MARIONETTE THEATRE I was bored as hell one day so I decided to start drawing some picture of these little characters of puppets that I think look pretty bitchin. I started drawing them getting killed in all of these different ways, which I thought looked funny as hell seeing as how it was a way of coping with the shit load of stupid people that I felt like killing every day. This got me to thinking. What if I were to draw myself taking out my frustration on these stupid people in the form of these little puppets? It would be a lot more legal to draw myself killing them and I could probably get a little enjoyment out of it. So I started drawing them based on situations and based on what people say to me and based on what I would really like to do to them at that moment in time. After I was finished around six or seven my best friend told me they were funny as hell and that I should put them on my website. That was the smartest thing I heard in a long time (other than what I usually say) so I decided to put them on my site in this special section. I figured that each comic might need some commentary to go along with it in order to explain the inside joke. So for all of your reading enjoyment welcome to: MARIONETTE THEATRE.

COMIC #1: WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF WE COULD ANSWER EVERYONE LIKE THIS?

If you haven't already guessed why I drew this one up, then maybe you should read a few more of my articles until you understand. During the dumbass protest that my school staged that week I had various people asking me if I wanted to go protesting. Hell, there was even one dumbass saying that anyone who didn't go on the walkout was gay (brilliant dipshit). Anyways, this comic shows that I would've liked nothing more than to make every single one of those morons sterile. This was the first comic I made and it still makes me laugh even now (I'm amazed at how well I drew this asshole bleeding from his nuts)

COMIC #2: A QUICK SOLUTION?

I have this guy in one of my classes who always feels the need to talk to me about stupid shit that I don't really care about. It's apparent that he doesn't get my obvious hints that I don't care (I try not to make eye contact as well as not even raising my head). So I figured I'd vent my frustration with this little number.

COMIC #3: CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

There's this idiot in one of my classes that none of my friends like (and he seems like an idiot to me) that stated "I hate Mr. Johnson. If I'm in his class again I'll kill myself." I guess no further comentary is needed.

COMIC #4: NOT A VERY SMART IDEA

I was sitting in the library one day at school because I had to work on a project for my class, when two of my classmates came over, sat down, and wouldn't leave me the hell alone. It wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't complete, ditzy, dumbass blondes but considering the fact that they couldn't even talk in coherent sentences without cackling like a bunch of annoying bitches, they really pissed me off to no end. I was drawing some more pictures of my marionette theatre, when she decided she would draw stupid pictures on my binder, note book and anything else she could get near. I guess beheading her was my only option at the time.

COMIC #5: DO YOU GET IT?

Someone I knew (that stupid annoying bitch who pissed me off about the vines) told me that I give the middle finger like an American (Insulting I know). Being American herself I thought that she too was full of shit. It was actually quite funny because she was born in the same state as president bush and she had a tendency to blow up at every little thing that didn't go her way (moron). So I decided to draw up this little picture. If you don't fully understand what I mean by this, there's no point in trying to think about it, chances are you're an idiot anyways. *note* This seems to be everyone's favorite for some reason.

COMIC #6: SORRY MY ASS

Jesus I hate people who act like having sex before your testicles drop is an important thing. Some dipshit in one of my classes actually said this so I immediately drew this one up.

COMIC #7: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING WORLD

Some stupid bitch in my spare class one day said that there was this girl she hated because she was a stupid hick (not exactly what she said but I doubt any of you would understand the meaning of what she really said) and a loser and she smells etc. and that she was going to make fun of her for it. So I drew this picture of my slashing that stupid bitch. If you're going to make fun of someone don't do it based on the life they lead. Do it because they're a bitch. For all she knew, this girl probably had a hard enough home life as it was and she didn't need this stupid bitch to make it even worse.

COMIC #8: LOVE AND VIOLENCE. A POWERFUL UNION.

One of my ex girlfriends (One of the many that I can't stand now) still tells me that she loves me, while at the same time biting me, stealing from me and hitting me so damn hard she leaves bruises. I didn't understand why she would love me and be so abusive because that isn't real love, so I decided that I would show her that I loved her too in a manner to which she was accustomed to.

COMIC #9: LET'S FORGET ABOUT PERSONALITY FOR ONE MINUTE.

Oh god, the person I'm drawing here is so goddamned annoying, I swear to god she's going to become a prostitute. One time she was going on about how she missed her "boy toy" as she put it because he was such a great kisser. This being one of the stupidest things I've ever heard, I decided to draw this little picture up.

COMIC #10 : THERE IS NO DESTROYING THEM

I decided to try something different for marionette theatre, in which I end up killing myself. The point of the caption is just a little metaphor for how the population of goths seems to be increasing. I drew this up when three people that I knew turned towards the way of the goths and I thought to myself "it's like two goths seem to emerge for every one you kill". The caption does not mean that goths are immortal and have the ability of resurrection or any of that stupid shit.

COMIC #11: NO EXAGGERATION

Seriously there was one time when my brother was walking by a group of hicks in my school (the canadian version of a redneck) and all he heard from one of them was "...and then I shot the squirrel" which was greated by gails of laughter from all of his redneck buddies. I decided to add in the little part about running the squirrel over in a four wheeler because for some reason all of these morons talk about is how they like to go around riding on their four wheelers and other shit like that, it's enough to make you sick.

COMIC #12: I'LL CHECK THE SOURCES BUT I STILL THINK IT'S BULLSHIT

One of the people who hangs out in the area that I do (I'm not calling her a friend because I wouldn't really consider her one) told me that I was gay after I told her my mother was born in England (making me half british) and followed up with saying it's been scientifically proven that all british men are gay. Seriously here, I've heard some stupid shit in my life before but this was fucked up. How the hell can it be scientifically proven that the entire populous of a country is of the homosexual variety? I decided to see how far she would actually go with being an idiot so I asked her how it was possible that they all reproduced. She answered me by saying "artificial insemination" and I swear I felt a sharp pain in my brain upon hearing this. How the hell could someone be so unbearably stupid?

COMIC #13: THIS ONE'S GOTTA HURT

This is one of my favorites because when this jackass I know said this this image immediately came into my head, and I really love the way I made him coughing up blood like this. Also, this guy is a major virgin in denial, so that's what makes it even more funny to me.

COMIC #14: NO SUCH THING AS STUPID QUESTIONS MY ASS

This one is one of those inside jokes between a friend and me. There was this girl in one of our classes who would always ask stupid questions at the worst times, and questions that had no importance to anything. One time some group came to school to do some play about homeless teenagers and how it was a big problem (or something like that) and during the Q&A portion she felt the need to ask this question. I know this isn't one of my better ones but it was the only question I could think of that pissed me off.

COMIC #15: WHATEVER WORKS

Someone I know was standing in the hall listening to her ipod dancing to the shitty music she was listening to (the vines, she was the same person who pushed me to write that article). Me and my now ex friend used to make fun of that song by singing it as if we were majorly stoned, so I figured why not draw out this to vent my anger.

COMIC #16: PLAY WITH FIRE AND HOPEFULLY SOMEONE ELSE GETS BURNED

Back when I was still in school I brought my lighter with me (I can't remember what the picture on it was but it was still kickass) and took it out of my pocket in the hallway. I lit it next to the face of this girl I always joked around with just as the time that the ugly old bitch who sexually harrassed me before caught me and sent me to the office. I had my lighter taken away and spent the duration of my lunchtime sitting in front of the shitty office at my shitty school. They said I should come back later next week and ask for my lighter back after I learned my lesson. I never did because not only did I not want to face the asshole administration at my school but I didn't learn my lesson.

COMIC #17: ANOTHER SCHOOL HAZARD

This situation happened with the same bitch who sexually harrassed me and a friend of mine. He was sliding down the stairs at school and she came up and started giving him hell for it. So later in class we drew this one up together. I still have no idea what her fucking job is.

COMIC #18: MUSIC CAN NOT BE HOMOSEXUAL

I was sitting in my computer class listening to some kickass punk music that was coming from a computer nearby when that fat bastard who smells like moldy cheese went over to that computer and told his buddy who was sitting there that "this music's gay". As you have already guessed this guy listens to redneck country music and masturbates to pictures of four wheelers (I'm guessing that last one. Fuck off). He listens to such shitty music that he has no right to say any music genre is "gay". I'd like to add a final note that I ran out of ways to kill people and this one came from when I watched the new Dawn Of The Dead movie.

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