Fall
By Carol Ruth Blackman
Fall. There's something about Fall which has caused may of you to
express that it is a harder season than others for you. For some it is
because your child was very ill, was born or died during the autumn
season. For others, it brings back memories of that first painful year
after the shocking news of your child's death; whether the fact occurred
in autumn or earlier in the year, Fall was the season the pain began to
sink deeply into your being. For others, Fall brings the remembrance of
school starting, football or other activities your child was involved
in.
Since so many of you have commented about Fall being a hard time for
you, a few years ago I wrote a little about autumn and how many bereaved
parents find it especially challenging. I got many responses from you
who were so glad to know you weren't the ONLY ones who were struggling
with Fall. I thought I'd repeat the subject and add suggestions from
some of your letters as well as things I've since read on the subject of
Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Science has proven that some people become severely depressed when the
daylight hours are shortened. That is undoubtedly part of the reason
Fall is a particularly hard season for so many: because the hours of
natural daylight are quickly fading. The days are getting shorter at
both ends so quickly!
Autumn also speaks of a season when the summer work in the garden is
being reaped and preparations are made for making it through the
winter. It is also a time when deciduous trees and plants lose their
leaves, so the beauty of their greenery is replaced by the barren look
of their lifeless branches -- a rather bleak, lonely, empty appearance.
Fall is always followed by the holiday season which, after losing a
child, is never the same. That is another reason Fall is an oppressive
time for many bereaved people. Fall announces the Holidays are coming,
but you don't feel enthused about them.
Whatever your reason for finding Fall a painful time, remember you're
not alone. Look in the center pages and see the families who are
hurting especially at this time of year because their child's birthday
or anniversary of loss occurred now. Think of those who will find the
holiday season difficult without their precious loved one. Rather than
dwell only on your pain, praying for others who are hurting as badly or
worse may help you find a healthy outlet for your pain. Maybe you could
send a "thinking of you" card to someone who is lonely, shut-in or hurting. There's such a
precious mystery in how we help relieve our own pain when we're trying
to relieve the pain of someone else.
Let us also be encouraged by the following poem which reminds us that
even when it it depressing to see the birds flying South, and we feel
our life is a reflection of the season, that just as in nature a time
comes for the birds to fly North again, so in our lives there will be a
time of refreshing again. It may seem impossible at this moment, but
rest assured we will not forever dwell in the season of autumn or
winter, but spring will eventually follow our winter.
When The Birds Go North Again
Oh, every year hath its winter,
And every year hath its rain--
But a day is always coming
When the birds go North again.
When new leaves swell in the forest,
And grass springs green on the plain,
And alders' vein turn crimson--
And the birds go North again.
Oh, every heart hath its sorrow,
And every heart hath its pain--
But a day is always coming
When the birds go North again.
'Tis the sweetest thing to remember,
If courage be on the wane,
When the cold, dark days are over--
Why, the birds go North again!
--Mrs. Charles Cowman
The ones affected by the shortening of daylight are said to have
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). (It's interesting the initials also
describe how it affects people.) I wanted to share a few suggestions
from some of your letters for coping with this situation:
Try increasing the wattage of your light bulbs since it's the shortening
of daylight that brings Seasonal Affective Disorder on. Special
(expensive) bulbs are recommended but many find that simply increasing
the wattage of their normal lights helps.
It is also recommended you consume additional Vitamin D (natural form
from health food store) to compensate for the inability to get it from
the sun now that the days are shorter and you need heavier clothing when
you are outdoors. Be certain you don't overdo as Vitamin D is NOT water
soluble so too much can be serious. A safe source and amount of Vitamin
D may be achieved
Fall by taking a good quality calcium/magnesium/D capsule since calcium
soothes the nerves, magnesium helps one sleep (if taken early enough in
the day) and calcium needs Vitamin D to be absorbed.
Some find using floral potpourri or floral scents remind them of summer.
Encouraging music in the background helps others.
A good devotional book would help very much. A couple recommendations
are:
In This Very Hour Devotions for Your Time of Need which is written
by a bereaved mother, Robin Prince Monroe, published by Broadman &
Holman Publishers of Nashville, TN.
Streams In The Desert Volume 1 by
Mrs. Charles Cowman, published by Zondervan has MANY very encouraging
writings in it. The previous poem is from Streams In The Desert.
Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life by Charles Swindoll, published by
Multnomah Press has some encouraging writings. You wouldn't need to
stay in the Autumn section, but choose some with interesting titles.
Chuck Swindoll seems to have a better than average pastor's perspective
of bereavement, more like a bereaved parent's perspective.
A Joy I'd Never Known by Jan Dravecky is a very helpful book for those
who are battling with depression. All of these books are available from
our lending library.
Knowing you're not the only one finding Fall difficult I'm sure will
encourage many of you. This season will pass and eventually Spring,
with new life, will come in the earth and in your life too, I pray.
Carol Ruth Blackman
[Reprinted from Sept/Oct 1995 Bereaved Parents Share; revised 9/97]
Reprints may be obtained by mail from : BPS PO Box 460
Colton, OR 97017-0460
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