Marx Brothers Mailing List

Compiled by the Members of the Marx Brothers Mailing List as a public service to those new members who are too dumb to figure this stuff out by themselves.

How do I Subscribe to the Mailing List?

Place $1,000.00 in unmarked bills in a brown manila envelope along with your name, address, burglar alarm code, photos of your female relations and 3 major credit card numbers, and mail to the owner of this site.

No, Really, How do I Subscribe?

Hmmmmmpf...See the real Sign Up Instructions
if yer gonna be that way about it.

How do I Unsubscribe from the Mailing List?

Send EMail directly to the List. In the Subject line put:
"Another dope who didn't read the instructions"
In the body of the message put: "I have no class...unsubscribe"
You will receive appropriate replies by return email

What is the Secret Woid Contest?

George Fenniman always announced the Secret Word at the beginning of each episode of "You Bet Your Life". When a lucky contestant used the word while on the show, the Official Duck would drop down with cash clutched in his beak.

List Members, having less cash (and more time, not having to peddle DeSotos) are also entitled to guess the Secret Woid and the Lucky Winner gets to be the new "Custodian Of The Woid". The Custodian picks a new Secret Woid and reigns until the next sucker...uh...Lucky Winner...uses the Woid in a posted message. Winners will also be entitled to purchase a Waterfront Lot at Beautiful Cocoanut Manor in Florida at a substantial discount.

The Woid must be one that is used in normal conversation (to the extent that such a thing is possible on this list) and must be used in the context of the message. Guessing, i.e.: "Is it Chutzpah?" is prohibited unless it's really funny in which case you still lose but receive a better class of insulting replies. As always with matters Marxian, the rules are treated with the precise amount of compliance that you would expect.

Is the List Master Male or Female?

Send her an EMAIL and ask her.

Is this a Moderated Mailing List?

No. The List is immoderate at best and occasionally deranged.

Why a duck?

I'm all right. How are you?

What are the Grammatical Rules for the List?

Proper spelling and pronunciation are required in all list messages except for deliberate ghastly puns and former English Majors who are exempt. Tyops will not be tolerated. Chewing gum while typing is permitted unless you type with your nose in which case all bubbles should be fully retracted.

Is there a Language requirement for the List?

Proficiency in Latin is not required but extra points are awarded for the use of obscure and/or dead languages, i. e. "Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari" or "At'sa fine".

Are All List Members from Noo Yawk??

God Forbid.

Is there an Official List Song?

No, however any member who cannot sing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" (and does not do so at every opportunity) will be pelted with hard boiled eggs and made to stand in the closet.

Must List Members be of sound mind??

Yes, every membership agreement contains a Sanity Clause.

How many Marx Brothers were there??

Unless you are Anne Boleyn you do not have enough
fingers on one hand to count that high.

Who is the Fat Broad that Groucho always picks on?

You are a swine. I'd horsewhip you...if I had a horse.

Who are the two old guys in the balcony?

Wrong FAQ, Dummy!

May I attend List Member Get Togethers?

Yes...provided you carry personal injury and liability insurance
and are not offended by ceegar smoke and flying pastry.

Is the List Password Protected?

Yes...and if you don't know it's "Swordfish" you are in the wrong department.

New List Member Marijo writes:

What is the purpose of this list? To have fun? To show off? To inform? What? It seems that there are limits as to what we can learn about the Marx Brothers, so then what?

The purpose of the list is to discover the meaning of the universe and/or the best place to get a corned beef sandwich outside of Noo Yawk. Topics are restricted to those that can be expressed in any languages except Linear B, Serbo-Croation or any dialect of English originating South of the 40th degree of Latitude. (Strictly enforced).

Personal insults (unless they are really funny or directed at Jesse Helms), puns, Martha Stewart recipes and goosing the List Meistress are strictly prohibited. Persons of the Southern Hemispherical Persuasion are allowed in but must check their marsupials at the door.

The password is no longer "Swordfish". We changed that.

All posts regarding the work or lives of the Marx Brothers must be scrupulously correct and independently verifiable except for Les and Jay who can make up whatever they want 'cause we couldn't check anyway. No deviating from the script. Adlibbing upsets the writers.

No spitting, chewing, controlled substances, running with scissors or colorized movies allowed. Enjoy your visit and remember...only you can prevent forest fires.

Where can I get a Membership Card or Wall Certificate?

COMING SOON!
(or as soon as I can get this pack of baboons to
pick the ones they like from the printer's samples)

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