Philip was busy shaking out the feather quilt when Jack finally came into the room. The colonel looked over the exotic room, seeing the little wooden statues and carvings that adorned the chest of drawers. Masks hung on the wall and clothes laid scattered on the floor. Philip noticed them only after Jack was in the room and he blushed ever so slightly as he picked them up.

"Sorry," he mumbled, dropping the clothes into the wicker basket in the corner of the room. As he straightened up his long, almost black fringe fell over his eyes. He shook his head to get the hair from his face as he placed his hands on his hips. He turned to look at Jack.

"As good as it gets I'm afraid," he said of the room, still cluttered and untidy, but not overly. Jack moved to put his cup on the side table. Philip saw that and knelt on the bed to take some of the many books away, giving the man some room for his drink. He sat on the bed as he dropped the books to the floor near the wall. Jack sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Philip, who was sitting up, legs outstretched, and his hands casually folded in his lap.

//Perhaps he does come with the bed?//

Blinking slowly, the colonel looked away as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"Do you have a headache?"

Jack was cringing as he looked at him and nodded. "Yeah. Brutal one."

Philip tilted his head. "Want a massage? I'm pretty good at them, apparently."

Jack stopped his rubbing and stared at the dark eyes. Was he mistaking every innocent offer from this gorgeous man as some kind of come on, or was he just fooling himself? After all, Philip had made that crack about the waitress being too old for him, and she'd have only been in her thirties *and* female. Jack was probably fooling himself to think this young Adonis was being suggestive.

"Ah, no," he said slowly, then added a shrug, "Probably not a good idea."

Philip stared at him a long time and Jack started to feel a little uncomfortable. Without a word, Philip moved on the bed, scooting across the quilt to be a little closer to Jack.

"I'm not coming onto you here Jack. I genuinely *do* give good massages."

Jack's brows raised. "Oh." With a sweet, embarrassed smile he bowed his head. He had been a fool to think this young stud would be interested in someone crusty like him.

Philip noticed the embarrassment as he laid his hands onto the T- shirt covered shoulders. "No, don't be. I do find you extremely attractive-" He said in a low, deep voice. His hands released the touch when Jack looked back over his shoulder at him.

The dark eyes of the colonel searched the young man's face intently, drinking in every feature of the flawless, dark skin. They ran over the small, pink mouth, and he saw Philip visibly shiver as if he'd actually touched him. Slowly the eyes made their way back up to meet with the smoldering dark stare. "You're very tempting..." He said with a worn smile.

Philip held the stare in the dim light of the room. "Thank you. It's.. really nice to hear, even if there was a 'but' involved..."

Jack blinked, confusion clear on his face. It was a strange response. The younger man wet his lips then shrugged as he moved to sit against the bed end, his legs bend and his arms resting on his knees. The colonel frowned, twisting even more to see the man against the foot of the bed. "I'm sorry. Did I just say something.. wrong?"

"No, far from it, Jack," Philip said with a genuine smile. "It's just that I haven't felt 'tempting' in a long time." He concentrated on digging his thumb nail into his palm, a nervous habit he thought he'd conquered.

"I take it that there's no one.." Jack gave a shrug then when Philip looked up at him, he finished, "then?"

The dark eyes remained locked with Jack's as Philip tilted his head back against the foot of the bed.

"No, not for a while," he said in a soft voice as he continued to crease his palm with his thumbnail.

"Can I ask .. why?' Jack said incredulously.

With a shy smile, Philip quipped, "All the good ones are taken?" Jack smiled as acceptance of the compliment.

"Can I ask you something now?"

The colonel raised a brown then said, "shoot." He shifted, sitting against the head of the bed, one knee bent and one arm resting on it while his other hand sat in his lap, curled around his coffee cup. He looked down at the end of the bed to where Philip was sitting.

"You have made it clear to me that you .. well, that you find me attractive."

Jack nodded, feeling a blush heat the back of his neck.

"So, I take it you've had.. experience.."

Jack looked down into his cup, taking his time in answering the question. Finally, as he lifted the drink to his mouth, he said, "yup."

Philip nodded. Okay, he was talking about it, but not overly free with the information. He wondered if he should let it drop.

Out of the quiet, Jack said, "I've only ever had three real relationships in my life that have meant anything to me. Don't get me wrong, I've had sex. Lots and lots of it. The seventies, for me, were very interesting times!"

"You experimented?"

"With several things, yeah," Jack gave a little nod then took another sip of his coffee.

"I see."

Jack smiled. Philip was only born in the seventies, and here's Jack telling him that it was the pivotal point of his life as a man.

"And the three relationships?"

"My wife, my son... and Daniel."

Philip lowered his eyes. "I can see why your wife and son were important.."

"Yeah, so how does Daniel figure in with them?" Jack said, waiting to see Philip's nod. "Because I'm in love with him. There," Jack held his arm out wide. "I've said it."

"No, you've admitted to it. There is a difference," Philip said. Jack stared at him.

"I never thought I would ever admit to it. I kept telling myself that I didn't stand a snowflake's chance and to get over it."

"Is that why hearing about him and Grae upset you so much?"

Jack gave a shrug as he pursed his lips together. "For the past two years I've been suppressing my desires for Daniel. Coping with his friendship because I thought he was in love with his wife. I thought he wanted her back.."

"And you find he's in a relationship with my brother."

Jack screwed his eyes shut tight as the hand on his knee curled into a fist. "Have you ever been jealous, angry and in love with someone all at the same time?"

With a laugh reeking of irony, Philip said, "yes."

Jack looked at him. "I was angry at Daniel, I was angry at me, and I was angry at Graham."

"If you felt this way about Daniel, why didn't you come out and tell him? Jack, you do not strike me as the sort of man who can't speak his mind, and I've only known you a few hours!"

Jack looked at his watch, and realized he had only known Philip a few hours. Why, then, did it seem so easy with him?

"Oh, don't get me started on that! Sara used to nag me about my inability to express myself 'emotionally' all the damn time!" Jack waved his hand in the air then dropped it into his lap heavily as he sighed. "I never said anything to Daniel because I thought he was looking for his wife and, of course, there was this whole 'working together' thing to consider. If I hinted strongly enough, would he get it - and if he got it would he accept it or punch me out instead!"

Philip laughed. "I can't imagine Daniel punching anyone!"

Jack smiled. If the space monkey had to, he would! "He, um, he packs a punch, believe me!"

Philip raised his brow slightly at this then nodded. "And you feared his rejection?"

Jack lolled his head back until it rested against the wood behind him. "I feared a lot of things. Mostly of stuffing up and ruining the friendship that's taken years to get to this stage.."

Jack heard the slight mumble from the other man and looked at him. "I know, so instead of ruining it with the truth, I've ruined it with fear!"

"I didn't say that," Philip said. Jack shrugged.

"You didn't need to. You don't think I know that anyway?" He wanted to tell Philip about the aliens he battled almost everyday of the week, To tell him how he wasn't afraid to put himself and his team through perilous situations for the good of the World they lived in. About how he would rather face a Goa'uld with flashing eyes than look into Daniel's and see one ounce, one drop, of hatred because he'd told him the 'truth'.

Philip stared at him. "I'm not judging you, Jack. Fear is a very valid thing. It can make us selfish."

Jack shook his head slightly. It wasn't just selfishness. If he and Daniel had a falling out about this, it would ruin the team. SG-1 would cease to function as well as it had if Daniel came to despise Jack for loving him. He had to protect the team as well. At least, he kept telling himself that!

"It's not just fear.." Jack mumbled.

"What else is there? In all forms, it's fear that prevents most of us from doing what we want, what we desperately... want.. to do."

Jack looked down the bed at him and saw the pain in his eyes. With a quick smile, that didn't quite cover the hurt, Philip said, "It makes us all crazy at some point in our lives. It's obvious that you have deep, deep feelings for Daniel and it can't have been easy suppressing them around him. He is quite demonstrative," he said.

Jack closed his eyes at the thought of Philip seeing Daniel being demonstrative with Graham.

"Sorry," the younger man said, causing Jack to open his eyes again.

"It's okay. I've watched Daniel.. I know he's demonstrative."

Philip smiled. "Still, it was tactless of me, I'm sorry."

Jack nodded. "And you're right. It's been hard to keep quiet, but I did it because I respected the friendship. You know he never once, not once, gave me the slightest hint that he was bi-sexual."

Philip shrugged. "And of course if I were to ask Daniel he'd tell me that he knew you were bi-sexual all along? I'm assuming you.. well.. 'showed' it.. Often too, I imagine..."

Jack grinned. This guy certainly had a way of getting him to see the reason in most things. Of course Daniel wouldn't know. Jack went to great pains to prevent him ever finding out!

Growing serious again, Philip rubbed his hands up his shins as he said, "You of all people know the importance of not showing sexuality, especially in a military institution. Graham and I discussed this all the time. He was terrified of the brass knowing, and when he found out *you* knew he was worried, genuinely worried, about his career."

"Ironic when you consider it, really. I could hardly go to Hammond, disclosing something about Graham that I so desperately hide myself!" The colonel reached around and put his cup on the bedside table.

"And now Daniel is free. Are you going to tell him now?"

Jack's eyes narrowed then he shook his head. "At least, not yet. I've told you, it's complicated." Jack rubbed his hand down his flushed cheek, then stifled a yawn.

Philip stared at the older man a good long while then he rubbed his hands on his thighs and said, "I should let you sleep." He crawled off the bed and was standing beside it when Jack looked up at him.

"Tell me something?"

Philip looked down at him. "What is it?"

"Following your adage, why aren't *you* taken?"

The young man smiled, his lips parting to reveal his white teeth. So, Jack thought he was one of the 'good ones' too. It was nice.

"To coin a phrase from you, it's complicated."

"I'm a good listener," Jack shrugged.

"It's late.. You're tired.."

"You're stalling!" Jack said, then gave a little shrug. "Oh, come on! I spill my guts to you, and then you turn around and give the old 'it's complicated' routine?"

Philip looked down at the upturned face a good while then said, "Not too many men are looking for a long term, no sex kinda of deal and that's all I'm after really..."

"Huh?"

"I'm celibate, Jack."

The colonel frowned. "For crying out loud, Why?" It wasn't so much a question but a statement in disbelief.

With a soft laugh, Philip just said, "um..."

Dipping his head, Jack waved his hand as he apologized, "Sorry, that was a stupid thing to ask!"

Philip was shaking his head and smiling at the flustered man. "No, it wasn't."

"Is it a religious thing?"

With another shake of his head, Philip said, "No."

Jack nodded, then said, "ah," before looking around the room. "Are you scared of getting... something? You talked about fear and..."

Philip shook his head. "I'm not scared of getting AIDS, Jack, if that's what you mean."

With a little shrug, the colonel said, "it's a valid fear."

Philip said, in a soft voice, "I can't 'get' it, because I'm already HIV positive."

Jack's head snapped around to look at him. HIM? HIV? He looked so healthy! How could he be..?

Philip saw the look in the wide, brown eyes. He sucked back a deep breath through his nose then blew it out before saying, "There. Told you it was complicated." Scratching at the back of his head, he said, "I'll .. I'll let you sleep. You have nothing to worry about.. you can't get it from my bed.. or.."

"I know that!" Jack snapped then shrugged when Philip looked at him. "I've had training on it..." He was trying to sound as calm as he could under the circumstances. Philip nodded as he sucked his bottom lip.

"Good. I'll um.. I'll just.. be...out there.." He said.

Jack reached out for his hand and caught him before he could get away. Rising to his feet he looked down at the younger man, too young to be suffering with this. Too young!

"I'm.. I'm sorry.." It seemed so lame, and Jack wanted to kick himself as the sad brown eyes fixed onto him again.

With a brave smile, Philip shrugged. "It's okay. It's always a shock when I tell people. Most of the time they don't believe me, I don't know why," he said with a soft laugh like it was so unfathomable that someone would make up that they were sick.

"I know why. You look so good. You don't look like someone dy.. umm.. someone.. with.."

"Dying of AIDS, I think is the term you're trying to avoid saying there, Jack. And you'd be right. I'm not dying of AIDS, I'm living with it instead."

"How long? Have you known, I mean?"

"Only a year."

The colonel nodded. "And you've been..."

"Celibate that long? Well actually, no."

"Oh?"

Philip moved to lean against the foot of the bed and Jack sat down once more. "I actually gave up about four months before hand," he explained as he tugged at his nails with one hand. "You see, the reason I sympathize with Daniel so much, is because my partner was unfaithful..."

Jack closed his eyes. How could anyone be unfaithful to this man? If it wasn't for Daniel, Jack would have been very seriously interested in Philip. Very!

"The affair ended when I came home and found him with someone else, much like Daniel did really. It's unbearable, Jack. You cannot begin to imagine the feeling of finding your partner like that. It's like having your heart ripped from you then held before you, still beating. John was my everything. I loved him like I've loved no one before.." Philip lowered his chin to his chest, gathering the courage to talk about this - something he hadn't talked about before to anyone other than Daniel in the past few days. With a loud sigh, Philip grounded the heel of one hand into his eye, then he sucked in another shaky breath, gathered himself before speaking again, "I didn't know how long it had been going on. I didn't ask. I just packed his stuff up, and tossed him and it, into the hallway out there."

"You didn't talk about it?"

Philip shook his head. "You were married once. Tell me. If Sara had have had an affair, when you still cared about her, I mean, deeply.. cared. Would you want to sit around and discuss it?"

Jack arched a brow. "Probably not." Philip looked up at him then gave a heavy shrug.

"Next time I heard from him he was calling to tell me to get tested."

"Jesus.." Jack hissed quietly. The younger man nodded.

"I think that was the word I used at the time." He gave Jack a small smile when he ventured a look at him.

"Philip, I'm so.. so sorry." He reached out his hand and placed it on the younger man's shoulder.

"Anyway," Philip stepped out of the touch gently, leaving Jack's hand to drop to his side. "I'll see you in the morning. Do you have a particular time you need to be awake?"

Still shell shocked, Jack said, "No... I.. I."

"Graham will be home around nine. You might prefer to be gone.."

"Philip.."

"Good night Jack.." The younger man said, then shut the door behind him as he left.

Outside in the hall, tears stained the brown cheeks for the first time in many months. He was so attracted to Jack, yet he knew he didn't stand a chance. Part of the older man's attraction was his unyielding love for Daniel Jackson, Philip knew that. It was so goddamn sexy! But Colonel Jack O'Neill was such an attractive package, inside and out! And, he's found Philip.. tempting, too. Stepping away from the door, Philip looked back then sighed. Things were never 'easy'. He went to his brothers room and slowly shut the door.

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