Part 29
Jack waited outside the examination room at the Penrose Community Hospital for Janet to come out and tell him what was wrong with Philip.
He had brought Philip here because this was the hospital that Janet was seeing him at as an Outpatient. Having worked at this hospital before joining the Air Force (which she did despite her then-husband's derogative comments) Janet still maintained Admission Rights to this particular place - often seeing 'off duty' personnel from the base here, and sometimes, like on this occasion, acting as a doctor in her own rights.
When they arrived, at 0500 that morning - after a night where neither got much rest between Philip's bouts of coughing and vomiting - Jack was prepared to see whatever Doctor was on Duty. Then as it approached 0800 he thought that contacting Janet might be a good idea. He apologized for waking her and she told him that she'd be right there. She was in the hospital within half an hour. After scolding Jack for not calling her sooner, she went into the room Philip had been placed in and checked on him while Jack waited outside, at Philip's insistence. They had discretely argued about it until the younger man simply said, "Please, Jack!" That was all it took and the colonel nodded, reluctantly leaving the room so that Janet could examine Philip in private. She realized it was because he didn't want Jack seeing him without his top on - which he'd have to remove to allow her to examine him - and as she passed her stethoscope over the bony chest, listening to the rattling chest, she understood him too.
*
Coming out of the room a short time later she looked at the man slouched on the chair, eyes dark with fatigue. Her expression was grim but her voice was reassuring. As soon as he saw her Jack got to his feet.
"It's pretty much to be expected at this stage, Jack," she told him as she invited him to sit on the hard plastic seat beside her. He sat again but his eyes didn't stray from the door she'd just come through. "He's going to go through these episodes. It's not what you want to hear, I guess, but it's the truth."
Jack nodded slowly then jerked his head around to look at her. "How is he now?"
"He's resting. He's been given something to help with the vomiting and he seems comfortable for the moment. I've got him on an IV to replenish some of the fluids he's lost but it's not serious. It could be a stomach virus he's picked up. It could be a new development, like a food allergy or hypersensitivity..."
"He's been coughing so much," Jack said numbly as he stared at his hands. "The, um, the last few days I've really noticed it. But this vomiting, it didn't seem to stop. Even when he had nothing left inside he just dry retched."
"The vomiting he's experiencing could be because his stomach is just tired from the spasms and is having trouble keeping food in whenever it happens. I'll order some Phenegran, that should ease it off if he starts doing it again."
Jack turned his face towards her, and they talked in conspiratory tones when she asked, "How's his mental state been?"
"Down," he said, blinking then lowering his eyes to the floor. "Though, he's up sometimes .... then down again." With a deep growl he sat back in his chair and covered his face with his hands.
"Like a roller-coaster ride, huh?" she said, empathetically. He peered through his fingers at her. "I keep saying it, but it's to be expected. Is he still going to counseling?"
"Yeah, as far as I know," he said, sitting forward with his elbows on his thighs, his hands wringing together.
She nodded then asked, "He tells me he's still working?"
"Yeah, but he came home from work early yesterday, saying he wasn't feeling well. I made him a cup of tea but he went straight to his room to lie down.”
With some consideration to his own state of health, she reached out and cupped her hands over his and looked at him. "Fatigue is a major symptom of this illness, you know that."
He looked at her a long time then felt his detachment for his own condition, in light of Philip’s, slowly ebb away under the warmth of her kind gaze. She was as much here for ‘him’ as she was for Phil in this. He knew that. Slipping one hand out from under hers he laid it over the top of her small hands and squeezed her gently in return. “I know it.”
She nodded and gave him a wavering smile as her thumbs hooked over his hand – now both squeezing each other firmly in silent support.
Looking Back at the door, Jack told her, “He didn't eat." Turning slightly to look over his shoulder at her he thought to add, "He's not eating much lately."
She clicked her tongue against her teeth as she said, "Has he told you why?"
The tired man shrugged. "He mentioned something about all food tasting the same.."
"That's right. He's complained about that to me too."
"So what's that? Just 'another' damn development?" He didn't mean to sound angry or annoyed but he felt it; not at her, but at everything. What this was doing to Philip. What it 'would' do to him.
She watched him closely then sat forward, resting her elbows onto her knees as she clasped her hands before her. "Jack, how much do you know about his state of health?"
"Same as always-" He sighed heavily, already knowing from her tone that what he knew was nowhere near the extent of his lover's illness. "I don't suppose you can..?"
"No," she told him flatly. He nodded, accepting that. After all, he was now entrusting her not to tell Philip about his own state of health.
With his tongue he toyed with a dry patch on his bottom lip. "So what now?
She gave a sharp shrug then said, "I'd like to keep him in for a few hours. I'll check on him on my next rounds. I’d like to run another CT scan before I release him but, most probably," she added, rising to her feet, "he'll go home later this afternoon."
Jack now chewed his bottom lip distractedly and said, "Thanks."
"My suggestion to you," she told him, patting his arm lightly, "is to go home and rest, yourself. I'll call you to let you know when to come and take him home. In the meantime.." She added, seeing he was about to object to leaving Philip, "you're going to need to keep your strength up. You'd better get used to resting when you can. Nap when he naps, so that you're awake when he is."
"You make it sound like a new born baby," Jack said, half-jokingly. Jane looked at the door then back at him.
"At some times, it's going to be very much like that."
Jack’s eyes fluttered and rolled back as he abruptly sat down. Leaning forward, he covered his face in his hands as he gave a soft moan.
Concerned, Janet sat down beside him and touched her hand to his forehead. "Are you okay?"
"Just light-headed," he said, with a faint, forced smile.
How could he tell her that what she was telling him he was no way prepared for? He lived with Philip - to an extent - but he had no idea 'how' sick the young man was. None. Yet to hear her talk it was a given that Philip had slipped from the rating of HIV positive to full blown AIDS. Why hadn't he told him?
He wasn't stupid - maybe things that Sam or Daniel went on about could lose him in a nanosecond and glaze his eyes - but where this disease was concerned, and where Phil was concerned, he was pretty damn knowledgeable now. He'd done the research, bought the books, read the websites...... and despite Phil's attempts, he'd noted the physical changes in him as well. He thought he was keeping up with his progress.
But he still wasn't prepared for 'this'. What she was describing – he knew it was towards the end - the 'final' stages... His mind was silently screaming! It couldn't be right. Phil was too well most of the time.. Shouldn't he be sicker?
And hearing her say this - hearing her expectations that he should or would know more, well, it made Jack feel like a fool, like an idiot - and that made him angry! But again, he wasn't sure what he was angry about. After all, he felt sure that he too would try to keep the devastating reality of his disease from his friends as it progressed. But why him? Why was Philip trying to hide - from him?
Janet wasn't concerned by Jack's sudden ashen appearance. She watched him carefully, taking in the pallid face then she pursed her lips, and reached out, lifting him to his feet by his arm.
"Come with me," she said, guiding him gently by the elbow and steering him to another room where she could run a few quick tests on him.
*
Rolling down the sleeve of his top Jack asked, "What do you think it is?"
"Fatigue," she commented crisply. "You've been up with him all night, and it's almost nine now, so I'm guessing that you need a healthy dose of sleep, Jack."
"It's not a 'development'?" He realized how snarly he sounded and silently mouthed an apology as he screwed up his face. She sighed heavily.
"No, I'm not convinced it is. Perhaps low blood pressure is making you light-headed, but I'm willing to wager that you're just tired." She went to the door then paused with her hand on the handle as she said, "Go home. Sleep, and I *mean* that! He's going to need you to have your faculties when he goes home."
With a heavy sigh Jack got up and followed her back to Phil's room. The sleeping man was covered up to his chin with the hospital blanket. Jack stood by the side of the bed, his eyes slowly scanning down the small body beneath the blue blanket. Looking back at the sleeping face he gently swiped some hair out of Phil's eyes then leaned over and kissed his forehead.
"Back in a little while," he whispered then shot a quick look at the doctor standing on the other side of the bed before leaving. Janet pursed her lips and looked down at her patient. After checking his IV valve she went to the window and closed out the rainy day outside, reducing the light in the room to the small lamp over Phil’s bed. She stood at the base of his bed a moment before turning and leaving him to rest.
*
Sam was sitting in Daniel's office when the phone jangled loudly. After diving for the phone each time it rang before and finding out that all five of the calls were work related, Daniel didn't bother to look up from his notebook and artifact in his hand this time. Sam, who was working at Daniel's computer on his desk looked at him then shrugged and picked up the phone herself.
"Hello, Doctor Jackson's office. Who? Oh, I'll just get him for you, please wait.." She cupped her hand over the phone and looked at her hopeful friend. "It's him!" She mouthed, having been told of the expected call after the disappointing fourth call earlier.
Daniel's eyes widened momentarily and he quickly put his work down. Holding his hand out he approached his desk while Sam slinked back into the corner to give him room.
"Hello? Oh, hi Todd.." He tried to sound nonchalant as he swiped at his friend who was grinning madly at him. Sam sat up and started patting her hand over her heart in a teasing manner. "No, you're not interrupting anything, that's *just* Sam.."
"Oh, thanks!" she said loud enough for the caller to hear. Daniel's eyes grew wide as he mouthed "shut up" at her. She chuckled more then ducked as she clambered to her feet and stood by his workbench now.
Daniel grabbed his chair and slowly sat down as he continued the call. "That sounds great. What time?"
Sam, knowing when enough was enough, turned and left the office, pulling the door closed behind her. Daniel smiled at that show of consideration then wet his lips and returned his attention to his caller.
*
Jack pushed the door to the hospital room open and poked his head around the edge of it. Philip was sitting on the edge of the bed, his jacket lay across his lap and he was clearly waiting for Jack to show up.
"Hi there," the colonel said, entering the room and tucking his hands into his pants pockets.
"Hello handsome," Philip smiled then dropped off the bed and onto his feet. The sudden jolt made him start coughing again.
"Easy there," Jack cautioned him, placing an arm around the narrow shoulders. Philip looked up at him and nodded.
"I know. I've got to start taking things a little more slowly - apparently."
With a roll of his eyes, Jack implied that he'd been trying to tell him that for a long time. With a quick look around the room he asked his partner, "You ready to go?"
"Yeah," Philip said, tossing his jacket over his shoulder and then putting his other hand in his back pocket. There was a large brown bag on the bed and Jack picked it up.
"Oh!" Philip said, taking it from him. "That's my medication," he explained, gripping the rolled top of the bag and letting it hang by his thigh.
"How did the scan go?” Jack asked solemnly.
“Oh, you know,” Philip said with a casual shrug.
No, Jack thought to himself, he didn’t know, or he wouldn’t be asking. When he went home he didn’t rest like Janet ordered him to. Instead he went onto the Internet and looked up a few resources. He’d even lost himself in a chat room designed to give online support to AIDS sufferers and their carers. He started talking to ‘Joel’ and the happy-go-lucky AIDS patient seemed only too happy to answer his nagging questions. Unfortunately for Jack his fears were, basically, confirmed that afternoon – Joel even once asking if Jack was sure his Philip loved him anymore – keeping such private and personal secrets like this. Jack - finding the anonymity of the chat room allowed him an opportunity to really speak his mind - had stated categorically that he was certain that Philip hadn’t slipped out of love with him and that he was, in his own way, trying to protect him.
He had stated that because he believed that. Or thought he did, at any rate. However, on the drive over, he couldn’t silence that little nagging voice in the back of his mind. What if Philip wasn’t in love – but too scared to be alone in his last dying months? Pretending to be in love would be easy for him – Philip had a knack of being what people needed him to be – it was usually an endearing quality about him. If he thought Jack needed him to be in love with him, would he merely ‘stay’ around for that? To go through the steps? To play on that stage? Who knew? It wasn’t a selfless act either, because it ensured that he had someone to look after him when he needed it too. He didn’t want to think that Philip could be that hollow.
“Let's go,” Jack said without emotion. His partner, walking by his side, didn’t seem to notice his sullen mood.
*
Out in the corridor they walked without speaking to each other. As they neared the front entrance Philip thought he recognized the lady from the car accident outside of Todd’s house the previous week. He tilted his head as their eyes met and she gave a faint smile of recognition.
"Margaret?" He asked the woman in the wheelchair, parked by the window over looking the garden. Jack stopped mid-step and turned around to where his partner was slowly approaching the woman.
"Yes," she said, pleased that he recognized her. Her green eyes shifted over the face above her now then with genuine regret she said, "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name.."
"Philip," he reminded her. She smiled, tearfully now, as she nodded.
"How could I forget you, Philip!" She held out a hand, still covered in tubes, which led to the IV drip on a stand attached to the back of her chair. "You must think I'm rude!"
"Gracious, no!" he said with a winsome smile as he squatted carefully to speak with her. As Jack moved in behind him, her eyes shifted onto the tall man. Philip told her, "This is my friend, Jack."
Margaret smiled weakly then said to Jack, "You were there too, weren't you? I'm lousy with names but I do recall you being there."
Philip wet his lips quickly then said, "No, that wasn't Jack."
The older man looked at the nervous reaction of his lover then realized that Margaret had meant Todd.
"Oh, sorry. My memory of the night is a little hazy," she said then looked at Philip, "but I could never forget your face - nor your kindness to me!" She looked up at Jack and said, "Did you know that your friend almost saved my life?"
"I don't think so," Philip said, blushing slightly.
"Ugh, no," Jack said, tilting his head questioningly at his lover. "No, I didn't."
"I was involved in a rather bad car accident last week," she told him then shifted her attention back to the man squatting before her. "You're not just leaving now from that?"
"No," Philip reassured her. "No, I just came in because I had a bout of food poisoning," he said, the lie coming easily to him. Jack clenched his jaw and looked out at the garden and heard the faint, "That will teach me to cook for myself!" Closing his eyes he recalled an incident, many months ago while they were out shopping. How easy it had been for Philip to role-play at not knowing him while he stood by the dairy products and talked to an old Military friend. Was he role-playing now?
Jack was vaguely aware of the conversation going on behind him.
"I've been wanting to meet up with you again, to say Thank You, to you and your friend. Without you - well, I don't want to know what might have happened to me if you hadn't come along and kept me conscious!"
"Well, I'm glad that you are.. well.. alright?" he asked, casting his eyes over the wheelchair then he looked back at her.
With a brave smile she told him, "I lost my left leg, and they had to take my right foot as well, but at least I'm alive!"
He nodded at her spirit then said, "And I bet your three children are glad too."
She grew tearful as she bowed her head. "Yes, they are." She blinked then said, a little more lightly, "Goodness, what you remember!"
"I don't think I'll ever forget that night," he said honestly.
She met his gaze and nodded. "I know I won't."
As he got back to his feet, staggering a little as his legs unfolded and a pain shot up his back, he said to her, "Look after yourself, Margaret."
"I will," she said reaching out and gripping his hand. She saw the tell tale sign of a puncture wound on the back of his hand and the dried blood on it, and the marks of where a bandage had been. "You too. You'd better stop cooking for yourself and get someone to do it for you," she chided him gently. He smiled and squeezed her hand - much like he had the night they met. It was an action that both noted and she met his gaze once more. "Take care."
"I will."
As he backed away he bumped into Jack and their eyes met briefly before Philip ducked his head and started to leave the hospital. Jack gave a polite nod as he passed the woman in the wheelchair then he followed his lover out of the hospital.
*
Out in the gray day they walked across the parking lot without speaking. Inside Jack's jeep they fastened their belts without so much as a word passing between them. The entire ride home was done in silence and as they pulled up the driveway, parking the jeep beside Philip’s car, the young man collected his brown bag and readied himself to get out. Shutting the door he saw Mr. Kravofal weeding another patch of his extensive front garden, his hands covered in mud from the recent rains.
"G'afternoon!" The friendly neighbor waved at the young man. Jack stopped and turned to watch Philip approach the fence line. He was surprised to see his lover and his neighbor - a man whom he'd barely exchanged two words with over the past four years that they'd lived side by side - talking amiably. He rounded the car aand stood behind Philip.
"Ah, here is your papa!" The older man said as he waved at Jack. Jack was affronted by the innocent error, but more so when Philip's only reaction to it was to bow his head and smirk. It was obvious to Jack that his partner wasn’t going to dispute the mistake.
"I'm not his father," Jack corrected the neighbor. The young man's head snapped up and his eyes grew wide with surprise.
"My mistake!" Mr. Kravofal said apologetically, looking between the two men on the other side of the hedge fence.
"Jack?" Philip cautioned him.
"Damn it, no!" Jack spat. He looked at the old man and said, "I'm not his father and I'm not his ‘friend’!" On the last word he met Philip's astounded gaze and arced a brow before pushing past him and going into the house, leaving Philip outside with the slightly stunned neighbor.
"I'm sorry!" the artist said, totally flustered by Jack's unexpected outburst.
The small, dark eyes of the other man narrowed as he looked at him. With a edge to his voice, he said, "It would seem I have been in error."
For a few awkward moments Philip didn't know whether to try to deny everything and pronounce Jack as his grandfather instead or to confess that he was, in fact, his lover. Not liking either choice he merely gave a shrug then said, "He's tired."
The neighbor nodded mutely then Philip sucked back a deep breath before turning and storming into the house to see what the hell was wrong with Jack.
*
End of Part 29.
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.
to Row, Sandi and Shadow, and others on the DANIELites and JACKDANIELites mailing lists who helped me with the issue about Dr Janet Frasier and working at a non-military hospital. Also for their help with the names of Hospitals in Colorado Springs.
Thanks to TwoCats, Row, Dawn Steinman and Bev Trent for their help with Medication and treatments etc.
Without the help of people like you - this story wouldn't ring as true. I sincerely thank you all!
~ Slida