Part 58
"I understand that, Colonel, but you have to appreciate my stand on this kind of thing!"
Hammond and Jack had been 'discussing' the nature of the events on P4r3999 for some time now. As Jack had suspected, the minute Sheaffer came to the General with the report that two team members of SG-1 were seen kissing, Hammond had suspected it was him and either Daniel or Teal'c. He didn't expect it to be the other two - without Jack's involvement. It seemed despite what Hammond told the others in the room, he still had a few reservations about the true nature of Teal'c and Daniel's friendship.
"So basically you're asking me if all the members of my team gay?" Jack said, cutting through the BS to reach the crux of the argument. "Sir!" He punched that last word and two sets of tired, angry eyes met across the desk.
Hammond softened a little as he sighed and rubbed his temple. "No! I'm not."
"Good because I thought there was this little rule around here. 'Don't ask - Don't tell...."
Hammond held his unyielding stare a long while then said, in an earnest voice, "Come on, how long have we been friends now, Jack? You know me better than that! I wear a lot to cover your ass so don't quote any regulations at me!"
The contrite colonel nodded glumly.
As Hammond continued his voice softened even further; "Besides, you know I don't judge people like that - especially people I happen to call 'friend'."
Jack saw the truth in the small blue eyes. It was true that Hammond had not treated him any differently since discovering his 'secret' and he really felt that the General wouldn't care - deep down - if it didn't have any bearing on the military way of life.
As if he read Jack's thoughts, Hammond went on to say in a confiding tone, "I'm in a very precarious position here though, Jack. Personally I don't care what you all get up to when you're not on duty but I'll be honest, I have noticed some very strange going ons within your team over the past few months..."
Jack bowed his head even further, knowing that the big flare up between him and Daniel a year ago was still on the General's mind.
There was a loud, cathartic sigh from the Texan, then Hammond went on, "It's none of my damn business anyway and on a personal level it doesn't change a damn thing about the way I feel about.. any of you..." He met Jack's gaze as the colonel looked up at him. "But I can't be seen to play favorites. If the conduct of SG-1 is in question..."
"I don't believe that it is, Sir," Jack interrupted him. Hammond responded with a large nod.
"Good. As long as you can assure me, as their C.O., that their conduct is correct when ever they are out there.."
Jack scratched at his eyebrow as he said, "All I can tell you is this, whatever happened on P4r3999 happened seven months ago. I can't say whether it was or wasn't a kiss - who can?" He waited for Hammond to nod his agreement then he continued, "But I can tell you this - in all the time since then, I've never once questioned the two of them about their conduct while on a mission. They've done nothing that has caught my eye."
Hammond nodded with a smile as he said, "Good. That's what I wanted to hear, Jack."
The colonel nodded as well. "Well, peachy. Now, I've got something you're probably not going to want to hear, but we may as well have all our arguments at once now - eh, George?" He shot off a sloppy, wry smile that clearly told the other man he was not going to be happy about what he had to say.
Hammond frowned. "What are you getting at?"
After taking a moment to swallow, Jack grew serious as he told him, "I'm not able to work anymore.."
The near-bald head tilted slightly and Hammond gave an uneasy smile, not fully comprehending the statement. "What do you mean?"
Sitting up in his seat, Jack cleared his throat and said, "My partner.. the one I got.. HIV from.."
Hammond grew even more serious. "Go ahead.."
"He's dying.." Jack bit back the bad-taste in his mouth at the utterance of those words. "I need to be with him."
Hammond gave a deep growl as he exhaled. "I hate to lose you," he said.
Jack nodded, then, with a laconic smile that didn't quite reach his sad eyes he said, "I wouldn't be a lot of use to you anyway..." His mouth twitched as he looked away.
Hammond sat staring at him a moment then said, "Things are that bad?"
"Ah," Jack slid in the seat, leaning forward now and resting his elbows onto the arms of the chair. "Yeah. And I have this feeling that they're about to get a whole heck of a lot worse.." He held the older man's gaze for as long as he could bear to, then he averted his eyes - in case they should show the true depth of his pain.
"Probably not something you want to, or even can, answer at this stage," Hammond said, "but do you have any idea how long you'll be gone?"
Jack's bowed head lifted slowly. "I won't... I won't be back.."
"What? Oh, come on, Jack. We've been through this before. You've been through it before. I don't mean to sound heartless, but think about Abydos. You were instrumental in all of this - and your son had just recently died.."
Shaking his head, Jack's hands gripped together tightly. /For someone who doesn't want to sound heartless, he's doing a damn good job!/ he thought.
"You don't get it. I won't be any use to you *afterwards*," he repeated.
"Come on, Jack.." Hammond said good-naturedly.
"No, you come on, George!" The fraught man snapped then bit his lips into a tight white line. "This is not comparable to losing my kid! That was hard enough... believe me.." His voice trembled with suppressed rage. "But this is not....the .. same damn thing!" Looking away, at the awards on the wall behind the general's desk, Jack asked, "How long did it take you to get back on your feet after your wife died?"
Hammond was pulled up by that comparison. "I.. ah.."
"Months. You told me it took you months..." Jack said, looking at him knowingly.
"But we were married..."
Jack's stare was sharp enough to slice through ice.
Hammond was shocked but tried to correct his blunder by asking.. "So you and your.."
"Philip," Jack said, his mouth still tight. "His name's Philip."
"You and Philip. You live together?"
"None of your damn business," Jack mumbled under his breath.
"I'm asking you as a friend," Hammond said pointedly, making the colonel snap his head up. Jack tilted his head as he shrugged.
"Yes." He sighed resignedly. "We've been together a little over a year."
"A year? I had no..." Again the glance from Jack pulled Hammond up. With a polite nod he said, "I - ugh - take it that you were very.. ugh.. serious?"
Jack couldn't help but smile wanly. He could almost imagine Hammond asking him what his intentions with Philip were next. "We are.."
Hammond said nothing more. He hung his head and seemed to study his hands a while. "Effective immediately?" He asked eventually.
Jack's eyes, which had clouded over with thought, cleared as he snapped back to attention. "Excuse me?"
"You'd like this time off - effective immediately?"
"It's not time off.." Jack restated. Hammond leaned towards him.
"Let's put it down as Leave. You have time to make a decision..."
"I've made it," Jack said, hardening his jaw once more. "There's no way in hell I can go through that thing again..." He pointed out towards the gate room.
Hammond's face furrowed in puzzlement. "Mind if I ask why"
"Because it doesn't matter how many times I've saved this damn world's ass, when I needed something in return..." He stopped talking and lowered his face, shaking his head as he muttered, "It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing.. matters.."
"Jack," Hammond's voice beseeched him gently. There was a loud, thunderous sound outside the office as someone ran into the Briefing room. A blur appeared past the window between the two rooms and a frantic looking man stood staring into the office. He waved at the door and Hammond lifted his hand, beckoning him in. The office door burst open, and Lieutenant Hibbard stood there, breathless and wide-eyed.
"Begging the General's pardon, but-" He shifted his gaze to Jack. "Lieutenant Simmons just called. He said to meet him at the hospital!"
Before Hammond could even think to say 'dismissed' Jack was on his feet, knocking his chair backwards as he sprinted from the room. The General looked at the breathless lieutenant then nodded. "Thank you, Hibbard.'
"Sorry, Sir. Lieutenant Simmons said it was urgent and to make sure the Colonel got the news straight away."
Hammond nodded and dismissed him then he looked at the over turned chair, dropped to the floor in Jack's haste to leave. He picked up the phone and dialed up the guards at the elevators, telling them to let the Colonel through without delay.
Putting the receiver down, he placed his hands together in front of him and leaned his forehead against them, almost like he was praying. In a way he was - praying that the news, whatever it was, wasn't as bad as it seemed. He picked up the phone again and called Daniel to his office. If anyone was going to know what was going on in the Colonel's private life - it was bound to be Daniel. What connection Jack and Simmons' had interested the general a lot!
*
The waiting was the worst part for Jack. By the time he'd arrived at the hospital Philip had been resuscitated once. Jack felt bad. He knew of Phil's living will but Graham, with power of attorney, had overridden that decision.
"I thought you'd want to be with him when he.." The Lieutenant explained his reason for allowing the resuscitation. "I won't let them do it again - not now that we're both here. I just didn't want you turning up and.. he'd be gone.."
Jack stared blindly through the tears in his eyes. The shapes of the room shifted and swam before him but he focused on nothing. "Thanks," he managed to croak out.
They sat in silence for a long while then Graham said, "I've called Mom and Dad.."
"They on their way?" the colonel sniffed then brushed the back of his hand over his cheek as he sat up straighter.
"Yeah, they're trying to get the money together to come out here."
"Finding it tough?"
"My parents aren't rich people, Colonel."
Jack nodded mutely. He tilted his head and looked at the red-eyed man beside him. Graham looked so damn young. Like his brother, he didn't really look his age, but now he looked bewildered and almost child-like. His face, a handsome face by any measure, was damp and ruddy from his tears. His lips were plump and red from too much anxious suckling and his brown eyes were dull behind the watery haze. His voice was hoarse and choked by tears and he nervously played with his own hands as he waited.
"So what happened?" Jack asked.
Graham's dark lashes fluttered as he dredged up the painful memory of discovering his brother in the bed. "I'd fallen asleep in the chair this morning after you'd left, and woke up when I thought I heard a shout. I listened but when I heard nothing else I figured it was on the television. I got up and was about to go to bed when I decided to check on him, just to be sure, you know?
Jack nodded.
Graham continued, "He was curled up, naked, on his bed.."
Jack growled softly and sat back in his seat, the tears leaking from his eyes now. He felt the hot trails down his flushed face as he listened to the soft, choked voice beside him.
"I tried to wake him up but he wouldn't wake up. He was so cold that I pulled the blankets up and tried again and again. Finally he rolled over, mumbled something then seemed to.. stop."
Jack frowned and rolled his head against the wall behind him to look at him. "Stop?"
Graham nodded. "I can't explain it any better. I didn't see his chest stop moving and I didn't see anything else.. I just.. knew. He'd stopped breathing.."
Jack sat forward again, his hands gripping his head and his nails digging cruelly into his scalp.
"I just shook him.. I don't know why but I did.." Graham continued, his voice tight with anxiety as he relived the moment. "He spluttered a bit and I rolled him onto his side, then he vomited all over the bed. I wasn't sure what to do first so I called 911 and got them to send an ambulance."
"He vomited?"
Graham swallowed and nodded. "Vomited."
Jack's eyes clamped shut as his whole body began to shake. He sat forward and put his face in his hands. "Oh.. god.." he moaned, unable to breathe almost. Suddenly he lifted his head out of his hands. "Are you okay? Did you get any on you?"
"No, I'm fine.." Graham said. "I was careful.."
Jack nodded then as he sat back around again he reached a hand back and patted Graham's knee absently.
The door opened up and Janet entered the small waiting room. She looked weary. This was meant to be a day off for her, but she'd been summoned to the hospital like the rest of them. Jack and Graham got to their feet and went over to her anxiously. She chose to sit down and the men flanked her on the seats beside her.
"It's not looking good," she told them honestly. "He's quite.. bad..." She said in a quiet and hesitant voice.
"What's the matter.. exactly?" Jack asked.
Janet's eyes blinked quickly then she met his worried gaze. "Hard to say really. He's vital signs are not good and his viral load is very high."
"How long do you.. think?" Graham asked, glancing at Jack when the older man looked over at him.
The doctor shrugged. "I can't put a time on it for you. He could recover, it's been known to happen before. But he could go... at any time."
She turned towards Jack when he asked, "Can I take him home?"
"No."
"He doesn't want to die in the hospital," Graham said, supporting Jack's request.
"I'm sorry," Janet told them. "But unless he stabilizes, I can't release him. He's too vulnerable.."
Jack growled as he rubbed his hands over his face. "He can't die here," he said quickly, getting to his feet and pacing the small room.
"I can't see him leaving here, Jack," she told him honestly.
The colonel looked at her and bit his bottom lip as he shook his head. "No. He can't.. Not here. He wants to be at home.. Just the two of us.."
Janet sighed and turned to Graham beside her. The lieutenant was staring at her then, as she showed him some compassion by way of a slight pat on the shoulder, he turned his face and bit his lips together, too late to stem the flow of tears that leaked down his hot, flushed face now.
Her pat turned into a compassion rub of the young Lieutenant's shoulder. "You can both see him, if you like.."
Graham nodded and got to his feet but Jack shook his head. "No. Not yet. You.. go.. first.."
Janet and Graham looked at him, both frowned at his reluctance then the doctor pulled the door open to take Graham to his brother. She looked at Jack, left alone in the room, and said, "I'll be right back.." With that, the door swung shut again.
*
By the time she returned to the room Jack was wild-eyed and pacing the room like a caged tiger. His shoulders were high and his hands were rolling into clenched fists then unrolling then rolling again. In a terrifying fit of rage he slammed his hand into the back of a chair and sent it flying across the room, crashing into a cupboard against the other wall. The reaction made the Doctor squeal and duck in alarm as Jack's pent up anger burst forth. He swung around; unaware she was in the room and surprised to hear her reaction to his violence. His watery eyes met her large brown ones and she saw the heavy breaths he was now taking.
He remained frozen to the spot then his lips slowly began into a quiver as his eye filled once more with hot tears. She jogged to his side when it seemed like he might collapse. Carefully she guided him down into chair where they sat; her arms wrapped tightly around him as he buried his face in his hands and sobbed uncontrollably against her shoulder.
*
After a while Janet's jaw hurt from tension as she held him - listening to his misery for what seemed an eternity while all around them the usual sounds of a hospital continued to float through the heavy air. Doctors were paged. Children cried. Nurses complained about working conditions just outside the door. But Jack was oblivious to it all. Life - for him - wasn't going on as usual. It was coming to an unstoppable end and he was powerless to alter the course it was on. That added to his grief - the frustration of not being able to 'save the day' this time... when it mattered the most to him. His body heaved within her arms as he tried to bring his breathing under control gradually, regaining his composure as he climbed out of his misery.
She ran her hand over his graying hair as she felt him slowly pull away again. He tried to keep his face from her, but she made him look at her. His eyes were red and swollen. His face was sallow and wet. She pulled some clean tissues from her coat pocket and handed them to him. He blew his nose then turned to toss the used tissues away. Again he sat forward, his hands coming up to hide his head from her. She sat with her hand on his back. Neither spoke.
*
Soon she was paged to another patient and had to leave him in the room alone. He took his time, allowing himself the luxury of being alone and trying to get his thoughts together. He knew he couldn't go on like he had been. There came a time when he had to push his own thoughts aside, to get over his own fears - he knew that! The memories of sitting beside a hospital bed waiting to be told the inevitable had come flooding back to haunt him though. The repressed smell of death stung his nostrils, making him feel shaky and sick. He told himself to get over that. To get over the memories and to live through what Phil was coping with now. There would be time for brooding and for grieving - after ....
Once more his stomach lurched as he thought about what was to come but with a fortifying deep breath he got up, wavered for half-a-second then stomped out of the room, determined to make it to the ICU without further hesitation.
*
By the time he reached the ward the butterflies in his stomach were in overtime. His bravery evaded him as he neared the dimly lit corridor then he hesitated at the desk, noticing the wall of window that looked into the ICU. He moved over to it, peered in and tried to work out where Philip was in the darkened room. The only lights in there were the pale globes in the lamps above each bed. It was kept dark and quiet to help the patients rest. Inside there were four beds, two of which were occupied.
He spotted Graham first, hunched over in his chair beside a bed. Jack's eyes shifted to the mess of tubes and monitors around the bed that the lieutenant was keeping vigil at, then, with a hitched breath Jack's eyes caught sight of Philip in the bed. He looked so small, so lifeless.....
*
Janet pulled up short as she rounded the corridor and saw Jack standing by the window. Pausing at the desk quickly she asked how long he'd been there. The Nurse on duty told her that he'd been standing there at least ten minutes now, but hadn't moved an inch. Janet nodded then stepped over to him.
She stood beside the still man and waiting for him to notice her. When he didn't move for a good few minutes, she finally said, "Do you want to go in there?"
The dark eyes shifted slowly, like the mere movement was something hard to do. Jack shook his head solemnly then turned his attention back to the room. They remained in silence again for another few minutes, watching Graham sitting there, doing nothing, as Philip lay motionless. Her eyes flicked up to Jack's face. "Phil's not conscious at the moment, but I think he'd know you're there, if you wanted to sit with him a while.."
Jack inhaled a harsh breath then stepped away from the window. "I need some air.." was all he said before leaving. Janet frowned as she watched him go, then she looked back in at Philip, a tiny body under the crisp white sheet. She sighed sadly as she pushed on the door and went in to him.
*
Graham and Janet were talking in hushed tones when they heard Phil's first word.
"Jack?"
The doctor's dark eyes looked across the bed towards Graham, who was getting to his feet.
"Hey, Philip," he said softly, smiling down at his brother's partly opened eyes.
"Jack?"
Graham looked back at the doctor and she said, "He's just gone for a short walk."
Phil's eyes closed again and Graham hung his head, reaching down to pick up the limp hand to stroke it gently. Janet was about to leave when the door pressed open and Jack peered around it, towards the bed.
He came over and stood on the opposite side from where Graham still remained, holding Phil's hand. Janet stepped aside, giving Jack room to move closer to the bed.
Almost as if sensing he was there Phil's head tilted in Jack's direction and his eyes opened again. "You .... came."
Jack leaned onto the bed's guardrail and stroked his fingertips across the damp forehead. "Of course."
The weary man smiled weakly. "Doesn't... bode.. well.."
Jack lowered his eyes then said, "No, baby, it.. it doesn't.."
"Going home?"
"Me? No. I intend to stay here.." Jack twisted and looked at Janet.
"You can't stay in here but we have a carer's rest room down the hall. You can sleep there and the nurses will wake you if they need to."
Jack nodded then turned back to the bed. "Hear that? They've got me a swanky room down the hall."
The young man sucked back a deep breath, not that he wasn't already receiving one-hundred percent pure oxygen in his cannula that sat between the base of his nose and his thick mustache. Jack tensed up then he relaxed when Phil did.
"And Graham's here.." Jack said, pointing to the man on the other side of the bed. Philip didn't move though, his eyes remained rigid on his lover. "You know, you could just like look his way .. for a moment..." When Philip still didn't turn to Graham Jack looked at him and said, "Or not. Sorry."
The lieutenant shrugged and smiled weakly. He stroked the back of his brother's hand, carefully avoiding the gel-coe inserted under his skin. He felt Phil's hand flicker in his and knew he was trying to squeeze it. He gave a light squeeze back.
< End of part 58>
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.