Part 16
Jack drew in a deep breath then confessed, seriously, "I came that close Danny!" As he spoke he held up his hand and pressed his thumb and forefinger together tightly.
"To?" The golden brows arched over the top of the round frames.
Ever aware that there were people milling about them, Jack leaned a little closer to his friend as he said, "To throwing him out."
Daniel blinked rapidly in surprise. This 'was' Phil they were talking about? "What?"
Jack sighed forlornly as he scrubbed his hands down his face. "You've no idea!"
"Obviously! What's going on?"
Clenching his fists by the side of his temples, Jack said quietly but shakily, "He makes me so crazy sometimes! One minute he's all over me, the next he's colder than the damn Antarctica!" He checked to see if people were in earshot, but they were safe.
Daniel's eyes darted around them too, before he said, "But last time I saw the two of you together you both looked.. well.. *happy*!"
Jack rolled his eyes as if that was the whole point. "Exactly!" He hissed. "The whole time I was sick he was like that night you came over-" Careful glances around them assured him that they were still not being listened to. "He was all attentive, nothing was too much trouble for him!"
"But?"
"He came home from work last night and I was feeling.. well.. let's just say I was feeling.."
"Better?" Daniel offered and Jack nodded, liking that choice of word.
"Yeh, so we were on the sofa, much like we were the night you were over, and well.. " Jack looked around them once more.
Daniel reached his hand out and stopped the conversation. "Do you want to come back to my place?" He offered, sensing his friend’s anxiety. Jack sighed gratefully and they both left quickly.
*
Jack was sitting on the black sofa in Daniel's living room, toying with the gold piece while Daniel was in the kitchen making coffee.
From the kitchen the host watched him and could see, by his sluggish reflexes, that Jack was either feeling the effects of his cold, or was slightly intoxicated by the three beers. He concluded that it was probably a combination of both. And that was good. That would help him unwind and open up, he hoped. As soon as the coffees were made he carried them out and put Jack's onto the coffee table. He settled himself onto the top step that led down to the slightly sunken living room and twisted to put his drink beside himself. Hugging his knees to his chest he waited for his friend to start the conversation, but Jack was too busy looking over the coin in his hand. The older man lifted it up, holding it to his eye to peer through the diamond shaped hole in the middle. With a sigh Daniel reached over and snatched the coin from him then pointed to the coffee cup. Jack pouted a little then reached out and picked up his drink.
"You were telling me about what happened last night," Daniel reminded him of their earlier conversation.
Jack took a moment before turning to put his cup on the flat surface of the sofa's wooden arm. "I just don't get him!"
Daniel knew immediately whom Jack meant. "He's young, don't forget that, Jack."
"I think I'm starting to notice it!" He grumbled.
"He's also very sick.."
Jack stared at the man on the steps then nodded. "I know! Jesus!" He screwed his face up then said, "I know *that*, Daniel!" There was a long silence then Jack finally asked, "Do you think he's too young for me?"
It wasn't a question Daniel had ever considered. "No," he said honestly. He took a moment to really consider it, then said, "I think Phil - the man I used to know - is perfect for you, Jack. He balanced you so much. He taught you how to laugh again.."
He watched as Jack raised a brow at that comment. Wetting his lips, Daniel dipped his face as he said, gently, "And right now, I think he's breaking your heart!"
The colonel swallowed and stared at the top of the bowed head.
Lifting his face, Daniel said, "And I don't think his age has anything to do with it."
Jack remained staring at the bright blue eyes until Daniel spoke once more, "He's not well and he's in pain and he's terrified of infecting you..."
"You've been speaking to him."
"Not lately," Daniel said honestly.
Jack nodded then blinked as he tore his eyes from his friend's caring gaze.
"Jack, I've told you before, don't let him push you away.."
"Daniel, at the moment, I'm so far pushed I'm not sure I have the means to get back to him-" The honest brown eyes grew teary a moment then Jack quickly blinked and they were clear again. "Sometimes he looks at me, and I don't know who he is anymore."
"He's sick!" Daniel reminded him once more. "He's bound to change."
"But I haven't!" Jack exploded then his face contorted with suppressed frustration as he tried to reign in his feelings once more. Getting up quickly, the colonel tried to pace out his pent up feelings as scrubbed his hands through his short hair. He lamented - "God, Danny, I still love him!" - before stopping abruptly and turning to look at his friend, unsure if he'd just made a fool of himself.
Daniel gave him an affectionate smile as he rose to his feet and crossed the room to stand by him. Slipping his arm around Jack's shoulders, Daniel pulled his stiff friend into an embrace, allowing him the time to give into the hold. Soon Jack melted to his body and Daniel tightened his arms around him, pressing his lips to the side of the gray head. He was surprised by Jack's candid confession, whispered against his shoulder; "I want to love him... He just won't let me!"
Jack shifted to look up into the concerned blue eyes as he went on to say, "I want to be with him... I miss him so much."
Daniel nodded as he rubbed his friend's back gently. "I know."
"He was so different while I was sick - like he used to be. But last night he started in with the evasion tactics again!"
"Evasion?" Daniel asked pulling back from the embrace now.
Jack shrugged, rubbed his sleeve across his face roughly, muttering, "Damn cold!" Then he went to the sofa to retrieve his coffee. After a large gulp, he said, "You know what I mean."
But Daniel frowned and shrugged as he came over to reach down and pick up his own coffee.
Jack was back to his old self again, screwing his face up as he said, "Course you do! You know, the 'I've got to get up and get the remote' or the 'do you want a drink' and then not returning to the same spot when you sit down again."
Daniel's brow arched high. "Uh, must say, I'm not familiar with that, Jack!"
The smeary brown eyes fixed on him a moment then Jack said, morosely, "Then you're very lucky."
Blinking quickly, Daniel looked down at his cup in his hand.
As he lowered himself back onto the black sofa, Jack said, "So I asked him straight out what's wrong and he denies it. He tells me he's just tired and has a headache and might go to bed early instead. I joke and say that an early night is what I'm after myself and he explodes! I've never seen him yell so much!" The surprise was mirrored in Jack's tone. "He starts ranting about how I'm always after sex and why can't we just cuddle anymore! I told him we didn't have to have sex, but he's already telling me that he's sleeping in the spare room again because of his coughing. Now, don't get me wrong, I know he's sick, but we shared a bed for three nights and his coughing didn't keep me awake all night. Nada. Zip! Oh, I recall hearing it one night but it didn't bother me. So I tell him that and he says that he's glad but that he'd prefer to sleep in the spare bed, just in case..."
"In case of what?" Daniel asked, finally finding a moment to break into the rant.
"Exactly!" Jack nodded enthusiastically. "So that was when I was about to toss him out of the house!"
"What happened?"
"I didn't need to. He left."
"He *left* you?" Daniel asked.
"He left the house. He didn't leave me... at least.. I don't think he did.."
Jack frowned and leaned forward to cover his face in his hands. Daniel took the opportunity to get them both another coffee - he figured Jack was really going to need some.. and so would he. It promised to be a long night!
*
The two men were mellow hours later as they sat, side by side, on the two-seater sofa. Daniel's head was rolled back against the top of the cushion while Jack rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and propped his head up with his fist.
Sighing tiredly, the older man said, “I can't remember the last time I've ever been this honest..." He looked towards Daniel, who tilted his head slightly to meet his eyes. “Talking’s not a strong point, have you noticed?”
Daniel smirked. “Really?”
Jack squinted his eyes a little, but chose not to comment on that point.
Daniel blinked rapidly as he diverted his eyes. "You know, talking things through doesn't make one weak, Jack. It can empower you."
"But talking in circles gets you nowhere."
"Well, don't talk in circles. Make sure Philip knows exactly how you feel."
"What's that mean?" Jack asked.
"Are you sure he does know how you feel? I mean, deep down?"
Jack frowned as he sat up a little straighter and faced his friend more. "Course he knows. *We* talk, you know…” When he saw the doubt in the blue eyes he shrugged and muttered, “I tell him. Okay!"
"I'm not talking about telling him you love him. For some people those three little words are frighteningly easy to prattle off. I'm referring to your thoughts and feelings. You said it yourself, you haven't spoken like this in ages with anyone. Maybe it's time that you and Philip talked..."
"We talk!" Jack said, sounding a little indignant.
"Well, are you sure he's understanding you then?"
"What the hell's that meant to mean?"
"Nothing! Other than the fact you have a track record of not expressing yourself properly at times."
"Hey!" Jack held up one finger. "Philip knows exactly how I feel about him!"
"Sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure!"
"Only a year ago Jack, I could have sworn you hated me when in fact.." Daniel let the rest drop. He merely raised his brow and shrugged.
"That's not fair!" Jack protested.
Daniel met the intense gaze. "Why? You have an innate inability to express yourself clearly!"
"Where the hell did this come from?" Jack said, sitting up straighter.
"I'm merely pointing out that had you not been so awkward in your approach a year ago.."
Jack frowned. "What are you telling me, Daniel?"
Rolling his eyes, the anthropologist shook his head. "Nothing. I'm telling you nothing.” He rubbed his face and gave a tired sigh before lowering his voice once more. “I'm merely asking if you're sure Philip knows how you feel - especially when he pushes you away. Maybe he's expecting more.."
"More of what?" Jack frowned.
Exasperated again. Daniel tilted his head as he said, "I don't know Jack, this is your love life. I'm just supposing!"
"Well, without going into too much detail for you.."
"Thank you."
"Let's just say that Philip isn't ever left wondering, okay? Not on the rare occasion that I manage to get him into the damn bed, that is!"
Lowering his voice again, Daniel took the heat off the conversation by changing the tact. "If you don't mind me asking, how long have you two slept apart?"
Rubbing his eye, Jack growled quietly as he said, "few months. But not every night."
"I see."
"No, it's not like that," Jack said, edgily.
"Like what?" Daniel frowned.
"Like what you're thinking!"
Blinking quickly the younger man looked down at his hands, trying to work out what it was he was 'thinking'. With great effort he shifted from where he was slouched against the sofa and reached forward, picked up his cup and cradled it in one hand.
Jack watched him closely. "He knows." Was all he said, in a less aggressive tone.
Daniel shrugged then nodded. "I'm sure he does." He turned and looked directly into Jack's open gaze.
After a long pause, Jack said quietly, "I should go."
Daniel nodded then checked his watch. "Yeah, we have to be at work in six hours."
Jack rose to his feet and checked for his car keys. "Thanks, again, Danny. You've helped."
Casually he followed his friend to the front door. "You did most of the talking. It's probably what you needed."
"How are things with you?"
Daniel shrugged. "I'm fine."
"Any chance of you and Teal'c?"
"No."
Jack was surprised by the succinct answer. "May I ask why?"
"No, you may not." Daniel reached across him and tugged the door open.
Jack eyed the opened door then looked at his friend. "Oh, okay."
Daniel gave a faint smile as Jack stepped from the apartment. "Thanks, Jack," he said, leaning his head against the edge of the door.
"What for?" The other man wondered what he'd done to deserve that. Daniel jerked his head towards his living room.
"For the coin."
"Ah." Jack nodded. "Well, you deserved it."
Daniel smiled sleepily. "Now you go off and get what you deserve!"
Jack eyed him a long moment then lowered his face. "Yeah, sure, ya betcha!"
"Do it, Jack. If you don't, it might be too late!"
With a wordless nod Jack shoved his hands into the pockets of his chinos and headed down the hallway. Slowly Daniel closed the door behind him.
End of Part 16
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.