3. Worthy
Adam:
I look down unpassionately at my steaming plate of fettucini. I don't know what asspirate came up with the ingenious plan of opening up an all-you-can-eat pasta house with waitors in drag, but it, not suprprisingly, caught Jay's interest. "Kurt woke up late. Really late, he said he had a meeting with Vince last night but won't talk much about it. He slept through most of the bus ride. He was even more quiet when he was awake. He only smiles faintly when I talk about how much I love the box he bought me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."
His advice was was blunt. "He's straight," he retorted, a mouth semi-full of angel hair.
"I don't think that's the issue, Jay."
He gives me that "no one will ever appreciate my brilliant advice until after I'm dead" huff. "I warned you this months ago, Adam...but you went ahead with it...and how many times have you slept with him? Tell me, seriously, I forgot, how many?"
"none."
He points at me with his fork. "Exactly."
I put down my Dr. Pepper. "Why is this about sex?"
"Everything is about sex."
"In Jay's world."
"In the real world, my friend."
"Look, I brought you here to talk, and I'm being serious. It's like in the past few days, his behavior is so erratic -when I see him! Or when he's awake, for that matter...he'll throw a fit, then I'll find a present on my doorstep, then I'll wake up to find him crying...It's almost like...he's two different people. And he won't tell me what's wrong!" I wait for Jay to finish swallowing his God awful pasta so I can get a response.
"He's straight."
Kurt:
I sneak down the hallway, and into the elevator. 3rd floor. Room 314. It's 9:15. I knock on the door. "Right on time," Shane answers with a smile. I smile back, but on the inside I bow my head in shame. I think he can tell, and jokes, "this will never happen again, Shane," mocking me. "I'm just the vice you can't kick." He looks at my dolorous expression. "I'm just kidding. I missed you, ya know...where's my kiss?"
I oblige, kissing him on the lips, and I feel my insides rip everytime I do. Why then, do I do it; why do I keep returning? He nailed it perfectly before -He's the vice I can't kick.
that same night -AT THE HOTEL
Adam:
"I can't believe you're doing this!" Jay shrieks, from the other side of the room. "What are you wasting your money for?"
"That's precisely what it is -my money," I reply, as I wait for someone to answer the phone. A voice answers. "Oh, hi, I was calling in response to the summer house for rental by the lake...on Baywood Ave." To this, Jay tries to grab the phone from my hand, and I pull away. I take out a pen, and scrawl down the info. "Ok...thank you. Good bye." I hang up the phone, and triumphantly announce, "Got it! I'll be there by next week."
"You anus!" hollars Jay. "Do you know what could happen in a week?"
"Yes, I do," I answer. "I could have everything settled between Kurt and I, so we can have a decent vacation!"
"Wrong!" he argues, in a mock-happy tone. "He could have left you for some wo-"
Kurt walks through the door, looking rather drained. "Hi, hon."
Jay flashes me a "do something" look. "Um, uh, Kurt?" I stammer. "Can I talk to you?"
He looks at Jay as if he knew it was his idea. "Sure."
"Go wait in the room, Kurt, I'll be right there." I lead Jay to the door. "Seeya later."
"Toodles. And good luck."
"yeah, ok." I shut the door. He's one you can take in small, small incriments. I go into the bedroom, and find him on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Whatcha thinking?" I ask, concerned.
He hesitates. "How much I love you."
I sigh, and sit next to him. "Talk to me...what's going on, where are you?"
"I'm right here."
"Rarely."
"It's Vince. Business stuff."
"Every other night," I reply, trying to follow along. He nods. "Unless you're out buying me these," I point to the array of little gifts I've collected in the past week. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
"No." But he doesn't even look me in the eye. Just that damn ceiling.
"Are...are you straight?" Damn you, Jay.
He looks at me oddly. "No."
Another few moments of silence, and I'm going insane. "Then what is it???"
Kurt:
"Nothing" is the only thing I am able to cough up. Exhasperated, he gets up off the bed.
"Then I guess you don't need me here to get in the way of 'nothing'. I'm going out." He leaves me here to rot in my sin and pity.
The next day is practically as bad. We barely talk, except for the few times he breaks down and begs me to tell him where I go, what is wrong, etc. I give him the same negative answers as the day before. After taping, I decide to come right back to the hotel (just to be less suspicious), which surprises Adam.
Right now, it's about 12ish, and he's asleep. It's late enough for me to be able to get up and to his room anonymously. He stirs as I head for the door. "I see you."
I freeze. "I was just...I needed to..."
"Go."
"What?"
Even colder, he repeats, "Just go." I hesitate to open the door. "Just fucking go, I don't care anymore, Kurt!" I walk out the door and shut it behind me. From the outside, I can hear him weeping.
you think you're not worthy
i'd have to say i agree
i'm not worthy of you
you're not worthy of me
I know if I stand there any longer, I'll just walk back in, so I jet down the hallway as quick as I can. In the duration, I bump into the WWF's little primadonna.
"Watch it, bitch!" hisses Jeff. Isn't it past his bedtime, anyway? I think I hear him talking to someone else, but I just keep walking...
*Jay*:
You get to hear things in my perspective, yay! I was actually on my way to borrow "Space Queens part 9" from Shane, but I met up with Jeff in the hallway. "What was that?"
"That was Angle," he answers.
"Really?" I ask, intentively. "Where's he going?"
"I...don't know...he was heading for the elevator...why?"
Damn! He could be going anywhere! "No reason."
"So, what are you doing up?"
"I was about to go talk to Shane for a sec, actually."
He laughs. "I think he's presently occupied."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't heard...oh well, I guess you wouldn't, you're not on our floor...he's been secretly inviting some guy into his room every other night...Ha! If Vince knew..."
Every other night. He has my full attention. "How'd you find out about this?"
"Oh, his room is right next to mine, I can hear everything." I raise my eyebrow, fearing the worst. "Oh, but I don't think they've done anything...I would have heard it! I think he's tries to, cause every night ends with them fighting and mystery man slamming the door behind him!"
I need more proof, more proof! "And you don't recognize the voice at all?"
"It's kinda muffled cause it's through a wall...and I don't really listen, anyway." He thinks for a moment. "I hear a lot of 'I've never done it before' and 'I'm not ready' type stuff though. Ha! Looks like he bagged himself a Saint!"
The lightbulb inside my head is flashing so bright it hurts my brain. "I guess I best leave him alone then. Ok, I'm gonna catch up on some not-so-needed beauty sleep. Night."
"Don't let the heteros bite."
I return to my room, shut the door and at lightning speed, run to the phone. It rings a few times before Adam picks up.
"Hello?" he answers, groggily.
"Get up," I reply, sternly.
"Huh?"
"GET UP."
"W-Why?"
"I know where Kurt is." It's elementary, my dear Watson.
AT THE SAME TIME
Shane:
Oh, I'm playin' with roofies! Oh yes, indeed I am, gonna have Kurt on a platter, gonna have 'em at my every whim, oh yeah, they're roofies... Can you tell I'm siked? There's a knock on the door. He's truly hooked! I slip two in the drink, and answer.
"Hi, Shane." He looks void of all willpower, almost as if he had lost a struggle with himself not to come here. Good. I pull him inside, and kiss him fiercely. He kisses back, but more restless than passionate. Hey, whatever the cost.
"Sit down," I offer. "Lighten up. Have a drink."
"I don't really want any..."
"Nonsense, " I cut him off. "You're a guest. It's my duty to wait hand and foot for your comfortability." He laughs. I swish my way to the counter to get the cosmos I just mixed. "Here."
After a few sips, he doesn't hesitate to say, "Shane...I don't feel so good...I don't think I should have done this..." The little all-American tries unsuccessfully to get to his feet.
"Sshh," I console, pushing his back up against the couch. "You're fine...just relax."
His eyes are darting back and forth from the drink to me. "Why...why aren't you having any...?" He's beginning to slur.
With a grin, I lie, "I had one before to...loosen me up," and present another grinding kiss, now continuing down to his throat. I pull off his shirt to find a most marvelous chest -much more so in person than on the screen. I kiss and nip at his baby-soft skin, and by the time I reach his navel, he ceased to talk for quite some time. The most productive thing he's doing is breathing.
Knowing he won't have the capacity to walk, I drag him into the bedroom, and haul him onto the bed. Going through a bag of supplies I begged Jeff to borrow through *multiple* favors, I turn around to the barely conscious olympian, and, with a wink, allege, "Don't go anywhere -I've got a surprise for you."
Adam:
"Shane!" I scream, cursing at myself. "I never even thought of that!"
"Of course you didn't!" Jay replies in almost equal dynamics. "You're not an accusational person!"
I run my hand through my uncombed hair. "Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I should have been more jealous, instead of just trusting he was always being called in for a meeting, or-"
"Will you listen to yourself!"
My head snaps up. "What?"
"You should have been more jealous instead of trusting him??? What does that say about a person you shouldn't have trusted, Adam?"
He's absolutely right. But right now...
"But right now, we've got to get to him while he's still there," Jay continues, stealing the words out of my mouth.
I want to shrivel up and dissintigrate as reality is now kicking in. I look around. "What are we just lumping here for? Let's go."
Shane:
I've seen Kurt helpless before, but this is just so cool I've got to laugh! After I finish handcuffing him to the bedpost, I look down in glory. Gorgeous. He's naked with a gag in his mouth, and those nipple clamps...they are just delightful. I run the cat-o-nine tails I'm holding through my fingers...oooh. As I raise it up above my head...the phone rings.
"What is it?" I ask, 'impatiently' being an understatement.
"Shane," answers Jeff who sounds rather riled up. "It's Jeff...I just heard Jay and Adam about bustin' into your place...They sounded dream-like angry!"
shit. shit. shit. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah, they still talking now, whatcha gonna do?"
"What am I gonna do?" I exclaim. "You heard them, you stop them! I'm a tad busy right now!"
"But...I...how..."
"Tell them Kurt went to the Arena."
"Kurt..."
"And that...I have a formal dinner."
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
"Just tell them!!"
"But..."
My face turns red. I do not have time for this. As I fasten testicle clamps, I make my token threat. "Just remember how easily I can get you fired, Hardy!" He makes a little grunt of affirmation, and hangs up. With even less time to spare, I pick up the whip, and crack him once across the abdomen. He lets out a whimper of pain, the first noise I heard from him since he turned down the drink! What a rush of power!!
Adam:
As we reach the elevator, mind, not unusually, is an amusement park of scrambled thoughts. But in no way am I amused. I know Kurt is a little gullable, and can be fickle with some things, but Shane is a very forceful and deceptive man. I don't want to assume my heart is out to be broken before I know the situation. The door opens, and there stands Jeff, hand on his pink vinyl hip.
"Jeff," I beg, predicitng the worst. "I don't have have time..."
"Meow! Bitch Alert!"
"Jeff, please," pleads Jay on my behalf -although I would more likely have resorted to violence. "We need to find Kurt."
Jeff looks questioningly at the numbers above him. "But this elevator's going up." He steps out, the door shutting behind him. "Well...it is now, anyway."
I'm this close from gripping him by his gay ears, and flinging him out the window, but I'm held back by my composed friend. "No duh, asshole!"
He looks at his electric turquoise nails, unaffected. "Yeah, and Kurt's not here -asshole."
I blink. "Then where is he?"
"He's at the arena; left a little while ago."
"What about Shane?" asks Jay.
"What about him?" the little chimp retorts, pretending to be clueless. "I was just there. He had to leave to go to some formal dinner, or somethin'. "
I glower at him. "Why should I believe you?"
"Hey, I don't give a fuck," he answers defensively, walking away. "I just told you guys the truth, do whatever you want with it. I've got better things to do than to insinuate little fueds."
I turn to Jay, fresh out of ideas. "Do you want to go to the arena, then?" I feel stupid immediately after I say this, seeing as how I didn't even believe him, anyway.
It looks as though a light has gone off in his head. He bolts down the hallway, and I hear the most effeminate squeal. He comes back with a fistful of candy colored mop. "I thought you said that you had to get out of the hotel because Shane was having someone over!"
"I could have been wrong..."
"And just what the hell would Kurt be doing in the arena, anyway? At this time of night?" I add, right in his grimacing face.
"I don't know..."
Jay drops him to the floor like yesterday's fish, and he scurries off. We look at eachother, and in unison, "Shane."
Shane:
"Arrggh!" I remove myself from the bruised and weakened Kurt. How invigorating! He has enough welts and marks to be a relief map. "I'm sorry I had to have my way with you like this," I say, pulling my pants back up. I circle the bed, poking his drained body sporadically with the grip of the whip. "You brought this upon yourself," I continue, as he looks at me through sad, lost eyes. I show no pity, cracking the whip across his thigh. "All you had to do is say 'Yes'...you-"
The fucking phone. "What is it???" I ask, impatiently, to say the least.
"Shane, hey it's Jeff. I tried to tell'em what you said, but they're coming...just what's going on, anyway...? Shane...?"
I hang up the phone, my jaw to the ground, my hands trembling, trying to concoct what to do. ESCAPE. I have to get out of here. I throw a blanket over the stagnant body in my bed, grab my keys, look for a way out. The window. I climb out, and find my from the rooftop to the back stairs. Now in my car -where am I going to go? FAR, Shane. Just go far, far away.
Adam:
I pound on the door apathetic. "Shane, are you there?" No answer. I knock again. No answer. Boldly, I try something else. "Kurt?"
After a few seconds, I hear a muffled cry in response. "That sounds like Kurt!" I call to him again. The same cry, now almost pained. In a panic, I turn to Jay. "Why does he sound like that? What's going on?"
Jay, notably attempting to remain composed, puts his mouth to the door. "Kurt! Can you open the door?" The cry is more like a helpless whimper.
"Oh no!" I'm freaking out. "This does NOT sound good!"
"You stay here," Jay decides. "I'll go downstairs and ask for the key." He promises to be right back. I hope so. I've never felt so alone and scared, and the sound of Kurt's cries are pushing me to the edge. "Kurt?" I stammer. "Are you hurt?"
It's hard to tell, but his response sounds remotely like an "uh-huh." I find myself on the floor, in tears.
Jay comes back with the key, plus three other hotel employees. "I explained the situation," he explains, unlocking the door.
"Kurt!" I call, as soon as we're in. The cry comes from the bedroom. Running in as the others follow, I see something stirring under the blanket. I am so afraid of what lies beneath -Kurt- but in what condition? As I slowly,chary, pull it off, a wave of nausea and flabbergastion manifest my entire body...
HOURS LATER AT THE HOSPITAL
Adam:
I hate the fact that I must be considered a "friend" of the patient, and must wait for what feels like centuries to see him. I take a seat right next to his room. Jay's hand is on my shoulder. I couldn't ask for a better friend. And Kurt...all the evidence and accusations will have to take a back seat right now. I must nurse him back to health all that I can. And Shane...there are no words to describe what I feel for him.
I nearly leap out of my chair when the nurse permits me to see him. I expect him to be out cold, but he's quite wide awake, as the drug wore off, looking as anxious to see me as I am to see him. I rely on myself to remain composed, but as soon as I go to open my mouth, I cry. And he cries with me. "I'm so sorry," I sob, my head in his blanketed lap.
He lifts my head to look at me. "Why are you sorry?" His face looks worn and swollen.
"I feel like...I let this happen."
"You didn't."
"Do you..." I take a deep breath. "...know what happened?"
Sighing, he answers, "They told me a while ago...I'm still trying to comprehend it...trying...to get it to sink in...I just can't...What was I like when you found me?"
I actually cringe. "You were all tied up, and chained...whip marks...some bruises...and he, well...he...made a mess all over you..."
He puts his hand up. "Ok. I get it. You saw me naked, then...?"
I tsk. "Oh, Kurt, I wasn't looking at anything at that point. We were in a rush to get you into the ambulence. I didn't really see anything, I swear."
He nods. "What's going on with everyone else?"
I'm still choked up, and wait until I know I can cough up a comprehensible sentence before I answer. "They're still trying to find Shane...he took off in his car. Jeff is under serious interrogation. Vince is giving the both of us a vacation for as long as we need to recuperate. I rented a summer house by the lake back in LA...it was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess I may as well tell you since that's where we're going. I'm going to take care of you, I promise."
But there's the matter of trust that lurks in the back of my frazzled brain. I add, "And I'm not going to ask you what's been going on prior to tonight until you're one hundred percent. Right now my main priority is your state." I smile faintly, in attempt to lighten the air of the room, which is so heavy that I feel weighed down.
Still his answer frightens me. "Good."
He then receives a phone call, and I decide to let him rest. I think the both of us have experienced a life's worth of trauma tonight. I'll see him in the morning. Outside the door, I hear a snipet of the conversation. "Hello? Ma? Oh my god, yes, yes, I'm ok...I know...I know...Oh god...I love you too, Ma."
what good is a poker face when you've got an open hand
i was supposed to be cool about this yeah i remember
cool was the plan
tried to keep it all under wraps
but the wraps kept going slack, i keep turning round
i keep coming back...
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