Special mention to Sandi - without whom the scene with the music would never have worked. You are incredible! Thanks so much for the help there!!

Thanks to Sylke - another angel who helped make this story ring true. Your advice and research into AIDS medication for me helped me incredibly!! Also, thanks to Rowan who offered advice on AIDS too.

Just so the reader knows, I researched AIDS and HIV on the net for this story, and utilized information from the Minotaur site to help make this ring true.

Jack laid in bed, one arm bent across his face, his legs restlessly rubbing across the clean blue sheets. Could his life get any screwier? He was in love with a man that hated him, and when he was just in a position to accept an offer from a gorgeous man who he could have, his world drops out on him. Flinging himself onto his side, Jack stared out of the window and noticed a shadow across the closed blind. Getting up, he stepped gingerly to the window and eased the blind back a fraction, seeing a dark shadowy figure sitting atop a wall in the garden. He didn't need to see him to know it was Philip. Jack reached down for his pants and pulled them on, doing up the button fly as he weaved his way through the apartment and out the open door.

It was dark outside. Street lights barely illuminated the tiny enclosed yard that was surrounded on all four sides with large, brick, windowless walls. He could see Philip sitting on a ladder that went up and over the top of one of the walls. Probably a fire escape, Jack told himself, though he was pretty sure it was a long jump from the end of the ladder on the other side to the ground - four flights below.

The small yard was crammed to overflowing with potted plants and abstract sculptures and in the dark it was hard to pin point the clearest path. Despite carefully checking each step he accidentally brushed against a large metallic sculpture, causing it to scrape on the concrete ground. Philip turned around and roughly brushed the tears from his face as he looked down into the yard.

"Jack?"

The older man unhooked the little metal protrusion that had snagged the belt loop on his fatigues, then he went over to the ladder, holding onto the rails as he looked up. He could just barely make out Philip's face, basked in more light from the street in his high vantage point.

"Can I come up?" He asked.

"Sure," Philip said, scrunching himself across so that Jack could have room at the top of the ladder with him. As Jack came level to the wall top he looked out over the view.

"Wow," he said with a surprised smile as he peered out across the night skyline of Colorado Springs. The earlier rains had now ceased, but the sounds of tires whooshing in the remaining puddles on the streets below reminded them of the downpour, and the air -damp and chilled - left a promise of more rain to come. For the moment though it was pleasant and Jack and Phillip hooked themselves onto the wet ladder and enjoyed the solitude of the moment together.

Out of the darkness Philip's soft, deep voice whispered on the air, "I come up here when I want to remind myself how small I am and how small all my troubles are in the whole scheme of things." As he said this he raised his hand to indicate towards the stars. Jack looked up then lowered his eye, but not his face, to look at the other man. He wondered how much the artist knew about his brother's work.

"That's what you do, isn't it?" Philip said in a hushed voice.

Jack arched a brow. "Do?"

"Deep Space Telemetry. Graham tells me that it's what your department does in the Mountain."

"Oh." Jack nodded. //Well, at least the Technician could keep a secret!//

"It must be amazing-" Philip's face lifted again, his long throat arching as he stared up at the stars overhead.

"It has its moments," Jack said off-handedly, casting a knowing look at the night-lights above them. The young man looked at him then gave him a brief, breath-taking smile.

"I bet," he said before looking up again. Jack stared at the profile then followed the gaze once more up to the stars.

They stayed in companionable silence for a few moments, then Jack said, "I was thinking of making some warm milk. Care to join me?"

"Having trouble sleeping?" Philip asked, completely unaware that he was the main cause of Jack's restlessness as he stared up at the stars above them in quiet awe.

"I've got a lot on my mind, yeah." The colonel said, meeting the black eyes as Philip turned to him again.

"Still got that headache?"

Jack's eyes crinkled as he nodded. "Yeah."

"Come," he said, carefully easing himself down past Jack's body on the slippery, narrow ladder. It was the first time that Jack noticed that Philip was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts and he immediately wondered if that was wise, considering... Then he shook that thought from his mind. It wasn't his place to ask such a thing! The younger man looked up as he reached level with the Jack's stomach. "I've got some pills that might help," he told him.

The colonel waited for him to pass then climbed down himself, following the younger man back into the apartment. Philip closed the door then went into his bedroom, fishing through a small black bag on his chest of drawers and finally pulling out a foil pack. He indicated with a nod of his head for Jack to follow him into the kitchen.

The older man waited, leaning against a cupboard as Philip poured some cold water into a glass then poured milk into a pan and placed it on the stove top. He turned to the colonel and showed him the pack.

"Nothing harmful. Just a strong pain killer," he said. Jack read the ingredients then nodded. He'd had these before, from Janet when he'd hurt himself on a mission. Holding his hand out he waited as Philip popped two tablets into his palm then he tossed them down his throat and skulled the iced water. Philip smiled to himself, enjoying the feeling of the man at his side taking the tablets while he stirred the milk. For a moment he could pretend ... for a moment.

Jack placed the frosted glass onto the sink then turned to look at him.

"Not a problem. You'll soon feel better."

Jack nodded as he scratched at his cheek. "Yeah, I've had them before. They're pretty strong.." He said, opening the conversation again. Philip looked at him then back at the milk.

"I get.. headaches. Really .. bad.. ones occasionally," he said with a shrug then dropped his chin to his chest, making his hair fall like a silk curtain between them as he concentrated on the milk.

Jack crossed his arm over his chest to control his hands that wanted to reach out and touch the raven hair back away from the perfect olive-skinned cheek. "Are you .. sick at the moment?"

"No, I'm fine. I'm on AZT, you'd probably know it as ZDT.." he said then saw the blank look in Jack's eyes, "or you'd probably *not* know it at all, would you?" He laughed at himself but not too mockingly. He lived with this disease everyday and sometimes forgot that other people's lives weren't affected by it at all. With a deep inhale of air, he continued, "It's just the regular medication. I'm so healthy at the moment that I don't even have a sniffle." He turned the flame off and twisted to pour the warm milk into the two waiting mugs. Jack wondered how long he would remain healthy if he insisted on sitting out in the cold night air in just a t-shirt and shorts. But Philip's earlier words ran though his mind. He was 'living with AIDS', and probably doing a lot more living than many healthy people Jack knew.

Philip reached around Jack, dumping the empty pot into the sink and exchanging quick smiles with the gray-haired man before he stepped back and turned towards a cupboard on the opposite wall.

"Would you prefer chocolate?"

"You got some?" Jack asked as Philip bent over and searched through a low cupboard.

"Yeah, Daniel brought some when.." He stopped then turned, still bent over, and with a simple look in his eyes he apologized to Jack. The colonel gave a little shrug. Straightening up, Philip produced the cocoa from the cupboard and spooned it into the warm milk. Jack took his then followed his friend into the living room, sitting beside him on the sofa. The younger man hugged his knees to his chest then placed his cup on his knees carefully, taking it off when it got too hot for his bare skin and resting it in his palm instead. Jack stretched his long legs out in front of him, crossing them at his ankles as he leaned back, rolling his head around on tight shoulder muscles.

"You want that massage now?" Philip asked. The colonel looked at him intently then nodded slightly.

"Sure."

Philip uncurled his strong, sturdy legs and dropped his feet to the ground, sitting with them apart. He patted the space at the front of the sofa between his knees. Jack got up and sat on the floor, his broad shoulders pressing against the insides of Philip's thighs. He moaned at the first squeeze on the rigid muscles, his head lolling forward as he enjoyed the powerful manipulation of his stressed muscles.

As promised, Philip *was* a good masseuse, gripping and releasing the rock hard shoulders until they gave way, softened and relaxed under his very touch. Jack was ever aware of each brush of his body against Philip's, a small charge sizzled his arm where the dark, hairy leg brushed him and he felt the warmth radiating from the other man's groin as he shifted within the massage, getting a better position to work on him.

Jack jolted a little when he felt the unexpected breath against his ear. "Is this helping?" Philip asked in an earnest whisper.

"It feels great-" Jack moaned as the back of his neck was gripped and squeezed, feeling like his spine was being realigned in the powerful crush.

A soft, throaty chuckle filled out Philip's words as he said, "yeah, nice to be pampered sometimes, isn't it?"

Jack moaned again in response.

"I bet you don't pamper yourself too much, do you?" Philip asked. Jack groaned as his head rolled forward. Philip stopped the full on massage and started to lightly stimulate the nerve endings of the skin, feeding the much needed oxygen back into the strained areas and restoring equilibrium in Jack's body once more. With light taps with his fingertips over the surface he began to soothe the tired muscles with the gentle art of manipulation.

Jack felt how the drumming was affecting his eyes - reverberating behind them and having a calming affect on all of him.

"Oh.. wow.." he mumbled, then he felt a shiver go down his spine as the masseuse ran his thumbnail lightly up the neck, tracing out the bumps within the spine leading up to the base of the skull. Again he drummed his fingers on the skin, the sensation vibrating a tickle at the back of Jack's nose, filling his whole head with a soft, numbing feeling. He wasn't even aware his head had drooped so much that his short hair was now tickling the inside of Philip's thigh, sending soft tingles radiating through the limb of the young man. Once again strong hands gripped the shoulders, thumbs pressing into now relaxed muscles causing Jack to roll his head back, hitting against something soft behind him. Opening his eyes he looked straight up into Philip's smoldering smile.

"Feels good, huh?" The younger man asked, unperturbed by the head pressed against his groin.

"I'm not sure if it's the pills or the massage, but I'm feeling really... good!"

"Well, the pills shouldn't have an adverse affect on you. You said you've had them before?"

Jack nodded, his head repeatedly bumping against the soft body behind him. He bounced against it a few times, simply trying to work out what part of Philip he was bouncing off of.

"Er, that's my crotch, Jack."

"Oh? Sorry, I thought it was your.. leg..." The older man smiled up at him.

Philip laughed then shifted to sit back further on the sofa so that he could work on Jack's shoulders unencumbered. His strong hands worked from the soldier's neck across the shoulders then down over the tops of Jack's arms, pressing the stress from the body. Jack closed his eyes and enjoyed the attention, medicinally and emotionally, as Philip worked on him. All the while the younger man stared straight ahead, looking at the overcrowded bookshelf on the other side of the room.

"Actually, I've got a book on self-massage techniques," he told Jack.

The colonel's brow arched high but he didn't bother to open his eyes as he quipped, "Self massage? They write books about that now?"

Philip gave a deep, throaty laugh, then he put his hand on the top of Jack's head as he stepped over the sitting man. Jack watched him move away.

"I'm talking shoulders, neck and back here, Jack!" He shot the grinning man a smile and shook his head as he squatted before the shelves. "Using tennis balls and stuff like that!"

"What..?" Jack laughed now, feigning innocence as he began to feel totally relaxed with his new friend.

Philip shot him another quick look that clearly told Jack he thought he was a wicked, wicked man then he turned to the shelves. His long, lean arm reached for the multicolored book and he thumbed through the pages, ensuring it was the one he was after. He twisted on the balls of his feet as he looked back at the colonel and held up the book.

"Here it is. You can borrow it if you like?"

Jack bit his bottom lip gently. Borrowing a book.. meant having to return it.. which meant having to see Philip again. Was that the purpose, he wondered? He got to his feet and stepped over to the slender man and at the same time, Philip rose to his feet, still looking at the bookshelf, his mind occupied on other matters.

Looking over the cluttered shelves the colonel smiled. "Got a kitchen sink in there?"

Philip looked at the shelving unit which housed years of books he'd collected from work; papers and note books of thoughts and ideas; and sketch pads burgeoning with his art work. Comics, belonging to Graham, laid on the top of Auto-Biographies, manuals and reference books. Every speck, every space seemed to have something jammed into it. Even a small stereo unit also sat amongst the mess, assorted CD's scattered throughout the shelf and housed in a rack.

"Quite possibly." He turned and gave Jack a winning smile then reached forward and extracted five CD cases. He carded through the cases, stopping on one CD.

"What sort of music do you like, Jack?" He asked casually as he read over the song titles on the case in his hand.

"Classical. Opera.." Jack told him then shrugged when the younger man shot him a wry smile. "What? So I'm old!" He said, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. Philip's eyes dipped from Jack's eyes to his mouth then, as he hitched his breath slightly, he looked back up into the chocolate colored orbs.

With a soft voice, he said, "Firstly, you're not old and, secondly, what particular artist do you like best?"

Trapped in the dark eyes like a deer in headlights, Jack told him, "Maria Callas!"

"Maria Callas?" Philip repeated, neither a question nor a statement really.

A satisfied smirk came across Jack's lips. No way was this kid going to know this one!

With a distinct blink Philip looked away, his long finger skimming the spines of the CD's in the rack then, finding its target he snatched out the plastic box, flipped open the case and inserted the disc. The soft strains of Vissi D'Arte from Tosca filled the room.

Jack was speechless as he stared at the other man. He started laughing: a gentle, disbelieving laugh as he slapped his hand across his forehead. "Oh, you are kidding me! You have *this* in your collection!?"

Philip laughed too, a little surprised by Jack's reaction. "What?"

Jack explained, "My mother turned me onto this woman and *this* particular track, too!"

Philip smiled as he looked over his shoulder at Jack. "So did my Mom! She was Greek, after all. This woman was like her Goddess!"

"Greek, eh? I thought Simmon's was Egyptian.. I mean, Graham was..."

"Yeah, Dad was Egyptian but Mom was Greek. And this woman used to get played daily as I was growing up!" He said, then a dimple appeared as he mumbled cheekily, "well, it felt like 'daily'."

Jack laughed and threw his arms around the man in front of him. "You are so unusual!" He said, squeezing him tightly then reaching forward to up the volume a little. The olive-skinned man twisted his head to look at Jack - so close behind him now that they were jointly stumbling under Jack's weight as he reached forward.

"You say it like a compliment," Philip said with a smile in his voice. Jack tilted his face to meet the cimmerian eyes again.

"Oh, it's.. it's definitely.. a compliment," he said, looking between the piercing eyes.

Philip held the stare as he said, emotionlessly, "and now, this song has become something I can really relate to..."

A frown flickered over Jack's face then he heard the words...

Hitching his breath, Jack wrapped his arms more tightly around Philip and the other man gave in to the embrace, resting his head back against Jack's shoulder as he cupped his hands over the arm across his chest. He willingly took the comfort of Jack's stomach pressing into his back, then he looked back up at Jack and dipped his view towards the thin lips once more. Jack stared at the flawless face, watching as Philip's lids fluttered shut while tilting his face up towards the ceiling. With eyes closed, he smiled and said, "I just love the next bit..."

His Adam's Apple bobbed on the arched throat and distracted Jack's eyes for a moment, then he looked back up at the gentle smile kissing Philip's lips now. The music reached a crescendo sending the familiar shiver through Jack's body as it always did when he listened to this stirring piece of music, yet it was even more intense this time and he realized that listening to it will never be the same again. He watched as Phil's smile twitched, indicating that it was having a similar affect on him. For the first time he realized that they were both gently swaying to the music, perfectly in sync with each other, his larger body cradling the smaller one completely.

Stirred by more than the music, Jack's hand traced over the dark skin on Philip's arm, up the long limb then over the t-shirt until it cupped his exposed throat. The eyes shot open, looking straight into Jack's eyes without having to look for him. As Jack stepped back, Philip instinctively turned within the hold and soon they were facing each other, Jack's hand still on the arched throat as Philip looked up to him through large brown eyes.

With a tilt of his head Jack swallowed, more nerves than spit, then he lightly rubbed his thumb over the sharp jaw line as he stared down into Philip's mouth. He watched the unsettled tongue behind the pink full lips then he looked back into the dark eyes. He saw fear in them now, dancing behind the shiny black surface as they gazed owlishly up at him. The music swept to a crescendo again as Jack supported the weight of the head in his hand and reached down, brushing his dry lips across ones equally as parched.

The kiss was tender, lips pressed together while restless tongues remained in their own mouths. Jack's thumb brushed the stubble- covered jaw, his other hand slowly moving into place on the arched back, gathering the slighter man towards him. Philip's hands ran up over Jack's biceps onto his shoulders then cupped the back of the gray head as he stretched up to reach the gentle kiss. Eventually he cradled the back of Jack's neck in the folds of his arms as he moaned gently into the other man's mouth.

Jack's hands moved to grip the narrow hips and Philip dropped onto his flat foot again, his arms unwrapping and his hands now cupping Jack's face as they broke the tender kiss together. Dry lips peeled apart slowly, and Philip's fingers touched to Jack's mouth almost as if ensuring that no fluid was exchanged in the passionate moment - the fear in the younger man was so great. But Jack held no such fears as he kissed the fingertips pressing his lips even before he had a chance to let his eyes drift open from the sensuous kiss.

Now a nervous tongue came out to wet Philip's lips as he lowered his eyes from Jack's intense stare.

"That was a mistake.." he said, stepping back slightly.

"Says who?" Jack asked, wrapping an arm around the younger man's waist, capturing him once more. Philip looked at him.

"Says me." His jaw clenched as he nervously looked from one eye to the other, then at Jack's mouth. Shaking his head sadly he stepped away, Jack releasing him so that he could go. The younger man went over and shut off the music then leaned one hand against the shelves as he bowed his head, the other hand on his waist. He looked every bit like a man wracked with angst.

"Phil..?" Jack called to him from where he stood, making no effort to encroach on the space the other man obviously wanted between them. Philip held his hand up, silencing Jack but not looking at him. After a few moments he looked up, his eyes shimmering.

"Jack, I'm celibate - remember?"

"That... that did not feel like a kiss from a celibate man," Jack said, his finger poking the air.

Pushing past him, Philip picked up his cigarettes then straightened up to look him straight in the eye. "It was every inch the kiss of a celibate man. Hungry, needy.."

Jack cupped the soft cheek in his palm, not saying anything, just brushing his thumb across the smooth skin just under Philip's eye.

The dark eyes looked up at him. "Let me go, Jack."

There was something in the way he said it then turned and headed out of the apartment that had Jack wondering if he was merely talking about his face - or something else.