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Indigo
Retina's Site O' Stuff
Gulf War II has been
underway for since March 19, 2003. We decided we needed a piece of
the action, so we sent our Senior Gulf War II Analyst Fuv Ma' Poppin to
Iraq to find out what's what. Here is his report.
War Update Dateline Washington, D.C.: 3/18/03 As the United States and Iraq move toward imminent war, President Jr. has issued an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein to vacate his country within 48 hours, or face disastrous results. Completely missing the point, the Iraqi leader sent out a message stating, "48 Hours? Wow, I haven't seen that in years. Eddie Murphy is a genius! I do love that movie. Nick Nolte is a god." After releasing this statement, Saddam noted that he would be perfectly content to leave his country, so long as it could be run by the comedic team of Murphy and Nolte. President Bush is currently in talks to the two actors to reprise their roles as Jack Cates and Reggie Hammondl. The question remains however, "Can this hard-nosed cop and this wise-cracking criminal band together to save Iraq, even in 48 HRS?" In other news relating to the war on Iraq, many have taken the French's decision not to support the United States as a personal affront to freedom. Thusly, many products, popularly associated with the French, have been renamed in these times of war. For example, many restaurants are renaming their French Fries in their menus as "Freedom Fries". Similar name changes have occurred with French Toast and French Dressing. Many are pressuring the makers of French's mustard to change their name to "Freedom Mustard". But perhaps the most crucial name change is that of French Stuart, who has legally changed his name to "Freedom Stuart". In the press release that accompanied his decision, Mr. Stuart stated, "Mm, well, I've decided, yes yes, as a way to show all of my many, many fans that I, the great French Stuart, am in full support of our nation's decisions to battle Iraq, oh yes". Following his statement, Mr. Stuart moved his eyebrows in a ridiculous manner, and began speaking in a strange voice. President Bush, flattered by Mr. Stuart's support, also offered that if he was really interested in the countries well being, he could simply kill himself, preferably in the most painful way possible.
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