WHO's a big breeder?"
Jay tosses his hair. "Were we talking to you...I'm pretty sure we weren't!"
"I'm pretty sure I don't care."
Jeff steps in. "Excuse you."
"Watch it, Hardy, I gotta bone to pick with you!"
He puts his hand on his hip, unintimidated. "If you must ask...your precious little ingenue just made it very clear to me that male2male is a big, bad NO-NO."
They might be lying...they probably are. But at this moment, I feel my heart sink down to my liver. I want to cry. But I won't.
Kurt:
I hear the latter part of Adam, Jay, and Jeff's conversation as I head to my dressing room. They didn't see me, thank God. It's slowly starting to make sense, now. Jeff must have been refering to Adam when he said "Tell him." Maybe Adam was too shy to ask me if I was gay, so he had someone else ask -although, technically he didn't ask me. And even if he did, what would have said? "I'm not really sure at the moment...I'll give you a 'no', but it's not concrete"? Maybe Adam really did like me, then. Maybe I'm just flattering myself. Either way, nothing will ever happen how. I just wrecked it. Great. I want to cry. And I do.
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themselves
do you think I'm asking too much?
AFTER RAW
Adam:
My limo's here, and it's raining like I've never seen it rain before. Just great, turn all the snow into ice. Well, we're leaving tomorrow, so che serà. Now you can imagine how hard it is to act like I get along with Jay. Isn't he disgusting? And I can't believe Jeff, either. Well...yeah, I can, sort of. I love him, but for the majority, I want to dissembowel him. Especially now. Kurt wouldn't even look me in the eye today. He probably heard the whole conversation on the way to his room -he doesn't think anyone saw him, but I did. I'm sure he won't want to work with a dirty fag.
I get in the limo. Jeff and Matt are well into makng out (yeah, they're brothers. This is the only time I emphasize that the relationship is not potentially procreative as an excuse!) They say hi without looking back, I give a little wave. I have nothing to say to them. Matt's one of those guys who'll scold someone for misbehaving, then he'll feel bad, and take them to Friendly's. Therefore, Jeff has utterly forgotten what discipline is.
I hear thunder.
Kurt:
I can't believe how hard it's raining. I run to my limo. I hate getting wet. Chyna's waiting for me inside. I give her a simple wave, and sit by the window. She doesn't care. She's my best friend, of course she's going to ask: "Kurt, what's wrong?"
"I hate the rain," I answer, knowing that's not what she's looking to hear.
"No, that's what I meant! I meant lately."
I turn to her, pretending not to know what she's talking about.
"You 've been talking in your sleep."
"I always do." It's true.
"You always say Adam?"
I freeze. Shit. How do I answer that? Maybe if I appear totally clueless..."I say Adam?"
"Yeah. Who's Adam?" See? It wouldn't even occur to her that it might be a crush of mine. To an extent, I'm safe.
"I...don't know."
"Well," she continued, "You've been very distant, very quiet...I'm just worried is all."
I smile. "Thanks. I really don't think anything's wrong, but you know I'll be the first to te-"
I'm interrupted. I hear thunder.
Adam:
The wind and rain is beating at our room window. Jeff is all giddy, cause he thinks storms are cool. Matt`s indifferent -as long as the lights stay on. I, on the other hand, until a few minutes ago, forgot it was even raining. My mind is so cluttered. I lay down on the bed, plug in my headphones (traveling like I do, my batteries ran out a long time ago), and flip through the stations. I stop, and recognize one of the songs. It's the same singer I heard when I was in the bathroom last night.
I want somebody who can hold my interest hold it
and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist or a sentence,
that stops me like a brick wall
That's all I get to hear of the song -the lights just went out. Matt's cursing. I can see a silhouette of Jeff jumping for joy -pansy. Now, you'd think that between three labeled "goth" wrestlers, at least one us would have a candle, right? Nope. They're sending me out on a mission, and I, too worn out to argue, am accepting. Find a candle.
Kurt:
The wind and rain is beating at our room window. Chyna's all fascinated. It's just rain. Now all that needs to happen is...oh, perfect. I've just jinxed myself. At the same time, we realize: "We don't have any candles!"
I tell her to stay there. I'm gonna go find a candle.
Adam:
Shit, these hallways are really dark! I can't even find a door to knock on! Hey, what's tha-"Oooph!" I hit the floor.
Kurt:
Damn, it's pitch black out here! I don't even know where there is a door! Whoa, who-"Ach!" I hit the floor.
Adam:
"Who's that?"
Kurt:
"Kurt. Who's this?"
Adam:
My heart stops. (Figuratively, of course) "It's...Adam."
Kurt:
I've just died -figuratively speaking. "Oh...hi....you out looking for a candle?"
Adam:
"Yeah."
Kurt:
"Me too...is this a door right here...? Yeah. Why don't we ask for two?" I knock.
Paul answers. "I betchoo guys are looking for a candle." His room is all candle-lit. At least someone came prepared. He comes back in seconds. "Here, have two. Knock yourselves out." He shuts the door.
I turn to (sigh) Adam. "You don't have any matches, right?"
Adam:
Luckily, I do. I light it, and Kurt holds the candles up to it. As he does, I can see his beautiful face, his deep blue eyes, beaming behind the flame. "Thanks."
Kurt:
Behind the lit candle, Adam's beauty, and golden mane is intensified. I almost drop the candle. "You're welcome."
Adam:
We head back to where are rooms are, so I know my time for chat is limited. I take a deep breath, swallow my common sense, and ask, "What did Jeff say to you?" He stops short.
Kurt:
I stop short. "W-Why...?"
"Because."
Good answer. "He asked how I felt about...gays...in the military..."
"And?"
I'm feeling a little cornered right now. "I...sorta gave him a rude answer, to get him to go away."
"What'd you say?"
Oh shit..."I said 'If I were in the military, I'd want to worry about who was in front of me, not behind me.' Don't be offended...I was just in a bad mood..."
Adam:
I can't believe he said that. Still, play it off, Adam. "Why would I be offended?"
Ha! No way out, now. "Well...I thought...you were..."
"You thought I was gay?" Christ forgive me for playing with his mind like this!
"Yeah...uh...nevermind."
Ok, Adam, time to be a good guy, now. "Well, I am."
He looks up at me. "Oh."
Kurt
I'm shaking. I'm so confused. Help. I know I've offended him. "Ok, well, I'm gonna go," he says, a hint of anger in his voice.
No, I won't let the comnversation end like this. "Wait," I call, grabbing his arm. "There's more." He appears apt to listen. "Then," I continue, "he went over to Christian, and told him that I was a..."
Adam:
"Big Breeder?" I know this part. "Yeah, I know. Jeff told me you made it very clear to him that homosexuality is a no-no."
Kurt looks so cute as he bites his lip. "I didn't mean that, though..."
"I know that!" I want him to understand that I DON"T HATE HIM. "They blow everything out of proportion. Don't worry about it...alright, well, bye."
Kurt:
Bye? Maybe he doesn't like me after all. Or if he did, I'm sure he thinks I'm a complete jackoff, now.
Chyna probably thinks I died. Lemme go back to my room. I want block tonight out. I'm not gay. It's just...you know...a phase. That's right. A passing fancy. I like women...like most guys, like normal guys. Yeah. Staight...
Adam:
They were right...who am I kidding...he is straight.
Kurt:
Straight...who am I kidding...no I'm not.
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