Shoulder
Checks:
Calgarians don't
do shoulder checks for any reason. So don't expect it.
Use
of Signal Lights:
You must be joking.
As far as I can tell, signal lights are not used at all in Alberta.
I don't think
you are getting the hang of this yet...
Speeding:
Calgarians will
always do at least 10 kms or more over the legal limit, unless you are
behind them. Then they will do 10 kms or less under the legal
limit. Most Calgarians also feel Photo Radar is a 'Cash Cow' but these
same people don't understand if no one was speeding, no one would get
a ticket.
Bad
Driving Conditions/Reduced Visibility:
Calgarians don't
need to adjust their speed or driving habits when driving in poor road
conditions or reduced visibility. Calgarian driving habits kill and
injure people just fine any other time of the year, so why change?
Calgarians
don't have to yield to Emergency Vehicles of any kind:
Regardless of what
fire or medical emergency exists, Calgarians don't have to bother to
get out of the way unless the vehicle is bigger then the car they drive.
In this case they might make some effort, but not until the last minute.
Calgarians will yield for the Police, but it's only because they think
they are getting pulled over (again).
Left
Hand Turns and Right Hand Turns:
Left-hand-turns
will mostly be made from the right-hand-most lane, and vice versa.
Lane
Changes:
Calgarians can and
will change lanes when it's the least safe. They will wait until the
very last second, and change into your lane. I believe in the Alberta
driving handbook it must state somewhere that if a driver is ahead of
you, even slightly ahead, they can cut into your lane no matter how
unsafe this lane change may be.
Calgarian
don't have to slow down in Playground Zones or School Zones.
If you are in front
of a Calgarian in a playground zone you are doomed. Just pull over so
they can resume their faster speed. This will also make them happier
because they will now be ahead of you. (See Passing) Calgarians
also can't tell time, which would explain why they don't understand
the times marked on the signs, or how that whole 'hour after sunset'
thing works. Calgarians will also try to pass you in a single lane,
if you are doing 30 kms.
Merging
and Yielding: (Mostly, they treat a merge like a yield, and vise-versa.)
Most Calgarians
don't bother to match the speed of the traffic they are merging with.
They will proceed down the merge ramps at say 50 or 60 kms and merge
into traffic doing 70 or 80 kms. The regular traffic will be doing at
least 10 kms over the speed limit. This is the rule of thumb
in Calgary. Always do 10 kms over the posted legal limit. (See Speeding)
So the 60 kms into the 80 kms merge, is really a 60 into a 90
kms merge. Most don't realize that the merge ramps were made in
a down slope so you can gather speed to match traffic. This is a foreign
concept here.
Merging
and Yielding, Part
b:
Other Calgarians
will stop in the merge area until there is no traffic coming at all,
so they can cut across 3 lanes, and immediately get into the lane they
wanted (maybe). Anyone approaching a merge lane must be prepared to
quickly cut their speed down by at least 20 kms (Because this moron
will cut across your lane at any second), but you also must prevent
the idiot behind you, (who is driving while talking on the phone, like
the one pictured below) from hitting you.
Calgarians will
also exit to an off ramp at the last second, nearly missing you and
the curb which now divides the ramp from the road.
Passing:
Forget about passing.
Calgarians must be first. They believe it is their God-given right to
cut you off, to be in front of you. Even if they are doing less then
the posted speed limit, and there is no one else around, you still are
not allowed to pass. I have seen even old ladies doing 40 kms in a 50
km zone (or even 40 in a 60 km zone), speed up to 75 kms to keep me
from passing them. You must stay behind them while they poke along looking
for some address. I have seen everyone from young kids driving 4-wheeled
stereos, to blue-hairs not letting you pass for no reason at all.
Calgarians are allowed
to pass for any reason. Even if you are over the legal posted speed
limit, it doesn't matter. They will speed up, pass you, get in front
of you, and then force you to slow down because you're not doing
the speed limit.
Calgarians are allowed
to do any speed, and risk anyone's life, so that they can squeeze into
that tiny space you have left between you and the car in front of you.
Even though there are no cars behind you and they could have easily
gotten safely behind you. Calgarians are never to be last. Their egos
won't allow it.
Calgarians are also
allowed to drive in the middle of two lanes to prevent you from legally
passing. Regardless of how much slower they were going. Yes,
I have actually seen this a few times.
Car
Crashes
(*1):
Regardless of who
is really at fault, Calgarians will harass you over and over until you
break down and admit you are at fault. There must be a special driving
school here in Calgary which trains drivers after a collision to: Immediately
jump out of the car, claim whiplash, and tell you over and over again
that it was your fault. This school must be full of students every year.
Some Calgarians
have even become so good at it, they could be drunk, (with prior DUI's)
smash into you from any angle, after running a red light, while speeding,
be bleeding to death, and still tell you in 20 different ways how this
car crash (*1) was all your fault.
Just admit it. You
suck.
Don't
ever tell a Calgarian driver that they are in the wrong.
Calgarians are never
wrong when it comes to driving. No matter what. And if you make the
mistake of telling a Calgarian they are wrong, or driving stupid or
dangerously... they can and will cause several near misses and/or crashes,
drive reckless and dangerous, just so they can catch up with you and
tell you off. Women are allowed (more then the men) to scream, freak
out, get totally out of control, drive even more dangerous, and threaten
you (and anyone near by) with a deadly weapon (*2),
if you even slightly suggest they did something wrong. Just forget it
and save a life.
Braking
for Critters:
We have alot of
gophers ( Richardson's Ground Squirrel, Pocket Gophers) here in Calgary.
(They are to the point of being a huge nuisance.) And even though they
distroy acres and acres of city land, and they cost taxpayers alot of
money every year, Calgary drivers will still stop at nothing to avoid
hitting them. (Ok, I meant that pun)
