Part 7
Daniel came back from taking Sam her food and he stood by Jack's side as he reached forward for a drinking vessel from the table beside the roasting beast. While keeping a wary eye on the tribeswoman, in case she tried to fondle him again, Jack tilted his head slightly and asked his friend, "How's Carter?"
"Thinking of becoming a vegetarian, as am I," Daniel muttered as he kept a friendly smile on his face and nodded towards Nesquar, who nodded in response and turned to help carve the meat for the hungry masses.
Jack shuddered as a slab of meat was placed in another bowl made of local tree bark. "You too? Go figure!"
"So did I just see what I think I just .. saw?" Daniel asked, frowning as he went over that sentence a few times in his mind.
"If you think you just saw our host trying to grope me, you're right, Daniel. What's wrong?" He noticed the puzzled look on Daniel's face.
"Was that sentence right?" Daniel muttered, his lips moving as he silently ran the sentence through his mind again.
"Who cares. We've got bigger concerns."
"Like?" Daniel asked, adjusting the glasses on his face again.
"Firstly, what was she doing ... you know...." He gave an uncomfortable shrug.
“Groping you?” Daniel offered casually.
“Yeah.” Jack's eyes narrowed. He wasn’t sure but Daniel seemed to be enjoying it a little too much.
The younger man scratched his brow as he told Jack, in a disheartened voice, "Well, apparently it is tradition that the Heads of Tribes mate to cement a treaty."
"WHAT? You never said that before!” Jack hissed.
“Oh, didn’t I?” Daniel was the epitome of innocence as he raised his brows higher than the frames of his glasses.
“No!” Jack said derisively.
“Don’t know what came over me, forgetting that vital piece of information.” Daniel scratched behind his ear as he looked at the dirt between them.
“Look, naquada or no naquada there is no way, no how, I'm mating with that..." Jack said, jutting his finger towards their beefy looking hostess. Suddenly the young male dancer from the Welcoming Banquet caught his attention as he emerged through the crowd having just been served. The lean, dark-skinned youth approached the table with the drinking vessels on it and, as he waited to be served there, lifted his hand to his mouth to place a slither of meat between his lips. Jack's breath caught in the back of his throat as their eyes met, and slowly the boy slipped his fingers from his mouth then licked his bottom lip clean with a pink tongue.
"Jack?" Daniel asked, aware he'd lost his friend's attention.
"Sorry," Jack said, shaking his head and looking back at his friend. Daniel swiveled on the spot to see if he could see what had distracted him, but the boy was gone.
Jack screwed his eyes shut as he dropped his chin to his chest and sighed heavily while mentally he chastised himself for the brief, wayward thought. Lifting his baseball cap, he scratched his short gray hair as he asked, "What were you saying?"
Raising his eyebrows and crinkling his forehead, Daniel said, "Actually, it was you doing the talking."
Jack looked at him a moment then frowned. "I was?"
"Yeah. Then you just went blank."
"Hm!" Jack said, his eyes scanning the perimeter of the group of villagers by the fire for the youth again.
Daniel muttered, “well, blanker than usual."
"What was that?" Jack asked, aware his friend had said something but not sure what it was.
The younger man shook his head then asked, "Jack, what are you looking for?"
A blush crept up the back of O’Neill’s neck. He shrugged and muttered, "Teal'c?"
"Teal'c's gone for a walk over there," Daniel said as he pointed to the line of trees nearby.
"Oh?" Jack said succinctly, but was fervently working on a way to ask Daniel what had gone on between them. He needn't have bothered.
“He’s not very happy about.. something,” Daniel offered without prompting.
“Oh?”
Shaking his head, the younger man said, “It’s personal.”
“Oh.” Jack's disappointment wasn’t well hidden. Daniel didn’t notice however, as his eyes drifted across towards the tree line. Jack watched him, frowned then turned to look at the trees himself, curious to know what the trouble was between the men.
Nesquar spoke, making both men aware that they’d forgotten she was there. “I need to ready.”
“Ready? For?” Jack asked, suddenly nervous.
“For feast!” She announced with vigor before walking away.
“Agh,” the colonel muttered and said, under his breath, “more meat!”
Daniel cringed and screwed his face up slightly. “Few more hours, and I can have fruit.. ‘fresh’ fruit.. and vegetables..”
“I’ll even eat yogurt!” Jack mumbled. Daniel nodded gravely. Suddenly Jack looked at his friend. “So – what can I do?”
The scientist frowned. “About what?”
Slapping his arm lightly, Jack said, “About what? About Nesquar…and the treaty.”
Daniel looked at him a long moment then bit his lips together. Jack frowned. “Daniel?”
Backing up slightly, Daniel shook his head and then choked on a laugh.
The brown eyes narrowed on him. “I don’t have to mate with that Neanderthal, do I?”
Shaking his head, Daniel stumbled as he continued to walk backwards, Jack closely following him.
“Jackson! So help me!” the colonel, too relieved to really be angry, cursed his good friend until they were both laughing. Suddenly Daniel tripped, reached out and grabbed Jack's jacket and promptly pulled him down with him as he fell onto his back. Jack landed heavily onto his friend and their heads collided.
“OW!” Daniel muttered, rubbing above his left eye. Jack pressed himself up to look down into the cerulean eyes below him as he rubbed his right cheek.
“Ouch!”
“Sorry,” Daniel said, releasing his tight grip on Jack's top.
“Not as sorry as you might have been..” Jack muttered.
“Am I interrupting?” came a deep voice above them. Both men looked up to see Teal’c standing over them. Jack hastily scrambled to his feet, leaving Daniel flat on his back in the dirt.
“No,” he said, dusting himself off. “What gives you that impression?”
“You were lying over Daniel. It was a logical assumption.”
Daniel sat up, resting his arm across his bent knee. He sighed, as he said, “No, it wasn’t a ‘logical’ assumption. The logical assumption was that I fell backwards, and dragged Jack along with me.”
Teal’c tilted his head down and met Daniel's gaze. “So it would seem.”
Daniel sighed and started to get up, realizing that a hand hovered before him. Slapping his hand into Teal’c’s offered hand he allowed the Jaffa to pull him, quite quickly, to his feet. Daniel bounced as he stood up, then released the handhold and dusted himself off. Jack watched the two interacting with some interest. The larger man helped dust off the dirt across the back of Daniel's shoulders then moved his hand down to the middle of his back. Instead of touching the derrière though, he moved away and clasped his hands behind his back as he lifted his chin into the air slightly. Daniel, unaware that any of that was happening behind him, continued to dust off his pant legs, doubling over at the waist to reach his calves.
“Danny,” Jack said. The anthropologist looked up. Jack twirled his finger in the air and Daniel turned around. There was a distinct patch of dirt across Daniel's backside so Jack slapped his hand against the rump repeatedly.
“JACK!” Daniel squealed as one of the heavy slaps stung him. He knew Jack was utilizing the situation as a payback for the situation about Nesquar.
“Sorry, Daniel. Just dusting you off here.”
Twisting his butt so that Jack could no longer reach it, Daniel said, “I’d rather you didn’t!”
“Fine!” Jack shrugged. “Perhaps Teal’c?”
“I think not,” came the deep growl from the Jaffa. Daniel turned to look at him.
“Might help the situation,” Daniel said. Teal’c looked at him a long moment then bowed his head.
“I did not consider that.”
“What?” Jack asked, looking between them.
“It’s nothing..” Daniel said, shaking his head.
“It most certainly is not ‘nothing’, Daniel,” Teal’c said sharply.
“Look, I offered you a solution to the problem,” the anthropologist argued flatly.
Teal’c’s dark eyes settled onto the blue ones. “I could not ask that of you. Not any longer.”
“For crying out loud, Teal’c,” Daniel said, his voice turning to anger. “Of course you can!”
Jack, as taken aback by the use of his colloquialism by his friend as he was to the mystery of the conversation, raised his hand in the air and halted the rising argument. “Hey!”
The two others looked at him.
“What the hell’s going on here?”
Daniel rolled his eyes and looked at Teal’c. The Jaffa tilted his head slightly as he stared at the colonel. Neither man seemed in a hurry to explain the argument to their C.O.
*
Meanwhile, back on earth…
Philip had made it into work, but he was over an hour late. Todd was working on the front counter when he arrived. The two men greeted each other and then Philip went to check on Sylvia, who was working in the Reference section. After checking that she was alright and had plenty of work to go on with he headed to his office. He was so tired already, and his breathing was laboring from the short walk that he utilized his medical puffer and settled himself into his huge leather chair until it took affect and alleviated his shortness of breath.
When he didn’t emerge from the office an hour later, Todd called Sylvia to the front counter and asked her to take over from him. He told her he was going to Philip’s office to discuss a dispute about his pay. The pretty blond nodded and wished him luck with his complaint. Todd stopped off at the kitchen and made Philip a cup of tea before going into him.
After knocking quietly he entered the large office, and found Philip resting his head against his folded arms on the desk. At the sound of the door closing, the Head Librarian looked up.
"Sorry, were you sleeping?" Todd asked him in a quiet voice.
"No, just thinking," the younger man sat back, rubbing his face. Todd crossed the room and perched himself on the desk edge as he put the cup down before him.
Philip smiled and picked up the hot drink. “Thanks,” he mumbled as he took his first sip.
"Listen, I know you've told me a few times that you don't want to talk about it, but I've got to ask you - apart from the cold, you 'sure' you're okay?"
"Yeah," Phil said, forcing a smile.
Todd noticed that there was a photo on the desk angled so that, with his head down, Phil could see it better. It was obviously taken in an unguarded moment and showed Jack standing at a barbecue with a bottle of beer in his hand. He picked up the photo and looked at the good-looking man, noting the coy smile on the slightly down turned face.
"Ouch! He 'is' handsome."
With a heavy sigh Phil leaned back in his chair. "Tell me about it. Just thinking about him -" He shook his head as he rubbed his stomach and smiled. "I'm pathetic, I know." He laughed.
"You're in love," Todd said, replacing the photo onto the desk.
"I am," Phil said without hesitation. He looked at his friend a long time then he said candidly, "And that's a problem."
"Problem?"
"Things shouldn't be working between us. He'd be better off if he were not ... attached ... to me."
"Whoa! Hang on! Where the hell did that come from?"
"A number of places," Philip sighed despondently.
"Why?" Todd sounded genuinely perplexed.
Philip looked at him a long moment then shrugged. "Because .."
"Well, that makes perfect sense," Todd said sarcastically.
"You sound just like him."
"Which shows he's a level-headed, mature man."
Philip smiled, despite himself, at that comment. "Look, it's complicated, okay?"
"Can I just say something here?" Todd asked then waited for the go ahead. “Okay, well a few nights ago I sat and listened to you and Graham fight because you loved this man. What the hell was that all about if you’re here thinking Jack's not the right guy for you?”
“I never said he wasn’t the right guy for me! Jack's perfect for me in oh-so many ways it’s unbelievable.”
Looking somewhat confused, Todd shook his head. “Okay and yet…?”
“Look, I said this was complicated!”
“Only because you make it so. Why fight with your brother over Jack at all, if this is how you feel?”
“Because as far as Jack's concerned, Grae and I come from polar opposites. I come from a place where I think Jack can do better. Grae just hates him and thinks I can do better.”
“Actually, no, he doesn’t,” Todd said, holding his finger up and stalling the conversation. Philip frowned. “Your brother cares a lot for you. You’re his ‘little’ brother and all he’s trying to do is watch out for you. He’s concerned for your health and you treat it like it’s unimportant. You treat ‘him’ like he’s unimportant. Before Jack came along, who’d you turn to?”
“Grae.”
“And now?”
There was a sullen shrug from the younger man.
Todd sighed softly. “ He can’t say word one without you seeing it as an attack on your man. So why are you so hell bent on destroying what you have with your brother for a man you want to leave?”
Philip swallowed and lowered his face. “I thought Grae’s attitude came from what Jack had done to him-”
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about there, but all I know is he’s really, really worried about your health. After you fell asleep the other night we stayed up and talked.”
“About me?”
“About you, yes. Look, I’m not going to pretend I have a clue about what’s really going on in there-” He touched his finger to Phil’s temple, “But your brother was beside himself about you once the doctor left.”
Philip blinked then lowered his face. “Shit.”
“You told him what was really wrong, I gather?”
“Really wrong?” Philip asked, perplexed. Todd diverted his eyes a moment and wondered if he should confess to having overheard them in the bedroom, but he didn’t. Instead he left an opening so that Philip could tell him, if he wanted to. “You’ve not got a cold, boy-oh, that much is for sure.”
Philip sighed and sat forward, covering his face. Todd realized he wasn’t going to get a confession out of him today so he added, “And if you don’t want to tell me, fine. But please understand that Graham is just trying to look out for his little brother, okay? He’s not the villain you make him out to be.”
“It’s not all my fault either,” Phil defended himself. Todd shrugged. “Oh, come on! You heard him belittling Jack because of his age!”
“The age thing is a concern for Grae, but only because he’s worried what happened with John would happen again.”
“Jack's not like that.”
“How does Graham know that? Next time he starts in about the age, tell him.”
Philip blinked then nodded. “Probably should.”
“Sure! Cut him off at the pass… Steal his thunder…. Deflate his balloon…” Todd waved his hands above his head making Philip laugh. “But just ‘communicate’ - the two of you. That’s the very worst thing to do – to lose communication with those you love, and - who - love - you!”
He touched the tip of Philip’s nose with his finger then smiled. There was so much more he wanted to tell his friend – about cutting himself off from others during a time that he’d need them the most, but as Philip didn’t know he knew the truth, he had to wait to give that sermon. Sucking back a sharp breath he added, “And that goes for Jack too.”
Philip rolled his eyes.
Todd nodded. "Okay so if I’ve got this right, you love this guy and despite your brother’s feelings that, as you put it, you could do better.. It’s YOU who thinks that you’re the one who doesn't deserve him, am I right?" When Phil shrugged Todd made the sound of a game-show buzzer. "BUZZ - Sorry! Wrong answer!" The head Librarian laughed softly. Growing suddenly serious Todd asked, "So, you're really thinking of ending it?"
Philip shrugged again.
"’Because’ you love him?"
Again Philip shrugged but this time it turned into a nod as well.
Shaking his head, Todd whistled through his clenched teeth as he said, "Well that doesn't make any damn sense! You love him, he loves you and yet you think it might be best if you 'end' it."
With a small humorless laugh Phil said, "It's complicated."
"It must be, babe! I've had lovers that have hung around even AFTER there was no love lost on both sides – we did it just out of habit. Why on earth would you want to call it quits at the height of a love?"
"He deserves a better partner..." Phil said flatly.
"WHAT?"
Philip rolled his eyes and Todd gripped him by the chin and forced him to look up. "I so did not hear that, did I?"
"I said it was complicated." The voice sounded muffled because of the crinkled up mouth.
"It had better be more complicated than just you feeling like an inferior lover, my boy!"
"I didn’t say lover, I said partner. This is not about my self-esteem. When I'm feeling 100 percent I know I'm one hell of a lover.."
Todd bit down on his smile, glad to see the return of some of the old ‘Philip’ spark he knew so well. "Wouldn't know from personal experience, but I've heard stuff to the effect. Go ahead.."
Both men were grinning now, but as Phil began his confession his smile faded, “But I’m not feeling 100 percent anymore..”
After a beat, the other man asked, “Mentally or physically?”
With an honest shrug, Phil said, “Both. I haven’t for a very long time.” He paused long enough to quickly quirk his brow before going on to say, “But 100 percent is what Jack needs, and what he .. deserves.” After biting his bottom lip a moment, he sucked in a deep breath through his nose as he said, "He’s very sensual..”
Todd remained silent as he watched his friend. Philip seemed to drift off into his own thoughts now and a peaceful mask fell over his features, smoothing out the lines of worry as he recalled intimate moments with his lover. “He looks scary when you first meet him, but he’s just so thoughtful and caring… He’s got these eyes that remind me of melted chocolate and they tell me so much more than his mouth ever can. Though he’s not really much of a talker, more a man of action..” He chuckled quietly to himself and lowered his face as he went on, “He's got ‘the’ best back- so wide and muscular… and his arms are tanned and just.. arg! They’re to die for! And his ass… he’s got the neatest ass in the whole damn world!” Deep in thought, he raised his hands before him and inspected them closely. “His hands! They’re heaven! Long fingers and the way he holds..."
"Right! Right!” Todd raised his hands up quickly and cut him off as he cried out, “I get the picture!!!” Seeing his friend blush he tried to lighten the intense moment with a teasing nudge. “Let's move on before one of us ends up with a hard on!"
"One of us?" Phil asked, playing the possessive partner.
"Hey, you're sounding a little hot there..." He gave a nonchalant shrug and Phil laughed, a little bashfully but his tone lightened considerably.
"Well, anyway, he's pretty incredible.. all ‘round! Did I mention his chest? Arg! He’s got the best chest!” Holding his hand up he squeezed the air as he said, with a huge grin, “Perfect pecs and hair! You ‘know’ how much I love a hairy chest!”
"You want that cold shower now, or later?"
"Hardy har har!"
"So, go ahead. You were telling me how much better off this God would be without you..."
"Okay, getting serious again, because now you've got me all worked up about him I can barely think straight.”
"Natural talent of mine," Todd said with a smile.
"It was an easy thing to do! Let's face it, as you can see, I adore the man."
“So therefore, it seems to me you’re thinking straighter ‘now’ than before, when you wanted to end it with him.”
Phil settled his hooded eyes onto his friend’s concerned face and grew serious once more. “You won’t understand.”
“Try me. Bet I could if you just tried me.”
Shaking his head, Phil said, ‘Not too sure about that. Half the time even I don’t understand me.”
“Well that’s what friends are for, didn’t you know? We’re the impartial objective opinions.”
“You’re impartial?” Phil teased.
“I can be, if needed.” Todd lifted his head, playfully haughtily.
“So you’ll listen when I say, in all honesty, that I really don’t believe I’m the right person for Jack?”
Making that buzzer noise again, Todd shook his head. “Nope. I fail to see how you couldn’t be ‘right’ for anyone… except John, because he didn’t deserve you. From what you tell me, this Jack is a much nicer human being.”
Nodding, Phil said, with a smile in his voice, “He is.”
Holding his hand out, Todd said, “Your Honor, I rest my case!”
Philip laughed lightly and bit his lips together. “You know, you make me question myself so much.”
Tilting his head, Todd raised his brow. “In a good way?”
“Usually.” Phil sighed and sat back in his large leather chair behind his desk and Todd moved in behind him and started to massage his shoulders. Phil groaned in appreciation and leaned forward, resting his chin on his folded arms, which allowed his friend the access he needed to massage his shoulders, upper back and neck.
With all playfulness gone from his voice, Todd asked, “So you ready to tell me why you have such a low opinion of yourself, and Jack?”
With a slightly embarrassed laugh, Phil said, “I thought I just proved that I ‘don’t’ have a low opinion of Jack-”
“Sure you do,” Todd retorted seriously.
Frowning, Philip flinched when the fingers hit a particularly sore muscle. “No, you’re wrong. Grae was right the other night. I am like a love starved puppy dog, just waiting for him to come home, and pat me on the head..”
“Or elsewhere?”
“Actually, no…!”
The tone alone caused Todd concern. He ceased his ministrations on the shoulders immediately and turned to lean against the desk, his hands in his lap. “And there in lies the problem?”
Phil pushed himself up with a lot of effort, and held his head up with his hand as he said, “Exactly!”
“You’re obviously crazy about him, and you say he’s a sensual one – I’m guessing a lot of hugging? Kissing? Touching?”
Phil was nodding to all three.
“Sex?”
Phil screwed his nose up and looked away.
“Ah!” Todd nodded and bluntly he asked, “Who’s the frigid one? You or him?”
Phil sucked in another long, deep breath through his nose.
“Okay, I’ll take that as a confession,” the older man said as he scratched at the back of his neck with the side of his index finger. “Is he kinky? Wants you to do stuff, you know, that you don’t feel comfortable about?”
“No. He’s incredible. At the start it was amazing. He did everything he could to please me..”
“And now? He doesn’t?”
“He doesn’t get the chance,” Philip admitted, hanging his head shamefully. Suddenly he moved to cover his face as he moaned loudly, “God, I can’t believe I‘m telling you all this!” He sat back in his chair, and shifted his eyes to settle upon his friend once more. “So now you know why ‘he’ deserves better..”
“My first question is why you’re like this? You obviously desire him.”
“I do! You’ve got no idea how much I ‘want’ him. Whenever he’s not with me I’m imagining us together, all sorts of ways-” He closed his eyes as the tips of his ears burned hot.
In his fantasies he and Jack were able to make love like a normal couple, and it was very loving and ‘very’ intimate – usually happening after hours of tenderness and gentle foreplay. A lot of these fantasies were made up using memories of their earlier love-making, only the intercourse was modified – because it could be – to a full on sexual encounter where Jack finally got to enter him..
Reality, though, was completely different and whenever Jack gave the slightest indication that he wanted to get intimate something within Phil’s mind snapped and his barriers instinctually went up. He spent hours trying to assess this for himself but he only came to the conclusion that he was screwed up and that Jack deserved someone better than him.
Biting the bullet he even spoke to Janet about it during one of their more recent appointments and she told him something that helped him somewhat. She told him that it was a perfectly natural ‘defense’ mechanism to reject his lover because of the fear of passing on this virus, no matter how careful they were.
The news was like a light to the young, tormented man. Before she told him that he’d spent many nights in the spare room in Jack's place, crying himself to sleep because he couldn’t understand himself and he hated himself for hurting the man he loved by constantly rejecting him.
However, the ‘light’ seemed to fade whenever he felt Jack's eyes upon him. His fears, however unfounded, always rose within him, choking him and making him tense up whenever Jack's hands strayed from a casual touch or a light hug and onto something ‘more’.
It had become so bad these days that he literally feared being alone with Jack; it made his heart thump in his throat and his palms grow sweaty. His coughing became a useful excuse, and for a short time, Jack seemed to believe that Philip was sleeping alone out of consideration to him. What had really spurred it on was that Philip woke each morning to a man with a raging hard on and he was growing more and more terrified to do anything about it.
Awhile back he could steel himself into pleasuring Jack in order to quell the rising heat within him. Philip often found that he ended up enjoying the encounters when he did this – be it by his mouth, or his hand. In the first few moments after watching Jack come, he convinced himself that it wasn’t so bad and that things between them – sexually – were good. Only this feeling of contentment often wavered as soon as Jack asked to return the favor. Phil’s stomach twisted at the thought but he tried not to show that on his face. He kept telling Jack, over and over, that his pleasure came from giving pleasure these days.
Soon, with the constant coughing, giving Jack a head job became too difficult and the only option left to him was a hand job. On top of all his other fears, Phil started to wonder if Jack wasn’t getting tired of the ‘simplicity’ of the sex they shared as well. It was one more item to add to his list as to why Jack should seek a new lover.
But it wasn’t all about sex, either. Other intimate areas of their lives had altered over the recent months too. With his ailing health, Philip had started to lose weight so he made sure he bathed alone, and he even took to shutting the bathroom door whenever he urinated. He compensated for his loss of weight simply by wearing two tops together and by keeping long pants on whenever he was around Jack. Ensuring his feet were always covered in socks also avoided the exposure of thinning ankles and feet. This way the colonel rarely saw his body. It was deceit, he knew that, but he also knew it was one way of concealing his withering body from Jack - he simply didn’t want him to be repulsed by the body he used to adore so much.
Keeping him at arm’s length also helped with the deception but the extra padding always helped on the nights that they cuddled on the sofa to watch a game together. Phil didn’t mind the cuddling. He actually enjoyed it, and there were some nights he could really relax into it, knowing that Jack had been satiated with a handjob, either by him or himself, or when he’d declared he was too tired for sex and just wanted to cuddle. Moments like that, for Phil, were all he was looking for. Tenderness, loving companionship and intimacy of the mind was all he wanted from his lover these days.
Todd watched silently as tears leaked out from between the closed ebony lashes and spilled down the flushed cheeks. With s soulful sigh he shook his head as he tried to think of a way to get through to the lonely man that he had friends that wanted to help him.
He crouched as he turned the chair Philip was sitting in towards him. “So why are you pushing Jack away?”
Phil opened his eyes and blinked to clear the tears from them. Slowly he shook his head.
“Tell me!” Todd hissed quietly, desperate to break through the barriers Philip had raised.
The tearful man sucked back a shaky breath as more tears dripped from his long lower lashes and rolled down his flushed face. Todd laid his hand on the lap before him. “Baby.. please..”
Suddenly Philip stood up, pushing past him roughly as he went to the window where he hugged himself tightly as he sobbed quietly. Todd twisted on the balls of his feet, his own face burning now from his desperation to help his friend.
After a long, tense pause, the quiet voice, from the man standing staring out of the window, said, “I’m sick..”
Todd squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he lowered his head. Inhaling a deep breath, he slowly rose to his feet, squared back his shoulders and crossed over to his friend. He stood behind Phil and watched the faint reflection in the window before him.
“I know,” he told him quietly as he placed his hands onto his shoulders and squeezed him gently. The head moved slightly to acknowledge the touch then Philip sighed and allowed Todd to draw him back against him.
“No, I’m really sick..” he said, wondering how fast Todd was going to release him as soon as he confessed the truth or as soon as Todd put two and two together.
“I know,” was all Todd said again, turning his face somewhat to place a kiss to the side of Phil’s head.
Flinching from the touch slightly, and preparing himself for the horrible scene that he was sure was about to occur, Phil said, “No.. you don’t -”
Tightening his embrace so that his arms completely wrapped across the front of the slighter man, Todd laid his cheek against the side of Phil’s head and whispered, “Yes, I do. I overheard you and Graham the other night…”
Phil’s mouth dropped open as he turned towards his friend. “You..know?”
Todd nodded as he rubbed the shoulders he was still touching.
Frowning with disbelief, the head librarian stammered, “and you never said anything to me?”
“Because you didn’t choose to tell me. At the time I was sorry I overheard it, but now.. Baby, you have got to stop this with Jack. I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work..”
Jutting his chin, Phil asked him, “What am I doing?”
“You’re trying to push Jack away so at the end.. it won’t hurt him so much..”
Phil’s nose twitched and his lips trembled but he clenched his jaw against the tears building up at the back of his throat again. Tracing light fingers over the quivering cheek, Todd said, “The only thing you’re hurting is your last chance of happiness. Don’t do that, to you or to him.”
“He deserves…” Phil choked on the tears. Todd placed his fingers across Phil’s lips then he moved his hand across to brush the trail of tears away as he shook his head.
“You’re an idiot if you really think that.”
Pushing away, Phil crossed the room and went to lock the door. Turning back towards Todd, he said breathlessly, “I can’t help this, Todd. I can’t..”
The other man crossed to him. “You’re scared of passing the HIV on?” It was more a statement than a question.
Screwing his eyes up, Phil lowered his face. Todd pulled him into an embrace and kissed the top of the bowed head. Phil finally wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist, squeezing him tightly.
“It petrifies me,” the crying man whispered, almost inaudibly. Todd held him, allowing him to cry and wondering if the young man had had a chance to release any of his fears before.
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.