Disclaimer: Paramount owns all that belongs in the Star Trek universe I only borrow the characters so I can fool around with their minds and their bodies.

Rating: Tame 13

My thanks as always to Robin who wades through this nonsense of mine and makes it presentable

WHAT YOU ARE TO ME

I'm sitting here with Kathryn yapping in my ear about some ship’s business or another. All I hear though is a quiet hum of words with no meaning. My mind is focused on you. I watch you sitting, laughing with your friends and it frightens me. I'm afraid I'm loosing you, and I don't know how to prevent it. I quietly admire your beauty. I close my eyes, and I can feel the touch of your skin and soft blond locks. I can see those piercing blue eyes hot with desire and a shiver runs through me.

Never in my life would have thought that I, of all people, would have fallen in love with you. But then that's not strictly true; I knew I loved you before I met you. I knew you before I ever set eyes upon you. I knew what kind of man I would love and love for life. You didn't seem at first to have any of those qualities that I am attracted to. But slowly, very slowly, the true you
started to seep through that "I don't need anyone" exterior.

Your vulnerable side started to show, and I was lost. That's when I made my move. You reluctantly accepted. It was tense at first, a battle of wills to make you believe that you could be loved. You fought hard to keep that outer shell intact, even when we were alone. You wouldn't admit to loving me, but still I bared my soul to you. I left myself open to your scrutiny and scrutinize you did. You tested my intentions over and over, and I simply let
you. You fought with me about old lovers, and I let you vent. I listened to you telling me how worthless you were and how you didn't deserve happiness, and I cried, because I love you.

And now I cry inside because you have grown. You have grown into the confident young man you are now. You say you love me, and I want to believe. You cry out my name as I take you. You whisper my name as you sleep. But I no longer feel that you need me, although I know that you care.

You glance up from your conversation with Harry and B’El and your gaze meets mine. A small smile touches your lips, and then you rise, your young friends in tow. Is that what it is? Your age? Am I afraid that I'm too old for you? Am I afraid that I soon won't be enough for you? Or am I just afraid to be without
you? I don't think that I could now live without you. The truth is I need you. You make me young, and you keep me feeling alive.

I watch as you head for the door, and sit in silence as you turn and head back towards me. You approach my table and nod to Kathryn. I look up to see what it is you want, and suddenly I am lost again. Your soft lips cover mine and you kiss me. I sit
stunned as the sudden hush of the mess hall deafens me, and you smile at me and then turn and leave.

You'll be home in an hour or so, and you will give me all that is you and more. You will tell me you have grown because of me, that you love because of me, that you are accepted because of me. But Tom Paris when will you ever realise that I complete because of you? I love you. I want you. I need you. You are that side of me that keeps me young--you are my spirit.

~~~~Y~~~~

 What you are to me Tom's POV    N/C 13  Tom's thoughts on Chakotay