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These movies have about as many merits as they do flaws, but they're not the worst movies ever made The Stepford Wives (2004) (New!) Timeline (2003) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) The Matrix Reloaded (2003) Emperor's Club (2002) My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) Blood Work (2002) Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys (2002) The Scorpion King (2002) The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) Orange County (2002) Zoolander (2001) Moulin Rouge (2001) Bicentennial Man (1999) SLC Punk (1999) Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) (Movie Reviews Links Page) The Stepford Wives (2004) Based on the book by Ira Levin, this remake of the 1975 original sees the reunion of Frank Oz and Paul Rudnick after their collaboration on “In & Out” (1997). The original was a suspense/horror movie. This version’s played for laughs. So, some changes went on, we can say that much. The cast is all-star, the premise is a classic, and the director is Frank Oz. One would think this would guarantee the movie a place in the highest echelons of cinematic quality. However, this was not to be. While I agree that changing the movie to a goofy satire was the only way they could have viably remade it (the twist was revealed 30 years ago, after all), that doesn’t mean they can change everything around and hope for the best. However, this doesn’t mean that the movie has absolutely no merit. The writing is acceptable. Nothing terribly fake in there. There are even some random bits of hilarity. The acting is all right. I’ve seen better from both Matthew Broderick and Christopher Walken, but that’s beside the point. Nicole Kidman displays the perfect mix of freaked-out horror and comically-exaggerated incredulity. Bette Midler is at her best since “Hocus Pocus” (1993). Jon Lovitz is…in this film as well. "Timeline" (2003)
Ah, time travel. Though the premise has suffered much in the past few years, through the failings of such movies as 'Planet of the Apes', 'The Time Machine', and 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Turtles in Time', I remain hopeful about the prospect of a movie treating it with the same passion and respect as 'Back to the Future'. Alas, with the movie 'Timeline', it was not to be. Following in his proud tradition of writing novels where eccentric millionaires fund archaeological digs for purposes all their own, Michael Crichton returns to the big screen with this adaptation of his best-selling novel. The premise: a team of archaeology students at a dig in present day France discover the eyeglass lens of their professor buried in a previously unearthed chamber. Intrigued, they test it and find that it is over 600 years old. Looking for answers, they go to ITC, the company funding the dig. Robert Doniger, ITC's owner, informs them that the company has accidentally stumbled upon time travel. However, they can only travel back to France in the year 1357. When the professor discovered their secret, he insisted on being sent back, but has not yet returned. Doniger needs the four 14 th Century France experts to go back to 1357, retrieve the professor, and come back to the present. If I were pitching the script to a movie producer in standard style, I would say the movie is 'Time Tunnel' meets 'Back to the Future Part 3' with some 'Jurassic Park' thrown in for good measure. If you liked all these, you'll like 'Timeline'. Then again, if you liked 'Back to the Future Part 3', there's something wrong with you. To sum up, my complaints are these: not enough time travel, too much sappy romance. Also, all of the time travel plotline inconsistencies remain with this movie, I.e. paradoxes. I would rate it better than 'The Time Machine', but it could have done with a few more rewrites if it wanted to be on the level of 'Back to the Future' If you go to see it, do not expect new and bold ideas on the subject of time travel, because for the most part the movie is a period piece about the 14th Century Back to Top
The
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003)
You're The Invisible Man Now, Dawg! By Senior "LXG" Correspondent Fuv Ma' Poppin' (In his Movie Review debut) Premise: In order to stop numerous evil deeds commited by The Phantom, and ensure the safety of civilians everywhere, secret agent "M" assembles a team of literary heros and heroines to become The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Comments: Hmm. How to handle this movie. The fanboy in me wants to lash out at this movie's failure to stick to comic book continuity, but the realist in me realizes that mainstream America could really give a rat's ass about comic book continuity. And before I recieve any rat carcasses in my mail slot, I must say, this movie was not as bad as it was purported to be. Believe me, I feared for my life, and the very thread of civilization, when I heard some of the reviews of this movie. I went into this movie armed with many a delicious confection to be hurled at the screen along with the words, "Take that, Connery, you pompous ass! Who's the man now, Dawg?!". This movie never really gave me the chance to do that. While I could complain about Mina Harker (Pita Wilson) not being a vampire in the comics, I really didn't mind her being a vampire either. It was a choice that added a certain edge to her character that really supplanted the "Yes, I was a heroine in Dracula, take that!" mentality that the role could have had. I could complain about Tom Sawyer not being in the original comics, but again, he had a swashbuckling youthful air about him that added a bit of variety to the group of older men and women. (How he got a job in the American government, though, I'm not sure. I'll chalk that one up to the suspension of disbelief and move on). I could complain about Mr Hyde's computer graphics, but eh, they were as good as to be expected. The only thing I took issue with was the fact that Mina Harker, a vampire, had many scenes where she was in the sunlight, which is generally a no-no for their kind. Either way, the cast kept my attention throughout the movie, and they all played their roles with the proper aplomb or lack thereof that their characters required. This movie really was alright. It didn't go into it trying to change the world or anything, thank god. In fact, there were moments when, though I knew that I probably shouldn't have been enjoying them, I really was. My favorite parts of the movie where ones in which the movie really got silly, such as the Invisible Man being (for no good reason) naked in Sean Connery's room, or the group suddenly arriving in the Arctic for a while, and the final scene, where the group gathered at *Spoiler* Sean Connery's grave. The only reason that I spoil that scene for you is the fact that I spent the entire scene hoping for Sean Connery's hand to pop out of the grave to end the movie, which would have been great. Also, there was a bit of confusion about possible injuries incurred by the Invisible Man, which can only be explained away by the phrase "African Witch Doctor". The movie seemed to revel in it's role as a guilty pleasure, and made no apologies for what it was. It was very much an enjoyable popcorn movie for the summer. If you want to see a decent adventure movie, I couldn't not recommend this movie to you. So, go ahead, get LXG'd. Favorite Lines: "I'm freezing my extremities off! And by extremities, I mean my penis, just in case you didn't get the hint that I was trying to send to you, with the enormous amount of emphasis I put on the word 'extremities'!"-- A very naked Invisible Man in the arctic, somewhat elaborated upon by the writer of this article The Matrix Reloaded (2003) Assuming you know the plot of "The Matrix" (1999), I'll jump right into the sequel's plot. Neo (Keanu Reeves), Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) have 72 hours to stop 250,000 Sentinels from drilling down to Zion, the last human city. There to help them are Niobe (Jada Pinkett-Smith), the captain of one of the hovercraft still fighting the good fight against the machines. Through all this, Neo must unravel a dream he is having about Trinity in which she is shot. Along the way, they meet several interesting entities within the Matrix. These include a reunion with The Oracle (the late Gloria Foster), the troublesome Smith (Hugo Weaving), who is no longer an agent and can now make copies of himself, the Keymaker (Randall Duk Kim), and Merovingian (Lambert Wilson). Also, Merovingian's wife Persephone (Monica Bellucci). Can Neo and company stop the advance of the machines that will destroy Zion. Will the Prophecy that Morpheus believes in be fulfilled? If you haven't seen it already, you really should. This continuation of the first movie "The Matrix" was highly anticipated and did very well it's first weekend out, despite its "R" rating. It is very difficult to review this movie because it has many very good parts, and many very bad ones. On one level, it is a very good sequel with great action, awesome special effects, and a theme common to many great classics. On another level, it has clunky, overdramatic dialogue, relies to heavily on special effects, and beats its all-too-common central theme into the viewer's head until it is too annoying to bear. However, I will tell you the parts I did like, the parts I didn't, and then weigh them against each other to come up with my final analysis. Firstly, the parts I did like. My favorite scene in the movie was the one containing The Architect, what I perceived to be the digital representation of the man who created the Matrix. He explains to Neo some very shocking information, and gives him 2 choices. For those who have seen the movie, you must agree that this was the best-written part of it. My second favorite part was the freeway chase, most especially the bullet-time collision of the two tractor trailers. Once again, if you have seen the movie, you will know of what I speak. My third favorite scene was in the restaurant when Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus are speaking with the Merovingian. I will share with you perhaps my favorite quote from the movie: Merovingian: Don't you love the French language? I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. (stream of curses). It's like wiping your ass with silk, I love it. I also liked Neo's fight with the hundreds of Smiths. Despite the obvious computer-generated effects, the concept was awesome and very nicely done cinematically. Despite what you may hear, the Neo/Smiths fight was very cool and added to the movie's awesomocity. These scenes are the best of the Matrix: Reloaded However, there is a dark under-belly to this summer blockbuster goliath. Quotes like: Neo: OK
...make some of the dialogue almost totally unbearable. Also, as Jackson Brody once noted, where the hell was Tank from the first film? He lived through the first film. What, did he retire to a suburb of Zion? Is he now Councilor Tank Plutarski? Don't get me wrong, I liked the new operator (Whose name was appropriately Link), but I would have liked to see Tank back in the operator's seat. Some characters' purpose remains sorta vague. Persephone was interesting but ultimately unnecessary. The Twins' motives, as well as what kind of program they are, is unclear. Some scenes were also unnecessary. The rave/Neo-and-Trinity-getting-it-on scene served only to add to the audience's knowledge of Zion's sexual rituals, something I didn't expect or need to see going into the movie. It also slowed the first half hour of the movie down. The Neo/Persephone/Trinity tension scene was also unnecessary and took away from the main purpose of the story. Just a nitpick, but as my friend Michelle duly noted, if these people have been away from sunlight for more than 100 years, wouldn't they be lighter-skinned? Electric lights don't account for the kind of tans I saw on some Zion characters. The African-American characters are excused from this, however, because it would take many many generations for genetics to rule melatonin, the chemical that causes dark skin, no longer necessary. Oh well, in any case, after reading this whole review, your most likely question is "Do you think it was a good movie or not?", or in the case of someone who hasn't seen it yet, "Why should I go see it?". The answer to those questions is simple. As sequels go, "The Matrix: Reloaded" was not everything it was hyped up to be. That is the fault of not only the studio, but of the fans in general. The Wachowski Brothers did with their universe as they saw fit, and I will give them the benefit of the doubt on unnecessary characters in "Reloaded" until I see "Revolutions" in November. But I would say that overall the movie was enjoyable, if not annoying and drawn-out in parts. As for if you should see it if you haven't already, it's a matter of taste, and I'd say that if you haven't seen it already, you probably shouldn't because you're probably not interested enough in "The Matrix" or action movies in general to be able to enjoy it. Despite the many differing opinions, we shall see what "The Matrix: Revolutions" (2003) holds. Emperor's Club (2002) I will tell you straight out, this is not a particularly fascinating movie by any stretch of the imagination. It doesn't have a lot of action. It doesn't have a lot of suspense. It doesn't even have a lot of women (which makes me wonder if the three are connected.) What it does have is Kevin Kline as an ancient history teacher at a prestigious boy's academy. Well, there's this new kid, the son of a senator, who comes in and makes things difficult for our hero. Kevin Kline takes the boy under his wing and gets him to work hard to try to become Mr. Julius Caesar, the name for the winner of a trivia game that is held at the academy. The kid makes it, but at the competition, Kevin Kline realizes that he is cheating. Unable to accept that, he asks the kid a question that he knows he will get wrong. Other things happen, the kid becomes a man and invites Kevin Kline back to host a rematch, morals and advice are handed out, and so forth, ad infinitum. There are some funny parts to this movie, I will give it that. I especially enjoyed Kevin Kline's character's attempt at playing baseball, and the subsequent events. I also enjoyed the references to the Roman Empire, as I am fascinated with that particular period in human history, and actually know a fair amount relative to the common man. Otherwise, the movie is not overly notable, except that according to an area code stated in the movie, it should take place around where yours truly calls home. In the end, we realize that cheating is bad and honesty is good. Wait, we knew that already? Damn. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) My Big Fat Greek Review
I'd like to break with my usual review format to give you a candid look at what I thought of the surprise blockbuster independent film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", a movie that since its release has spawned not only much praise and approval from the American movie-going community, but also sitcom rumors and, what I see to be, the inevitable sequel "My Big Fat Greek Honeymoon", or perhaps the inappropriate drama "My Big Fat Greek Divorce" So heralded was this film when it came out that I only saw it on a whim, with some friends of mine who just happened to be going to see it that night, one of whom who had already seen it. I honestly had planned to go at some point, but in any case... The movie's plot is straightforward enough. Fotoula 'Toula' Portokalos (Nia Vardalos, incidentally the writer of the book on which the movie is based) is a Greek woman (unsurprisingly) who is unlucky in love. When she meets a guy she likes however, he is not Greek. Therefore, she must convince her family that marrying a non-Greek is not the end of the world. The movie is about change, about acceptance, about culture, about how much Greek women like to cook. I did not mention any other cast members names because they are not as stand-out as I had hoped, therefore they do not deserve a place in the limited amount of space there is in this review. Besides, I won't broadside you with a lot of Greek surnames like Eleusiniotis. All you have to know is Joey Fatone is in it, and he actually has to act, because he isn't playing a gay member of a washed-up boy band. Obvious Joey Fatone put-downs aside, I did enjoy this movie. It was enjoyable. Enjoyment was had. Some funny jokes in there. OK, something bothered me.... It seems the entire premise of all the jokes is "It's funny because they're Greek". Pardon me, but that is against the entire supposed message of the story; acceptance of other cultures. Is the message cancelled out if the writer uses the opposite of the message to get across the message? I think so. It's hypocritical. But it's still funny. In fact, perhaps too funny. Apparently, at least when I went, there was a loud minority of people who found everything so hilarious that they felt that they should make it known to the entire cineplex. There was one woman in particular who enjoyed the jokes so much that she missed every other one laughing at them. She enjoyed the jokes so much as to add to my movie-going experience, and one wonders if the movie would have gotten a lower rating from me had she not been there. Ah well. The world may never know. Blood Work (2002) Premise:
2 years later, Terry has finally received a new heart, and later finds out from the donor's sister Graciella (Wanda De Jesus) that the donor was murdered. Graciella wants Terry to find the murderer now. Terry soon finds that his code killer has returned, and with the help of Buddy (Jeff Daniels) as his driver, he comes to realize that the key to catching him lies beating within his own chest. Who is the code killer, and will Terry catch him before the murders begin anew? All this and more in "Blood Work" Comments:
I have another comment. What's with comedians suddenly doing suspense thriller/mystery movies? Robin Williams in "Insomnia" (2002) AND "One Hour Photo" (2002), Kelsey Grammer in "15 Minutes" (2001), now Jeff Daniels in Blood Work (2002). What's next? Tom Green as Professor Moriarty in another film adaptation of "Sherlock Holmes"? Andy Dick in "The Hardy Boys"? HORATIO SANZ AS JACK RYAN!? THIS MUST END HERE! Well, in any case, this movie's worth a viewing, if only to make yourself feel better when you figure it out before ol' Squinty McEastwood does. Favorite Lines:
Austin Powers in Goldmember A Review by Senior "Goldmember" Correspondent Jackson Brody. Premise:
Comments:
I'm going to move onto the positives before my opinion causes box office takes to plummet, forcing Mike Myers to sign onto another Shrek movie. (Shudder) There's an awful lot to like about this movie, so it's a shame the end product seems so unfocused and underdeveloped. Michael Caine is perfect as Austin's father, Nigel Powers and is a very welcome addition to the Powers universe. Of the motley crew Myers has assembled, Mini-Me gets the most heartfelt and consistent laughs. Scott Evil goes through some interesting changes throughout the film, and looks suspiciously like Ron Howard at one point. The high point for me in the film is Austin visiting Dr. Evil in a "Silence of the Lambs"-type scenario, and the flashback to Austin and Dr. Evil's prep school days. Moments like this remind the audience why we are so invested in these characters, even though we have to put up with characters like Goldmember and Fat Bastard. So Mike Myers, when you sit down to write "Austin Powers in Pussyfinger" you should remember a few things: recurring gags don't have to be resurrected every time, use yourself in moderation, if you're going to play a fifth character next time around please let it be Wayne Campbell, and a second draft can do wonders for a script. I really miss the Lucky Charms assassin. Favorite Lines:
Goldmember: Can I paint his yoo-hoo
gold? It's my thing...
Nigel Powers: [Facing a gun-toting guard] Do you know how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? You don't even have a nametag! Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys Premise:
Then, because one of the boys lets it slip to the girl's brother that he knows about his secret, the brother tells Sister Assumpta about the comic. After Francis is suspended for being the artist behind it, the boys devise a scheme to place a cougar in Sister Assumpta's office to make her think that the comic has been eaten, when in fact it is back in the hands of the boys. Seriously. That's the plot. Man, I couldn't make that stuff up. Comments:
OK, now onto the good things. As I said, it was enjoyable. Intermingled with the live-action are animated scenes out of Francis' comic book. These scenes correspond to what has just happened. Therefore, Francis writes his comic based on his own experiences. This provides the audience with a look into his psyche, gives us his point of view on the current situation, and shows the viewer animation that is hella-cool. For all it's ups and downs, I give "Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" 3 Annoyed Monkeys Holding Balls. I think this is fair. The movie was heralded as (finally) a serious look at teenagers, a coming-of-age flick for our generation (even though it takes place in the 50's). Well, to that I say pish-posh. It's all right. It's worth a sum of money. But it's not the best movie based on a teenager's life I've ever seen, certainly not the most realistic. So, in conclusion, if one of your 12 year old acquaintances ever tells you about a scheme to place a large mammal in the office of a Catholic school teacher (both religious and laypersons), please refer him to this movie for possible consequences, including a very sucky, disorienting, animated ending. Favorite Lines:
"Michael Clark Duncan Smells What The
Rock is Cooking"
Truth be told, this is a good movie and as others' reviews have put it, it is fully aware of its own silliness and never takes itself too seriously. The Rock does his job in the title role, and his performance is light years ahead of Hulk Hogan's misguided cameo in Muppets From Space. The rest of the cast is virtually all unknowns, with the proud exception of Michael Clark Duncan, who possesses the power turn any crappy movie into an enjoyable one (See Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes for strong evidence). A sight gag involving him got the strongest laugh from the theater crowd. It's hard to believe that the screenplay took five people to write. No new cinematic ground is explored in this film, but there are enough elements successfully taken from other films to merit watching and enjoying. I can practically guarantee that every single shot in the film will contain one of the five following things: 1.) The Rock looking intimidating.
Some hardcore criticism: This film operates on the cinematic scientific law that when there is an explosion in a room filled with both good and 'bad' characters, the bad characters will burn in agony while the good characters are miraculously thrown from the inferno. Aside from the Rock being stung with an arrow full of scorpion poison, nothing else scorpion-related happens in this film. A more appropriate title might have been "The Rock Issues a Bevy of One-liners And Kills Many People, Who May or May Not Deserve Such a Stylized and Sadistic Death." Sadly for wrestler fans, the Rock never says his trademark line, "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking" which had the potential to be tremendously funny in several spots. But! he does do the eyebrow thing! Favorite Lines:
The Count of Monte Cristo (2002) Premise:
Needless to say, Edmond is shut up in the Chateau D'If, a prison for traitors. He stays there for 13 years in bad conditions and is whipped harshly every year on the anniversary of his incarceration. Sooner or later he discovers a priest living in the cell below him who teaches him Economics, Mathematics, Logic, Grammar, etc. in exchange for help with tunnelling out of the prison. The old priest also tells of a treasure that's been hidden by the Count of Sparta and gives Edmond a map to where it would be--on the island of Monte Cristo. Edmond escapes and seeks his revenge on Danglars, Fernand, and Mercedes, who he finds out married Fernand a month after she was told he was dead. Comments:
Think about it. "Lost in Space", "Mod Squad", "Planet of the Apes", "Ocean's 11", "Hollow Man" (Remake of "The Invisible Man"), and "Charlie's Angels'" are just some examples of Hollywood lacking originality. Come on people, how much money is in the movie-making industry? Billions? Billions of dollars in revenues and I get a rehashing of an H.G. Wells classic "The Time Machine"? Albeit, "Ocean's 11" was damn good. But what's next? A remake of Tolstoy's "Democracy in America"? "I Dream of Jeannie: The Movie"? "Boy Meets World: The New Class"? "Sanford And Son Go To the Moon"?! :::sigh::: I'm not saying "The Count of Monte Cristo" wasn't a good movie. It was. The acting was good and the characters were correctly portrayed, but I cannot give credit to the director for it because, lets face it, it wasn't his plot. He took the story up to close to the ending nearly verbatim from the novel. It wasn't even a re-imagining. I'm just saying that now nobody will think they have to read the book. I never thought I'd say this, but reading is just as important as watching a movie, and if people are going to think "I'll hold off reading 'Crime and Punishment' until Guy Pearce does a film adaptation of it." then we might as well flush Western Civilization down the tubes right now. Oh, and here's another thing that bugged me about this movie. You're made to feel like Fernand should get his behind whooped on the spot by Edmond, and Edmond does a pretty good job of keeping his identity hidden, but once Mercedes finds out it's all downhill from there. She brings in the ethics in a movie that's all about gut instinct. If someone locked you up in the smelliest harshest prison in the land and then, 16 years later, you got a chance to absolutely completely ruin his life, would you want to hear your unfaithful girlfriend say "No, wait, hold the revenge, you can't do this."? I know I wouldn't. Mercedes had no idea what Edmond had been through, so she had no right to tell him to stop. This was none of her business. It was between Fernand and Edmond, and Mercedes' whining was not appreciated in the least. And it certainly doesn't help my reviewing when I've got teenage girls behind me shrieking about the awesomeness of the film or the hotness of Guy Pearce. That just freakin' annoys me. Favorite Lines:
Orange County (2002) Premise:
Well, Lily Tomlin gets his transcipts mixed up with some slacker's, so Shaun has to find a way to somehow, someway, get out of Orange County. Jack Black attempts to help, although he is mostly there for comic relief (mission: accomplished Jack Black. I salute you) Will Shaun get out of Orange County, and in the end, will he even want to get out of Orange County. I won't give away the ending, but...well...you know. Comments:
Colin Hanks (son of Tom) does well, I guess. He's kinda of in the middle. He has potential but he didn't do anything that another, more experienced, better actor couldn't have done. I still enjoy his performance in "Orange County" better than his father's performance in "Cast Away" though. And why the heck that dog was in the film, I'll never ever know! Favorite Lines:
"Zoolander" (2001) Premise:
Comments:
Plus, I would like to say that I am very upset at the theater at not providing me with a "Happiness Edition" of my city's newspaper. Hey pals, I gave my dollar to charity, and I demand my Happiness! I'm watchin' you! Oh, don't think I'm not angry about this. Anyway, I would also like to thank the man near the front of the audience in the theater I saw it at who shouted out one of the funniest lines (and it wasn't even in the film). It went as such. Derek Zoolander: "Wait,
I've got a plan."
The guy practically yelled this remark in a total silent theater, and for that I applaud him. Not only did he make me laugh, he made many in the audience laugh. He picked up the movie at a dull part, and made it his own. I salute you, unknown theater-goer. One last thing: for any cinematic experts who say "the music montage" as an instrument of comedy is dead, I urge you to see this film. Because this film will prove you wrong. Favorite Lines:
(Derek looks up at sky)
Mr. Mugato (Will Ferrell):
Obey my dog!
Hansel: Derelique
my balls
(David Duchovny explains
a crucial plot point about male models and assassinations.)
Matilda: (In regards
to the last time she had sex.) Try a few years.
Mr. Mugato: Come on! Blue Steel?! It's the same freakin' look! I feel like I'm on crazy pills! "Moulin Rouge" (2001) Retina Rating: 1/2/
5
I'll See Your Moulin and Raise You Rouge!
The performances in "Moulin Rouge" are top notch. If you thought Ewan McGregor couldn't sing (you doubtful bastard), he will prove your no-good bitch ass wrong in this movie. This boy can sing, and would wipe the floor with Frank Sinatra in a karaoke contest. Mainly because Frank Sinatra is dead, but that's beside the point. Nicole "My Secretly Gay Husband Left Me" Kidman is capable as a singer, but it is obvious that she is from Australia in every frame of the film. When compared to Frank Sinatra, she becomes almost overbearingly Australian. John Leguizamo is a dwarf, and also plays one in Moulin Rouge. I always assumed he was a normally heighted man, but he comes out of the presumably short closet for this film. I wonder why he felt he had to hide his dwarfness from his loving public for so long, but I am glad that he has come to terms with who he is. At the end of the day, I liked this movie and only wish I was addicted to something so I could have had the full experience. It's fun to watch, and rarely will you hear so soulful a rendition of Roxanne. Sting just doesn't do it for me anymore. Just because the story is clichéd and has an ending so predictable that they tell you in the first five minutes doesn't mean it's not good. I wish they made more movies like this. So many movies these days (especially romantic ones) are clichéd anyway, but this one has the balls to sing covers of other songs and have men in tuxedos and top hats sing this chorus to Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." You heard me. One small side note: LOPWAPTHTSSEFH, please give up on your cause before anyone gets hurt. Jackson away! Bicentennial Man (1999) Premise:
Anyhoo, this goes on and on, and Andrew keeps trying to become more human, including shedding his metal exterior for a spiffy new Robin Williams suit. Andrew falls in love with the granddaughter of "Little Miss", the girl who he took care of for Sam Neill's character. Drama ensues, and by the end, Andrew is finally considered human by the "World Congress" Comments:
OK, now the bad stuff. It was long. Dear god it was long. It felt cartooney at times. I wanted Andrew to succeed, but at the same time I really didn't care either way. It wasn't a very personal thing for me. Whenever a weighty situation would come down questioning Andrew's chances of success, some pun or confusion from Andrew about the basics of society would chase away any thought-provoking material. For a brief time in the movie, robots are treated with disdain by the younger humans in the Martin family, but that soon disappears into history as ridiculous spans of time pass. Albeit, soon after, Andrew gets a human face, but it wasn't developed enough. Overall, entertaining, but will leave you saying "What was the point? I didn't learn anything about my humanity." Personally, I don't know why androids would want to be like humans anyway. Humans are jealous, vengeful, bitter creatures. Now, a robot trying to be more like dolphins; that's a story. Favorite Lines:
"You have no idea what it feels like
to be in love with someone that is about to marry someone else."
SLC Punk (1999) Premise:
Comments:
I see reasons why I SHOULD like this film. I guess I just don't have the energy to. Matthew Lillard exceeds expectations, which is a good thing. The plot definitely goes nowhere after awhile though. I don't know. I feel bad saying this. I enjoyed the movie, but I wouldn't see it again if given a choice of something more substantial. Once is enough for me. It's not a movie I would purchase, and if given the chance to go back in time to 1999 and see it on the big screen, I'd probably skip out on the movie and do something more productive with my time back in the 20th Century. But Mark (the Russian rich guy) was a hoot, as was Heroin Bob. I enjoyed their characters immensely. I also liked Mike (Jason Segel), the most hardcore guy Stevo had ever met, even though you wouldn't think it by just looking at him. In retrospect: characters = good. Plot = relies on the characters too much. You could have the greatest characters of all time, but if you don't have them do anything substantial (for example, have them simply be punks), then it's pointless. It's not a movie for everyone, but I would suggest viewing it, if only to see Matthew Lillard doing something besides playing a cartoon character. He actually does really well in the part, and I commend him. Beyond that, however, SLC Punk is a mediocre flick. Favorite Lines:
Stevo: Do you love her?
Stevo: The sun never sets on the British Empire... well the sun never sets on my asshole! Mark (Russian accent): It has 7 comfort levels, and I would be glad to show them all to you right now. Bob: How much more is there?
"Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (1982) Premise:
Comments:
Favorite Lines:
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