The next morning, Bill & I were sitting in my hospital room waiting for discharge papers, I had my eyes closed & we were holding hands. As I sat there, I felt like someone had put their hand under ours, a definite presence. I just remember thinking, "This can't be Cristin's hand, it is too large." I told Bill on the way home from the hospital about it. I shared it with no one else. I thought then they would really think I had lost my mind. It was only many weeks later I came to just KNOW in my heart that it was God's presence letting us know we were not alone. It was then I started feeling more at peace about Cristin, the pain was beginning to lessen and I felt I was making progress. Not to say that I did not cry or miss her everyday but the anger I felt towards God began to be replaced with a deep sense of direction of what he wanted me to do with what I had been dealt. About two months after Cristin passed away, I was standing in my bedroom, folding clothes, not doing anything out of the ordinary, when I just stopped in my tracks. I had the strangest feeling come over me, such a calm, like all the heavy burdens I had been carrying where just lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much lighter. I knew that God was leading me to minister to other mothers & other hurting families. My prayer for other families is to get a little better with each passing day & that someday they, too, can see the sun through the clouds & marvel at the rainbow after the rain.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths"
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Since this story was originally written, we have welcomed a new member to our family: Corey Patrick Shaffer arrived healthy & screaming into this life & into a room filled with much love on July 13, 2000. He, like his big sister Cassidy, bring much joy & many blessings into our lives everyday & for that, we are so thankful. We will always hold Cristin dear in our hearts & await the day when will meet her again in Heaven. For now, we are comforted by knowing she is safe in the loving care of our Lord & Savior.
