Haiku
Korner
Being
the highest form of poetry, haikus are normally based on nature.
However, they can certainly be applied to any topic we Americans like,
because we're Americans and we say so. Now, for your bemusement,
are the haikus.
Extra-Special Haiku:
Save
Farscape
Ways to save Farscape:
Go to Sci-Fi Headquarters
Kick some exec ass.
OK, so maybe
that wouldn't save
Farscape, but
it would feel damn
good.
Farscape, although
you
replaced my favorite
show,
You're good nonetheless.
Stupid Sci-Fi, shows
that are critically
acclaimed
you don't give a
chance
Sci-fi fans unite
Our channel prefers
Spielberg
over something good.
You should really
sign
the Save Farscape
petition
'cause Rygel says
so.
Wormhole travel,
a
ragtag group of
friends, this show
sounds so familiar.
John Crichton flew
his
test ship into a
wormhole.
No more Earth for
him.
Moya is a ship
A living spaceship,
you say?
Yeah, I told you,
duh.
Peacekeepers wanted
the wormhole technology
Crichton's all like
"No."
John Crichton sez
"Yo,
biz-itch, look upward
and share
the wonders I've
seen."
Our heroes went to
the Earth of the
80's, can
you say "Star Trek
IV"?
Best finale line:
John Crichton floats
above Earth
without a ship,
"Whoops"
Rygel likes Reeses
He is a sugar addict
But, aren't all
puppets?
Haiku:
A Haiku:
Haiku is quite grand
It is like pure
crack cocaine
I mean, er, oh crap.
Oh No,
Mister Ape
(A Very Special Haiku)
Oh no Mister Ape!
You have fallen
to far ground.
You are not too
dead.
Robots!
(Another Very Special Haiku)
Robots are way cool-
er than humans.
They eat nails
instead of real
food.
Nature
Jackson responds
to the traditional haiku topic
golden leaf falls
to
the golden ground.
i took axe,
chopped down fucking
tree.
9/11
Memorial Haiku
Twin Towers are gone
The Pentagon is
rebuilt
Die, Al Qaeda, Die!
Islamic Jihad
Thinks it's so great
but it's just
A bunch of assholes.
Osama. come out
Fight like a man,
you big wimp
Where you bin hidin'?
"We'll get infidels"
Osama says, runs
and hides
Like a little girl.
Patriotism
Is the main word
for the year
In the U.S.A.
Comedians cried
Was it the death
of humor?
Nope, not on your
life.
Congress sang on
steps
Senator Thomas Daschle
needs singing lessons.
Partisan bicker-
ing died, but lived
again. It's
an election year.
Music
Haiku Series
The Hives
I hate the Hives
much
I wish they would
die in pain
Those limey bitches
Pink
Pink, you are just
like
a pill. You
should be taken
in very small doses.
Weezer (In Concert)
I saw Weezer in
concert. Dashboard,
you suck. Eat
my undone sweater.
The
"Planet of the Apes" Haiku Series
Marky
Mark Walburgh
Was in Planet of
the Apes
With his Monkey
Bunch
Michael
Clark Duncan
Repeatedly looks
for God
and finds him in
prayer
Michael Clark Duncan
In Planet of the
Apes, too
Bow your heads...in
prayer.
Have you seen any
humans? No, I have
not seen
any humans, sir
"Apes" Movie ending
Mark gets back to
Earth but sees
Ape Lincoln?
Come on!
Get your paws off me
You damn dirty ape,
he said.
Damn Heston to hell.
No freakin'
way, man
No one can get me
to see
Heston's Forbidden
Zone
Charlton Heston
Disgraced himself
in Burton's
Remake of classic.
Timothy Burton
Sucks it real hard
in remake
Bring back Beetlejuice.
Dr.Zauis, Ape.
What hairy monkey
is smart?
Not Dr.Zauis
It's monkey love time
Ook-ook is the mating
call
Wash eyes out with
soap.
Cinema
Haiku Series
Big
Daddy
Big Daddy sucked
huge,
Scuba Steve was
not funny,
You suck it, Sandler.
Billy Elliott
Billy Elliott
Movie about ballet
boy
Chick flick, or
what guy?
Rushmore
Skinny-dipping hand
jobs. I'm
telling you because
we're such good
friends, Max.
or
Where shall I begin?
Kick ass soundtrack,
quirky script
Saved Bill Murray,
too.
Royal Tennenbaums
Royal Tennenbaums
I must see this
new picture
Rushmore was awesome.
MiB
2
Men in Black 2 soon
It better be good
or watch
Out, Tommy Lee Jones!
Dogma
It is Alanis
Morrisette the almighty
In Smith's film,
Dogma
or
Jagged Little God,
Alanis in Dogma,
I-
Ronic, don't you
think?
Jay
and Silent Bob
Jay and Silent Bob
They'll strike back
on DVD
By February.
Mission to Mars
Jerry O'Connell
You were in "Mission
to Mars"
Why oh Jerry why?
High Fidelity
High Fidelity.
Great movie with
John Cusack.
Jack Black's son
of god.
Mr. Holland's Opus
Very Good Movie
Mr. Holland's Opus
makes
Me cry at the end.
(From "My First
Presidentiary: A George W. Bush Scrapbook" by Modern Humorist)
Star
Wars
Han Solo will not
Admit love for Chewbacca.
Hang in there, wookie.
or
Obi-Wan will kick
your ass, he killed
a bad Sith.
The Bearded One
owns.
A Beautiful Mind
A Beautiful Mind
Won me over right
away
Ron, you old bastard!
Little Buddha
Keanu as god
In Little Buddha
the film
Bill and Ted be
damned
or
Keanu's Buddha
In Little Buddha
movie
Does not work for
me
Back
to the Future Haiku Series
>Back to the
Future
Should star Timothy
the ape
Imagine skate scene.
Back to the Future
Is my favorite movie
Of all time, biz-atch.
Flux capacitor
The thing which
makes time travel
possible.
Who knew?
Doctor Emmett Brown
Wanted to travel
to future
But stuck in Old
West.
Oh, Marty McFly
Getting into comical
dilemmas in time.
Poor Einstein the dog,
Can't drive Eight-Eight.
He's got
no drivers license.
Hey you, kid, wait up
I've got to borrow
your...uh...
Hoverboard.
Thanks kid.
That Goldie Wilson
Mayor of Hill Valley
just
because of Marty
Inept
Biff Tannen
Wants Marty to make
like a
tree, get outta
here.
Once this baby hits
Eighty-eight, you're
gonna see
some serious shit.
Hey, it's Biff Tannen
The bad guy in this
movie
I hate horse manure!
Back to the Future
Quite good, but
it's no match for
Black to the Future
TV Haiku
Series
Tim Curry and the
WB
Tim Curry stars in
WB sitcom. He wishes
he were in time
warp.
SNL
Hey, suck it, Trebek
Sean Connery said
on an
SNL rerun.
MST3K
Mystery Science
Theater Three Thousand
takes
Too long to say
here.
Patrick
Patrick from Spongebob
He's a brainless
starfish from
Bikini Bottom.
Family Guy
Oh my Family Guy
I have never laughed
so much
Is Stewie gay or
not?
Sci-Fi Channel
Sci-Fi Channel likes
Cancelling it's
best programs
And yet Lexx remains
Babylon 5
Babylon 5 is
only confusing if
you've
not watched from
Season 1
"Quantum Leap" Haiku
"Damnit Al, why
have
Not I leaped from
here?" asks Sam
The Quantum Leaper.
In the
News Haiku Series
President
G. W. Bush
would be bad babysitter
"Your shirt looks
so dumb."
I'll join war against
terrorism, if they
decide
to pick a country.
I try hard to like
President George
Dubya Bush.
He is chimp in suit.
George Dubya Bush's
State of the Union
Address
Pissed off Middle
East
In Afghanistan
Harmid Karzai needs
money
One poor-ass nation.
Enron screwed up big
Oil company bankrupt?
Dumb executives
Better run, dumb-ass
The United States
is pissed
We'll kick your
behinds
Iran needs party
The United States
should get
Iran a Slurpee
Celebrity
Haiku Series
Madonna
Face it Madonna,
you are huge whore,
please end your
American Life.
Margaret Thatcher
Margaret Thatcher
A British woman,
i think,
But I'm not too
sure.
Britney Spears
Britney Spears,
you hack.
I am peaceful man
but,
Drown in Pepsi,
bitch!
Dave Thomas
Miss you, Dave Thomas
Could you do me
a favor?
God: boxers or briefs?
Carrot Top
God is deity
Carrot Top is anti-Christ.
Die Carrot Top Die
DMB
Dave Matthews Band
sucks
Why can you not
see this fact
Suburban U.S.?
James Earl Jones
James Earl Jones
scares me
Because of his scary
voice
He's for Verizon.
Radiohead
Radiohead has
Ambient instrumentals
More guitars next
time!
Tommy Lee and Pam
Hepatitus C
Is what Pam Anderson
has
Damn you Tommy Lee!
Paul McCartney
Part I:
Paul McCartney:
why
Does he suck so
much now? Hmm.
John and George
are dead
Part II:
Maybe Paul drank
their
Talent-filled blood. Thank the Lord!
Ringo will be spared!
Miscellaneous
Haiku Series
Monkey
swings through trees
Monkey move city;
live house.
He hates his mortgage.
Automobiles
smile.
Please do not anger
them; they
will run you over.
Hey pal, deal for you.
how would you like
fries with that
meal? No thanks,
Satan.
Looks at watch.
Where is
he? Never
trust monkey to
park car, he take
it.
If this owl does not
get his oil changed,
the ter-
rorists will have
won.
Joe Pettine Rates a Site: A Haiku:
Hey there Joe Pettine
Please give this
site a review:
"Hmmm, naive, at
best."
Fifteen in cop clothes
No girlie I won't
buy beer
Crazy kids these
days.
The waiter was bald
Man made out of
table stuff
Night to remember
Time to feed the ducks,
Look at my unique
style!
Cornrows are next,
guys.
Burger
King: The Haiku
You bastard Burger
King. The
proletariat
Will rise and destroy.
Haiku
to end world.
Turn on the oven
and wait
For thirty minutes.
Fox in Sox killed me
'Tis the firing
squad for him
Ha, I am Jesus.
Can I have a buck?
Back away, filthy
beggar!
Just eat the big
shoe.
"Stickball in the Ghetto"
Stickball in ghetto
"Car!" would be
our gleeful call
No sense does it
make.
Just because you messed
Up big time but
helped a bit
Right it does not
make.
Sweet Revenge
I hit you with bat
you die, I am not
evil
You stole my twinkie
Waking up on Time
Waking up on time;
Can be hard to do
sometimes;
if you are Hitler.
Hitler is angry.
Wants to rule Earth,
but his true
passion is the stage.
Uh-oh, looks like he;
amputated wrong
leg;
major malpractice!
Here is my sole wish:
I want to conquer
world.
Free shirts, human
race!
Marcus wants new face.
Brian Wilson already
taken.
Dumb pig second
choice.
We'll keep updating this page as new inspiration comes
to us. We hope you've enjoyed "Haiku Korner"
