| I know you didn't think it was possible, but yes, more quotes! |
| Peter- That was a stupid call... And I would know something about stupid calls. (Flashback... Phone rings...) Lois- Hello? Peter- Uh... Lois? I can't take out the garbage because I'm stuck at the office. Lois- Peter... The caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen, in fact, I can see you. Peter- Can you see me now? Lois- No. Peter- Okay, now I'm at the office. |
| Young Peter- Oh yeah? Well I bet you're not brave enough to get naked! Young Quagmire- I'm way ahead of you (already naked). I bet you're not brave enough to laugh at death! Young Peter- Oh yeah? Watch me! (laughs at Death) Young Death- Oh great, like I don't have enough trouble fitting in... |
| Young Mort- Sorry I'm late dear, I was checking my stool for blood. |
| Peter- Hey Mort, why are you going to become a jouster? Mort- I'm trying to overcome my fear of swords because a man in a pirate suit stabbed me in the ear when I was five... And again when I was thirty. What about you, same? |
| Mort- Oh mercy! I once took so many antihystimines that I thought I was Mr. Peanut! |
| (Mort on a dating service tape) Mort- Oh god! Could you please turn down those very bright lights? They're burning my retnas! Ladies... I'm a very desperate man with low standards and... (sneezes) Oh god! There's blood in my mucus! |
| Mort- Those were very bad times... And the kids were very mean to me... They used to call me names and shove pinecones up my ass! |
| (Watching Lois) Quagmire- That was strangely arousing... Ow!!!!! (Grabs phone) Quagmire- Hello... 9-1-1? Yeah, it's Quagmire... Yeah... Yeah... It's in a window this time. |
| Quagmire- Here's to the Drunken Clam... Where they don't ask for proof of age... And neither do I. |
| (In a lesbian bar, watching two women make out) Quagmire- Hey, either of you ladies ever been penetrated? (Quagmire gets thrown from the bar) |
| (Gentle Ben and Grizzly Adams sitting around the house together) Ben- Um... Grizzly? Who's Steve? There's a message on the machine from a guy named Steve. Grizzly- He's new to the forest... He makes canoes. Ben- Well... How come I haven't met him? Grizzly- Well, he hasn't been here that long... Ben- Long enough to get your number! (Runs out crying) Grizzly- Ben! Ah... damnit... |
| (Stewie, Lois, and Brian are at a football game in winter) Stewie- (pretending to smoke) Hey dog... Hey dog! Look what I can do! I say... (Brian takes a drink of alcohol) Stewie- You know, alcohol doesn't make you warmer, it actually constricts the blood causing... Brian- Shut up. Stewie- I say! Lois, Lois! The dog just told me to shut up... I demand to know what you're going to do about it! Lois- Be quiet Stewie. (Continuing to pretend to smoke) Stewie- Freezing my nips off out here... |