Part 66
Daniel held Graham for as long as the Lieutenant felt he needed to be held. Allowing him to set the pace, Daniel relinquished the contact the minute Graham stepped away and turned to wipe his eyes.
"I'll go check the fire.." muttered the distraught young man.
Daniel reached out and grabbed his hand, which stopped him before he got too far away. "You just did."
Graham's head bowed further, until his chin hit his chest. Daniel stepped up behind him and released his hand so that he could wrap both arms around him instead.
"I don't know why I'm so upset-" Graham mumbled, more to himself than to the man embracing him. "He might be alright for a long time..." Daniel tightened his hold and pressed his lips to the back of the raven head, but said nothing. Graham's hands came up to cup the anthropologist's forearms. "I mean he could hold on for weeks..."
Closing his eyes, Daniel regretted wishing he wouldn't. If Phil held on for much longer it might give everyone the extra time they desperately wanted with him - but at what cost? This was no quality of life for Philip and he seemed aware of what he was putting his loved ones through. From their conversations it was also clear to Daniel that Philip knew he'd never recover from this.
The extra time would not benefit those grieving already either. It would not better prepare them for the inevitable death when it did finally come. Death would always come unexpected and would be ill prepared for - no matter how much warning they had.
They would always question if they said that they loved him enough.. Or if they showed him how much they cared often enough. But, if he went sooner, Jack and Graham *would* be shattered but at least they'd then have the chance to cope with the loss and to grieve properly - instead of the semi-state of constant grief they were currently in. And, Daniel knew, they would eventually move on, forever changed but able to live and laugh again. Having coped with his own share of death and waiting - about Sha're - he didn't wish that hell on these two men. Daniel always did prefer to rip off a band-aid rather than peel it off painfully slowly.
"Couldn't he?" Graham asked, looking up into the shielded blue orbs. Daniel flinched a little which Graham mistook for an affirmation so he gave Daniel a weak smile before bending his head down to kiss one of the forearms engulfing him. As he straightened up again, he looked out through the kitchen window.
"It's snowing," he said numbly. Daniel tilted his head and had a look.
"Does Philip like the snow?" the older man asked.
"No. Just the rain."
Daniel felt a shiver run through Graham and cuddled him closer. In a quiet voice, he stared out the window at the falling snow as he told Graham; "I remember the second night I stayed at your place-" As he spoke he absently rubbed his bristly chin into the crown of Graham's head. "I woke up to go to the bathroom and I saw this figure sitting high up on the wall outside. I went to the window and saw it was him, his face raised to the rain." Daniel paused then lowered his face so that his lips brushed his partner's ear. "It was the first time I realized he had curly hair.."
Graham smiled gently at this memory. "He hates his curls.."
Daniel nodded. "I thought so.."
"I hate them too, mine that is, not Phil's.." The lieutenant ran his hand through his short hair, ruffling it into finger tracks as he did. Daniel smiled at him.
"I like your hair.."
"Thanks.."
"And I love Phil's... Really liked the length of it.."
Graham looked at the dark honey blond hair then said, "You thinking of growing yours that long?"
Daniel laughed. "Ah, no."
Under his breath Graham said, "good," but all Daniel noted was his smile. He hesitantly cradled the back of Graham's head in his hand as he turned the younger man to face him. The two men swallowed hard as they stared into each other's eyes then Daniel trailed his two fingertips down Graham's smooth cheek and onto his chin. After a few minutes Graham whispered, "I'm going to be okay."
Daniel blinked quickly then gave a sharp nod before he closed his eyes and lessened the gap between them. Tentatively lips touched and then tongues snaked out to entwine and slide together. Warmth and a sense of protection filled Graham's body as he allowed Daniel to pull him closer while running his hands all over his back.
With an urgent grunt Daniel's hands moved up and cradled the face gently as Graham's hands made their way under Daniel's sweatshirt once more. Breathlessly the two men devoured each other, chasing the fear and uncertainty from their minds for a brief moment while they lost themselves in each other. The sound of a car entering the drive pulled the two men apart. Daniel hastily swiped his hand through his hair as he blinked to clear his thoughts. Graham had quickly tucked his head and wiped his thumb across his bottom lip as he turned and left the kitchen. Closing his eyes briefly, Daniel gave a silent prayer to whomever was listening that they all could cope with the next few hours... days.. or, god forbid, weeks..
By the time he left the kitchen Teal'c had already entered the house with Philip in his arms. Jack walked behind, carrying a long cylinder of oxygen, complete with a small plastic mask. As Teal'c laid the ailing man carefully onto the sofa Jack positioned the oxygen at the head of the sofa, then paid the mask against the pillow beside Phil’s head. Then he gathered up the bedding and covered Philip in it before he sat on the edge of the sofa and checked that his lover was comfortable.
Janet was moving into place beside the sofa and Graham hung back, watching from near the fire at the goings on over his brother. Daniel's heart tugged when he watched his confused and distraught lover look so lost. He wanted to go over and hug him, to reassure him that everything would be all right, but he knew he couldn't. It was now up to Graham to come to him if and when he needed him, and telling him that everything would be all right would be a lie. Philip was here to die - pure and simple. As to when - that was the hardest part of all this.
Daniel felt someone come and stand beside him on the top step.
"Sam," he said, a little hoarsely as he turned and saw her.
She gave him a sad smile.
By her expression he saw she didn't have good news. "So I guess Operation Resurrection is not going very well?"
The pretty woman gave a heavy sigh as she confessed, "I don't understand it, Daniel. I have the ability to use the hand device. I blew apart a couple of packing crates yesterday - but I just can't get this to work.." She shook her head as she looked at the Colonel. "I guess I'm too upset by everything else happening. I should be able to stop this, but I just can't make it work.."
Daniel observed her distress and reached an arm up and around her shoulders. "You know, Sam. No one is going to blame you if you can't do this.."
"Oh, yes they will," she muttered then looked into his eyes. "I will."
Daniel closed his eyes a moment then shook his head. "Don't. This is an eleventh hour reprieve. If it's meant to happen - it will."
"You believe in that stuff, don't you?"
"Fate?"
"Yeah. I'm a scientist, Daniel. Everything has a cause and a reason.."
"I'm a scientist too, Sam. Sometimes things are just meant to be.." He looked at the people in the room around the ailing man as he added, in a low, sad voice, "And sometimes.. they're not." Trying to get a smile on his face, one that would look at least encouraging, he said, "I think we were wise not to raise Jack and Graham's hopes about this though.."
"The pressure on me is hard enough," Sam confessed. "I don't think I could cope if they knew what we were trying.."
Daniel swallowed then shoved his hands into his pockets. "One day, maybe, we'll tell them what you tried to do for them.."
Sam rolled her head to the side as she shrugged. "It would have to be a long way into the future for it to not sting so badly." She watched as Jack scrubbed his hands through his hair while he paced, his eyes constantly checking on the Doctor's progress with her observations of the ill man. Quietly, Sam told Daniel, "I don't know what to do or to say to him-"
Daniel followed her eyeline and saw she was referring to Jack. He made a clicking sound in his cheek as he said, "Who does."
"I've never had to go through this. Even with Dad it wasn't like this.."
Daniel bowed his head as he thought about that. "I know what you mean," he admitted. "I'm not sure if I should stay and help out or go and not be in the way.."
"Janet's really upset about this. She's really fond of Philip now, not that she never was - but she broke her own rule about not getting emotionally attached to her patients.."
With a soft growl Daniel looked up and his eyes searched for Graham. He found him, squatting at the end of the sofa, above Phil's head, his hands touching his brother. Teal'c slowly stepped back and then turned towards them.
He came over and Sam asked, "How is he?"
"He is very weak,” Teal'c admitted.
"Well," Daniel said, looking at his two friends. "Now we wait.."
Sam rolled her eyes, clearly showing that it made her stomach turn to have to wait - to have no control of the situation they were all involved in.
"Maybe I should offer to make everyone a drink?" She suggested.
Daniel looked her up and down then asked, "Don't you want to get back to the Base?"
Sam shook her head. "In a while. My head is splitting. I'm already on Janet's strongest painkillers for it.."
The anthropologist nodded. "Sorry, Sam. I didn't mean to.."
She nodded. "I know. Believe me, if I thought it would do any good, I'd be there now..." She sighed heavily again then shrugged. "But Janet tells me he's not.. got .. long.." As she said that she watched Daniel's expression change considerably. "Sorry - I thought you knew.."
With a reluctant shrug, Daniel said, "I did - sort of. I guess it's harder to hear it, that's all."
Sam swallowed and met Teal'c's concerned gaze as Daniel said, "I might get in there. See if I can be any help to them."
Sam closed her eyes as she gave another heavy sigh. She watched as Daniel went up to Jack, who was now sitting on the edge of the coffee table, and laid his hands on his friend's hunched shoulders. Jack looked up at him briefly and Daniel said nothing, but gave him a firm squeeze.
Once Jack looked down at Philip again Daniel allowed his eyes to stray onto his lover, and their eyes met momentarily before Graham knelt up and whispered something in Phil's ear.
*
Philip had been home for many hours now, and the initial fluttering around the bedside had subsided considerably. Sam's headache had eased enough for her to consider going back to the base along with Janet and Teal'c. Jack had actually fallen asleep perched on the edge of the sofa next to Philip - who was also asleep - and Graham was sitting in Jack's chair, at Phil's head. He, too, had drifted off to sleep. Soft music, a c.d. that Jack had made for Philip a while ago, was on a constant loop in the background.
Daniel was quietly reading over at Jack's desk in the corner. Every now and then he'd hear a soft grunt from Philip, or a different sound of wheeze, and he'd look over at him. This time his attention was caught by a muffled sound. He closed his book and got to his feet slowly. Stepping around the desk he went over to the sofa and looked down at Philip. The dull eyes were open but he didn't seem to be moving. Gingerly Daniel reached down, past Jack, and touched his fingers to the cool neck. Philip blinked at the touch and Daniel released the breath he didn't even know he was holding.
"Sorry," he whispered.
"D'n?"
"Yeah, it's me.." Daniel said, watching as Jack stirred in his sleep.
"What's up?" Jack mumbled.
Daniel pointed to Philip then said, "I was just checking on him."
Jack twisted and looked at his lover. "Everything okay, baby?"
"Y's.." Philip whispered as he closed his eyes and turned his face away. Jack pressed a kiss to his temple and snuggled in beside him. Slowly his eyes drifted closed again and Daniel returned to his book.
*
About an hour later Daniel was leaving the bathroom when he encountered Graham in the hall way.
"You okay?" He asked quietly.
Graham nodded then yawned. "I can't believe I fell asleep."
"You didn't get much sleep last night. You've all been asleep for about an hour. Probably for the best.."
Graham sighed. "I don't want to waste time though. I hate all this waiting."
As he shook his head, Daniel said, "What else can you do?"
"I might grab a book and read to him for a while."
The older man nodded. "He'd probably like that."
With a shrug, Graham admitted, "I'm not sure what he'd like anymore.. but I just don't want to leave him lying there with nothing to do.." He stepped over to the bathroom door and went inside.
Daniel went down to the kitchen to begin cooking some dinner.
*
Despite cooking a good meal, Daniel was the only one that ate. He was cleaning the dishes after dinner when he heard the door of the kitchen close and then felt arms around his stomach.
"How's it going?" he asked.
"I miss you in there," Graham confessed, planting a kiss in the center of Daniel's shoulders.
"I got hungry.." The anthropologist said, hoping he didn't sound annoyed that no one else ate. Graham moved to insert himself between Daniel and the kitchen counter.
"Are you okay?" Graham asked.
"I'm fine. I guess I'm just irritable. That damn music.."
"What music?" Graham asked with a frown.
"Don't tell me you haven't heard the c.d. that's been looping for the past few hours?"
"Ah.. no. I haven't heard it," he said.
"Well you're lucky. If I hear 'air that I breathe' once more.." Daniel mumbled under his breath. His partner smiled at him.
"Why don't you switch it off then?"
"Because Jack put it on for Philip. It's not my place to turn it off."
"It is if you're the only one awake to hear it."
"Jack asleep again?"
Graham nodded then wrapped his arms around Daniel's waist. "I think it's better that way though. He hardly slept in the hospital but here, where he can be with Phil, he's getting a lot of comfort from the contact, I think."
Daniel's hands trailed up the arms around him and onto the younger man's shoulders. He cupped the back of Graham's neck as he said, in a deep voice; "I'm getting some comfort from this contact too."
Graham smiled. "Oh? You too?"
Daniel returned the smile before they kissed tenderly. As he pulled back he suggested, "Why don't you get a decent sleep tonight in one of the beds. I'll sit up with Jack and Phil and if we need you, I'll come and get you."
"We'll see. I'm not sure if I want to leave him for that long."
"How's he going?"
"His breathing's getting worse. I think his lungs are beginning to fill up.."
Daniel swallowed then he nodded. In a soft voice he asked, "What's that mean? In terms of time?"
With a sharp shrug, Graham said, "Who knows with him? Phil's rarely ever gone by the book. Ordinarily, he's got probably twelve hours.."
Daniel's jaw dropped then his eyes flitted to the door then back at Graham. "He has?"
"Don't look so shocked.."
"I'm surprised.. You.. You seem so calm.."
With a derisive snort, Graham said, "No I'm not, believe me. But what's the point of wishing we had more time? If I thought he'd get up off that sofa ever again I'd be praying for more time with him. But he's never going to do that ..."
Daniel nodded. He had very similar thoughts earlier. Graham's arms dropped to his side as he stepped back from Daniel. He bowed his head as he rubbed a hand over his face. "You think you've said your good-byes, you know? But I know that when the time comes I'll want to say it all over again - and I'll probably be wanting more time then, too.."
"Death is the one thing we can't really prepare ourselves for."
Graham gave him a sad smile. "No. I know.." He looked at the floor again as he said, "And death makes you realize what's important in your life too." He met Daniel's gaze and held it. Daniel gave an uncertain smile then he scratched at the back of his ear with his thumb. "Jack told me that Philip told Poppa about them."
"Jaheed knows about Jack and Phil?"
With a sharp nod, Graham muttered, "Apparently."
"What the hell happened?"
"Jack left the room for a short while and when he came back Philip had told Poppa. He said it wasn't fair on me if they didn't know.."
"So what happened?"
"Not much - pretty much as I expected really. Momma was tearful but Poppa refuses to set foot near Philip again."
"Even now? With him so close to...?"
Graham breathed out heavily through his nose. "Goes to show you how petty my father is, doesn't it?" He watched Daniel a moment then he added, "Before I came here this morning I told him that I didn't care that he hated me..."
"But you do," Daniel said. It was a statement, not a question. Graham shrugged.
"Of course I do-" He gave a faint smile as he said, "He's my Poppa.."
Daniel heard the hurt in the strained voice and went over to hug him. "I'm sorry.."
Graham hugged him back. "So am I, but in a way - it's the reason I came looking for you." He leaned back to look at Daniel. "I realized that my time's too short to lose out on something as important as us... because of my stupidity.."
Daniel touched his fingers to Graham's cheek. "I'm glad to hear that."
Turning his face Graham pressed a kiss to the tips of Daniel's fingers. "Do you think that loft's still for lease in your apartment block?"
Daniel smiled. "I'll check next time I'm there, if you're serious."
Graham nodded. "I'm serious. I can't live in my place without him... but I can't leave you either.."
Daniel cupped his chin and tilted his face up. With a little hesitation as he searched the sincere brown eyes he slowly closed the gap between them until their lips met and their tongues duelled gently.
Suddenly the door opened and Jack walked in on them.
"Holy.." He said, startling the two men apart. "Oh God! I'm sorry.."
Daniel shook his head and kept his arm around Graham's shoulders as he looked at his friend.
"That's okay Jack." he said, feeling Graham stiffen slightly beside him. "You weren't to know."
"I thought you'd both gone for a walk or something.."
"No. It's snowing outside," Daniel said, and then realized how dark it was out there. "Not that you can see that, I guess." he added as he recalled that Jack hadn't left Philip's side all day.
"No.." Jack screwed his face up again as he pointed to the fridge. "I just want a drink of cold water.."
The two younger men exchanged concerned glances then Daniel stepped up to his friend's side as he suggested, "Why don't you take a break?" He shot another glance at his lover as he crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head to address Jack again, "Maybe have a shower or just get away for five minutes.."
Jack's weary eyes settled upon his concerned friend. "You telling me I need a shower?"
A wisp of a smile fluttered over Daniel's lips. "Well, not that I'd say it.."
Jack held the gaze a long moment then shrugged. "Maybe I'll just go out the back for a few minutes. Look up at the stars.."
"It's snowing," Daniel reminded him. Jack shrugged.
"I've got a good memory," he said.
The anthropologist reached out and patted his shoulder. "We'll sit with Philip while you do that and then-" he said, turning to look back at Graham on the other side of the room, "I need to go to the store and buy more milk. We're really getting low.."
As he pointed to a drawer beside Daniel's hip, Jack told him, "There's some loose money in that drawer.."
Daniel gave a quick nod but had no intention of using Jack's money. "You go and look at the stars. I'll go to the store when you've finished. You might think of something else you need while you're out there.."
"What I need," Jack muttered, under his breath as he reached for the cold water. He straightened up and look straight into Daniel's eyes as he finished his sentence, "You're not going to find at the local store."
Daniel held the gaze as he nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I know."
Jack blinked as he lowered his eyes then shrugged and poured the water into a glass. He said nothing more as he turned and left the room. Daniel's eyes shifted from the closing door onto Graham, who raised his brow high.
"Ooops," Daniel said while he stepped across the room to him. Graham opened his arms to welcome him.
"He was bound to find out sooner or later, I guess.."
"I guess," Daniel repeated as he stared at the door, distracted by his dishevelled friend.
"Come on," Graham said, slipping his hand into Daniel's as he led him from the room and back to Philip's side.
<End of part 66>
Stories on this page are the property of Nessessitee and Slida. Please do not copy these without the written permission of the Author. All Rights are acknowledged for MGM, Gekko and Stargate Productions as to the Copyrights of the characters within this story and no infringement on the copyrights are intended. For the Bombshells Series the character of Philip Simmons is entirely the creation and intellectual property of Nessessitee and Slida.
While the performances given by RDA and MS help to fuel the author's desire to write for their characters in a niche that she feels is present on the actual show, the portrayal of their characters in loving relationships in no way reflects the Author's opinion of the men's private life, nor should it be construed in that manner.