time killed the old me

i miss the old me. he's left us.... but luckily left behind some memories and things that went through his mind at the time he was here on this earth.

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i've just read over almost all of my past writing on this page expecting it to be really scary and embarrising to actually find it rather inspiring. im actually quite dissapointed in my current self for being so shallow and not thinking like i used to. becoming more intune with the outside world has lead me to become less in-touch with myself. although im still no way near what most people are when it comes to dealing with the outside world, im getting a lot more involved in it and now i feel like im abandoning myself.

i think i need to spend more time alone. as much as it depresses me, i need it. i need to rediscover myself, and find out how all this stuff that has happend to me lately has effected me. so much has happend that i havent had a chance to sit there and analyse the situation properly... there have been a few occations where i have been able to analyse, but they were in discussions with other people therefore were never recorded hense i can never really respect it again and again and learn from it over and over, as i have a terrible time remembering full conversations.

so i guess all this means is that hopefully im going to give more time for myself to just sit there and think. im noticing that smoking is making me think less and worry less. in a way this is good, but i also feel its blocking my inner-self, a part of me that i love [yet sometimes hate].

me [it just floated in]