A Heartbreaking Review of Staggering Parody
In keeping with our policy
of doing old things in new ways, and in an attempt to bring some culture
besides that of the pop variety to the site, we give you "A Heartbreaking
Review of Staggering Parody". It's a book review with a twist.
We've reviewed "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" in its own writing
style. It's funniest if you've read the book, but it stands alone
even without that condition. We hope to do others in the future,
but for now, enjoy this one..
A Book Review In the Style
Of
"A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering
Genius"
By Dave Eggers
By Indigo Retina
I ponder my options. Surely, another
movie review would be tedious. Trying to latch on to some continuity
with the site would be easy, but also breed monotony. Spontaneity
is our middle name, Jackson, Fuv, and I. Well, except of course for
Fuv, whose middle name rhymes with "pancakes." We are full of ideas, the
three of us, and we are good at what we do. We write well.
We are a symphony of obscure comedy. We weave in and out of topical
and pop culture references. We are really fucking good.
So we need something new. We need
something fresh, something original. We want the huddled masses to
feel the energy inherent in our website. Also, the desperation
and rage. I decide to do a feature. A book review. What
book? I will read "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius".
I have heard that it is insightful. That it is fresh and alive and
new. I can see that it has a clever title. I think of what
an interview with Dave Eggers would be like. Then I realize that
there is a 53-page interview in the book. That idea is dead to me.
I think of things to describe the book.
The book is good. Brilliant. A testament to the '90s.
A portrait of a life. Yes. So. Eggers likes to write
a lot of things at once without commas no commas yes damnit. He is
also not beyond the occasional, unexpected curse. Fuck. He
also does this trick where, it's really not a trick at all really, where
he speaks colloquially for a while then he snaps out of it with a description
of part of San Francisco or some thoughts about the death of his parents,
or this other trick where, it is so brilliant, where he uses his thoughts
as a dialogue between 2 characters who are not really speaking to each
other but are debating in his mind at the time some terribly relevant issue.
He also likes run-on sentences.
Despite his writing quirks, Eggers's storytelling
is effective. Effective, yes. And humbling. It is humbling
and sad and tragic. I will tell you the plot. After the death
of their parents, twentysomething Dave and younger brother Toph (short
for Christopher), move to California. Dave struggles to keep Toph
living a normal life as his guardian. His protector. His partner,
if you will. Yes. Oh, read it. You should read it.
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Just when I am almost finished the review, I think to myself, I should have sex. An orgy. There should be orgies everywhere. A mass of arms and legs and other miscellaneous body parts. But no. No, I have to finish the review. The glorious review of a young and new book. The book is young and vital, and the rest of literature is old and over. It will conquer the world, in a way that it does not know it is conquering it, whatever that means.
I like the book. It is good in some
parts. It is oh so good yes. It is not so good in other parts.
No. Yes. Damnit. You should buy this book. Get
it from the library. Go to a bookstore and purchase it within the
hour. Get a good running start, and slide to the cash register (fig 1).
In a good bookstore, from self-help section to register is a good 20 ft.
In a wondrous and brilliant bookstore: 30 ft. So. When you
have read the book, you will finally understand. You will understand
the style of this review, and laugh, and cry, and do something cathartic.
Yes. Finally. |
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