|
|
|
Rejected
Projects
I Hate The 40s  Scoops on rejected projects are few and far between these days, as corporations are discovering the complications this site has caused. They're keeping their vaults and R&D/marketing divisions under tight security. Lockily, I have an insider at several major television studios, and it just so happens that my VH1 insider owed me a favor. I got exclusive access to VH1's "unreleased projects" vault. It was by no means full, but among the few scraps of '70's commemorative specials and one VHS cassette labelled "Michael Jackson: 5 Years Without an Indictment", I discovered the gem "I Hate the '40s" Apparently, in their attempt to document the entertainment, political, and social minutia of every decade of the 20th century, VH1's plan was to take it 2 or 3 decades at a time. First came "I Love the '80s", a star-studded look at the Reagen era and the first year of the first Bush administration. Then came "I Love the '70s", a similar romp through the carefree decade of Watergate, gas shortages, and hostage situations. Then came a crossroads. They could then go back and focus on the 40s, 50s, and 60s, but as VH1 researchers poured over the minutia of the 1940s, they discovered that the decade, wracked with war, hardship, the Holocaust, the beginning of the Red Scare, the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, had no carefree minutia. If you've ever done research though, you know that the last thing you're willing to admit is that you spent 45 minutes of your life in vain. So the project went forward, changing "Love" to "Hate" and casting reminiscent celebrities such as George H.W. Bush, former Senator Strom Thurmond, Bob Dole, Kathryn Hepburn, and veteran "I Love the 'xxs" star Hal Sparks. The above images are screen captures from "I Hate the '40s: 1945". The first is the proposed title screen, and the rest is self-explanatory. The project was ultimately canned by VH1 executives when they decided to focus on a more positive decade and do "I Love the '90s". However, the original 10 episodes were not thrown out in case the network runs out of commemorative specials. The History Channel had hoped to buy it from VH1 but decided against it once its marketing consultants watched the "1941" episode. And thus is the history of "I Hate the 40s" The
Mighty Ducks "D2" and "D3" Alternate Script
It can be said, with some degree of accuracy, that the first "Mighty Ducks" (1992), was a huge success. With such a success, a sequel, or even a trilogy, was sure to come about at some point. After such a spectacular adventure in the first movie, the sequel writers were under a lot of pressure to up the stakes in the sequels. Several ideas were brought up, but the most blatantly copyright infringing one was the one entertained the most before the final product was hammered out. Some promotional artwork (above) was already finished by the time the alternate scripts were scrapped in favor of the more original idea. As you can see from the pictures, the rampant stealing from Back to the Future made it impossible for such a project to be completed. As for the scripts, at first the writers decided to do one big 4-hour long sequel, but it was then split into "D2" and "D3". The first part of the original script, named "Para-dux", made it into the final version. However, halfway through is where the similarities end. After winning the Goodwill Games as Team USA, Coach Gordon Bombay's (Emilio Estevez) Zamboni is struck by lightning, catapulting him accidentally to the year 1885. Soaked and unable to comprehend what has just happened, Charlie (Joshua Jackson) and Goldberg (Shaun Weiss), think they have lost their coach forever. However, they recieve a telegram from him informing them that he is safe, and despite a severe lack of water, he is coaching a hockey team in the Old West. This is where "D2" and "D3" are separated with a cliffhanger, involving Goldberg and Charlie running to the rest of the Ducks to enlist their help. In the beginning of the original "D3", the Ducks read over the telegram from Coach Bombay. He instructs them not to attempt to retrieve him. However, this plucky group of hockey players can't be dissuaded that easily. They prepare the Zamboni that Coach Bombay left under the local hockey rink for their adventure, and all ride triumphantly on it to the year 1885. There, they meet a fierce hockey team coached by none other than the great grandfather of Coach Reilly (intended to be played by Christopher Lloyd) from "D1". The Ducks must outwit their new rivals and retrieve Coach Bombay before it's too late. As interesting as the original version was, common sense eventually won out. This is most assuredly for the best. We leave you with the taglines to the original "D2" and "D3"
Burger King "Chicken Run" Post-9/11 Promos
After the 9/11 tragedy, the U.S. economy was slammed with even more stress and negativity than it had previously been working against. Although a bout of patriotic consumer spending helped the economic outlook, many businesses suffered immensely. Not the least of these was the fast food industry. In an effort to turn the tragedy into a positive economic situation, Burger King urged Dreamworks Pictures to re-release Chicken Run. Chicken Run, as is known to any insightful movie-goer, actually holds many patriotic undertones and symbols that applied heavily after 9/11. The chickens (symbolizing America) and Rocky the Rooster (symbolizing Patriotism. Note that Rocky was voiced by Mel Gibson, who in that same year was in "The Patriot," eh eh?) outwit and eventually escape from the murderous Mr. and Mrs. Tweedy (symbolizing Islamic fundamentalism and international terrorism, respectively.) With such a patriotic movie back in theaters, and with Burger King tie-ins filling the airwaves, how could Burger King lose? Well, it seems the executives had an attack of conscience when they actually heard the proposed commercial. However, our Burger King insider (He or she will be known only as the Burger Spy) was able to capture a small audio portion of the beginning of the commercial. We think, however, that this will give you some idea of why it was eventually rejected.Jimmy Retard: Boy Retard
"Jimmy Retard: Boy Retard" Investigator
Jackson Brody reports:
As this is being written, a cartoon series is being produced for Nickelodeon and there are even rumors of a sequel in the works. Before you buy your child another Jimmy Neutron t-shirt, or let him or her stay up late to watch the show, there are some things you must know about dear Jimmy's past. In the late nineties, when Jimmy Neutron creator John Davis was shopping the story of a gadget-oriented youth who saves the world, all the network executives told him the same thing: been there, done that. With popular programming like Dexter's Laboratory and the Powerpuff Girls (and to a lesser extent, such lightweight Disney fare such as Kim Possible and The Famous Jett Jackson) selling millions of lunchboxes 'round the globe, there simply was no place for the far-fetched antics of another child prodigy. Discouraged but not disheartened, John Davis still yearned to prove to his passive-aggressive father that he was not wasting all his resources by pursuing a career in animation. In an age still dominated by irony and dark humor, Davis turned the concept of a child genius that saves the world into a cynical look at the world through the eyes of a child with Down's syndrome. Jimmy thinks he's a super-intelligent boy who staves off alien invasions with his brilliant inventions, when he's actually a developmentally challenged child who spends more than the usual amount of time in the discipline corner at his special learning center. Along with equally developmentally challenged friend Carl (who suffers from an overeating disorder), Jimmy would get into all kind of wacky delusional adventures including: running with scissors, nearly drowning while pretending to be a dolphin in a kiddie pool, and scaring his mother into calling the police when Jimmy plays with Dad's handgun ("James Isaac Retard, put down the fucking gun or you're going back to the institution!"). Lighthearted adventure series Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius was gone, and from the ashes rose the more controversial, social commentary Jimmy Retard: Boy Retard. Even Davis knew the revised Jimmy concept would be a hard sell, so even he was surprised when he landed a development deal with Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon had finally realized after several years that running Rugrats and SpongeBob SquarePants reruns on a continual loop a profit does not make, and were desperate for brash radical programming. Several shorts were produced to test out the concept. The immediate response was overwhelmingly negative, and had test audiences fleeing for their minivans. In one short, as Carl is injured while he and Jimmy attempt to raid the "Good Boy Treat Cabinet," audiences failed to identify with the brilliant concept of a juxtaposition between harsh consequences in a supposedly reality free cartoon landscape. The primarily kindergarten audience didn't care for the post-modern commentary of the piece, and prayed for the recovery of Carl. Both Davis and Nickelodeon executives realized Jimmy Retard: Boy Retard could never see the light of day and immediately destroyed all the shorts and all preliminary promotional material. Having already sunk millions into the project, they picked up the scraps and produced the politically correct, creatively bland Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. Next time you see the kindly visage of Jimmy Neutron, think of the evil sickos behind that goofy smile and ridiculous, improbable hairdo. We here at IRSOS apologize for our lack of evidence supporting this article, but managed to scrounge up some promotional logos and photo stills that survived. We hope to post some rare audio files in the coming weeks. Stay tuned.J-Lo and Stitch in Time  Before Disney could even get "Lilo and Stitch" into theaters, Disney executives were already planning a sequel. This time, they wanted to go for less animation and more live action, a la "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" They approached Jennifer Lopez after the premiere of "Lilo and Stitch" to see if she wanted to do it, and indeed she did. They had enough time to patch together this preliminary ad work, which was later thrown out once the project went belly-up. Not many details were sketched out, but it is safe to assume that "J-Lo and Stitch" would include the title characters hopping through time in their cartoon time machine. Our insider information confirms that the screenwriter whom the Disney executives hired initially wanted to have J-Lo and Stitch go back to 1897 to meet science fiction master H.G. Wells ("H-Lo", as J-Lo would nickname him). While the two are talking to H.G., Jack the Ripper steals the time machine and goes to 1970s San Francisco, where he resumes his killings. H.G. Wells offers our two heroes the use of his spare time machine, and they go after him. Stitch makes a friend in Mary Steenburgen, and J-Lo tells Jack the Ripper that her love don't cost a thing. Disney executives were extremely excited aboutt his project until they realized that it rips off the plot of "Time After Time" pretty badly. Bleeding Painbow
After "Star Trek: The Next Generation" ended, LeVar Burton had to make some tough decisions. He knew that he still had his Reading Rainbow show, which appealed to kids, but he knew he was going to lose all of his adult audience if he didn't find a new show. Thus, he re-imagined his Reading Rainbow show with a rather adult take: Much more violent, much more sexist, and with a segment called, "Levar hits on drunk women in his Geordi costume". Thankfully, the ST:TNG movies started coming out, and this never came to take place, but don't just take our word for it. The Bleeding Painbow Theme Song:Put a gun in your eye, Then it will make you die, Just take a look, We'll crush your foot, It's bleeding painbow! You...can't do anything! (especially read) Just take a look, We'll crush your foot, It's Bleeding Painbow! (Bleeding Painbow!) "Bill": The Sitcom 
On the heels of his years in the White House, Bill Clinton kicked around several ideas. This was one of the ones he considered, but the networks unanimously turned down. NBC was interested enough to make the above poster, but no city bus was ever to advertise this show. The premise was that Bill was a single parent trying to cope with the foibles of his roommate Donna (played by Bea Arthur, circa 1974). Bill owns a hardware store in Connecticut and has to deal with a cruel yet hilarious world. Not many details were sketched out after that, but some documents (as seen below) contain the possiblity of Bill also sharing his apartment with a chimp that escaped from the zoo. 
The Brave Little Toaster Extended Franchise
After the success of "The Brave Little
Toaster" (1987), the executives at Hyperion Pictures knew they had hit
upon an animated gold mine. The subsequent released straight-to-video
movies ("The Brave Little Toaster To the Rescue" and "The Brave Little
Toaster Goes To Mars") were much less controversial than the other ideas
that the Hyperion executives kicked around the office before rejecting.
The above are only a few of the covers that have ever been found.
One can only imagine the covers for other concieved parts of the franchise.
These lost covers include those of "The Brave Little Toaster Learns About
AIDS", "The Brave Little Toaster Can't Get It Up", "The Brave Little Toaster
in 'Kirby Goes Bananas' ", " The Brave Little Toaster Attains U.S. Citizenship",
"When Brave Little Toasters Attack" and the unanimously rejected "The Gay
Little Toaster"
Lucky Charms "Wanna Get Lucky?" Advertising Campaign 
Britney Spears is known the world over as a huge Lucky Charms fan. This has been her favorite cereal since she was a kid. So when they offered to let her be a spokeswoman for the cereal, she lept at the chance. However, this advertisment was deemed too risque' for the cereal crowd. And the phrase, "It's magically delicious" couldn't have helped. Ms. Spears graciously stepped down from her dream, and went on to sign an endorsment deal with Pepsi and Satan The Great "Corpus Crispies" Debacle  Attempting to gain more ground in the Catholic demographic, General Mills tried several ideas for a new cereal line. The cover above is the only evidence that remains of that campaign. There was talk of a "Holy Toast Crunch" and a "Pope Pops" but these never came to pass. In the end, General Mills decided to go for the ailing Anglo-Saxon demographic with their "Team Cheerios" Can't get enough of these rejected projects? Don't worry, there's always more to come! Stay tuned for more Rejected Projects.
|
The new logo for the
ill-fated show
A screenshot from
the ill-fated show
