Mammogram

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need     to worry.

By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and      doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for       the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises          right in the privacy of your home.

EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast               between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends   slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good       measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the     first time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the        cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably   on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a   friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened    and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.    Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your    breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an           appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. You        are now properly prepared.

Just a thought for all the women out there: MENtal illness. MENstrual       cramps. MENtal breakdown. MENopause. Ever notice how all of              women's problems start with men? And when we have real trouble, it's     HISterectomy!!