(Converted to HTML by John Benz Fentner, Jr.
using HTML Assistant Pro and posted by permission of the author)
Act I
Scene 1
An open plane. A witch's cauldron sits in the middle of
the stage. Three WITCHES enter, as lightning flashes and
thunder rumbles. Their names are WITCH-WITCH, WEIRD-
WITCH, and SPELL-WITCH. Suddenly the cauldron lights up
with the words "THE WEIRD SISTERS" and the Witches burst
into song with a boogie-woogie beat:
WITCHES
(singing)
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in
rain?
When the hurly-burly's done
That's when the battle's lost
and won!
It's lost!
It's won!
It's lost!
It's won!
That will be 'ere set of sun!
Where shall we three meet once
more?
At the beach or on the shore?
When it's time to cause some
pain!
Then it's time to vex the
Thane!
We'll pain
The Thane!
We'll pain!
The Thane!
Then we'll do it all again!
The Witches end their song and curtsey to the audience.
Witch-Witch introduces them.
WITCH-WITCH
Thank you! My name is Witch-
Witch. This is my sister,
Weird-Witch. And this is my
other sister, Spell-Witch. And
together, we are The Weird
Sisters!
The Witches perform a brief encore to the same tune as
their earlier song.
WITCHES
(singing)
Fair is foul, and foul is fair!
Fair is foul, and foul is fair!
You've got to hover through
The fog and filthy air!
They continue to sing as they dance off the stage.
WITCHES
(singing and
exiting)
It's foul!
It's fair!
It's foul!
It's fair.
Hover though that fog and
filthy air!!!
A camp of Scottish soldiers. Enter KING DUNCAN with his
sons MALCOLM and DONALBAIN. King Duncan is a painfully
infantile idiot. His eldest son should be played by a
mature, bald, fat man who wears shorts. Donalbain is his
younger brother. Also enter LENNOX, a Scottish soldier,
and a bleeding SERGEANT, along with some ATTENDANTS.
KING DUNCAN
What bloody man is this, with
the cuts and the wounds, and
the ow-ies. Somebody get this
man a Band-Aid!
MALCOLM
Pop, this is the sergeant who
fought in that battle with your
cousin Banquo and with your
other cousin!
KING DUNCAN
My other cousin? Oh, you mean Mac
Malcolm slaps his hand over his father's mouth, to
prevent him from speaking the unlucky name!
MALCOLM
You crazeee! Don't say that!!!
How many times do I have to
tell you? It's unlucky to say
the name of your other cousin!
People who say it die!
Malcolm takes his hand off of his father's mouth.
KING DUNCAN
They die just because they say Mac
Just in time, Malcolm slaps the hand back.
MALCOLM
Stop that! If you weren't my
father, I'd give you such a
hit! Now why don't you ask the
bloody sergeant about the
battle?
KING DUNCAN
What about the battle, bloody
sergeant? You look like you're
got hurt very badly.
SERGEANT
The doctor predicts that I
shall live, provided that my
wound does not reopen.
MALCOLM
Tell us about the battle!
SERGEANT
Doubtful it stood; as two spent
swimmers that do cling
together.
KING DUNCAN
That doesn't make any sense.
How can it stand like two
swimmers. Swimmers don't
stand! They float!
MALCOLM
That's right, Pop! You tell
him! Can I hit him?
SERGEANT
Please don't hit me. If my
wound reopens, I shall die!
KING DUNCAN
All right. Just tell us about
the battle. But no swimming!
SERGEANT
As you wish, your Majesty. It
was going badly for our side,
when your two cousins joined
the battle! "Who are those two
new warriors?" one of the enemy
soldiers asked. And another
enemy soldier answered, "It's
Banquo and " and then he said
the name of your other cousin.
And as soon as the soldier
spoke that unlucky name, the
tide of battle turned, and
victory was ours! But I am
faint. My gashes cry for help!
KING DUNCAN
You mean we won just because
the other side said Banquo!
SERGEANT
Not Banquo! Mac--. Oops, that
was close. I almost said
"Macbeth."
As soon as the Sergeant says the unlucky name, his wound
opens and blood spurts across the stage. He screams and
dies.
KING DUNCAN
Oh boy! He's dead! He's
really dead. I think that name
killed him. Somebody take away
that bloody dead man's bloody
dead body, which is dead!
The Attendants remove the body as ROSS, another Scottish
soldier, enters.
KING DUNCAN
Who comes here now?
MALCOM
That's the Thane of Ross, Pop!
ROSS
I come from Fife, great King,
where we have defeated that
wretched traitor, the Thane of
Cawdor.
KING DUNCAN
That's good. I like it when we
defeat wretched traitors,
because wretched traitors are
not nice people. But I didn't
know the Thane of Chowder was a
traitor.
ROSS
Not Chowder! Cawdor!
KING DUNCAN
I think I'll give his title to Mac
Malcolm slaps his hand over King Duncan's mouth. Duncan
realizes his mistake and cringes. Malcolm removes his
hand.
KING DUNCAN
Give his title to my other
cousin. Not Banquo, but the
other one.
ROSS
You mean the Thane of Glamis!
KING DUNCAN
Yes! Him! The Thane of Clams!
I'll make him the Thane of
Clams and Chowder.
ROSS
That's Glamis and Cawdor! I'll
see it done.
KING DUNCAN
What the traitor hath lost, the
Thane of Clams hath won!
On a heath, the three Weird Sisters enter singing to a
boogie-woogie beat:
WITCHES
(singing)
The weird sisters, hand in
hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about,
Thrice to thine, and thrice to
mine,
And thrice again to make up
nine,
And eight to the bar!
The song ends abruptly.
WITCH-WITCH
Peace! The charm's wound up!
Enter MACBETH and BANQUO. Macbeth is a chubby, boyish
man. The entire world picks on him. Banquo is an
ordinary Scottish highlander.
MACBETH
So foul and fair a day I have
not seen.
Banquo spots the witches.
BANQUO
Who in the name of Pete are
these ugly women?
WITCH-WITCH
I am Witch-Witch.
WEIRD-WITHC
I am Weird-Witch.
SPELL-WITCH
I am Spell-Witch.
MACBETH
(to Witch-Witch)
I'm sorry. I didn't catch your
names. You're which witch?
WITCH-WITCH
Yes.
MACBETH
Which witch?
WITCH-WITCH
Yes.
MACBETH
What's your name?
WITCH-WITCH
Witch-witch.
MACBETH
You!
WITCH-WITCH
That's right!
MACBETH
What's right!
WITHC-WITCH
I'm Witch-Witch!
MACBETH
That's what I'm asking!
WITCH-WITCH
That's what I'm answering!
MACBETH
You are so weird!
WITCH-WITCH
(pointing to
Weird-Witch)
No, she's Weird-Witch. I'm
Witch-Witch!
MACBETH
I don't want to talk to you
anymore!
Macbeth walks over to Spell-Witch.
MACBETH
(to Spell-Witch)
Are you a witch?
SPELL-WITCH
Of course.
MACBETH
Which witch are you?
WITCH-WITCH
That's me.
MACBETH
(to Witch-Witch)
I said I didn't want to talk to
you anymore!!!
Macbeth turns back to Spell-Witch.
MACBETH
(to Spell-Witch)
What's your name?
SPELL-WITCH
Spell-Witch.
MACBETH
W - I - T - C - H. Now what's
your name?
SPELL-WITCH
Spell-Witch.
MACBETH
I just spelled it! Now are you
going to answer my question?
SPELL-WITCH
I just answered it!
MACBETH
Then why don't I know which
witch you are?
WITCH-WITCH
I'm Witch-Witch.
MACBETH
I'm not talking to you!
BANQUO
It' very simple, you great daft
fool. This witch's name is
Witch-Witch. Her first name is
Witch and her last name is
Witch.
MACBETH
Which is her first name?
BANQUO
Yes! The noun "Witch," not the
adjective "which"!
MACBETH
Which of you is the Adjective
Witch?
BANQUO
No, no, no! Don't you
understand the difference
between the two witches?
MACBETH
These are three witches!
BANQUO
I mean two different words
which are spelled differently.
MACBETH
Spell witch.
SPELL-WITCH
That's me!
MACBETH
Can we please go back to the
war now? This is making my
head hurt!
WITCH-WITCH
All hail, Macbeth! Hail to
thee, Thane of Glamis!
WEIRD-WITCH
All hail, Macbeth! Hail to
thee, Thane of Cawdor!
SPELL-WITCH
All hail, Macbeth, that shalt
be King hereafter!
Macbeth and Duncan are shocked.
MACBETH
Did you hear that? They all
just said my name and they
didn't die! That is so weird.
WEIRD-WITCH
I am Weird-Witch!
MACBETH
Don't start with that! Don't
start that again!!!
BANQUO
All right now! We've heard
what you have to say about my
cousin! What do you say about
me?
WITCH-WITCH
Hail!
WEIRD-WITCH
Hail!
SPELL-WITCH
Hail!
MACBETH
The hail you say!
WITCH-WITCH
Lesser than Macbeth, and
greater.
WEIRD-WITCH
Not so happy, yet much happier.
SPELL-WITCH
Thou shalt get kings, though
thou be none.
BANQUO
I shall get kings?
MACBETH
Yeah. When somebody says,
"Where's the King?" you say,
"I'll get him."
SPELL-WITCH
No! I mean Banquo shall be the
father of kings! So all hail,
Macbeth and Banquo!
WITCH-WITCH
Banquo and Macbeth all hail!
MACBETH
Wait a minute! Wait just a
minute! You can call me all
sorts of nice names, but you're
not fooling anybody. I'm the
Thane of Glamis, but I'm not
the Thane of Cawdor. And the
idea that I could be King!
It's ridiculous! It's absurd!
BANQUO
It's nauseating! It's the most
vile, disgusting, revolting
nonsense I've ever heard.
MACBETH
You tell them, cousin!
Macbeth pats Banquo on the back as the witches exit,
unnoticed by Macbeth and Banquo.
BANQUO
You, a King! It's enough to
make me lose the haggis I had
for lunch!
MACBETH
They must think we're pretty
dumb, believing I could be
King, or even Thane of Cawdor!
Enter Ross
ROSS
Hail, Thane of Glamis! The
King has just made you Thane of
Cawdor.
Macbeth does the world's biggest double take.
MACBETH
But the Thane of Cawdor lives!
ROSS
Not for long. He has been
condemned for treason!
Macbeth steps away from the others, lost in thought!
MACBETH
I'm the Thane of Cawdor! Boy,
is my wife going to be
surprised to hear that. She
always said I'd never amount to
anything, but now I'm two
Thanes: the Thane of Glamis and
Cawdor. I wonder where Cawdor
is. I better find out. While
I'm at it, it's about time I
learned where Glamis is.
BANQUO
Come on, you big dumb thane!
We wait upon your leisure.
MACBETH
I'm sorry. My dull brain was
wrought with things forgotten.
Come, friends!
At King Duncan's palace at Forres. Enter King Duncan,
Malcolm, Donalbain, Lennox, and various Attendants. On a
heath, the three Weird Sisters enter singing to a boogie-
woogie beat:
KING DUNCAN
Is the execution done on
Cawdor?
MALCOLM
I heard he's dead, Pop! He put
on a really good show. They
said that nothing in his life
became him like the leaving it.
KING DUNCAN
He put on a show! Wait until I
die! I'll show you a show.
People will be dying to see me
dead, I'm going to die so dead.
MALCOLM
What if you die off stage, like
the Thane of Cawdor.
KING DUNCAN
He deserved to die off stage!
I trusted him! He fooled me
completely! No one will ever
fool me like that again!
Enter Macbeth. King Duncan greets him with open arms.
KING DUNCAN
Oh worthiest cousin!
Enter Banquo and Ross, behind Macbeth.
KING DUNCAN
I'm glad you're all here! I
have an announcement to make.
I've decided to name the person
who will become King of
Scotland when I die! And that
person is . . . my son Malcolm!
I name him Malcolm, Prince of
Cumberlain!
Macbeth is shocked by this news. He stands apart from
the others and considers.
MACBETH
The witches promised I'd be
King! What am I going to do
now? I've got two living kings
in front of me. Stars, hide
your fires. Let not light see
my black and deep desires.
He exits.
KING DUNCAN
Hey, where's the Thane of Clams
and Chowder going? He was
supposed to invite all of us to
dinner at his castle at
Inverness. Let's go after him.
He is a peerless kinsman.
King Duncan leads everyone else offstage as they follow
Macbeth.
In Macbeth's castle in Inverness, Lady Macbeth enters and
reads a letter. There should be a chair onstage, with a
large cushion on it.
LADY MACBETH
(reading)
"They met me in the day of
success, and predicted my
promotion to Thane of Cawdor,
and then said I would be King.
Now I am Thane of Cawdor. I
know not what to make of it."
Lady Macbeth puts aside the letter. From the corners of
the stage, the witches creep on, but Lady Macbeth doesn't
notice them.
LADY MACBETH
Glamis thou art, and Cawdor!
And you shall be what you were
promised. But I fear your
nature. You are too full of
the milk of human kindness. I
will have to take things in
hand, myself! Come, you
spirits that tend on mortal
thoughts, unsex me here!
The witches move to center stage, singing and dancing.
Lady Macbeth doesn't notice them.
WITCHES
(singing)
We'll unsex you here!
Do not show any doubt or fear!
Just growl and sneer,
Scratch your crotch,
And swig a beer!
And we'll unsex you here!
The witches gesture magically. There is an explosion of
flash powder, and suddenly Lady Macbeth has become a man
a tall, waspish man, with a neat little mustache. I
will continue to refer to Lady Macbeth as "she" in the
stage directions, but starting from here, for as long as
she lives, she should be portrayed by a man.
The witches exit. Enter Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH
Great Glamis! Worthy Cawdor!
MACBETH
Who are you?
LADY MACBETH
I'm your wife, Gruoch!
MACBETH
Who?
LADY MACBETH
Gruoch! That's your wife's
name.
MACBETH
I never heard that. Nobody
ever told me her name was
Gruoch!
LADY MACBETH
I was keeping it secret. If
your name was Gruoch, would you
tell everyone?
MACBETH
So if you're my wife, why are
you telling me now?
LADY MACBETH
To prove I'm her. She was the
only one who knew it, so I must
be her!
MACBETH
You're not my wife! My wife
isn't a man!
LADY MACBETH
Oh that! That's nothing to
worry about. I just said,
"Spirits that tend on mortal
thoughts, unsex me here," and I
was turned into a man. But I'm
sure it's only temporary. It's
nothing to worry about.
MACBETH
That's easy for you to say!
What's King Duncan going to say
when he sees you?
LADY MACBETH
The King? Is he coming here?
MACBETH
Tonight!
LADY MACBETH
And when is he going hence?
MACBETH
Tomorrow.
LADY MACBETH
Never shall sun that morrow
see! I can read your face like
a book. I know what your
planning.
MACBETH
I'm planning to get out of
here!
LADY MACBETH
I like your plan, but you've
got to make sure no one else
finds out about it. You've got
to look like the innocent
flower, but be the serpent
under it.
MACBETH
Oh, you want me to make an asp
of myself.
LADY MACBETH
No! I'm talking about
appearances versus reality.
You've go to convince King
Duncan that you're his most
loyal follower. We'll
practice! I'll pretend to be
the King, and you be you. Come
and tell me that dinner is
being served.
Lady Macbeth sits on a chair, and acts like a King lost
in thought.
MACBETH
You're the King and I'm me, and
I'm supposed to tell you it's
time for dinner. I think I can
manage that.
Macbeth steps up to Lady Macbeth and makes a slight bow.
MACBETH
Excuse me, your majesty. Your
meal is ready.
Lady Macbeth stands, grabs the cushion from the chair,
and starts beating Macbeth over the head with it.
LADY MACBETH
On your knees, you pestilent
dunghill! How dare you speak
to your King in such familiar
tones?
MACBETH
I'm sorry, your royal highness.
LADY MACBETH
You are the sorriest excuse for
a man it has ever been my
misfortune to meet, you
lumpish, clay-brained pig!
MACBETH
What did I do? Tell me, what
did I do?
LADY MACBETH
You dare to question your King?
What are you, some vile
assassin?
Lady Macbeth hits Macbeth even harder with the cushion.
He begs for mercy.
MACBETH
No, I'm not an assassin! I'm
sorry! I'm sorry! I swear I
didn't mean to question you! I
apologize!
Lady Macbeth stops beating Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH
You apologize? No, it is I who
should apologize. I was so
caught up with affairs of
state, I didn't stop to see
your side of things. I was
unjust to you. Will you accept
my apology?
MACBETH
Sure, your majesty.
Lady Macbeth starts to beat him with the cushion again.
LADY MACBETH
You would let your King
apologize to you? Who do you
think you are, you wretched,
whey-faced villain!
MACBETH
It was your idea! I was only
trying to do what you wanted!
LADY MACBETH
So now you're blaming me for
your insolence, you dog-hearted
knave! Why don't you just
plunge a knife in my heart?
MACBETH
I'm sorry! It's all my fault!
I don't deserve to live!
Lady Macbeth stops beating him.
LADY MACBETH
What have I done? My poor
cousin! I've reduced one of my
bravest warriors to a weak,
effeminate milk-livered coward.
I beg you to tell me what I can
do to make it up to you.
MACBETH
You do whatever you like!
LADY MACBETH
No, I insist. Tell me what I
can do to make up to you for my
thoughtless cruelty.
MACBETH
Nothin'. You don't have to do
anything for me.
LADY MACBETH
As your King, I order you to
tell me what I can do for you!
MACBETH
You order me?
LADY MACBETH
Yes, I do!
MACBETH
Well, you could stop hitting me
so hard.
Lady Macbeth starts hitting him again.
LADY MACBETH
You dare to tell the King how
hard he can hit you? Is this
too hard? Is this too hard?
MACBETH
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You're
the most magnificent king who
ever lived, and I'm just a
dirty dog.
Lady Macbeth stops hitting him and listens to his
apology.
MACBETH
No, I'm a dead dirty dog! No,
I'm a maggot eating the rotting
corpse of a dead dirty dog!
No, you know what I am? I am
the excrement left behind by a
maggot who's been eating the
rotting corpse of a dead dirty
dog! That's what I am!
LADY MACBETH
Oh, stop bragging! You always
thinking of yourself!
MACBETH
I'm just a poor innocent
flower, not the serpent under
it!
Lady Macbeth stops hitting him, and stops pretending to
be the King.
LADY MACBETH
You're learning. Just remember
to act like nothing is up, and
leave all the rest to me.
In front of Macbeth's castle in Inverness, Duncan enters
with Malcolm and Donalbain, followed by Banquo, Lennox,
MACDUFF, Ross and various attendants.
KING DUNCAN
This castle hath a pleasant
seat, I hope, because my rear
end is so soar from riding all
this way on my horse, so I need
a pleasant seat to sit down on.
Enter LADY MACBETH.
KING DUNCAN
Here comes our honored hostess.
Hey lady! Hey, honored hostess
lady. We're here to be hosted
by you!
Lady Macbeth comes closer to Macbeth and curtsies before
him.
LADY MACBETH
I am at your service, your
majesty.
King Duncan gets a good look at her for the first time.
KING DUNCAN
Lady? What kind of lady with
the... have you been sick?.
LADY MACBETH
I suffer from a slight case of
witchcraft, your majesty. I am
sure I will be myself again
soon.
KING DUNCAN
I hope so. Where's the Thane
of Clams and Chowder?
ROSS
Glamis and Cawdor!
LADY MACBETH
He is inside, waiting to serve
you.
KING DUNCAN
And I am ready to be served.
By your leave, hostess.
In Macbeth's castle Macbeth enters, talking to himself.
MACBETH
If it were done when 'tis done,
then 'twere well it were done
quickly when 'tis done, if it
were done when 'tis done.
Enter Lady Macbeth
LADY MACBETH
What are you talking about?
MACBETH
I don't have the slightest
idea!
LADY MACBETH
The King's been asking about
you! You have to go see him,
and act like everything's
normal, so he won't know about
our plans.
MACBETH
I don't want to go any further
with our plans.
Lady Macbeth is furious.
LADY MACBETH
How can you try to back out
now? Do dare you call yourself
a man?
MACBETH
I dare do all that may become a
man. Who dares do more is
none!
LADY MACBETH
I know all about becoming a
man!
MACBETH
You're telling me!
LADY MACBETH
You know what your problem is?
You have no honor! I had a son
by my first husband, before I
met you, and I used to nurse
that baby boy. But if I'd
sworn to do to that baby what
you've sworn to do to Duncan...
MACBETH
I didn't swear!
LADY MACBETH
. . . I would, while it was
smiling in my face, have
plucked my nipple from his
boneless gums and dashed his
brains out, had I so sworn as
you have done to this.
MACBETH
You'd smash out a little baby's
brain?
LADY MACBETH
Yes, if I had sworn to do it,
I'm proud to say I would.
That's how strongly I feel
about honor.
MACBETH
You should bring forth men
children only. Men children
with really, really strong
skulls.
LADY MACBETH
Are you going to take care of
Duncan or not?
MACBETH
But what happens if we fail?
LADY MACBETH
Then we fail! But screw your
courage to the sticking place,
and we'll not fail!
Enter the three witches, singing and dancing. Macbeth
and Lady Macbeth don't notice them.
WITCHES
(singing)
Screw your courage,
That's what to do!
Screw your courage,
And you'll get through!
Screw your courage,
'Cause that's the thing!
You've got to screw your
courage
To kill the King!
Screw your courage!
Screw your courage!
Screw your courage,
That's your plan!
Screw your courage
And be a man!
Screw your courage
To win the race!
You've got to screw it to the
sticking place!
Screw your courage!
Screw your courage!
The witches dance off stage. As soon as they are gone,
Macbeth and Lady Macbeth resume their discussion.
MACBETH
You're right. All I've got to
do is smear blood on the two
servants in the King's
chambers, and everyone will
think they did it!
LADY MACBETH
Of course they will!
MACBETH
Away, and mock the time with
fairest show: false face must
hide what the false heart doth
know.
In the courtyard of Macbeth's castle, Banquo and his
young son FLEANCE enter. Banquo looks up at the night
sky.
BANQUO
There's husbandry in heaven.
Their candles are all out.
Enter Macbeth.
BANQUO
Who's there?
MACBETH
A friend.
Banquo takes a closer look at him.
BANQUO
Oh, it's you. Why aren't you
in bed with that weird looking
wife of yours?
MACBETH
She doesn't normally look that
way. She's suffering from a
slight case of witchcraft.
BANQUO
That reminds me. I dreamt last
night of the three weird
sisters. Don't you find it
remarkable that they said you'd
be Thane of Cawdor, and now you
are?
MACBETH
No, that was just a lucky
guess. I haven't given a
thought to their saying I'd be
King. Not a thought. It never
crossed my mind. Not once.
Well, I think I'll be going to
bed, where I won't think at all
about being King.
BANQUO
Good night to you then.
Banquo exits with Fleance. As soon as they are gone, the
three witches creep on to the stage. One of them has a
dagger which she lowers in front of Macbeth using a
fishing pole type of apparatus. Macbeth spots the dagger
in front of him and does a double take.
MACBETH
Is this a dagger which I see
before me? Come, let me clutch
thee.
He tries to snatch it, but the witch jerks it away from
his grasp. This frightens Macbeth. He turns and calls
for Lady Macbeth. While he does so, the witch retrieves
the dagger.
MACBETH
Hey, Gruoch! Gruoch!
Lady Macbeth enters!
LADY MACBETH
Quiet down! You'll wake the
entire household! What is it?
Did you take care of Duncan
yet?
MACBETH
I was going to do it, when
suddenly I saw a dagger
floating before me, it's handle
toward my hand. I tried to
clutch it, and it floated away.
LADY MACBETH
Don't be ridiculous! That
wasn't a real dagger. That was
a dagger of the mind, a false
creation proceeding from your
heat-oppressed brain!
MACBETH
It was?
LADY MACBETH
Certainly! Just tell yourself
you don't see any daggers, and
you won't.
MACBETH
Tell myself I don't see it and
I won't. Okay, I'll give that
a try.
LADY MACBETH
Now go take care of Duncan,
before you wake everyone up
with your foolishness.
MACBETH
But. . .
LADY MACBETH
Go!
She points toward Duncan's chamber, and then exits in the
opposite direction. As Macbeth watches her go, a witch
lowers the dagger in front of him. When he turns back
from watch Lady Macbeth leave, Macbeth sees the dagger
and nearly jumps out of his skin.
MACBETH
I don't see the dagger! I
don't see the dagger!
The dagger is still there. He turns to call for his
wife, and as he does so, the witch withdraws the dagger.
MACBETH
Gruoch!
Lady Macbeth enters again.
LADY MACBETH
What is it now?
MACBETH
I told myself I didn't see the
dagger, but I wouldn't listen
to me.
LADY MACBETH
I'm tired of this nonsense. Do
you see a dagger now?
MACBETH
No.
LADY MACBETH
It's clear to me that you're
just making excuses to avoid
doing what you promised to do.
No go take care of Duncan, or
I'm going fix it so that you
see a dagger in a place that
will make you very
uncomfortable.
While Lady Macbeth is making this speech, the witch with
the dagger is pouring ketchup all over the dagger.
Once again, Lady Macbeth points her husband in the
direction of Duncan's room, and then exits in the
opposite direction. As Macbeth watches Lady Macbeth
leave, the witch dangles the bloody danger in front of
him. Macbeth sees it and tries to speak, but he's too
frightened to speak. He tries to scream, but can't. He
nearly weeps with fear.
The witch moves the dagger so it prods Macbeth toward
Duncan's chamber. Reluctantly, Macbeth moves in the
direction the dagger wants him to go. A bell rings.
Macbeth would like to say the line about "it is a knell
that summons thee to heaven or to hell" but he is still
to frightened for the words to come out. He exits.
In another part of Macbeth's castle, Lady Macbeth enters
drinking out of a goblet. There is a bucket of water on
the floor in one corner of the stage.
LADY MACBETH
That which hath made them
drunk, hath made me bold. I've
drugged the two grooms who
attend the King, and I put
their daggers where my husband
could not miss them.
King Duncan's voice comes from off stage.
KING DUNCAN
(off-stage)
Who's that coming into my room?
Oh, it's Macbeth! Auuughhh!
We hear Duncan scream as he is murdered. A moment later,
Macbeth enters. His hands are bloody. He carries two
daggers in his upstage hand, but the audience cannot see
them yet because they are upstage of his body.
MACBETH
I have done the deed. I
thought I heard a voice telling
me that I would sleep no more,
that I had murdered sleep. I'm
a bad Thane.
LADY MACBETH
No, you are a worthy Thane.
You did something right for
once! Wait a minute, why did
you bring those bloody daggers
with you? You were supposed to
leave them with the grooms! Go
back and do it now.
MACBETH
I can't go back there. There's
blood everywhere. There's
blood on the King's sheets, and
his shirt, and that little
skirt he wears...
LADY MACBETH
His kilt.
MACBETH
I know he's kilt! I'm the guy
that kilt him!
LADY MACBETH
Give me those daggers, you
coward. I'll go place them by
the grooms, and smear them with
the King's blood!
Lady Macbeth takes the daggers and exits.
MACBETH
I didn't mean to kill the King.
But as soon as he said my name,
he jumped out of bed, right
into the daggers I was holding.
Now he's dead, and I've got
blood all over my hands.
Enter Lady Macbeth. Her hands are covered with blood.
LADY MACBETH
See? My hands are the same
color as yours, but I'm not
afraid. Look how pale you are!
Come on, get some color in your
cheeks.
She smears blood onto her husband's cheeks.
LADY MACBETH
That's better.
MACBETH
You could use a little lipstick
yourself.
Macbeth wipes blood onto his wife's lips.
LADY MACBETH
You're still too pale.
She smears more blood on Macbeth's face. He smears blood
on her face. Soon they're frantically smearing blood on
each other.
As the blood begins to run out, Lady Macbeth dashes
offstage for barely an instant, and then she's back with
her hands dripping with fresh blood to renew the attack!
Macbeth jumps in terror as she runs at him, and then they
resume smearing blood all over each other. Finally, they
are interrupted by a knocking on a door off stage.
LADY MACBETH
Someone's at the door! Quick!
Lady Macbeth hurries over to a bucket of water and sticks
her hands in the bucket. They come out clean.
LADY MACBETH
A little water clears of this
dead.
Her statement is ridiculous. Her hands may be clean, but
she's got blood all over the rest of her.
LADY MACBETH
Quick go put on your nightgown!
We'll pretend we've been
asleep!
She starts to drag Macbeth off-stage as the knocking
continues.
MACBETH
Wake Duncan with thy knocking!
I would thou couldst!
Inside Macbeth's castle, a PORTER slowly heads to the
front door to answer the knocking. He is an overweight
man with a large red nose, who speaks with a pronounced
nasal drawl.
PORTER
Knock, knock, knock! If a Man
were a porter at the gates of
hell, he would be so busy
answering the door, he wouldn't
have time to drink. That's why
they call it hell.
There is more knocking at the door.
PORTER
Knock, knock, knock! Don't
they realize what hour it is?
They should be at home, drunk,
like decent people.
The Porter opens the door. Enter Macduff and Lennox.
Macduff turns to Lennox.
MACDUFF
I know this porter. He is a
humorous fellow. Let's talk to
him, and he will amuse us with
his merry talk of equivocators,
and English tailors who steal
French hose. What do you have
to say for yourself, witty
porter.
PORTER
I say, know thyself . . . in
the Biblical sense.
The Porter exits, drinking from his bottle. As he exits,
Macbeth enters, wearing his nightgown.
LENNOX
Good morrow, noble sir.
MACDUFF
Is the King stirring?
Macbeth looks anxiously around for any sign of the King's
ghost.
MACBETH
He better not be.
MACDUFF
What?
MACBETH
I mean, he was up late last
night, so I hope he's getting a
good sleep.
MACDUFF
He commanded me to wake him
early. I will go call on him.
Macduff exits.
LENNOX
What a night that was. I'm
amazed anyone could sleep
through it. The wind shrieking
like a banshee, the sky ablaze
with shooting stars. There was
rain and snow and hailstones
big as your head! Some people
say that corpses arose from
their grave and moaned at the
living, the rivers ran red as
blood, and I swear I felt three
massive earthquakes.
Everyone freezes as the three witches enter, singing and
dancing.
WITCHES
(singing)
Horror, horror, horror!
Tongue nor heart cannot
conceive thee!
Sorrow, sorrow, sorrow!
You can't know how it doth
grieve me!
The King is dead!
Duncan's dead!
He's lying dead
There in his bed!
His body's bloody
And the sheets are red!
He's got a knife stuck in his
head.
Have you all heard what I just
said?
Duncan the King is dead!
If the audience responds enthusiastically, the witches
can sing the song again as an encore. Otherwise, they
dance off the stage after having sung their song once.
MACDUFF
Awake! Awake!
Macbeth and Lennox go to investigate Duncan's room. As
they exit, Lady Macbeth enters.
LADY MACBETH
What's going on?
MACDUFF
Oh gentle lady, I fear a woman
could not hear the terrible
news and live!
LADY MACBETH
What is it?
MACDUFF
I dare not let your delicate
ear hear the awful truth.
Enter Banquo. Immediately, Macduff tells him the news,
although he's standing right by Lady Macduff.
MACDUFF
Banquo, the King is murdered.
Lady Macbeth shrieks.
LADY MACBETH
In my house???
Enter Macbeth and Lennox, bringing in the two bloody,
young ATTENDANTS from Duncan's room. Macbeth guards them
with a huge sword.
MACBETH
There's nothing serious in
mortality! All is but toys!
Enter Malcolm and Donalbain in pajamas. Malcolm also
wears a nightcap.
MALCOLM
Did somebody say "toys"?
MACDUFF
Alas, Malcolm and Donalbain,
your royal father's murdered.
MALCOLM
My Pop? Who did it?
MACBETH
It must have been these two
attendants. We found them with
their daggers drenched in
blood.
FIRST ATTENDANT
We didn't do it!
LENNOX
Then who did?
SECOND ATTENDANT
It could have been anybody! It
could have been the porter, or
Lennox, or. . .
FIRST ATTENDANT
It could have been the guy who
owns this castle!
SECOND ATTENDANT
You mean Mac-
FIRST ATTENDANT
(interrupting)
Don't say it!
The First Attendant runs over to the Second Attendant to
stop him from saying the unlucky name.
SECOND ATTENDANT
Don't say what?
FIRST ATTENDANT
Macbeth!
SECOND ATTENDANT
Why shouldn't I say Macbeth?
Lady Macbeth edges slowly to a spot behind her husband,
and puts her hand on the pommel of his sword.
FIRST ATTENDANT
People die when they say
Macbeth!
SECOND ATTENDANT
What? People die just because
they say Mac -
Lady Macbeth pushes her husband's sword, so that it
plunges into both attendants, killing them instantly. As
the Attendants die, she steps back and stares accusingly
at her husband.
LADY MACBETH
Oh! Look what you did!
MACDUFF
Why did you kill them!
MACBETH
I didn't do it! Someone pushed
my sword!
LADY MACBETH
Be a man and admit your deed.
I know it seems rash, foolish,
thoughtless, stupid, even
moronic, something only a
brainless dolt would have done,
but you did it because you were
overcome with the need to
avenge your King's death. It's
perfectly understandable.
MACDUFF
But now we'll never know for
certain if they were the
culprits!
LADY MACBETH
Look at all that blood! I
think I'm going to faint. Help
me!
BANQUO
Look to the lady!
Lady Macbeth faints dramatically, and is caught by
Macduff and Lennox. Everyone helps her offstage, except
for Malcolm and Donalbain.
MALCOLM
What do we do now?
DONALBAIN
Let's go back to bed.
MALCOLM
What if someone stabs us, just
like that did our Pop! I'm
going to go hide in England.
DONALBAIN
I'm going to go hide in
Ireland.
MALCOLM
Good idea. Let us not be
dainty of leave-taking but
shift away!
Malcolm and Donalbain try to go past each other in
opposite directions, but they keep stepping in front of
each other. Finally, Malcolm takes off his nightcap and
whips Donalbain with it. Donalbain stops, and lets
Malcolm pass. They exit in opposite directions.
In Macbeth's castle, Banquo enters, lost in thought.
BANQUO
Thou hast it now: King,
Cawdor, Glamis, all, as the
weird women promised, and I
fear thou pay'dst most foully
for it.
Enter Macbeth and Lady Macbeth.
MACBETH
Banquo!
LADY MACBETH
You are coming to our feast
tonight, aren't you?
BANQUO
Your Majesty, I was just
thinking about you. Now that
you've proved the witch's
prophesy came true for you, I
suppose that means my
descendants will be kings. You
know, I never would have
murdered Duncan. It's a
horrible, horrible thing to
murder a King. But whoever did
it, did a great favor to my
children.
Lady Macbeth hauls her husband aside, out of Banquo's
hearing, and speaks to him sharply.
LADY MACBETH
What does he mean, his children
shall be kings?
MACBETH
That's what the witches said.
They said I would be King, and
his kids would be kings.
LADY MACBETH
You never told me that!
MACBETH
You never asked!
LADY MACBETH
So now we have the King's blood
on our hands, all for the
benefit of Banquo's children!
MACBETH
So what, we don't have any
children of our own!
LADY MACBETH
And we aren't going to have any
as long as they're likely to be
dethroned by Banquo's brood.
MACBETH
What do you mean?
LADY MACBETH
I thought maybe it was time for
me to ask the spirits that tend
on mortal thought to sex me
again...
Macbeth looks at her hopefully, happy at the idea of
having a woman for a wife again.
LDY MACBETH
(continuing)
. . . but I can see I'm going
to have to remain unsexed until
we solve this problem!
Macbeth despairs as Lady Macbeth storms off stage
angrily. Macbeth speaks to Banquo.
MACBETH
Are you coming to our feast
tonight? We're serving haggis,
your favorite.
BANQUO
You know I wouldn't miss a
plate of haggis for the world.
I'm about to go riding to work
up an appetite.
MACBETH
Is your son Fleance going with
you?
BANQUO
Why, what's the matter? Are
you afraid he'll stab you while
you're asleep? Don't look so
shocked! I'm only teasing you.
Fleance is too young to be
stabbing kings. . . yet.
Banquo exits, laughing at his jest. Macbeth hears a
noise off stage.
MACBETH
Who's there?
Enter two MURDERERS, although they might better be
described as two idiots. The FIRST MURDERER is fat,
completely bald, and speaks with a squeaky voice. The
SECOND MURDERER is bald on the top with frizzy hair on
the sides.
MACBETH
Good, it's you. Do you men
remember what I told you
yesterday?
FIRST MURDERER
You told us not to forget
anything you told us!
MACBETH
What else did I tell you.
FIRST MURDERER
I forget!
SECOND MURDERER
I remember! He said you were
an idiot!
FIRST MURDERER
No! He said you were an idiot!
SECOND MURDERER
No, he said I was a moron. He
said you were the idiot!
FIRST MURDERER
Oh yeah! That's right!
MACBETH
Let's go over the whole thing
again. Do you remember, when
you were in the army, how I was
always giving you extra
punishment drill, and making
your lives miserable?
FIRST MURDERER
Yeah, I remember that! You
were a real louse!
MACBETH
Well, that wasn't me! It was
Banquo!
FIRST MURDERER
Banquo!
SECOND MURDERER
We always thought you were the
louse!
MACBETH
It was Banquo who signed all of
the orders against you! Don't
you hate him?
SECOND MURDERER
No! When we left the army, we
let bygones be bygones be
bygones.
FIRST MURDERER
We never let them be anything
else.
MACBETH
I've got news for you boys.
Banquo is going to draft you
back into the army! And the
only way you can stop him is to
murder him and his son Fleance!
FIRST MURDER
I don't know about this. Isn't
murder a criminal act?
SECOND MURDERER
Yeah, you could get ten years
for an act of murder!
MACBETH
Not if I tell you to do it.
I'm the King, and if you do
what I tell you, it's an act of
patriotism!
SECOND MURDERER
How many years do you get for
an act of patriotism?
MACBETH
If you do this for me, I'll
appoint you to high political
office. You'll be important
politicians.
SECOND MURDERER
Not me! I may be willing to
commit an act of murder, but
there's no way I'll commit an
act of politics!
FIRST MURDERER
Yeah, we've got our reputations
to think of!
MACBETH
Okay, if you boys will murder
Banquo and Fleance, I promise
never to appoint you to
political office!
FIRST & SECOND
MURDERERS
It's a deal!
They all shake hands.
MACBETH
Banquo and Fleance are going
out riding tonight. If you
wait for them by the stables,
you can kill them after they
bring their horses back.
FIRST & SECOND
MURDERERS
You can count on us!
The two Murderers exit.
MACBETH
It is concluded. Banquo, thy
soul's flight, if it find
heaven, must find it out
tonight.
In the kitchen of the castle, Lady Macbeth enters and
goes to a table. There is a bowl of eggs on the table,
and some dishes. A servant enters.
LADY MACBETH
Is Banquo gone from court?
SERVANT
Aye, Madam, but returns again
tonight.
LADY MACBETH
Go find the King and tell him I
want to see him.
SERVANT
Madam, I will.
The Servant exits. Lady Macbeth ruminates.
LADY MACBETH
I'm Queen of Scotland! So why
do I still feel so unhappy?
It's because I know that little
worm I'm married to will find
some way to louse everything
up!
Enter Macbeth. He doesn't look any happier than Lady
Macbeth.
MACBETH
Hi.
LADY MACBETH
What are you looking so unhappy
about? Are you still feeling
guilty? Remember, what's done
is done!
MACBETH
This isn't turning out like I
planned. I thought, if I were
King, everyone would look up to
me. But everybody still treats
me like a little worm.
LADY MACBETH
Well of course, they do.
You're still you! Having a
crown on your head doesn't
change who you are!
MACBETH
It doesn't?
LADY MACBETH
Of course not! Look at me!
MACBETH
You've changed!
LADY MACBETH
No I haven't. Oh, since I
became Queen of Scotland, I
might seem to glow with an
added royal luster, but I'm
really still the same simple
girl I've always been.
MACBETH
But you're a man!
LADY MACBETH
Will you stop obsessing about
that! I've told you, this is
only temporary! I'm only
staying this way until we're
sure you aren't going to louse
everything up.
MACBETH
Don't worry about that! I
already took care of
everything!
LADY MACBETH
What have you done now?
MACBETH
Believe me, you don't want to
know. But you'll applaud what
I did when you find out about
it.
LADY MACBETH
That will be a first!
MACBETH
What are you doing here in the
kitchen?
LADY MACBETH
I wanted to check on the haggis
I asked the servants to cook
for tonight. Banquo asked us
for it.
MACBETH
What's haggis?
LADY MACBETH
How can you be King of Scotland
and not know what haggis is?
MACBETH
Tell me and I'll know.
LADY MACBETH
You take the lungs and heart of
a sheep, and you mix it with
the fat from around the sheep's
kidneys, and then add oatmeal,
and you cook it all in the
sheep's stomach.
MACBETH
And that's haggis?
LADY MACBETH
Certainly! The Scottish people
love it. If you want to be
King of Scotland, you have to
love it too!
MACBETH
I love it! I won't eat it, but
I love it.
LADY MACBETH
Why won't you eat it?
MACBETH
It's not clean!
LADY MACBTH
But that's what we're serving
tonight! Everybody's having
haggis.
MACBETH
Everybody but me! I'm not
eating anything that's been in
someone else's stomach.
LADY MACBETH
So what do you want? We have
some cold tongue left over.
MACBETH
Oh no! I'm not eating anything
that's been in someone else's
mouth.
LADY MACBETH
So you won't eat anything
that's been in someone else's
stomach, and you won't eat
anything that's been in someone
else's mouth! What will you
eat?
MACBETH
I'll have some eggs.
LADY MACBETH
You'll have some eggs? How
many do you want?
MACBETH
I'd like two eggs.
LADY MACBETH
Here!
She takes a couple of eggs and breaks them on Macbeth's
head.
LADY MACBETH
Come on! It's time to get
ready for dinner.
Outside of Macbeth's palace, the First Murderer and the
Second Murderer enter and are joined by the Third
Murderer, who is a bossy man who wears his black hair in
bangs.
FIRST MURDERER
But who bid thee join with us?
The Third Murderer hits the First Murderer on the Head.
THIRD MURDERER
Who do you think?
FIRST MURDERER
Was it the merry wives of
Windsor?
SECOND MURDERER
I bet it was the happy husbands
of Hastings!
FIRST MURDERER
Maybe it was the depressed
daughters of Dover!
THIRD MURDERER
No! It was the grumpy
grandmothers of Greenwich.
FIRST & SECOND
MURDERER
Really?
THIRD MURDERER
Of course not, you morons! It
was the King who sent me!
SECOND MURDERER
I don't think the King trusts
us!
FIRST MURDERER
You're right! This could hurt
our reputation as professional
hit men!
THIRD MURDERER
Professional hit men, eh? How
many men have you boys hit?
SECOND MURDERER
Two!
THIRD MURDERER
Two?
FIRST MURDERER
Yeah! I hit him, and he hit
me!
The First Murderer and the Second Murderer point to each
other. The Third Murderer slaps them both.
THIRD MURDERER
There, now I'm even with the
both of you!
The First Murderer squeals in anger.
SECOND MURDERER
Okay, I admit this is our first
job. But everybody's got to
start somewhere!
FIRST MURDERER
If only murderers who had
already murdered people were
allowed to murder, then pretty
soon nobody could ever murder
anybody!
THIRD MURDERER
Listen up! To be a successful
murderer, you have to be cruel.
SECOND MURDERER
How cruel?
THIRD MURDERER
Watch this!
The Third Murderer pinches the nose of the First Murderer
in his left hand. Then the Third Murderer hits his own
left hand with his right hand. The First Murderer yelps
as his nose his pulled down.
THIRD MURDERER
See, I'm so cruel, that didn't
bother me a bit!
Unnoticed by the Murderers, Banquo and his son Fleanace
enter. They quietly observe the Murderers.
SECOND MURDERER
Let me try!
The Second Murder pinches the nose of the First Murderer
in his left hand, then hits his left hand. Again the
First Murderer squeals.
THIRD MURDERER
Did that bother you?
SECOND MURDERER
A little. Let me try it again.
The Second Murderer again pinches the First Murderer's
nose in his left hand, then hits his left hand, causing
the First Murderer to squeal.
SECOND MURDERER
It didn't bother me as much
that time.
THIRD MURDERER
It shouldn't bother you at all!
Watch this.
The Third Murderer starts to take the First Murderer's
nose, but the First Murderer objects!
FIRST MURDERER
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Let me try!
The First Murderer does the trick on his own nose. He
yelps in pain, then barks at his own hands.
BANQUO
You're daft! All three of you
are crazy!
FIRST MURDERER
We're not crazy! We're
killers! Professional
murderers!
BANQUO
What's your specialty? Lethal
nose pulling?
SECOND MURDERER
We've been hired by the King to
kill Banquo!
THIRD MURDERER
Wait a minute, you
knuckleheads! That is Banquo!
The Three Murderers draw their daggers and advance on
Banquo.
BANQUO
Hold on! You can't kill me!!
THIRD MURDERER
Why not?
Banquo begins to get very nervous as the hired killers
advance on him.
BANQUO
I don't deserve it! I'm an
innocent man! I'm not guilty
of anything! I've never even
said, "Macbeth" oh damn.
Banquo realizes he's said the fatal word.
BANQUO
I just said, "Macbeth," didn't
I?
The Murderers nod in confirmation. Realizing his fate is
sealed, Banquo presents himself to the Murderers for
execution. They stab him.
BANQUO
(dying)
Fly, good Fleance! And
whatever you do, don't say
"Macbeth!"
Fleance runs off stage.
THIRD MURDERER
The kid got away!
SECOND MURDERER
At least we got one of them.
FIRST MURDERER
Let's tell the King how much is
done!
In the great dining chamber of Macbeth's castle, a
banquet has been prepared. There's a big pot of steaming
haggis on the table. Enter Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Ross,
Lennox, and various other Lords. Macbeth addresses the
Lords.
MACBETH
You know your own degrees, sit
down. At first and last, the
hearty welcome.
LORDS
Thanks to your Majesty.
The Three Murderers enter timidly, and signal for Macbeth
to come over and speak to them. Macbeth sees them, and
excuses himself from his guests.
MACBETH
Pardon me.
Macbeth moves away from his guests to speak privately
with the Three Murderers.
MACBETH
There's blood on your faces.
FIRST MURDERER
It's Banquo's, then.
MACBETH
It's better on your outside
than his insides. What about
Fleance? Did you get him too?
The Third Murderer and the Second Murderer respond as if
this were a ridiculous question.
THIRD MURDERER
Did we get him?
SECOND MURDERER
Did we get him?
The First Murderer takes the question seriously.
FIRST MURDERER
Well, did we?
THIRD MURDERER
We had everything planned
perfectly. First we'd smash
his skull in!
FIRST MURDERER
Then we'd break his neck!
SECOND MURDERER
Then we'd slice him into little
tiny pieces!
THIRD MURDERER
And everything went exactly
according to our plans, except
for one small thing.
MACBETH
What was that?
THIRD MURDERER
He got away.
MACBETH
He got away!!!!
SECOND MURDERER
Before we could even lay a hand
on him!
MACBETH
Fleance got away! Do you know
what this means? Fleance gets
to beget a whole line of kings,
and I don't get to beget
anybody. I was looking forward
to begetting lots of little
kings... little baby kings
running all over the castle.
But now I don't get to beget
nobody.
THIRD MURDERER
We're sorry.
SECOND MURDERER
Is there anyone else we could
kill to make it up to you?
MACBETH
I'll let you know. But are you
sure Banquo's dead?
THIRD MURDERER
We're sure, all right. He's
got twenty mortal gashes in his
head!
MACBETH
Okay. Go home, for now. I'll
let you know if I have more
work for you.
He gives them some coins, and the Murderers exit. Then
Macbeth goes back to his guests.
MACBETH
Friends, it's time for dinner.
I'm so glad that all my loyal
friends have come here to dine
with me. I only wish my cousin
Banquo was here to join us!
Unnoticed by Macbeth, or by anyone else the Ghost of
Banquo enters and sits at the only vacant spot at the
table.
ROSS
Come, your Highness, grace us
with your royal company!
Macbeth looks around, but doesn't see any empty seat.
Banquo's Ghost is facing away from him, and there is no
blood on the Ghost's back, so Macbeth doesn't know yet
that there is a Ghost at the table.
MACBETH
The table's full.
LENNOX
Here's your place, my Lord.
Lennox points to the chair occupied by Banquo. The Ghost
turns to face Macbeth, and Macbeth sees the Ghost and all
his bloody wounds. Macbeth quakes in fear. He tries to
speak, but words won't come out. Finally, he manages to
shriek:
MACBETH
Which of you have done this?
No one knows what he is talking about. Only Macbeth can
see the Ghost.
LENNOX
Done what, my Lord?
Macbeth tries to speak, but once again he is to scared to
utter a word. He tries to run from the room, but Lady
Macbeth grabs him.
LADY MACBETH
Where are you going?
MACBETH
To pick some flowers for the
table!
LADY MACBETH
You can't pick flowers in the
middle of winter!
MACBETH
You can in Africa!
LADY MACBETH
What's the matter with you?
MACBETH
Don't you see that Ghost?
He points to the Ghost, then turns back to Lady Macbeth.
The Ghost exits, unseen by Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH
What Ghost? You're imagining
things again! Just like that
dagger you thought you saw!
Macbeth turns back to look at the table, and finds the
Ghost is gone!
MACBETH
You're right! He's gone!
LADY MACBETH
He was never there! You
imagined it!
Macbeth goes back to address his guests.
MACBETH
I'm sorry, my friends. I was
distracted. What was I saying?
ROSS
You were saying you wished your
cousin Banquo was here to dine
with us.
MACBETH
Did I say that?
LORDS
Yes! Yes, you did!
MACBETH
If I said it, I must have meant
it. I wish Banquo was here!
Banquo re-enters, and takes the vacant seat at the table.
Macbeth sees this, and quakes with terror again. He
starts to weep silently in fear and frustration.
LADY MACBETH
Please, your Lordships, forgive
my husband. He has these minor
little fits from time to time,
but it's nothing. Lots of
kings have it, from all that
royal in-breeding. I know how
to bring him to his senses.
The Ghost exits as Lady Macbeth goes to her husband and
slaps him.
LADY MACBETH
What's the matter with you?
MACBETH
I'm sorry.
LADY MACBETH
I thought you said you didn't
see the Ghost!
MACBETH
I didn't! But then he came
back!
LADY MACBETH
When?
MACBETH
When I said I wished Banquo was
here.
Accepting the invitation, Banquo enters again. Macbeth
has had enough. He turns and screams at the Ghost.
MACBETH
What do you want from me????
BANQUO'S GHOST
I want my haggis!
The Ghost takes a bowl out of the folds of his costume.
Macbeth grabs the bowl and fills it with haggis.
MACBETH
Here! Here! Take your haggis
and go!
The Ghost takes the bowl of haggis and exits, licking his
lips with anticipation.
ROSS
Who is he talking to?
LADY MACBETH
He's getting worse and worse!
I'm sorry, but I must ask you
all to leave.
Macbeth starts to exit, but Lady Macbeth grabs him.
LADY MACBETH
Not you!!!
The guests begin to leave.
LENNOX
Good night, and better health
attend his Majesty.
LADY MACBETH
A good night to you all.
Everyone exits except for Macbeth and Lady Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH
I hope you realize you ruined
our party!
MACBETH
It wasn't me! It was the
Ghost!
LADY MACBETH
I didn't see any Ghost! You
know what your problem is? You
don't get enough sleep!
MACBETH
I want to sleep, but I have bad
dreams.
LADY MACBETH
You think I don't have bad
dreams too? I have horrible
nightmares! But I don't let
them keep me awake, because I
know you need a well-rested
Queen. But you stay awake
because you only think of
yourself!
MACBETH
Tomorrow I'm going to go to the
weird sisters. More shall they
speak. For now I am bent to
know by the worst means, the
worst. I am in blood stepped
so far that, should I wade no
more, returning were as tedious
as go o'er.
In most published editions of MACBETH, ACT III, Scene 5
is a short scene in which Hecate scolds the Three
Witches. However, many (if not most) scholars have
strong doubts that this scene was written by Shakespeare.
I have my own doubts, and I have decided not to include
that scene in my parody. Accordingly, although the scene
that follows below is Scene 5 in "Scots On The Rocks," it
is based on Scene 6 in most published editions of
MACBETH.
Somewhere in Scotland (the location doesn't really
matter), Lennox enters with another Lord.
LENNOX
I say things have been
strangely borne. First Duncan
was killed, and now our new
King blames Duncan's sons, for
they fled. Next, Banquo was
killed. I suppose our King
will blame Banquo's son
Fleance, for Fleance fled.
Have you heard any news of
Macduff. He was not at the
feast where the King acted so
strangely.
LORD
Macduff has gone to England, to
join Malcolm in raising an
army.
LENNOX
Our new King will not like
that. I hope Macduff returns
soon, and safely.
At the Heath where Macbeth first met the three Witches,
the Witches are putting ingredients into a large
cauldron. The cauldron should either be large enough to
contain an actor, or else it should have a hole in the
back so that one of the Witches can stick her arm through
it. The reason for this is that sock puppets will come
out of the cauldron later as apparitions. The sock
puppets may either be worn by one of the Witches or by
someone hidden in the Cauldron.
WITCH-WITCH
Round about the cauldron go;
In the poisoned entrails throw.
Toad that under cold stone
Days and nights has thirty-one.
Sweltered venom, sleeping got,
Boil thou first in the charmed
pot.
She throws ingredients into the cauldron. All three
Witches begin to sing.
THREE WITCHES
(singing)
Double, double, toil and
trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
SPELL-WITCH
(singing)
Fillet of a fenny snake
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's
sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful
trouble,
Like a hell-broth, boil and
bubble!
THREE WITCHES
(singing)
Double, double, toil and
trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
WEIRD WITCH
(singing)
Add a splash of herbal tea,
Dandruff from a chimpanzee,
Next mix in some rancid fat
Furball from my kitty cat!
Nostrils of an aged bear
King Lear's dirty underwear!
Whatever this is, I forgot!
Throw it all inside the pot!
THREE WITCHES
(singing)
Double, double, toil and
trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
The song ends. Spell-Witch hears someone approaching.
SPELL-WITCH
By the pricking of my thumbs,
something wicked this way
comes!
Enter Macbeth, accompanied by Lady Macbeth.
MACBETH
(to his wife)
Are you sure you should be
here? I think I should have
come alone.
LADY MACBETH
Nonsense! You need me to tell
you what to say to the witches!
Now first, you have to show
them who's boss.
MACBETH
How do I do that?
LADY MACBETH
Insult them! Call them names!
MACBETH
Okay. I'll show them who's
boss.
Macbeth boldly strides up to the Witches and insults
them.
MACBETH,
How now, you secret, black and
midnight hags?
All three Witches glare and him and snap at him:
WITCHES
What is it?
Macbeth shrinks back and points to his wife.
MACBETH
The boss wants a word with you.
LADY MACBETH
Good afternoon, ladies.
WITCH-WITCH
I am Witch-Witch!
SPELL-WITCH
I am Spell-Witch!
WEIRD-WITCH
I am Weird-Witch!
MACBETH
Don't start with that! Don't
start with the names!
LADY MACBETH
(scolding her
husband)
What's the matter with you?
It's very simple. This is
Witch-Witch, . . .
MACBETH
Don't you start. If you start
with the names, I'm going home!
I'm going back to Glamis and I
won't be King any more!
LADY MACBETH
All right!
Lady Macbeth turns to the Witches and addresses them very
politely.
LADY MACBETH
My husband was hoping you could
give him some information.
WITCH-WITCH
Speak!
SPELL-WITCH
Demand!
WEIRD-WITCH
We'll answer!
MACBETH
All right! Can you tell me if
this story is going to have a
happy ending.
WITCH-WITCH
Oh yes!
SPELL-WITCH
Very happy!
WEIRD-WITCH
We'll be simply delighted!
MACBETH
Not happy for you! Happy for
me!
WITCH-WITCH
Oh.
WEIRD-WITCH
For that, you'd better ask the
spirits of the cauldron!
The Witches hover around the cauldron, and a sock puppet
soldier emerges as the FIRST APPARITION. It can be on
the hand of one of the Witches or someone in the
cauldron. The Apparition speaks in a high, squeaky
voice. One of the Witches can do the voice of the
Apparition out of the corner of her mouth like a very bad
ventriloquist.
FIRST APPARITION
Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth!
Beware Macduff! Beware the
Thane of Fife.
LADY MACBETH
Why should he beware of
Macduff?
FIRST APPARITION
Macduff's going to kick his
butt.
LADY MACBETH
Him and what army?
FIRST APPARITION
The English army! They're all
going to kick his butt!
LADY MACBETH
I'd like to see them try!
Bring them on! Do you think
that scares a mighty warrior
like my husband!
Lady Macbeth leans in closer to the First Apparition and
speaks to it privately.
LADY MACBETH
This army you're talking about,
they're not going to kick my
butt, are they?
FIRST APPARITION
No. Not your butt.
The First Apparition disappears back into the cauldron.
A SECOND APPARITION takes its place. This one is a sock
puppet of a child.
WITCH-WITCH
Here's another, more potent
than the first!
This sock puppet also speaks in a high, squeaky voice.
SECOND APPARITION
Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth!
Be bloody, bold and resolute.
Laugh to scorn the power of
man, for none of woman born
shall harm Macbeth!
Lady Macbeth turns triumphantly to her husband.
LADY MACBETH
See? You don't have a thing to
worry about!
The second apparition disappears back into the cauldron,
and is replaced by a THIRD APPARITION. This one is a
sock puppet of a child wearing a crown, and holding a
tree in its hand. Like the others, it speaks with a high
squeaky voice.
THIRD APPARITION
Macbeth shall never vanquished
be, until Great Birnam Wood
comes to Dunsinane Hill.
MACBETH
What wood?
THIRD APPARITION
Birnam Wood! Birnam Wood!
MACBTH
Hey, this spirit's thinks he's
an Indian! Ugh. Me burn-um
wood, make-um smoke signals.
Macbeth laughs at the Apparition.
THIRD APPARITION
Laugh it up, fat boy!
Macduff's going to kick your
butt when Birnam Wood comes to
Dunsinane.
Macbeth lunges at the Apparition to wring its neck, but
Lady Macbeth stops him.
LADY MACBETH
Take it easy! He's only trying
to help you! He's trying to
give you advice.
MACBETH
Advice? If he's trying to give
me advice, why doesn't he tell
me what to do about Macduff?
THIRD APPARITION
You could send murderers to his
castle and kill his wife and
all his children.
MACBETH
What good would that do?
THIRD APPARATION
It might make him afraid of
you.
MACBETH
Yeah.
THIRD APPARITION
Or it might make him so sad
he'd kill himself.
MACBETH
Yeah.
THIRD APPARITION
Or it might make him want to
kick your butt.
Macbeth lunges for the Apparition again, but it
disappears into the cauldron.
LADY MACBETH
Calm down! Stop making a fool
of yourself!
Macbeth stops trying to reach the Apparition. He turns
to the Witches.
MACBETH
Okay. I've got just one more
question. Shall Banquo's issue
ever reign in this kingdom?
WITCHES
Seek to know no more!
MACBETH
I will be satisfied!
WITCHES
Show his eyes, and grieve his
heart; come like shadows, so
depart.
Enter EIGHT KINGS. These can be played by other members
of the cast, wearing masks. They are followed by the
bloody Ghost of Banquo, who points proudly at them.
BANQUO'S GHOST
These are all my descendants.
Come, children, what have you
got to say to the fat man?
FIRST KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
SECOND KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
THIRD KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
FOURTH KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
FIFTH KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
SIXTH KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
SEVENTH KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
EIGHTH KING
Macduff's going to kick your
butt!
Macbeth goes into a wild rage. He unsheathes his sword
and chases the Eight Kings, the Ghost of Banquo, and the
Three Witches off stage.
MACBETH
I'll kick your butts! I'm
going to kick everyone's butts!
Come back here! We'll see
whose butt gets kicked!
Macbeth and Lady Macbeth are left alone on stage.
LADY MACBETH
Calm down! There's no use
acting like a mad man!
MACBETH
Who's acting? I'm going to
kill Macduff's wife and his
kids and his servants, and
anyone else who is in his
castle. I'll kill everybody.
No more boasting like a fool!
This deed I'll do before this
purpose cool.
In Macduff's castle, LADY MACDUFF enters with ROSS. They
are followed by Macduff's SON, who has his back to the
audience for now. Lady Macduff is a very stately, proper
woman.
LADY MACDUFF
What had he done to make him
fly the land?
ROSS
You must have patience, madam.
LADY MACDUFF
He had none. His flight was
madness! To leave his wife and
children - to run off to
England! If he wanted to fight
the new King, why not say and
do it here?
ROSS
You husband is noble, wise,
judicious. He is doing what he
thinks is best.
LADY MACDUFF
As far as I am concerned, my
husband is dead!
ROSS
He loves you and will return.
But now I must take my leave.
Ross exits. Lady Macduff gazes sadly at her son.
LADY MACDUFF
Poor boy. Your father's dead.
And what will you do now?
Her son turns, so that the audience can see his face.
Although he is only seven years old, he has a black
greasepaint mustache and smokes a cigar.
SON
When do I get my inheritance?
LADY MACDUFF
How will you live?
SON
If I sell the castle and all
the land and all the serfs, I
should do pretty well.
LADY MACDUFF
What about me?
SON
Well, I don't think I can get
more than a few shekels for
you, but every penny helps.
LADY MACDUFF
Would you sell your own mother?
SON
Whose mother should I sell?
I'm sorry, but you're the only
mother I've got. Believe me,
I'm sorry. But not as sorry as
you. You're the sorriest
mother I've ever seen.
LADY MACDUFF
You're just like your father!
Your father was a traitor!
SON
What's a traitor?
LADY MACDUFF
Why, one that swears and lies.
SON
Do all traitors swear and lie?
LADY MACDUFF
Every one that does so is a
traitor and must be hanged!
SON
Who must hang them?
LADY MACDUFF
Why, the honest men.
SON
Then the liars and swearers are
fools, for there are liars and
swearers enough to beat the
honest men and hang them.
LADY MACDUFF
God help thee, poor monkey!
SON
Forget the sweet talk, Mom.
You're still being sold.
Enter the Three Murderers who killed Banquo.
FIRST MURDERER
Where's Macduff?
SON
He's dead. Where are you?
SECOND MURDERER
We're right here!
SON
Well, if you're ever by the
moat, drop in and say hello.
THIRD MURDERER
Oh, a wise guy! Listen, we're
here from the King!
FIRST MURDERER
So if anyone's going to make
wisecracks, it's us!
SECOND MURDERER
If you want to talk, limit
yourself to straight lines.
SON
In that case, I think I'll just
say, "Macbeth" and get it over
with.
THIRD MURDERER
What, you egg!
SECOND MURDERER
Young fry of treason!
FIRST MURDERER
The yolk's on you!
All three murderers take out their swords and stab
Macduff's son.
SON
They have killed me, mother!
And about time, too!
This scene takes place in a room in Macbeth's castle at
Dunsinane. There is a bucket of water on a table. A
small dish is next to the bucket. Enter a DOCTOR and a
GENTLEWOMAN. They speak softly to each other.
DOCTOR
I have two nights watched with
you, and I still haven't seen
her sleepwalking.
GENTLEWOMAN
Be patient.
Enter Lady Macbeth, sleepwalking. She goes to the table.
GENTLEWOMAN
Lo, here she comes!
Lady Macbeth takes the dish and dips it into the bucket
so that the dish is filled with water. Then she puts the
dish down on the table, and dips her hands into them.
She takes out her wet hands and rubs them together.
DOCTOR
What is she doing?
GENTLEWOMAN
Washing her hands. I have
known her to continue it for a
quarter of an hour!
Enter Macbeth.
MACBETH
Hey, what's going on?
DOCTOR
Pray, be silent your Majesty!
MACBETH
Why?
DOCTOR
The Queen is walking in her
sleep. It is most dangerous to
wake one who is sleepwalking!
Lady Macbeth seems to notice a spot on her hands.
LADY MACBETH
Yet here's a spot.
MACBETH
What's she doing?
GENTLEWOMAN
Washing her hands.
LADY MACBETH
Out damned spot. Out, I say!
Lady Macbeth tosses the dish of water into Macbeth's
face. Then she fills the bowl with fresh water from the
bucket and washes her hands in it.
LADY MACBETH
How can you try to back out
now? Do dare you call yourself
a man? Yet who would have
thought the old man had so much
blood in him.
Once again Lady Macbeth tosses out the water from the
dish into Macbeth's face. He decides to move.
MACBETH
I think I'll stand over here.
Macbeth moves to the other side of Lady Macbeth. She
fills her dish with fresh water, and washes her hands in
it.
LADY MACBETH
The Thane of Fife had a wife.
Where is she now? Will these
hands never be clean?
She tosses the water from the dish into Macbeth's face,
even though he has changed his location. Macbeth
questions the doctor.
MACBETH
Are you sure she's asleep?
DOCTOR
Certainly! It's a classic
case.
Lady Macduff fills the dish with water again. She dips
her hands into the water, then lifts her hands out of the
bowl and rubs them together.
LADY MACBETH
Here's the smell of blood
still!
While she is rubbing her hands together, Macbeth takes
the bowl and empties it back into the bucket. He
replaces the empty bowl on the table.
LADY MACBETH
All the perfumes of Arabia will
not sweeten this little hand.
She shakes the bowl so that if there had been water in
it, the water would have splashed in Macbeth's face.
However, the dish was empty. Macbeth laughs in triumph.
Lady Macbeth seems to hear something offstage.
LADY MACBETH
There's knocking at the gate!
Quick! Clean yourself of this
deed!
She picks up the entire bucket and tosses the water on
Macbeth.
LADY MACBETH
What's done cannot be undone!
To bed! To bed!
She puts down the bucket and exits. The Doctor goes over
to Macbeth. As they speak, the Gentlewoman begins
mopping up the floor.
DOCTOR
I wish you hadn't been here to
see that.
MACBETH
You and me both.
DOCTOR
Her mind is infected.
MACBETH
Can you cure her?
DOCTOR
I'll try, but she needs the
divine more than the physician.
I'll still keep my eyes upon
her. So, good night.
The Doctor exits in the same direction that Lady Macbeth
went in when she left.
On a field near Dunsinane, Scottish soldiers meet to plan
how to join with the English forces to attack Macbeth.
They include MENTIETH, CAITHNESS, ANGUS, Lennox, and
other SOLDIERS.
MENTIETH
The English power is near, led
on by Malcolm.
ANGUS
Near Birnam Wood shall we meet
them. That way are they
coming.
MENTIETH
What does the tyrant?
CAITHNESS
He fortifies his castle at
Dunsinane. Some say he's mad.
Others that lesser hate him do
call it valiant fury.
ANGUS
Now does he feel his title hang
loose about him, like a giant's
robe upon a dwarfish thief.
In Macbeth's castle in Dunsinane, Macbeth enters with the
Doctor and SEYTON. Macbeth speaks to SEYTON.
MACBETH
Bring me no more reports. The
weird sisters said I didn't
have to worry until Birnam Wood
came to Dunsinane. They also
said no one born of woman would
harm me. So what do I have to
be afraid of? What?
A SERVANT runs in.
SERVANT
Ten thousand English and
Scottish soldiers are marching
on Dunsinane, my Lord.
The Servant bows and runs off.
MACBETH
Does anyone think I'm afraid of
a mere ten thousand soldiers?
The Servant runs in with a new report.
SERVANT
Five thousand French soldiers
have landed on our shores!
They're joining the English and
Scottish soldiers.
The Servant runs out.
MACBETH
Does anyone think I'm afraid?
I'm not afraid!
The Servant runs back in with a piece of paper. He
consults the paper as he reports to Macbeth.
SERVANT
The English, Scottish and
French soldiers have been
joined by five thousand
Italians three thousand
Russians and a thousand Moors.
MACBETH
More what?
SERVANT
Moor soldiers.
MACBETH
I know they're more soldiers.
What's their nationality?
SERVANT
They're Moors! Like Othello!
MACBETH
How many soldiers in all are
coming against us?
SERVANT
Twenty-four thousand.
MACBETH
How many have we got on our
side?
SERVANT
Only six.
MACBETH
Just six thousand?
SERVANT
No, just six soldiers.
Everyone else deserted.
MACBETH
Well, I'm still not afraid
because Birnam Wood hasn't come
to Dunsinane and because I can
only be harmed by someone who
isn't of woman born. Seyton,
go get my armor!
Seyton exits. Macbeth turns to the Doctor.
MACBETH
How's my wife?
DOCTOR
She's troubled.
MACBETH
Can't you un-trouble her?
DOCTOR
No. She has to do that
herself.
MACBETH
Then can you rid me of these
enemy soldiers?
DOCTOR
No. You have to do that
yourself.
MACBETH
What can you do?
DOCTOR
I can hand you my bill. I'd be
grateful if you'd pay it before
the enemy soldiers get here.
The Doctor hands Macbeth is bill and exits. Macbeth
crumples up the bill and throws it to the floor.
MACBETH
I will not be afraid of death
and bane, till Birnam Forest
come to Dunsinane!
In a field by Birnam Wood, Malcolm enters with several
soldiers including SIWARD, his son YOUNG SIWARD, Macduff,
Mentieth, Caithness, Angus, Lennox and Ross.
MALCOLM
What wood is this before us?
MENTEITH
The wood of Birnam.
MALCOLM
Let every soldier cut down a
branch and carry it before him
as camouflage.
In Macbeth's castle in Dunsinane, Macbeth enters with
Seyton. Macbeth is now wearing armor.
MACBETH
Our castle's strength will
laugh a siege to scorn.
There is a cry of women from off stage.
MACBETH
What is that noise?
SEYTON
It is the cry of women, my good
lord.
Seyton exits to investigate.
MACBETH
I had almost forgot the taste
of fears.
There is a long pause while Macbeth looks anxiously off
stage. Seyton returns.
SEYTON
The Queen, my lord, is dead.
Two servants enter, carrying the body of the Queen. It
is the female version of the Queen, as she was before she
was un-sexed. The servants lay the body of the Queen
before Macbeth.
SEYTON
She spoke your name and died.
MACBETH
She should have died hereafter;
there would have been a time
for such a word. Tomorrow, and
tomorrow, and tomorrow creeps
in this petty pace from day to
day to the last syllable of
recorded time, and all our
yesterdays have lighted fools
the way to dusty death. Out,
out, brief candle! Life's but
a walking shadow, a poor player
that struts and frets his hour
upon the stage and then is
heard no more. It is a tale
told by an idiot, full of sound
and fury, signifying nothing.
Enter a MESSENGER.
MESSENGER
My lord, I was on my watch, and
I looked toward Birnam, and the
wood began to move!
MACBETH
Liar and slave!
MESSENGER
I swear it's true! A moving
grove!
MACBETH
I begin to be aweary of the
sun. Blow wind, come wrack, at
least we'll die with harness on
our back!
On a field in front of Macbeth's castle in Dunsinane,
Malcolm enters, carrying a bough of a tree. He shouts to
his soldiers off stage.
MALCOLM
Your leafy screens throw down
and show like those you are!
Malcolm throws down his branch. His soldiers enter
behind him (including Siward, Young Siward, Macduff,
Mentieth, Caithness, Angus, Lennox and Ross) and they all
cross the stage and exit.
On another part of the in front of Macbeth's castle in
Dunsinane, Macbeth and Macduff both enter, with their
backs to each other. Macduff turns and sees Macbeth.
MACDUFF
Turn, hellhound, turn!
MACBETH
There's no point in fighting me
because I have a charmed life.
I can't be hurt by anyone born
of woman!
MACDUFF
Despair thy charm, and let the
angel whom thou still hast
served tell thee, Macduff had a
Cesarean birth!
MACBETH
I don't care what your
nationality is, you're still
born of woman!
MACDUFF
The doctor cut my mother open
and ripped me out of her womb!
MACBETH
That's not fair!
MACDUFF
My mother didn't like it
either.
MACBETH
Okay, so Birnam Wood has come
to Dunsinane, and you're not of
woman born! I'm still not
giving up. Lay on, Macduff,
and damned be him that first
cries, "Hold, enough."
They draw their swords and fight.
MACDUFF
You lay on, Mac-Bozo!
They fight some more.
MACDUFF
Lay on, Mac-big-butt!
They fight some more.
MACDUFF
Lay on, Beth!
MACBETH
Ha! You said it!
MACDUFF
Said what?
MACBETH
You said my name!
MACDUFF
No I didn't!
MACBETH
You did too! I heard you!
MACDUFF
I just said "Beth."
MACBETH
No, you said my whole name!
MACDUFF
You are such a liar!
MACBETH
You said it!!! I heard you say
"Macbeth!"
Macduff smiles. Macbeth starts to sob as he realizes he
is doomed.
The two soldiers fight their way off stage.
Enter Malcolm and his soldiers. After a moment, Macduff
enters, with two soldiers following him carrying a table.
There's a tablecloth on the table which goes all the way
down to the floor. There's also a bag covering something
on the table. Macduff kneels before Malcolm.
MACDUFF
Hail, King! For so thou art.
Behold where stands the
usurper's cursed head.
The soldiers who brought in the table take away the bag,
revealing Macbeth's head. (The actor playing Macbeth is
under the table, with his head sticking up through a hole
in the table.)
MACDUFF
Hail, King of Scotland.
All the soldiers shout:
ALL
Hail, King of Scotland.
MALCOLM
Thanks to all at once and to
each one, whom we invite to see
us crowned at Scone. Bring
lots of toys.
