How would you like to have a trusted friend available any hour of the
day or night who would let you pour out your heart and never criticize
you or tell you to "get on with life?"
Keeping a journal can give you just such a friend.
Journals are helpful at any time in your life, but they can be
especially therapeutic during stressful times, such as during grief or
during times of making major decisions. If you don't have someone close
to discuss things with who understands what you're going through, your
journal can be of very great value.
Anyone can keep a journal. You don't have to be a writer. You don't
have to know how to spell or how to use correct punctuation. Neatness
is not important for a journal is for your eyes alone.
There are many different reasons for keeping a journal, but this article
will deal with its value for our healing after losing your precious
child.
When you write in a journal, your emotions are poured out bit by bit as
you write. Those of you who have never written the events down until
your child's birthday or anniversary of loss, have found there are so
many emotions bottled up, it's excruciatingly Painful for they tumble
out in a rush, tearing your wounded heart afresh.
What is the difference between a journal and a diary? A diary is the
record of daily events, but journaling is simply writing how we are
affected by these events.
You can record anything you like in your journal. It's simply a record
of what you are thinking or feeling. You can even have lists in the
back of things to do, books to read, or helpful quotes.
You can use any paper, but you may find a colorful spiral bound notebook
a good way to start. Any size will do. Stationery departments carry
attractively bound journals but one of the advantages of a spiral
notebook is that after you've vented some of your anger, you may feel
even better tearing that page out and destroying it!
Writing in a journal is of inestimable value in helping us sort through
the difficulties, problems, and perplexities of life.
Sometimes it's hard to put into words what we are feeling about
something. People ask bereaved parents questions causing us to become
tongue-tied, or because our mind is so full of pain and perplexities, we
end up bawling, or doing something which humiliates us. When our minds
are a jumbled mess, we add frustration to our day. Writing things out
on paper helps to clarify and unscramble the confusion in our mind. Experiences
become more bearable and less perplexing when we write them down.
You will be pleasantly amazed how your journal helps sort out things in
your mind. Setting time aside for occasional "journal breaks" will be so
rewarding.
As bereaved people, we often feel we're on top of an emotional volcano
about to erupt. When we find our emotions are at a breaking point,
we're overloaded with stress. One simple relief from this stress can be
journaling. Whether you ever reread what you've written doesn't
matter. Much frustration, anger, and hurt can be poured out harmlessly
on paper. Tears may flow as we write, but these tears are healing.
Later we'll notice we feel less "ready to break." With a healthy outlet
for our festering emotions, we are making room for healing balm to be
poured into our wounded heart.
Sometimes there are so many decisions to be made, our minds are in a
whirl. If we just sit down and write out the decisions, making two
columns underneath for listing the advantages and disadvantages of them,
it can save us hours of inner turmoil. Writing things out helps us
clarify in our own mind what to do.
Date your entries. Later on, if you should decide to reread your
journal, you can see how far you've come. You'll appreciate having the
writing dated then.
Don't be a slave to your journal -- it's to be a friend. Only write in
it when you want to. Five minutes a day or one-half hour a week may fit
your lifestyle best. You may go for days or weeks without writing.
However, you might like to post an update each week during those lulls.
Later, you'll enjoy reading those updates.
Your family will also reap benefits from your journal, for with this
avenue for venting your pain, you'll be less apt to take your
frustrations out on them.
We all have occasional setbacks on our journey to healing. Rereading
our journal later, it's easier to see encouraging progress.
Why not try during the next few weeks to spend a few minutes each week
writing how you feel about the death of your child or how you're
coping? Your disappointment in how people avoid you or the warmth of
new friends you're making are good to include. Reminisce about your
child and eventually include how the death occurred. The painful things
are often accompanied with tears but those tears are cleansing and
healing.
May you find your journal to be a very good friend -- one to whom you
can tell everything. Let it be a friend who plays a valuable role in
your healing. Carol Ruth Blackman
Reprinted with permission from Bereaved Parents Share, May 1991
May be obtained in written form from:
Bereaved Parents Share
PO Box 460
Colton, OR 97017-0460
Jennifer A. Shaffer
Online Support Groups Subsequent Pregnancy
Links Awards Webrings Articles Email Us