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Our Strict, Unbending Rules for
Dealing with Stray Cats

(author unknown)


  • Stray cats will not be fed.

  • Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

  • Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.

  • Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

  • Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.

  • Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.

  • Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name

  • Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y".

  • Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.

  • Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.

  • Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.

  • Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand.

  • Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter.

  • Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.

  • Stray cats will sleep outside.

  • Stray cats will sleep in the garage.

  • Stray cats will sleep in the house.

  • Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.

  • Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.

  • Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot.

  • Stray cats will not play on the desk.

  • Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.

  • Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.











  • From The BratCats





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