Sweet Madness

“Close your eyes,” Buffy whispered through her tears to Angel. Her Angel.

And he trusted her. He always did trust her. He closed his eyes, although it still could not remove the tears that crept down his cheeks.

Not caring about the vortex of hell illuminating Angel’s body--only caring about the fact that she was about to send him into that vortex--Buffy plunged the sword into his gut.

Angel’s eyes shot open in surprise. The hurt in his eyes said more than he could have ever said, as did his one word, “Buffy...”

His hand reached out for her, but she could only watch as he disappeared into the abyss.

He was gone...he was gone...Angel...was gone.

“No!” Buffy screamed into the night as she jolted awake in her hotel bed. She felt the bed around her for him, but to her sadness, he was still gone.

She turned on the lamp next to her bed. She looked around her hotel room and everything was the same as she had left it. Buffy wiped at her forehead, wiping away a layer of sweat. She pulled herself out of bed and went into the bathroom. She splashed some cold water on her face, hoping it would make her feel better.

But as she looked up at her reflection in the mirror, and into her own eyes--her pleading eyes--she knew the pain was still there. It would always be there.

There was no way she could go back and change everything she had done. Oh, but how she longed for that second chance. If only she had known about Willow trying to restore Angel’s soul once again...maybe then things could have been different. But then again, maybe she would have held back on killing Angel and ended up dead herself. There were so many “what if” possibilities. She knew they only made her feel worse, but she felt she deserved the pain.

Buffy turned herself away from the mirror and hurried into her hotel room. Changing into her overalls and a sweatshirt and grabbing up her mini backpack, she made her way out of her room and into the night.

She didn’t stop until she reached the beach. Luckily it was less than a half mile away from her hotel. For some reason, the ocean always had a way of calming her.

Resting her bag on the sand, she sat down, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Buffy stared out into the vastness of the ocean...she could only see the waves breaking only a few feet away from her.

Angel. Buffy frowned. He always found a way to come to her mind. She wondered what kind of torture he could be going through right now. Would she ever be able to get him out of hell? It seemed like a long shot to her--even for the Slayer.

Her thoughts turned to her friends. Leaving behind Willow, Xander, Giles, and heck, even Cordelia, was tough. They were all she knew. She longed to be able to hold them in her arms and tell them how much she loved them...but she knew she would never have the chance. It was best for them to go on without her. Her presence among them was a death sentence. She would do anything to keep them alive...even distancing herself from the ones she loved.

“It’s been a week, Giles. Finals are over. And still no Buffy. How do you explain that?” Xander demanded as he hurriedly walked into the library with Willow by his side. It was amazing how the Watcher would still hang out in the library even when school was obviously over.

Giles looked up from his book. “Hmm?”

Xander stopped in front of him. “Hello? Earth to Giles. Buffy.”

“Is she still missing?”

“Yes,” Willow answered, sitting down in a chair at the table. “Giles, I’m worried.”

Giles’ expression softened. He reached out and squeezed Willow’s hand. “I know.” He put his glasses back on and turned his attention to Xander. “So, no news I’m assuming?”

“None whatsoever. And I don’t know about you but I’m about ready to call out the vampire squad on her,” Xander replied sarcastically.

Giles gave Xander a look. “I hardly find that humorous, Xander.”

Xander’s jaw clenched and he sighed. “Come on, Giles. You’re information man and I came for information.”

Giles frowned, leaning back in his seat. “Unfortunately, I have uncovered nothing. Except I’d have to say it’s been rather tranquil in Sunnydale this past week. No abnormal occurrences.”

Willow looked up. “Could it be the same type of thing as when Buffy left town before? I mean, Xander and I only saw a vampire when Buffy returned.”

“Ah, if that were true, it would point to the death or disappearance of the leaders,” Giles informed them.

“Namely Angel,” Xander said quietly.

Willow turned her eyes to him, “Spike? Drusilla maybe?”

“Maybe all three,” Giles replied.

“But Giles, I told you I felt something go through me. I know deep down that Angel’s soul was restored unto him,” Willow pleaded softly.

Giles frowned. “There could be a possibility that Angel’s soul was restored even after he had already opened the portal to hell.”

Willow’s eyes narrowed, “Then how would Buffy have been able to close it?”

Giles’ frown increased. “I’m unclear on the details.”

“In other words, you don’t know,” Xander muttered, sitting down on the armrest of Willow’s chair.

Willow was still deep in thought. “So, Buffy might have had to kill Angel--not Angelus?”

Giles fidgeted, obviously unhappy with the fact that he didn’t have the answers. “It’s a possibility.”

Willow looked past the others, frowning. “I can only imagine.”

Odd. Buffy realized just how odd it was that she wanted to hunt for vampires. You would think she would have rather wanted to never see them again...but now...it was like she knew it would help her. She needed a distraction--something to get her to not think about Angel. Gosh...why can’t she think of him as Angelus? It would make it all so much easier. Giles’ words echoed in her mind, “Plunge and move on...plunge and move on...” If only it had been that simple.

Here the one thing she had always seen as a thorn in her side was the only thing she had left. It was the one thing that seemed senseless but made sense to her all at the same time. She was and still is the Slayer.

Buffy rose to her feet from the sandy ground. She leaned over to pick up her mini backpack and put it on. Wrapping her arms around herself, she began to walk across the shore. She heard footsteps to her left and turned in their direction.

“Um, hi. I’m Jason,” the young black man mumbled with a slight accent. His jeans were rolled up to his knees, and he was wearing a dark blue sweatshirt.

“And I’m so not interested,” Buffy replied, bitterly.

Jason stared at her with intense, dark brown eyes. “Ah, I see--another chick with a chip on her shoulder.”

Buffy blinked. “Leave me alone.”

With a sigh, he shrugged, sticking his hands into his jean pockets. “But you see, I can’t do that.”

“Please,” Buffy replied, irritably, “I am not your damsel in distress. There is no need to rescue me, so just go on with your life and leave mine in peace.” She turned her back on him and began walking away.

“I know who you are,” Jason called to her, not budging from his stance.

Buffy stopped and turned slightly in his direction. “I don’t care anymore.”

“You should.”

Her irritation gave way to anger. She turned completely in his direction and waved her arm hastily in front of her, “And why should I? Gosh, you’re like cryptic guy all over again.”

He slowly took a few steps back toward her, “Cryptic is better than naive.”

“Answer my question,” Buffy replied, flatly. She placed her hands on her hips.

“Maybe because all of Sunnydale is going to find out sooner or later...and I’m willing to bet on a little bit sooner,” Jason said with a tilt of his head and a smile.

Buffy glanced down at the ground before answering, “What if I’m not going to have anything to do with Sunnydale ever again?”

“I think that would be a big mistake,” Jason said softly.

She continued to look at the ground, gazing at the sand. “It wouldn’t be my first...”

A moment of silence passed between the two before Jason spoke again. “They need you.”

Buffy looked up with tears in her eyes, “No, what they need is for me to get lost. I would have killed them sooner or later if I hadn’t left. And I don’t want them to die because of me, don’t you understand that?!”

“So you’d rather just have them die.”

“No! Didn’t you hear a word I said? I don’t want them to die!” Buffy cried out.

“Their death is their doom without you,” he said softly.

Buffy glared at him with icy eyes and spun around, walking back in the direction she had come from.

“You need them! Your death is your fate just as much as theirs without them in your life--maybe not physically, but your heart will turn to stone!” Jason yelled in anguish.

Buffy kept walking...with no intention of turning back.

“Home sweet home,” Buffy muttered as she entered her hotel room. She threw her mini backpack on the chair next to the door. Turning towards the door, she closed it and turned on the light. “I wish.”

“I bet you do, sweetheart.”

Buffy spun around, bringing her hands up to her chest in defense mode. She frowned. “I thought I told you to leave me alone.”

Jason smiled with a shrug. “People tell me to do a lot of things. It doesn’t mean I necessarily always listen to them.”

Buffy dropped her arms to her side, relaxing her body. A smile actually rose on the Slayer’s face. “You’re persistent, aren’t you? I could almost respect that.”

“It comes with the territory,” Jason replied softly. He rested his foot on top of his knee while sitting in the chair by Buffy’s bed.

Buffy nodded. “I know the feeling.” She walked over to the bed and sat down Indian style on it. “So why are you following me?”

Jason smirked, “You’re cute.”

“And you’re suddenly a gentleman. I don’t buy it,” Buffy replied, with a raise of the eyebrow. “Spill, Jason.”

Jason stared into her eyes for a moment before answering. “I’m watching you.”

“If you’re trying to hit on me, I--”

Jason held up his hand while interrupting her, “I knew a close friend of yours.”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Willow? Xander?”

Jason shook his head. “No, not them.”

“Then who?” Buffy asked impatiently.

His eyes concentrated on her for another moment before answering. “Kendra.”

It felt like time had frozen for Buffy. She brought her hand up to her mouth at the mere mention of her friend, closing her eyes. The image of Kendra laying dead on the library floor with Buffy kneeling beside her...Slayer with Slayer...it was too much.

Jason reached out and squeezed the hand on her knee. “Buffy.”

Buffy raised her teary eyes to Jason’s. She saw only concern in his eyes. “How--how did you know her?”

A sad smile rose on his lips. “I was always watching her too.”

Buffy shook her head in confusion. “What?”

“I was her Watcher, Buffy.”

She watched him as she took in the information. I guess that would explain ‘cryptic guy’, she thought. “If you’re telling me the truth, of which I do not know, why are you here?”

“To do what I’m supposed to do. Help you save the people you love...Help you save yourself.”

Buffy became bitter, “I don’t need saving.”

Jason leaned back in the chair, contemplating her. “Kendra once told me you said your emotions are what drives you. I can also see how they could hinder you.”

Buffy eyed him, “Why do you say that?”

“Because they’re already blinding you from the truth.” Jason took a deep breath, bringing his foot back down to the floor. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Look, if we’re going to get anywhere here, I need you to trust me.”

She nodded. “Why do my friends need saving?”

“A very dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale.”

Buffy laughed--she had to. “Now I know you’re Kendra’s Watcher. Even through her, you always knew how to send a message of doom.”

Jason seemed puzzled, “I still don’t see how you could find that funny.”

Buffy smiled. “I’m such a strange girl.”

“That I’ll agree with,” Jason replied.

Buffy grew solemn again. “So what is this dark power?”

“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling--intuition. All I know is that it’s going to happen soon...and for your loved ones to survive, they need you.” Jason paused. “But not only you.”

“You?”

Jason shook his head. “Angel.”

“You killed me, Angel.”

Angel looked up from the dark corner of the room he was in. Hell was definitely a torment. Sun protruded into the room--from where he didn’t know, but it was there and that was enough for him. Its light glowed on Angel’s feet and he could feel it. It reminded him of Chinese Water Torture...just a little bit of something to drive you slowly crazy.

But the sun he could handle. This he couldn’t. “You’re not real.”

Jenny Calendar’s face grew angry. “You’d like it if I was a figment of your imagination. It would make things a whole lot easier for you, now wouldn’t it? But when it all comes down to it, you can’t escape the truth. You killed me.”

Angel shook his head violently. His body shook. “No, it wasn’t me. I wouldn’t have...I couldn’t have---”

Jenny squatted down beside him, putting her face right up into his. “You ripped my head off! And then you hurt my Rupert. If you expected me to forgive you, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Angel continued to shake his head, drawing his eyes away from her. “Jenny would never be this cruel.”

Jenny smirked. “That’s what you thought of Buffy too, didn’t you?”

He looked up at her with narrowed eyes. “It wasn’t her fault. It was mine.”

Jenny stood up and walked over to the other side of the room before turning to look at Angel again. “You just can’t face the truth.”

Angel didn’t want to know her opinion or the demon’s opinion that occupied her body, but he felt compelled to ask anyway. “And what is that?”

Jenny smiled softly as she slowly disappeared. The smile was one of pleasure, but not the type people with hearts...or souls...would find pleasurable. “That she doesn’t love you anymore.”

Buffy stared at Jason for a moment. “Angel is in hell. I don’t think that’s going to be possible.”

A knowing smile crept its way up Jason’s lips. “That’s where you’re wrong.”

Buffy gave him an incredulous look. “And what? You’re always right?”

“I tend to be,” Jason smirked.

With a shake of her head, Buffy stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. “You are so arrogant. At least now I know where Kendra got hers from.”

“At least she would listen to me when I was trying to tell her about something of great importance,” Jason retorted.

Buffy turned her eyes back towards him. She nodded her head. “Okay Mr. I-Have-Something-Of-Great-Importance-To-Say, spill.”

Jason raised an eyebrow before speaking. “Buffy, there is a way to save Angel. However it could be very dangerous.”

“How so?”

“You could get trapped down in Hell with him.”

Buffy swallowed. “Tell me how.”

Jason nodded. He stood up and walked over to a black bag against the wall he must have brought himself. Opening it, he pulled out a pendant. “This is what will get you down into Hell.” He held it up by its chain so that it was directly in front of her face.

Slowly taking it into her hand, she studied it. The overall design was in the shape of a mask. However, the eyes of the mask were narrowed and squinted. One side of the mask was black and the other side was white.

Buffy brought her eyes back up to Jason’s face. “How do I use it?”