Bombshells - Part 21 |
by Nessessitee |
As Jack eased his car onto the long stretch of highway between Colorado Springs and the mountain he lowered the volume on his stereo so that he could think in peace. Up ahead, two cars away, were the tail-lights of Daniel's car. He recalled how seeing the tail lights and the familiar number plate used to make his heart race ever so slightly, but now, it made his stomach knot. What mood would Daniel be in when he saw him next? Because he'd been distracted by Philip he realized that he didn't try so hard to repair the damage as he would have - or should have. Maybe he could have gone for a drink - an hour tops, then he and Daniel might have been able to discuss their problem.
The way he saw it, he had little to feel guilty about though. Sure he'd said some damn distasteful things about Graham and Daniel's relationship to him, and Daniel had reason for being angry at him for *that* - but as for being the reason for the break up, well that was ludicrous! And Daniel proved not to be the man he thought he was for believing such crap! Love might have made one blind - but it shouldn't make them stupid!
The brake lights went on in front of him and Jack slowed down as the snake of vehicles slithered its way towards the mountain.
He wondered what Daniel did yesterday after he went to see Stan. Did he remain on base, or did he go home to brood and blame him a little more? Did he go out with Sam and Janet after all, and thereby loosening up a little? The man needed to loosen up! He needed to get a little perspective on things. Sure, he had the right to be angry, hurt and bitter at Jack for the rudeness, but it was never really an issue that Daniel had taken up with him. Only as it related to the break up.
But Daniel never once challenged Jack about it in regard to their friendship. That was something that made the colonel curious. It was like Daniel wasn't willing to let himself be angry at Jack for his rudeness, but found other things to blame him for instead, which was wrong. Taking out the break up on Jack was a little like the Straw man's Theory of Argument. Setting up a Straw man to batter instead of actually attacking the real cause - which would be the spineless Simmons.
That thought jolted the colonel for a moment. That name held other connotations for him now and even thinking that about Graham made him feel a little disrespectful of Philip. He'd have to be careful how he spoke about the Lieutenant, it would seem.
A warmth seeped through Jack's chest and stomach when he thought of Philip. How was he going to get through the next day or so without seeing those smoldering dark eyes, that pouty mouth, that smile.
He hit the brakes a little harder again as the car in front came to an abrupt stop. He craned his neck to see what was the matter, but the trail went around a bend and he wasn't able to see too far ahead.
Settling back into his seat he gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles went white then he released it, rolling his shoulders back. Dawn was slowly creeping over the horizon, but he wouldn't actually see daylight today. At least he shouldn't see it - if this damn traffic would just move on! Finally the car before his rolled on, and Jack applied the gas a little more.
If things with Daniel were anywhere near as icy today as they were yesterday, the mission was in great trouble. How could he make Daniel see that he didn't care anymore that his friend was in a relationship. God, he'd give anything for Daniel to walk into the meeting and announce he was seeing Graham again. Jack would welcome that news because it would mean that Daniel found his spine again. He found it within himself to stand up to the school-yard bully and say 'to hell with you, it makes me happy and Iām going for itā.
He really didn't see that it was his fault that the thing broke down and he wasn't willing to take the blame. As Philip had said to him on the first night they'd met, his brother was a bastard - simple. He wanted an out, an excuse for his infidelity so he put the blame on Jack. Daniel wanted someone to blame and, again, there was Jack. He was caught in the middle of something he should never have been caught in the middle of. It ruined his relationship with Daniel, he could see that now. The biggest concern for him was the fact that right at this point in time, at this particular *moment* in his life, he didn't care! Not to the extent he WOULD have cared, had he really been in love with him in the first place.
Meeting Philip had changed all that. Not only the sex side of thing, but the mere fact that this man, this stranger, had sat with him in a diner to help him with Īhisā problem. There was no need for Philip to follow him from Daniel's that night. It was sheer kindness. Jack appreciated his candor too, which made a very refreshing change from all the secrecy he'd had in his life - his job, the death of his son, the feelings he had for Daniel. Everything in his life needed careful thought and consideration - and deception.
And then there was Philip. Who also needed thought and consideration - of that there was not doubt - but there was no deception between them. He saw in Jack - within a few hours of meeting him - what Daniel failed to see in years of friendship. Still, to be fair, he didn't hide it so well from the honest Librarian as much as he did from the man in question. But Philip had seen it, and he made Jack talk about it. When it became too hard to continue where they were, he offered a sanctuary so that Jack could continue his confessions without fear of being overheard.
But did Philip have to go and be so damn interesting? And so honest. Jack's skin still tingled when he recalled the warmth of Philip's hands on his shoulders as he said; "I do find you extremely attractive.." No games. No hedging. It was so easy with him, so open, so honest. He knew that Daniel stood between them, but he was still willing to be blunt with Jack, to tell him straight out how he felt about him. That was refreshing. And very, very appealing.
Philip was even honest about his state of health, and Jack found himself shaking his head slightly as he recalled those words: "I'm already HIV positive."
And still he found himself attracted to him.
The younger man didn't just appeal in the looks area - an area that he *really* appealed to Jack in - but also on the emotional level, too. He was interesting in the fact that he liked such a broad range of things. He didn't seem to pigeon hole his thoughts to one area. Jack envied that a little. He was pretty set in his ways and yet he felt so comfortable around Philip - who was so free with his thoughts and feelings.
Jack looked down and saw his skin raise in gooseflesh as he thought about Philip's gentleness, the way his eyes darkened when he looked at him, the way his mouth always with-held a smile as he spoke, causing a little dimple to appear on the side of his mouth. The colonel sighed heavily then craned his neck to see the tail lights of Daniel's car ahead.
He grew sad again, thinking that their friendship was so damaged. Perhaps this trip would give him the opportunity to tell him the truth. Maybe they should share a tent - so that they had a reason to be in the same place at the same time.
Finally the gates loomed ahead and Jack felt his breath hitch in the back of his throat. He concentrated on parking his car and getting inside now, all other thoughts - especially those of Philip - had to be banished so that he could get on with his job.
He didn't see Daniel at all, not even as he entered the Briefing Room a little over half an hour later. But Sam was there already, her hands clasped in front of her on the table. When he entered she looked up.
"Hey, Colonel."
"Carter," he said with a little nod as he went to the coffee pot and poured himself a drink.
"Where are the others?"
"Teal'c was here then he had to go - for a moment," she said, and the colonel nodded, understanding it to mean he went to the toilet.
"And Daniel?" Jack tried to keep his voice level.
"He's in there with-"
Hammond's door opened at the same time that Teal'c re-entered the room. The silent Jaffa went over to the other side of Jack and sat down beside him. Both men looked up as Hammond came out, followed by a downcast Daniel. The anthropologist eased himself into the chair beside Sam. The Captain looked between Daniel and Jack then turned to see the General. Hammond broke the awkwardness with a soft cough before he dropped the bombshell.
"Daniel Jackson has just handed me his resignation-" he said, looking down the table to the young anthropologist.
"WHAT?" Sam's head snapped around to look at him but he didn't look up from where he studied his clasped hands before him. "Daniel!"
She knew things were still bad for him. She'd spoken to Teal'c and he said that he'd stayed with Daniel until the morning because their friend was lost and in need of someone to talk to. He did not say that things were so bad with Daniel that he'd decided to throw the job in. As she looked across at the startled Jaffa, she sensed that he didn't even see this coming.
"I do not understand?" Teal'c said to Daniel. All he got was a non-committal shrug but still no eye contact.
The general held his hands up. "Come on now, let's all just settle down," he said, realizing that Jack hadn't made a single attempt or uttered a single word about the revelation.
The room fell silent again then Teal'c asked, in a voice a little edged in coldness, "When will you be leaving us?"
Daniel's cheeks puffed out as he slowly blew out a long breath, shaking his head slightly in response.
"What sort of answer is that!" Sam snapped at her friend, angry with his lack of consideration for them at this revelation. Had he grown that cold? That distant to all of them?
"Dr. Jackson will carry out this last mission, and then he will be stepped down," Hammond filled them all in then turned to the colonel. "He's requested to be sent back to Abydos, so that he can return to Sha're's family."
Jack sensed the general's small beady eyes on him and looked up, giving Hammond a big shrug. Sam's frustration finally over took her as she pushed up out of her chair and started to pace the room. Teal'c tilted his head, looking at the man sitting directly opposite him.
"I wish to understand your decision, Daniel Jackson," he said quietly. Daniel finally looked up, his cheeks were flared red, his eyes although dry were red rimmed and tired looking. He swallowed, his lips moving but no sound came out, then he looked down again. Sam snorted in the background.
Finally Jack spoke. "Permission to speak to Daniel in private, sir?"
Hammond looked at the young man at the end of the table, then back at Jack. "Permission denied, Colonel. Your man has requested that the mission go ahead as scheduled, so that he can get back here sooner tomorrow and sort through the paperwork," he said, his voice catching a little with the sad news.
Jack's eyes narrowed as he stared down at Daniel, almost willing the man to look up at him, but he didn't.
"And what of Sha're?" Sam asked a little bitterly. She knew Daniel had long since stopped hoping to find his wife, but that was part of the reason he was on the team, and they'd done some pretty wild things in order to help his own personal cause. Was he really willing to throw all that, and their friendships, back in their faces now?
"Sha're's gone.." Daniel said weakly.
"We're still looking for her, Danny," Jack said. The two men quickly exchanged pain filled glances then looked away from each other.
The anthropologist shook his head. "She's gone, even if you got her back, she'd be gone-" he said solemnly. Jack shook his head as he sprang to his feet.
"I don't believe you, Jackson! One failed relationship and you go to pieces..." he yelled.
Hammond rose to his feet. "Colonel O'Neill! I suggest you take a few moments to gather yourself, you have no right in attacking the Doctor like this!"
Jack's eyes flashed with heated anger as he quickly glanced at Hammond then back at the bowed headed man.
"Danny?" Jack asked and watched as Daniel's hand gripped his pen so tightly that it snapped.
At that exact moment he sprung to his feet, flinging his arm out in Jack's direction. "What the hell do you want from me?" he yelled.
"Some loyalty, some responsibility to this team!" Jack yelled back just as loudly. Teal'c stood now, feeling unsettled by the loud voices.
Daniel gave an exasperated sigh and jumped on the spot.
"See! Now it's *for the team!* -" He threw his hand at the colonel angrily before heading to the corner of the room to hug himself as he stared down into the gate room. He glanced over at Sam and saw the tracks of tears on her cheeks. He didn't mean to hurt her. She remained staring down at the gate room, not allowing the others to see her silent tears.
"Right at this point I'm considering scrapping this mission, I can't see how you can work together under these conditions.."
"No!" Daniel spun on the spot and looked at Hammond. He flashed a quick glance at Jack then back at the general again. "Please! I'll cope with *this*," he assured the older man. Hammond turned to look at Jack who was staring at Daniel. Slowly the colonel shrugged as he sighed.
"This mission *is* too important to scrap," Hammond said with a sad sigh. It most certainly was, but he could hardly send his best team out when they were in so much turmoil. He eyed the group carefully, "Do you think you can all work together one last time?"
Sam's eyes screwed shut as she heard his words. She couldn't believe that they were breaking up. She gave a slight nod, the general seeing her blonde hair bobbing as she did. He looked over at Teal'c. A look of stunned silence filled his face. His head was tilted but his eyes were not focused on anything in particular. But as if sensing that Hammond was looking at him, he gave a sharp nod. Hammond nodded and looked over at Daniel, who was again standing before the gate room window, looking down on the activity below, one arm across his body the other bent so that he could nibble on his cuticle. Shaking his head slowly, wondering what had happened to send this group into this state, Hammond turned to look at their leader. Jack was squinting, and that was never a good sign. His eyes were focused on the SGC plaque on the wall beside him and he unconsciously nibbled at his bottom lip.
"Colonel?" Hammond got up and moved across to Jack. He saw in his friend's eyes a look he hadn't ever seen before. One of deep pain, regret and remorse. Jack had lost a number of friends, here on the base, and he'd seen some pretty horrible stuff in his time, but, Hammond reflected, nothing had produced that look before. The break up of his team, his family, was obviously really affecting the colonel. Jerking his head a little, in indication that he was aware that Hammond was by his right shoulder, Jack then started to turn. He swallowed hard, hoping his voice would come out normal and not as tight as his throat was feeling.
He gave a soft cough. "Sir, the team will be fine." When his brown eyes eventually lifted to meet Hammond's small blue ones he realized he was fooling only himself.
Hammond turned swiftly. "People, I'm postponing this mission for twelve hours." Raising his hands at the sounds of the protests that filled the room now, he continued, "As you all know, going in and retrieving this data capsule is an important mission. I want to send you in, but I can't.." His military facade finally broke as well, and he stared around the room at four people he'd come to think of as family. "What the hell's happened here?"
Daniel moved to the table, resting his fist on it's top as he leant forward towards Hammond.
"Sir, it's my problem," he said, blinking his blue eyes quickly. "I'll step down now, if.. if it makes the others more comfortable?" he said softly, pushing his other hand into his pockets. Hammond turned to follow his gaze to Jack.
The colonel looked up briefly then down again. Suddenly realizing that all eyes in the room were on him he stepped away from his corner and came to stand just behind Hammond's right shoulder, his hand firmly in his pants pockets, his shoulders back and his chest puffed.
"Do what you think you must, Daniel..."
The anthropologist's jaw clenched and unclenched. He gave a sharp nod, unable to meet the dark eyes boring down on him now, then he left the room, his head bowed a little.
Jack rolled his head back, staring up at the ceiling. Sam waited for the door to shut before swinging around to look at Jack.
"I_don't_believe_you!" She hissed.
Hammond's eyes flashed at the insubordination. "Captain!"
"Settle down, Captain," Jack said cautiously, but coolly.
"I can't believe you let him go like that! Over.. over..."
"Captain!" Jack barked and she physically jumped. When she looked up she saw the trapped tears in her colonel's eyes and suddenly felt bad.
"Daniel Jackson has a few issues he needs to deal with. If he thinks he can deal with them better *off* the team-" He shrugged, unable to finish the sentence - not because he didn't care, but because he realized he cared too much. Not that it showed to the others in the room.
Sam's head tilted as she narrowed her eyes at him. "He's not just going to be off the team though, Colonel, don't you remember? He's going back to Abydos..." she shook her head, hoping her words would reach through Jack's impenetrable heart for once.
He nibbled his bottom lip again then swiveled from the waist. "Sir, permission to.."
Without having to hear the rest, Hammond thumbed over his shoulder, releasing Jack from the meeting. The officer turned and actually ran from the room.