Anger is a basic human emotion that serves an important survival function
by communicating to ourselves and to others that something is wrong.
Because we learn how to express anger, we also can learn how to manage it.
This is particularly important for anyone who handles anger inappropriately -
by hurting others or themselves or by making poor decisions in fits of
rage.
Instead of expressing your anger in either of these ways, try this four
step approach of Ways to Handle Anger:
1. Admit It. The next time you feel angry, admit it to yourself. Don't
deny feeling angry or try to cover it up.
2. Explore It. Get to the source of the emotion. If it's something someone
said to you, ask yourself why it made you angry. If it's something someone
did - or didn't do - search for the reason you are angry.
3. Express It. If you believe you might express yourself in a hostile rage,
find a way to calm yourself down first, take a few deep breaths or go for a
walk. When you feel you can discuss the issue without exploding, do so.
If your anger begins to build while expressing yourself, calm yourself down
again.
4. Drop It. This final step may be the hardest. It's also the most
important. Once you've let the object of your anger know how you feel,
drop it. Whether the object of your anger changes or not, you've done all
you could by expressing your anger in a healthy way.
Using the FOUR STEPS just described - ADMIT IT, EXPLORE IT, EXPRESS IT, AND
DROP IT - can help you to better manage anger. Research also has
identified four other ways in which we may respond to feelings of anger -
each of which has serious drawbacks.
Ways NOT to handle anger:
a.. Denying that you're angry - or not being able to even identify
that you're angry - is called EVASION. But evading anger only increases
stress and may lead to such stress related illness as headaches and
depression (some counselors believe depression is unexpressed anger turned
inward).
b.. To know that you are angry but to still keep it inside is called
CONTAINMENT. Yet boxing up anger only delays its expression. Eventually,
anger may lead to stress or stress-related illness or an angry outburst ot
temper tantrum.
c.. DISPLACEMENT occurs when you take your anger out on something
other than the object of your anger. A wife who gives away her husbands
golf clubs because of something he said or the co-worker who sabotages a
work project because he's/she's angry over working conditions are examples
of displacement.
d.. INDIRECT EXPRESSION occurs if you're angry for a specific reason,
but blame your anger on something else. For instance, you may be angry at
your teenaged son for his poor study habits, but instead of addressing his
study skills as the source of your anger, you pick fights over the use of
the phone.
This has been adapted from Managing Anger by Charlotte Sanborn, PH.D.
Online Support Groups Hopeful Women Subsequent Pregnancy
Links Awards Webrings Articles Contact Us