The first month.

*Day 1*

Today I noticed him. He's a local kid - obviously at University if his age and huge bag slung over his shoulder is anything to gauge it by. He looks young, too. I'd say around nineteen. Fresh faced, long, brown hair, little round glasses. He's often caught the bus I take to work in the mornings and I've seen him around before, but today..... Today I *noticed* him.

*Day 2*

He's on the bus again. It's not very crowded so he's managed a seat a few rows from mine. I can see his brown hair shining in the early morning sunlight through the windows. His head's bowed, the long hair acting like a curtain between us, as he reads a book in his lap. I'm mildly disappointed that I don't get to see his face until he's about to get off the bus. He shakes his head back, the brown strands falling away from his upturned face now as he grips the straps of his bag in his hand and rises from his seat fluidly. The last I see of him is his head disappearing out of the door.

*Day 3*

Today, for some reason, the bus is full. I'm lucky and I have a seat. He's not so lucky and has to stand. I'm not disappointed when he moves past me. I see his long fingers are gripped around the straps of his burgeoning bag as he tries to shuffle down the bus, kicking the bag ahead of him with his knee as he kind of side-steps along the narrow aisle, his other hand gripping the chrome handle along the ceiling of the bus. I wonder what he's studying that requires such a full bag everyday. Soon the university looms in the distance and he must have alighted from the bus from a back door as I don't see him again.

*Day 4*

Today the kid got on but didn't look well. I find I'm concerned for him with this phantom friendship I've begun in my mind. He's sitting a few seats from me, his bag tucked between his ankles. He's hunched forward, elbows on knees, face in his hands. I wonder what is the matter, but I've no rights to ask. He's gone again soon and I start to wonder at this friendship I've fabricated.

*Day 5*

He looks better today and that pleases me. Whatever it was yesterday is not affecting him today. He sits one seat up, on the other side of the bus. I'm afforded a good view of his profile. I can see the straight nose, the sharp definition of his small mouth in profile, his lips slightly parted. He presses the glasses back into place on his nose and digs out a book from the bag between his feet. I read the cover and it's something to do with Egypt. He reads fast! And he's noting. I realize there's a note pad on his thigh and a pen in his hand. 'Geek' . I immediately think the boy is a Geek! Long hair. Glasses. Noting on the bus. Typical Geek!

So why am I so fascinated by him?

*Day 6*

Monday again. I realize I missed our brief encounter these past two days. I'm hopeful today. The seat beside me is empty. His stop comes up and he's the first on. /Next to me!/ I plead in my mind but he takes a seat further back. I find I'm disappointed but more so when on elderly man plants himself down beside me. Damn!

*Day 7*

The bus is full again and I'm forced to sit at the front. I hate it here where the window can reflect my image - and I can see who I really am. Sleek, 'military' man. Short cropped hair - dead giveaway, isn't it! My white shirt is clean and pressed. What's worse, I'm starting to look my age. I'm almost thirty I remind myself, give or take a few years. I absently note that he didn't get on and I think this is why I'm so antsy. Perhaps tomorrow....... I hope he's not sick!

*Day 8*

When the bus leaves his stop again and he doesn't get on for the second day running I find myself worried for his health. Stupid, eh? This kid doesn't even know I'm alive but here I am worried about him. I've got to get a life! I don't even know this kid but I'm already concerned for him. It's pure fabrication, I know that, but it eases the journey to work and who is it hurting? ...... I hope he's on tomorrow.

*Day 9*

Good news. He's here! Even better news - the seat beside me is vacant. Here he comes! Oh, God! He's stopped and he twirls to drop the back on the floor beside my feet. I try not to be seen watching his butt ease into the seat beside me. YES! My mind races to a 1001 things I can say to start a conversation with him. He wriggles beside me and I realize it's to remove his jacket. I thought it was just me who was warm! He smiles briefly, as you do when you're intruding on someone's personal space and you're aware of it. He straightens up again. Hey! I wasn't complaining! His leg's touching mine but I'm not protesting! Keep it there, kid! I've no problem with your thigh against mine! None, at all! Hey! Where are you going? The very next stop he gets up so that an old lady can sit down. Oh man! A gentleman *and* a geek! I can sure pick them! The old woman smiles at me as she sits down and I know I only return a half-hearted one but, dammit, he was next to me and now he's somewhere behind me! Ah well. There's always tomorrow.

*Day 10*

Friday again. Even before he gets on I'm wondering what he'll be wearing. Probably his faded denim jeans and a plaid shirt with a puffy jacket to top it off. The jacket manages to look one size too big for him and it's hard to tell if he's built or not. But his jaw is sharp, so I'm guessing he's not carrying much bulk. The bus pulls up and I find myself looking for him in the crowd. Dammit! I don't see him as I feel someone sit beside me. I hear a loud sneeze and I begin talking as I turn back towards them, saying ' Bless'.

I complete my turn to the person sneezing beside me and I'm dumbstruck! I peer into two watery blue eyes, partially hidden behind two hands covering his face. Oh God! He blinks his eyes rapidly and starts to wipe his nose with the handkerchief in his hands. He presses his glasses back into position on his nose as he makes the final few swipes under his nose.

"Allergies", he tells me, almost apologetically. I nod, because to be frank, I can't seem to talk. He looks away shyly and reaches for a book from his bag. I read the cover and it has something to do with Mayan cultures. We don't speak again but when he gets off the bus my thigh is still warm from where his was pressed against it - and I never even noticed it.

*Day 11*

This is bad! I found myself thinking about him yesterday as I sat on my back balcony, looking down at the garden behind the block of apartments I'm billeted in. I kept imagining him down there, walking amongst the roses and I wonder if they'd make his allergies play up. I vividly recall his soft, velvet voice tell me 'allergies'. I make a point not to look for him and not to even turn to see who sat beside me today. I've got to stop this imaged fantasy before it gets out of hand! I keep my head turned to the window and I watch the scenery pass by. I'm a bit surprised to see that, when we are pulling out from the bus stop he is walking down along the bus and he seems to be looking for someone through the windows. Our eyes meet briefly as the bus pulls away and I find I've caught my breath!

*Day 12*

Today I bring a book to distract myself. My self-imposed 'ban' yesterday made my head hurt and I found I was snappy all day! The fighting within my head had gotten on my nerves obviously and I was left with a head ache as well. Today I'll occupy my mind with thoughts about something else. I deliberately sit next to a beautiful woman, even though there were other available seats. We exchange smiles as I sit beside her. She leans to me and asks, in a low voice, for the time. I show her the watch on my arm and she nods. I read some more of my book. She asks me what I'm reading and I look up. She instantly smiles more. I start to wonder if she's gotten the wrong impression here. Yeah, sure there are completely empty seats all around us but I wanted to sit here so I could avoid the kid, baby, not to start chit-chat with you, so push off!

She tells me her name, 'Sara', and I nod and say it's a nice name. She smiles and asks after mine.

'Jonathan' I tell her. She nods and smiles and says it's a nice name, too. We have reached a sort of junction in the politeness now. Do were persevere? Which would give her way the wrong impression of me, or do I start to gently snob her now, by - perhaps - holding up my book a little more until she got the hint?

The bus jerks as it lumbers along the road and I'm aware that people are standing in the aisles now, all seats around us are full. I'm vaguely aware of a body bumping into the back of my shoulder as I'm slightly twisted to speak to her Sara. The body hits again and I hear a soft, 'sorry'. I nod before I look up and when I do I'm staring into his blue eyes once more, looking down from where he was standing in the aisle. He's standing right beside me and I didn't even notice him! I'm proud of myself for all of a few minutes, then I realize that I haven't taken my gaze from him so my work is undone. Sara catches my book as it slips from my lap and I turn towards her at the same instant that the bus jolts again. I feel his thigh bash my shoulder again and I turn to see him watching me. Was he always watching me or did we just both look at each other at exactly the same time? I'll never know. The bus slows down at the Uni. stop and he bends to pick up his bag before shuffling off. I think I can remember to breath now!

Day *13*

It's a nicer day today. I've given up trying to pretend I'm not interested in him. He occupied my thoughts all day yesterday at work and he featured in my dreams last night. I was only trying to fool myself anyway. I find I don't like good weather days as it means a crowd on the bus. A few drops of rain and you can literally see the people scurrying for their cars - 'mustn't get a drip of rain on them', for crying out loud! That kind of mentality congests the roads and makes us all late for work! Then again, it makes the short trip with the kid last that little bit longer, I guess. I wonder what he'll be wearing today as we pull up at his stop. Brown.

The kid's wearing a brown sweater. Not to bad a fit, but brown? He's a geek, I remind myself, just a cute looking one! I find that with each passing day I'm becoming more fascinated by him. What does he do? Does he have friends? Where does he live? Who does he live with? He is forced to stand again because the bus is full. I spend the ride staring at his neat butt, taking in the way the denim hugs the butt cheeks neatly. It's in full view as he stretches up to grip the chrome handle that runs along the ceiling. I suck in a deep breath, then I am suddenly aware of the woman beside me and I recognize her from the other day. Sara, wasn't it?

"Hello again," she greets me.

I think it's a good opening line and store it for future reference. I respond to her greeting and we engage in idle chit chat. I'm aware of all of his movements though. He's standing a few seats in front of me so exits from the front doors. As he's walking along the sidewalk I notice he's looking into the bus again. Our eyes meet and I've an incredible urge to jump of the bus and run after him. I don't really know why.

*Day 14*

Sara and I talked until she got off the bus yesterday. Nice enough person, I tell myself, but I'm so not interested in her at the moment. At least, not *that* way. Last night I had another dream - that involved me, a bed and definitely not her!

The object of my night's entertainment finally boards the bus now and looks around. I see his blue eyes scanning the people and I look away before he spots me. For some reason my heart's thumping in my chest like I'm some teenager with a crush. I swallow and realize how dry my throat has become. I hold my breath as he steps into the seat beside me, remaining standing as we lurch off so that he can take his bag off his shoulders. He sits finally, and shoots me a quick smile - one of 'don't I know you?' I want to talk but I have nothing to say.

"Hello again," I say and hope it doesn't sound lame.

"Hello."

I melt. His voice is like rich, smooth chocolate and I find I'm grinning stupidly at the mere sound of it. I'm about to say something - anything - just to keep the conversation going and to keep him looking at me.

"Danny?"

We both look up and there's another geeky person standing in the aisle, gripping the pole for dear life as the bus careens around the corner sending everyone stumbling. Our geeky intruder almost falls into our laps but the kids stops him by jamming his hand into his stomach to hold him up.

They talk together for the rest of the trip and he throws me a casual 'bye' as he gets up. I resent the intruder intruding and I watch as they get off together, still talking intensely. The blue eyes collide with mine once more and he smiles.

//Dear God in Heaven! He is gorgeous!//

I am grateful to his friend for one thing - I now know his name. 'Danny'.

*Day 15*

At this stage I don't know who the bigger geek is. Me or the kid!

He got on today and as the bus was pretty empty (yup, you guessed it! It was raining!) so he sits in the seat in front of mine and turns to talk to me. For some reason he finds it necessary to apologize for his friend yesterday - for almost falling into our laps. I told him that it was because he was standing facing forward and that you should always standing side on in a bus, to kinda 'ride' the bus, like a surfer rides a wave. And you grip the handle on the ceiling with each hand.

He gave me a smile that didn't really say 'you're full of shit!' but it politely told me he wasn't too convinced by my theory. Someone sat in the seat beside him and so he had to turn around again. As he stood to get off he said his 'bye' and stepped out the front door. We both look for each other now as he walks along the path. He gives a smile and a small wave of his hand before looking embarrassed and ducking his head. I'm now starting to be convinced that he is one cute kid!

*Day 16*

Today Sara sat with me. We talked until Danny's stop then I watched as he stepped his way past us, his eyes looked angry somehow as he looked at Sara beside me. More wishful thinking, I suppose! I return my attention to the woman babbling beside me and smile to myself as I think //God help her future husband. He'll probably be talked to death!//

*Day 17*

I didn't sleep well last night. Danny's look really got to me, opened a can of worms and made me really restless. My heart's thumping all around the joint - telling me it was a look of envy- of jealousy. My brain is telling me I'm a doofus! At this stage, I'm not sure which one I believe!

This is stupid! It's whimsical, unrealistic and fanciful to believe he'd be interested in me, and that his look was one of jealousy because I was talking to someone else. I deliberately sit so that I encroach into the other half of the seat and people walk past me. As soon as I see him get on the bus I shift casually, dropping my foot to the floor. He takes the empty seat. At first we don't speak then I hear him suck in a breath beside me. I'm interested enough to turn to look at him. His mouth twitches instinctually into a smile. I smile and nod in response then he says, in his silky voice, "I'm Daniel, by the way."

I bite back a smile and almost kick myself for my smart-assed response.

"Hello, Daniel Bytheway. I'm Jonathan O'Neill."

Daniel's nose screws up as he laughs softly then he wets his lips. "Jackson." He said next and I honestly misunderstood him this time.

"No, Jonathan," I repeat as our shoulders bump together throughout the ride. He laughs again and wipes his finger across his lips before looking up at me from under his lashes.

"No, I'm .... Daniel Jackson."

I laugh now at my own mistake. //God,// I cringe internally. //I'm so smooth!// I shake my head now as I chuckle some more.

"Well, I'm still Jonathan O'Neill," I tell him casually.

He chuckles and tilts his head back and the atmosphere between us is electric! Or am I the only one to feel that?

We sit quietly for a while, both smirking whenever we look at each other. Then he announces, rather surprisingly actually, "You don't strike me as a Jonathan."

I find that intriguing so ask him what he thought I'd be called. He shrugs nonchalantly and tells me, "you're from the military base, right?"

I'm surprised by his astuteness and affirm that with a shrug-cum-nod.

He shrugs again and says, "then I'd imagine something short and sharp. Something easily barked, because you military-types like to bark, don't you?" I note a teasing tone in his voice now and I actually wonder if he's aware of it or not.

"Some of us prefer to bite!" I deadpan but he laughs at me, nonetheless.

Then he says, as he looks me right in the eyes, "John ....or ......Jack."

When I look at him as if 'huh?' he repeats himself. I then say, doubtfully, "I strike you as a 'Jack'?"

He nods then shrugs so I shrug. It's a good nick name. I've not had one before. He tells me to trust him on this as he's right into studying people. I ask him about that and he tells me he's an Anthropology Major at the local University. I shrug and nonchalantly tell him I'm an Airforce Captain and he, thankfully, laughs at my lame joke. We chit chat about nothing really and he soon gets off, leaving me with a 'see you tomorrow."

'Daniel'. I'd never thought much of that name - until now.

*Day 18*

He gets on the bus today and it is full. Standing beside me he grips the chrome runner on the ceiling of the bus and looks down at me, his blue eyes hooded with golden lashes as he smiles down.

"Let's try your theory, Jack."

I smirk. His groin is like inches from my face, so why wouldn't I smirk? And he can make the name Jack sound so goddamn sexy - even on a crowded bus! The bus bumps and jostles as we make our way across town to the University. It seems more than usual and he butts into me a few times, his thigh hitting my shoulder. We ignore the touches as we talk about his course of study. One particularly nasty thump shakes the bus violently, rattles the windows and shifts the fillings in everyone's mouth.

At that moment Danny and I are talking and he stumbles forward - his groin slamming into the underside of my chin. He doubles over slightly, his hand finding rest on my shoulder to stop himself from toppling completely into my lap. Instantly I support him at the bend in his body with one hand and with the other I slam my palm against his stomach to hold him up. Nice soft pouch he's got under there!

He grapples to regain his footing once more and his smile is gone, replaced by embarrassed silence and very red cheeks! By the sounds of all the embarrassed laughter and murmuring of apologies from the people in the bus behind us, I'd say he wasn't the only one to fall.

I ask if he's okay, a little concerned that my hand slamming against his stomach as hard as it had might have hurt him a little, but he mutters that he's okay. When the driver sends back an apology to us all I look at Daniel and smile at him, hoping it will lessen the stricken look on his face. It was an accident!

I start up conversation again and soon he's forgotten the incident. Well, at least I think he has. As he reaches between his legs to retrieve his back pack, he whispers to me - "Good theory, Jack!". I laugh spontaneously as he grins. I shrug.

"Hey," I tell him, "it's only a theory!"

He shakes his head and laughs as he gets off the bus. I watch his butt disappear through the door but I'm on the wrong side of the bus to watch him walk away.

*Day 19*

He settles in beside me and tucks his bag in between his ankles.

"Hello."

God, he has such a cute way of saying 'hello'.

I respond with a casual "Hi".

He fidgets a little, it seems he's avoiding eye contact. His ears are pink but it's not so cold today. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was nervous.

"Glad I got a seat this time," he tells me without meeting my eyes. "I'm really sorry about yesterday!" I wait until he's finally looking my way before I shrug.

"Wasn't your fault," I tell him then I add, " I think it was the start of a beautiful friendship for a lot of people actually!"

I see the grin creep slowly across his bowed face then he looks up at me. He tells me it was still embarrassing. I'm totally captivated by this kid, I know that! So shy, so sweet! I'd like nothing more than to cup that chin and turn that face towards me and stare into those baby blue eyes as I lean in and whisper something - anything, it doesn't matter, but it must be whispered - just seconds before I kiss away that frown. I'd pull away slowly from him and look at those plump lips as he mouths the word - "Jack?"

It was then I realized I was staring at the poor kid! Now that's what I'd call embarrassing! "Sorry!"

I tell him I was thinking about something but I can hear that I'm a little breathless. The kid's suspicious, too - judging by that frown on his face. Wetting his lips he tells me he wants to apologize again. For crying out loud, it's not like he did it on purpose- which I tell him! He gives me a hesitant smile for a moment and I'm not sure why.

"No," he tells me then ducks his face as he whispers, "not on purpose." My heart rates quicken and I'm compelled to push him.

"Right, because if you had.." I shrug as nonchalantly as I possibly can and remember we're in a bus filled with people who can overhear us here. He doesn't say a word, but he eventually looks up at me, blinking wildly as he stares a moment before looking past me and out the window once more.

We don't talk again until he gets off, and I watch him hitch his collar up against the rain. As he walks along the path he looks into the bus and our eyes meet. He doesn't look happy and I can't put my finger on why. It concerns me for the rest of the day.

*Day 20*

Today it's raining. Pouring. This is the kind of day they write about in children's rhymes. I find I'm waiting with baited breath as his stop approaches. I couldn't get him out of my mind last night. There's something about his eyes - the way they dart around as he speaks,, almost like he's nervous or anxious to be holding the floor. But it's so damn cute too! Does he know that, or is he blissfully unaware that each time he looks at me - each time he smiles - I find my heart in my throat?

I know enough about him to know that I want to know him better - but there's just no way he's gay! No way. Those eyes are gonna father some gorgeous kids one day - when he's a famous Anthropologist or something. I can picture her now - his beautiful wife. She'll be dark -exotic - Egyptian perhaps? The kid has a bent for Egypt - go figure! So I can see him in years to come, settling down in some place in Egypt with her and a brood of kids.

His stop approaches and the person beside me gets off. Yes! A free seat next to me again! I'm suddenly disappointed though, as the seat is taken even before the doors open. I turn and Sara smiles at me.

"Hello, Jonathan." She offers me a mint before putting one in her mouth and I'm partially surprised by her sudden appearance and the odd offering she's just made. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm wondering if my breath offended her last time, but I absently pop the mint-tasting sweet into my mouth. I find myself not caring, actually. She's nice and all, and pretty - yeah, quite pretty actually - but not my type - if you know what I mmean. Not yet, at least! She fidgets as she puts her mints into her pocket and I feel her knee brush against mine. Instinctually I move my leg away from hers. I look up and Danny's moving past me, bag in hand and a grim look on his face. I try to smile at him and he tries to nod in return. I like to think he's non-responsive because he'd come to enjoy our morning meeting as much as I have. Hard to tell with him though. I'm so struck by his intelligence- even with my brief encounters with him I already know that he's way smarter than me! I'm suddenly aware that Sara beside me is talking and I must be adding the right amount of grunts and nods to appear like I'm following a damn word she's saying but I'm not. I deliberately fidget and turn towards her more. She smiles but I know I've only done it so I can get *him* into my peripheral vision. It's all I've got of him today, thanks to her, and it's got to be enough to last me the weekend.

The past four weeks have been fun - a little cat and mouse game fabricated in my mind but now I'm ready to take this to another level. I'm not even hoping that the kid's gonna return an eighth of what I really want from him, but he's interesting enough that even just a friendship from him is going to be valuable. He's a lot more in-depth than the guys on base and I think I could learn a lot from him. In return, I can only hope there's a few things I can teach him.

Sara's still prattling on beside me but I think I've given up all pretense of listening now. Still I'm taken aback when she suddenly asks, "what are you doing tomorrow night?" I recall being dumb-struck actually.

"Nothing," I tell her. God! Couldn't I have just said something - anything - but I wind myself up on a date! Great! I gained one thing from this though and that is that I'm a pretty easy pick up! Smiling to myself I 'will' the kid to offer me the same line! I almost dare him, double dare him, in fact. We pull out from the University and he's gotten off through the back doors so I don't see him at all. I'm suitably bummed for the rest of the day.

*Day 21*

Sara was, surprisingly enough, a very nice person. Our date on Saturday night went well and we've tentatively booked again for next Saturday. Friends only! I told her 'tentatively' as I had someone I was trying to meet up with but our schedules were clashing. She nodded and accepted that excuse.

It's bucketing it down out there and I have to run for the bus. Danny didn't make it. Pity. The bus was almost empty which also meant it was running early. He probably missed it. At least I hope that was why. I look forward to tomorrow.

*Day 22*

Great! Just great! Great way to start a day! I'm late. I curse and kick myself. I'm late and now I won't get to see Daniel because of, well, Daniel. I slept in but who could blame me? I was dreaming of him but the weird thing was it was just us two - talking. Nothing else. I relive every little tilt of his head. I could vividly recall the way his mouth moved as he spoke - even managed to capture his nose-crinkle which he does when he's smiling and talking at the same time. The scary thing was, we were talking - just talking - but that was enough for me!

As I snatch up my car keys I decide to reassess my fantasy friendship with him. It's moved on - way on - but I can't do a damn thing about it now. I pass the bus when it's something like 5 stops from my home. I'm heading down the side street near his bus stop and I start a war in my head. Should I swing past and pick him up? I have to slow at the intersection anyway and I look, but I can see he's not there. Feeling more disappointment than I have the right to I move the car into gear and drive off. That's when I see him, the familiar puffy jacket, the same over-crammed bag. He is hunched over as he makes his way through the rain.

I'm screaming at myself - what do I do? My feet don't bother to consult my brain when they suddenly slam on the brakes.

I toot - dammit, I realize my hands are in cahoots with my feet now! I toot again and this time he looks up, squinting through the misty rain. He cautiously moves over to the car, brushing back the hood of his jacket as he bends to peer in at me. I lean across and wind down the window. He smiles when he recognizes me and that makes my heart soar!

"Get in!" I tell him and he does. God, he looks good in my car! His hair is wet, stuck to his forehead, and a bead of water runs along his brow and drips down his temple. His glasses are steamed up and he removes them and wipes them against his top at the same time as he runs a hand through his hair, brushing it off his face.

"Missed the bus," I explain myself and he smiles and tells me he did that yesterday. I'm relieved to hear he wasn't sick. I tell him that I was cutting through the side streets and didn't realize this was his street. He looks at moment then pushes more wet hair off his face. I watch a dew drop roll down his cheek and disappear against his jaw. He's so gorgeous he could be a model! He pushes the glasses back into place and coughs then sniffs. I ask if he's got a cold, as idle chit chat, but he looks at me with a kind of wariness as he says, "No. Allergies." I nod and I find I'm gripping the steering wheel too tightly.

As we wait at the lights I see the bus pull in behind us a few cars back. I tell him I prefer this mode of transport better and he reveals that so does he.

"It sure beats standing in the bus..."

We laugh. Only just, I bet! My car is old and we have to keep wiping the frost from the windows.

"Least you get a seat," I comment dryly. He looks in the back seat, seeing all my clutter and crap then he looks at me as he swings around to the front once more.

"And still the best company in the whole place!" He smiles then ducks his face as I look at him.

"I don't know that that's much of a compliment," I tell him with a smile in my voice. "I'm the *only* company!"

He chuckles and looks back at me and I see it in his eyes - that was the whole point of what he said. I'm a little embarrassed that he will think that I think that he thinks.. oh, forget it!

"Your course must be pretty work intensive," I comment idly, glancing at his bag beneath his feet. He looks at me as if asking for clarification. "Most 'U' kids I know get a day off - here or there." I shrug, hoping to sound somewhat knowledgeable. He seems to think about that a moment as a smile twitches at the corners of his mouth.

"Well, so do I," he admits. "I've started to go in at the same time each day - to keep myself regular." I shrug. Sound's logical.

"So you don't have lectures everyday?" I ask. He seems to be a little uncomfortable as he shrugs and shifts in his seat.

"I use the time to study," he mumbles softly. I'm surprised by that.

"Why not just stay at home and study?"

He shrugs, says nothing but, "I like going in in the mornings." I nod like I understand, but who would? I'd rather sleep in!

"So you basically go in for the ambiance?" I reiterate. I know I'm teasing him a little as he blushes and fidgets to look out the window. I decide to back off. Maybe this kid is just lonely and being at university gives him a sense of belonging? Who knows! Thinking quickly, I try to find a topic to change the subject, but all I can think of is him and asking him more questions about .. him.

"I'm in my final year," he tells me and when I turn to look at him, I see an earnestness in the blue eyes like he really needs me to believe that - to understand that.

"You're a little ...young.." I begin but he fidgets again and sighs.

"I started early.." It seemed like the worst confession in his life. I start to wonder what kind of childhood this kid had - graduating University when most others were starting? Must have been a social life killer!

"Early? How old are you, kid?"

"Eighteen."

My groin twitches. He ducks his face and gives a soft laugh as he looks out his window and mutters, "like I said, I started early..."

For some stupid reason I twitch again.

//Settle mind,// I tell myself, //he's discussing studying here, not studding!//

He shifts and his long legs occupy the small space not currently taken up by the huge bag.

"Is there somewhere I can drop you?" I ask, cursing the last rise in the road that leads us to the University. "The Library?"

I didn't mean it as a jibe but he seems uncomfortable now and says quickly, "Bus stop is fine."

I glance at him, wondering where I made him so uncomfortable. Perhaps it's the fact that my eyes keeps straying onto his limbs, clad in denim like they are... Has he seen that and is wondering if the man he's with at the moment is some kind of pervert? His legs shift again, sliding over each other as he sighs softly. My hands grip the steering wheel tightly.

I choke. "It's raining..." I cough to clear my throat. "I can drop you anywhere.."

I pull up at the final set of lights and he turns to me now, his lips parted. "Sure?" I think I nod so he says, "The refectory.."

"Huh?" I show my ignorance of the university term.

"It's the cafeteria.."

"So - not the library," I say as I nod. He shakes his head .

"I'm going to grab a coffee before tackling this lot," he tells me as he kicks the bag with the back of his heel.

"So?" I slow the car down and ask, "Which way?" He tells me the way and all too soon he was getting out. He thanks me and I wave nonchalantly like it was no big deal. Yeah, right! With a heavier heart than I'd shown I drive off, leaving him walking away. Nice view in my *rear* view mirror!

*Day 23*

This morning I decide to drive in again. He's the biggest reason. If I can get him on his own again....

I drive to his street and toot when I see him huddled against the cold and rain. He's smiling when he gets in.

"Damn rain!" he mutters as he pushes the hood of his jacket off his head again and sends sprays of water everywhere.

"Here!" I say, holding my hand out to him as he tries to negotiate the bag into the small space at his feet. He frowns but hands over the bag, with a warning to be careful because it's heavy. I guess I'm trying to be macho and I grab it in one hand and lift it over the seats, dropping it onto the back bench-set. I turn quick enough to see he's been impressed. I shrug nonchalantly and tell him I lift heavier weights at the gym - which I do! He just nods and shifts his feet in his new found room down there. "So where to today?"

"Café." He smiles.

"Refectory, it is," I say, grinding the car into gear and taking off, turning to look behind us as I pull into the traffic. His face is near mine when he asks if I've time for a coffee. I turn to gaze into the pools of blue way too close to me at the moment. I'm surprised by the offer and it must show. He seems to add quickly that it's a 'thank you' for the rides. I check my watch but it's only to fool him. I don't have to be at work until 1100 hours today and it's barely 0800.

I pull my most casual look and say, "Sure". God, he has the most amazing smile!!!

He instructs me to park in the car park and even offers to pay, but I insist - after all, the kid's a student, for crying out loud! I feel a little out of place there, having barely made it through high school before being put into the Air Force by my zealot father. He gives me a sort of guided tour on our way through and he points out the lecture hall where he takes most of his lectures, his favorite place to soak up the sun, and his locker, which we pass by quickly. The Café's pretty empty at this time of day so we take the best seats, sitting in the corner, nearest the coffee pot!

I didn't know it then, but that was when things started to change for me. I think it's where I'd say we really became 'friends'. Over 'nth' cups of coffees and a lot of laughter. I've come to know the man he *is* and I find that my fantasies of him actually ebb from this point. He has this fascination with Egypt, saying he wants to go there some day and settle down, just be amongst the mystery there. Being ignorant about these things I ask him what mysteries and he starts to tell me all about this theory that he was beginning to form - that the pyramids of Giza weren't merely built to house the dead Kings!

I wonder, as I look at his expressive face, wide eyes and a smile that just won't fade from his lips.. well, I have to wonder - if this kid is all there? But by the end of the conversation I'm at least willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Too soon my watch beeps and I have to leave him. He smiles and blushes, like he thinks he's monopolized me or bored me. I stand then lean onto the table and surprise myself when I ask - "what time do you finish today?"

My legs are jello! I know I'm about to invite him on a date but I hope to sound casual enough that he doesn't see it that way. I want a chance to know where this 'could' go. He scratches the back of his ear with his thumb as he looks up and asks me why? I'm caught but I give a casual shrug.

"Thought we could grab a pizza and some beer and discuss this some more.." He seems genuinely surprised.

"You're interested in it then?" He looks hopeful and delighted to have found an audience at last. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm interested in 'him' more than 'it'. So I just shrug again.

"My afternoon's pretty flexible," he tells me and we agree that we'll meet back here at 5:45. As I leave a thought crosses my mind - Did he really have a lecture today at all, or did he come just to see me? That thought carries me through the day.

*

I'm late! I curse myself as I finally pull into the parking lot. It's a little after six when I enter the café. It's empty and my heart drops, then I notice the pile of books on the table we were at that morning, and his bag. Soon I see him shuffling back to the table with a white cup in his hand - more coffee! He sits down and collects up his pen once more as he rests his temple against his fist. He doesn't really look miffed that I'm late and I wonder if he's used to being stood up. I cross and soon he latches those baby blues onto me. My hear soars! His smile tells me that he's very happy to see me. I apologize as I sit down but he stands immediately, packing frantically like he's in a hurry to leave there or something. Maybe he's hungry, I tell myself! Books about anthropology and Egypt are tossed carelessly into the pack and he's slinging it over his shoulder before I can even reach my feet once more. I get the distinct impression that he's eager to leave and part of me begins to wonder again if he'd been there all day? As we amble back to the car I tell him we have two choices - Pizza bar or my place with take-away? He smiles a little shyly and tells me he trusts me so it's back to my place.

*

It has to go down in my history as one of the best nights of my life! We sit around and talk - well, he talks and I listen. I'm struck over and over by how intelligent he is! He's passionate about his beliefs. He talks with his hands, fingers stretched as he tries to explain his theories of the pyramids. I want to say, 'nice theory, kid' but a) I don't understand a word of it and, b) if I did, I'm so cynical that I'd probably not buy it anyway!! But I can't tell him that. I listen to his satin soft voice, his stressed words, his whispered beliefs and I know - there and then - that this kid is worming his way into my concrete heart! Not just in my fantasies anymore.. now he's getting right in.... Right in!

My heart rate quickens and I find breathing labors as I sit quietly and nod in all the right spots. I stop drinking beer because I'm sure it's going to cloud my thoughts and I'm fearful I might do something I'll later regret under it's influence. At one point he stops talking abruptly and smiles at me bashfully.

"I'm boring you, aren't I?"

I want to say, 'no kid, not possible!' but I just cringe a little and tell him I don't follow all of what he's saying. Let's face it I can't lie to him, he's obviously seen something in my eyes that told him he'd lost my attention - and I can't tell him I was fantasizing about him - could I? Well, could I? No, of course not! And I won't lie to him - that's no way to build a friendship... so, if that's the case and he came right out and just asked me about my feelings for him.. I'd have to tell him! Wouldn't I? God! If only he'd ask me! My head's spinning from thinking about him and it.. the 'it' that's never going to happen - only in my head!

If he would just ask me.. I'd latch onto those pliable lips and never let go! But he won't. I know that now. I can see him in years to come. Married to that beautiful Egyptian woman, bringing up a truck load of little kids and not even remembering the man he met on the bus many years ago.

He smiles at me as he suggest we talk about me now. Bad choice of topic, I tell him, but he insists. I hate talking about myself but I find, to my surprise, that I manage it for a few hours. Even as I drop him off back at his apartment I find we're still talking about me - my future plans. Probably still be in the military I tell him. He nods and says he wants to prove his theories. I tell him that's gotto take some balls to stand before Academia and sprout stuff like that. I don't know much about that sub-culture but I know that! He just gives me a shy smile as he tells me he's definitely got the balls for it! I resist the quip of 'I'd like to see that' and return his smile instead. He's gone with a wave of his hand and I find I'm really looking forward to the morning now!

*Day 24*

Driving to his house this morning I relive last night. He's offered me nothing but friendship - I know that... Every word, every utterance from those lips did nothing to lead me on. His eyes - when darting around the room as he spoke, or intently staring at me while he listened - gave me no 'come on'. His demeanor, his shy laugh, his quiet confidence did nothing to lead me on ... but it all made me fall in love with him.

I knew the minute I woke this morning that my phantom friendship with him was over. I was well and truly - head over heels - absolutely .. in love. I sat on the edge of my bed for a good ten minutes unable to move as I let that realization sink in...

I think back over the phantom friendship from the start, and now my unspoken love - I can't help but wonder if it's *all* a fabrication of my mind.

But, as I see him waiting on the low wall in front of his apartment block, I know as sure as my heart is thudding in my throat, what I feel for him is *real*.

As he reaches into the back to drop his bag on the seat I smell his shampoo, or whatever that is. It's like a forest - evergreens come to mind, but I don't pinpoint the smell (I'm not that good!). He shuffles and drops heavily into his seat then slams the creaking old car door shut. We look at each other and just smile. No greeting this morning.. just a genuine smile. I crunch the car into gear and wonder, as I pull out into the traffic, if I'll ever have the 'balls' to tell him how I feel.

I know I'm quiet as we drive towards the university, but my head's spinning with my thoughts. He's given me no indication that my feelings are reciprocated so what happens now? Do I live with unrequited love? I can do that, so long as it means I got a real friendship out of it.

Onto the next part... One month later...