Part 63
"I'm worried about you," Graham said as he and Daniel ambled along the path that surrounded the hospital. The night outside the cloistered building was bitterly cold, sleet covered the ground in dirty, soggy patches while snow gathered on the leaves of nearby trees and bushes. The night above them was clear, the stars twinkling in the black sky. Warm breaths hitting the icy air caused both men to speak through vapors that surrounded their faces momentarily before dissipating into the night.
With a frown, Daniel asked, "Me?"
After shoving his hands into his pockets, the slightly shorter man raised his face towards the night sky. "The colonel will shut down once Philip goes. I'm just worried about how you're going to cope.. with that?"
"I'm not sure I know what you mean?"
"I can see you now, trying to reach out to him and have him constantly knock you back."
With a frown Daniel shook his head. "I'm still not following you..."
Concerned brown eyes settled onto the anthropologist's puzzled features. The sincerity in his voice was unmistakable as he said, "I just don't want you getting hurt, Dan. That's all."
A bemused smile flittered across Daniel's lips as he listened to the heartfelt warning. Blinking quickly, he tilted his head and said, "I think you might have our relationship a little.. ah.. wrong."
"Do I?"
"Yes, you do!" Daniel held Graham's stare a while before the younger man turned his face away. "Grae.." He reached out and touched the moving shoulder. Slowly the dark eyes looked back at him again. "Trust me. You have."
With a shrug, the lieutenant sighed and the vapors clouded around him thickly.
Daniel kicked the snow up as he started to walk on further. He touched his hand to his glasses then pulled them off his face altogether, the warmth of his body causing mist to form on the cold glass. He tucked the frames into his coat pocket as he commented, "I hear you're thinking of leaving?"
Graham, head bowed, fell into stride beside him. "Yeah," he said, scratching at the back of his head. With an almost apologetic smile without looking at his companion, he added, "What's to stay for?"
Daniel turned the ends of his mouth down as he shrugged. "A very good job?"
Shaking his head, the younger man said, "I have two choices basically, Dan." He stopped in front of the park bench, swiped the snow off the seat then sat down, huddling himself against the chilled night air.
Sitting beside him, side on to face him, Daniel laid his arm along the back of the wooden seat. "What are they?" He asked, lightly bouncing the tips of his fingers off the wood.
Graham now turned and looked at him, seeing for the first time that Daniel had removed the glasses. He caught his breath at the sight of the brilliant blue eyes watching him closely over a continuous stream of mist from his red lips.
"To ah.." the suddenly distracted Lieutenant sat forward, placing a physical barrier between him and the eyes now. "To pack up his things and give them to the Colonel, then head off myself for a fresh start.."
"Or?"
"Or pack up his things and give them to the Colonel and stay.. in an apartment void of furniture and things that make it a home - and filled with memories of-" He looked at the man watching him, "-of better times.."
Daniel chewed his bottom lip as he continued to watch Graham searching his face. Bending his arm, he brought his hand up to his mouth and scratched his thumbnail across his top lip. After some consideration, he asked quietly, "Why pack up his things?"
"It will be too hard to live with it all. Some of it I'll keep. The things he really wants me to have.." Graham gave a shrug as a shiver ran through his body. "Some of the things he's bequeathed to others.. that will all have to be taken care of.."
"Before you go," Daniel finished his sentence for him. Graham looked into the blue eyes and nodded.
"Yeah."
The anthropologist, who hadn't taken his eyes off the other man throughout the conversation, sat forward now, sweeping his long coat up into his lap as he huddled his shoulders. Tapping his feet on the hard path, he finally diverted his eyes to the sludge beneath his boots. "I want to say something to you, and I don't want you to get the wrong impression," he said, his brow furrowed as he stared at the ground.
"Okay. What?"
Twisting his head to look back at the man beside him, Daniel said, "I don't want you to go."
Graham stared back into the rapidly blinking eyes then followed them as Daniel sat back slowly in the seat, laying his arm along the back of the bench again, where he nervously dug his thumbnail into the sodden wood as thicker vapors poured from his mouth due to his suddenly heavier breathing.
"Is it a stupid question to ask why? Or is it that you're unable to let this lame duck go without one more valiant effort to try to save my soul?" The young man asked with a bewildered smile at the unexpected proclamation.
Daniel was now gnawing on his top lip as he concentrated on watching his hand bounce against the top of the seat. With a shy smile he shrugged then shifted his gaze onto the dark, red-rimmed eyes.
"I mean," Graham continued, averting his eyes as soon as Daniel looked at him, "if I'm not to get the wrong impression then it can't be for any reason like.." With a shrug he glanced at Daniel then away again. Tucking his cold hands under his thighs Graham went on, "so I'm just curious.."
"Okay," Daniel said in a gentle voice as he quickly scratched at his jaw before dropping his hands into his lap, where he rubbed the side of his thumb with the tip of his index finger. "I guess I worded that wrong.."
"Which part?" Graham asked sincerely.
"The wrong impression bit." The older man shrugged then said, "Perhaps I should have said that I didn't want to be accused of giving you pity again..."
With a quick, embarrassed grimace, Graham rolled his eyes as he muttered, "Ah, yeah. I'm so sorry about that.. I was.."
"I understand," Daniel told him softly. Graham met his gaze once more. "But I want you to know that what I feel for you.. is not pity..." he told him pointedly.
Graham's mouth dropped open slightly as he stared into the earnest blue eyes. "What.. do you feel for me then?" He asked huskily.
At that moment Graham's beeper went off and the two men jolted at the unexpected intrusion. Without even checking the display Graham scurried to his feet, running as fast as he could towards the front entrance of the hospital leaving Daniel in his wake. The benefit of longer legs meant that Daniel soon caught up to him and they entered the hospital room together, both panting heavily from the exertion and the adrenaline rush. Graham raced to the side of the bed, and looked down at his brother - who still seemed to be asleep.
"Phil?"
Daniel looked around for Jack and saw him over by the window. The older man had turned towards them as the door had burst open but hadn't had a chance to move from his spot yet.
Daniel heard Graham call to his brother again as he hurried over to Jack. Fearing the worse, he still had to ask, "What's happened?"
"Janet's agreed to sign the papers," Jack said in a hoarse voice as he swallowed down the tears that he'd been refusing to cry anymore. "I'm taking him home.."
Daniel caught his breath in a heavy sigh and felt his legs turn to jello as he stared into Jack's eyes. Rubbing his hand down his face then resting it against the side of his throat, he gave a sharp nod as he asked, "When?"
"Tomorrow. I just thought.." Jack frowned as he looked between Daniel and Graham, seeing them both with red noses, bright red lips and flushed cheeks. "Sorry. Did I interrupt something?" He asked quietly. His friend closed his eyes and shook his head. "You told me to page you the minute something happened.."
"I know," Daniel sighed in relief that it hadn't been worse news. Hearing that Philip was being released home to die wasn't the best news he could have been given, but he knew it was Philip's wish, so that was better news than he'd expected it to be in the frantic moments it took for him to reach the room. He moved over to the bed and stood right behind Graham as he looked down at Philip.
The shorter man looked up at him, relief filled the cimmerian eyes as he told him in a shaky voice, "I don't even want to tell you what I thought.."
Daniel nodded and patted his shoulder. "I think I thought it too." Under his hand he felt Graham's whole body shiver then the younger man reached down and gently stroked his brother's pale face.
"Did you enjoy your walk?" Jaheed asked, his tone none too friendly. Daniel felt Graham stiffen but he gave him a light squeeze to show him he wasn't alone.
"Actually," the anthropologist said, "It's a little cool out but we made the most of it."
Jaheed stared at him venomously. Daniel met the stare and didn't back down, and he kept his hand on Graham's shoulder as he watched Jaheed's eyes drift down to their touch.
"Danny," Jack said from where he was now standing at the end of the bed. Slowly both Daniel and Graham turned to look at him. The older man leaned over the end of the bed and cupped his hands around the mound under the blanket that was Phil's feet. "I wanted to ask you a favor?'
Daniel looked at the action and frowned slightly as he said, "What is it?"
Jack pointed at the drawer beside Graham's hip. Daniel reached around him and pulled the drawer open.
"See the keys?" Jack asked.
"Yeah," Daniel said, dragging them out.
"Could I get you to go back to my place tonight and give it a quick tidy up? I don't want to bring him home to that mess."
Daniel looked at the keys, then briefly at Jack's hands that were rubbing the feet firmly, then up into Jack's eyes. "Uh, okay."
Graham also looked at the keys, then at Daniel, then at the colonel. He was as surprised as Daniel was at Jack's obvious display of affection towards Philip - in the presence of Jaheed.
"Will you make up the sofa? I thought maybe getting Teal'c here to help move him tomorrow.."
Daniel was bewildered as he pointed at the equipment. "Is all this coming?"
"No," Graham said quietly then looked at Jack. The older man stared at him a long moment, realizing that Graham knew as well as he did what it meant in taking Philip home.
"He's right."
"Nothing?" Daniel asked, surprised that Philip was going to go from all of this equipment to just a sofa in a living room. The first thought across his mind was how would Philip cope, and then he realized that that was exactly the reason for him to go home. "Of course," he muttered and jiggled the keys in his hand before putting them into his coat pocket. His hands brushed his glasses in there and he pulled them out, cleaned them briefly against his sweater before he put them back on.
Jack gave him a slight quirk of the brow but said nothing as he straightened up and moved towards them.
"Thanks," he said to his friend. Looking at Graham he said, "You okay with this?"
The brother nodded. "It's what he wants."
Jack searched the handsome face, again seeing the similarities between the two brothers, and then he patted Graham's shoulder as he followed his gaze and looked down at Philip.
Daniel gave a soft cough as he said, "Maybe I should go now?"
"It's a big job," Jack said with a slightly embarrassed shrug.
A quick smile flittered over Daniel's lips. "I've seen your place messy before, Jack."
"There might be a few science experiments on the coffee table..."
Daniel's smile turned into a soft chuckle. "I'll cope.."
The pale brown eyes drifted to Graham as he suggested, "Might be more than a one-man job."
The lieutenant frowned then shook his head. "I'm not leaving him."
Daniel and Jack exchanged shrugs then the colonel reached out and patted the shorter man. "Sure."
"Do you have any idea what time tomorrow?" Daniel asked as his eyes focused on the man in the bed.
"No. Not yet. Doc said she'll be around about oh-nine-hundred.."
"Okay. Do you want me to stay there? Or to come back in here to help with the move?"
Jack considered that a moment then said, "Up to you. Call and let me know what you're thinking of doing tomorrow.."
Daniel nodded then gave his friend a sad smile before he reached down and whispered something into Phil's ear. The patient's eyes slotted open slightly and Daniel raised his brow, surprised to see Philip awake.
"Oh, hello," he said, a genuine smile coming to his lips now. "I'm going to go now and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
The eyes blinked slowly and Daniel reached out and patted his hand lightly. "Catch you tomorrow, Phil.." He watched as Philip closed his eyes again.
He turned back to met Jack's gaze. "You'll be okay?"
"Yeah. Thanks, Danny.." Jack said, with a weary smile. The anthropologist looked at Graham briefly, their eyes meeting, then he ducked his head and left the room.
Jack sighed heavily.
Graham also sighed then moved over to the cabinet and lifted up the slightly damp washcloth to swipe gently across Phil's forehead. The colonel watched him tend to his brother then swallowed and shook his head - filled with regret for his treatment of the young lieutenant over a year ago.
*
Checking his watch, Daniel saw that it was now after three in the morning. He'd finished tidying Jack's place, made up a bed on the sofa and threw away all the science experiments, in the living room and the refrigerator. He even changed the bedding in Jack's room and straightened up things in the spare room - just in case someone needed to stay in there - perhaps Graham, if he intended to remain steadfastly by his brother's side. He loaded the last of the dirty dishes into the dishwasher then he yawned and threw his hands over his head to stretch out his weary body.
As Jack implied, it had been more than a one-man job, but after a few solid hours of work Daniel had the task completed. He contemplated going home to bed, but decided that he should remain there, getting a good few hours' sleep in order to be more prepared for the long haul that they all might soon be facing. It made sense, he realized, to stay there and let the others bring Philip home tomorrow while he remained there, keeping the house warm with a fire. He'd call Jack later to tell him that he decided as he went to the hallway cupboard and pulled out a few spare blankets and pillows. He left them on the bare coffee table then went to re-stoke the fire. His eyes remained staring into the orange flames as he stood up and unfastened his belt. His hand worked the zipper on his pants without effort then he let the black chinos fall to the floor before stepping out of them. Carefully he folded them and hung them over the back of the single chair, ready to be worn again tomorrow. Jack was wider in the waist than he was and it was always a disaster to wear his friend's pants - they hung too low on him. Jack's tops, however, were a different matter so he decided to keep his own sweatshirt on and grab a fresh one from Jack's drawers in the morning. Carefully he peeled back the bedding on the sofa and climbed in, utilizing the bed he'd made for Philip.
Tucking his arms under his head, he laid awake and stared up at the ceiling as he wondered about how things were going back at the hospital - especially for Graham.
He turned onto his side now and curled up slightly as his mind drifted back to the conversation in the hospital gardens. He closed his eyes, wanting to allow himself the fantasy that they had not been interrupted and that he finally had the opportunity to tell Graham that he'd been harboring his feelings all year for him - feelings that ruined his relationship with Teal'c, and that prevented anything beginning with Todd. Screwing his eyes shut tightly, Daniel tried to will himself to sleep - perhaps to dream - to go somewhere where he'd never let his mind consciously go to. Who can control their dreams though, he told himself.
*
Jack looked up as Graham entered the hospital room. He gave a silent nod at the man coming to his side now.
"How is he?" Graham whispered, not wanting to wake his father who was snoring on the other side of the bed. Rosa was in the carer's room, occupying the bed that Graham normally slept in while the lieutenant had been sitting awake in the carer's activity room, trying to pass the time by watching television.
"No change."
As he rubbed his face now he yawned then pulled over the other chair to sit beside Jack.
"You know, you really ought to get some sleep.." Jack told him.
Graham looked at him a moment then focused on his brother again. "Hi Pot, I'm Kettle."
A slow smile crept across the colonel's lips as he recognized a saying that Philip had occasionally used at him. He figured it was a Simmons' thing. Like so many times when Phil had said it, it made him chuckle now too. Graham gave him a quick glance.
"What?" the tired young man asked, holding back a chuckle himself due to over-tiredness.
Jack shrugged then chuckled again. "Oh, God," he sighed as he rubbed his eyes. "I think I'm tired.."
"If I may say, Sir.." Graham said then shot him another quick glance in time to see Jack's brow arch slightly. "You look like shit."
The older man was stunned then he suddenly burst into quiet laughter. "Jesus, Lieutenant, is that anyway to speak to a Colonel..?" He teased.
"You're not a colonel here.." Graham said with a lop-sided, tired smile. "Here you're just my brother's partner.."
Jack frowned a moment then tilted his head. "Is that how you see me?"
Graham nodded slowly. "Starting to."
"Listen," Jack said, as he sat forward and brought his face close to Graham's. "I really wanted a chance to say that I'm oh-so sorry for the treatment I gave you.."
Holding his hand up and sitting back slightly Graham shook his head. "Don't. It's not important.."
"The hell it isn't!" Jack straightened up in his seat as well.
"No, really. I've had this conversation with Phil, actually.."
"Oh?"
"If you hadn't.. been.. well.. such an ass.. you and he would never have met up."
"So, are you telling me that you forgive my actions because it led to our relationship?" Jack asked, as he waved a finger between the bed and himself.
"No," Graham said, rubbing his eye. "But it brought out a few home truths.. for all of us. You thought you were in love with Dan.."
"Dan?"
Graham shrugged but ignored the comment as he added, "And I wasn't sure that I was.."
"Oh."
"So we probably wouldn't have made it much longer anyway.."
Jack rolled his eyes as he inhaled a deep breath. Groaning as he rubbed his fingertips against his temple he muttered, "You think, huh?" He tried not to think of his friend's confession in the café earlier.
They sat in silence for a few moments then Graham said quietly, "But things are different now."
Jack tilted his head slightly. "They are?"
The younger man looked him square in the eye. "Yeah, they are."
Jack nodded slowly then gave a little shrug when he realized he wasn't going to hear 'how' things were different now.
A loud snort from the other side of the bed heralded Jaheed's presence again. Graham rolled his eyes as he slotted them towards the sound. It was a reaction that Jack didn't miss, as he carefully observed the young man by his side. Jaheed got to his feet and circled the bed, freezing in his place as he saw Graham by the bed.
"I see you have returned."
"Actually," Graham said without bothering to look up, "I never left."
"Where did you go then? With that Daniel?"
"No, Poppa.." Graham said with a heavy sigh as he finally tilted his weary head and addressed the man at the end of the bed. "I was watching some television in the other room."
"*That* Daniel's gone back to my place," Jack reminded the obstinate man. "To clean it up, remember?"
Addressing Jack, Jaheed said, "I thought perhaps he had gone with him."
"*He* is still in the room," Graham told his father.
"I was not talking to you!"
"No, you never do!" Graham said, feeling his stomach tighten as he glared at the man who had ridden him the past few years for admitting his homosexuality to him. "All you ever do it yell at me, or speak down to me. You accuse me of things I don't do and you blame me for things out of my control..."
Philip groaned softly in his sleep.
"Folks," Jack said cautiously. "Let's keep this to a dull roar, shall we?"
"Sorry," Graham hissed then covered his face in his hands as he got up.
As he passed his father the older man said, "It is you that started this!"
"I started this? Why? Because I didn't want to lie to you? Because I wanted to be honest with my parents? Because I spoke the truth? For *that* - you have condemned me!"
"You have condemned you! Do not blame me-"
"I blame you, all right. And solely you!" Graham hissed viciously.
"If you were a man.."
"I am a man, Poppa! I just prefer *other* men.. and the fact that you hate me because of that is your problem - not mine! The fact that it used to upset me.. that was mine, though.. but not anymore. Know why? Because I'm happy. I'm a good person but you will never know! I enjoy my work and I have good friends... So your disgust of me.. it doesn't bother me anymore.." Graham looked at the bed where Philip was shifting slightly beneath the sheet, then he looked at Jack and saw encouragement in the Colonel's eyes. As he turned back towards his father, Graham straightened up his shoulders and said, in a quiet, controlled voice, "So to hell with you - 'Poppa'... This is my damn life and I'm going to live it however and with whomever I want to!" At the end of his tirade, his chest heaved and his face was moist with perspiration. He stared into the shocked black eyes before him then he shook his head and turned away in disgust. Looking at Jack he said, "I'm going to try to get some sleep.."
Jack gave him a slight nod and glared at the hot-headed father for a long moment. Jaheed's expression hardened as he stared at the closing door.
"He is not my son.."
Jack swallowed hard then said, "Somehow, I don't think that bothers him anymore."
The older man's eyes shifted onto Jack and held such hatred in them that the colonel shuddered and then left the room, hoping to catch up with Graham in the corridor.
<End of part 63>
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.