Chapter Twelve -- Cross My Heart
*Shannon*
I left AJ’s room after a couple more games, confused. I tried to brush it all off as flirting--after all, Howie had told me before that AJ was a notorious flirt. But it had felt different than any of the other flirting he’d done with me.
It was as though he had feelings for me. That was a kick in the head, I thought, looking at Nick’s sleeping form. Sighing, I closed my eyes, trying hard not to remember his arms around me, desperate to forget the feel of his lips on mine.
Nick stirred when I got into bed next to him, but he didn’t wake up. With a relieved sigh, I pulled the covers up and tried hard to go to sleep. When he rolled over and his arm slid around me, I tensed, sure that in his slumber he would sense my betrayal. I felt like the scum of the earth. Nick loved me, how could I go kissing one of his best friends like that? I didn’t deserve him. I was the worst.
Rolling over to face him, I studied his face by the light of the muted TV. “I love you, Nick,” I whispered, snuggling close.
*Nick*
I heard Shan’s whispered endearment. Even in my drink and sleep-induced fog, I could feel her bewilderment. Wondering what was wrong, I pulled my arm tighter around her, holding her close. I felt her tense again, and silently cursed myself.
How could I be so fucking stupid? She was the greatest girlfriend I’d ever had. Sweet, kind, and was sincere when she said she loved me. And yet I treated her like shit, as though deep down I wanted her to leave.
I didn’t. I loved her, damn it. More than anything, I realized in that moment. If God appeared before me and said I must choose between everything I had--the career, the fans, the money, everything--and the woman laying next to me, I would choose her. I would do anything to see her smile, anything to hear her laugh.
Yet all I did was make her cry.
Lying beside you
Here in the dark
Feeling your heartbeat with mine
Softly you whisper
You’re so sincere
How could our love be so blind
*AJ*
I felt like shit the next day. We were off, and it was after noon before Nick sought me out in my room. I sat on the bed, smoking a cigarette and working on some lyrics, when he opened the door and barged in.
“What the hell are you doing holed up in here? It’s a gorgeous day,” he said.
What the fuck? He was almost peppy. And grinning. Nick hadn’t grinned like that in quite a while. “Working on a song,” I said with a shrug, reaching to turn the TV down. Some old black and white movie was on. “What the hell are you so chipper about?”
Nick shrugged, dropping into the chair at the desk. “What song you working on?” he asked, drumming his fingers.
“Just a song.” Damn if I’d tell him it was about Shannon. For Shannon. In reality, she'd left her music behind the night before, and I was working on some lyrics I thought would go great with a certain tune.
“Cool. Say, you remember Shan talking about her friend Cassie, right?” he asked suddenly, and a second later he was up again, looking out the window.
“Yeah.” Only vaguely. Usually when Shan talked, I was too enthralled in her eyes to listen too much of what she said. Except for last night, I mused with a small smile. I’d heard every word she’d said.
“I’m thinking of calling her and seeing if she wants to come join Shan for a while. It’ll be good for her to have a friend with her,” he said.
“Yeah, we all know LeighAnne isn’t very nice to her,” I muttered. Why Brian’s wife had come, I’d never know.
Nick nodded, making a face. “Yeah. So, did you two have fun last night?” Again he sat, practically bouncing with...eagerness?
“Um, yeah. We played a few hands of cards, you know.” She’d told him she’d come to my room? What the hell was that about? I glanced at him, waiting for him to blow up about it all.
Instead he smiled. “Yeah, that’s what she said. I was kind of out of it last night. I’m glad she had someone she could talk to,” he said softly, looking away.
“Um, yeah,” I said again. What the hell was going on here?
Nick sighed, standing again. “Look, man, I know I’ve been an ass for a while now. I want to say I’m sorry, and that I’m gonna change.” Looking at me, he took a deep breath. “I haven’t been the best boyfriend I could be to Shan, and I hate myself for it. Like I said, it’s gonna change. I promised her this morning.”
“What did you promise her exactly?” I asked, trying hard to keep the shock out of my voice.
“That from now on everything would be different. I love her. I don’t want to lose her.” Smiling slightly, he reached up and raked a hand through his hair. “I gotta go, man. We’re going out to dinner, and I gotta arrange for a flight for Cassie.”
Before I could respond he’d gone, and I was left alone to ponder all this. Well, shit. Selfish me, I’d thought things would be different. Glancing down at the words I’d written, I quickly crumpled the paper up and tossed it across the room.
*Cassie*
I have to admit, I was surprised--no, shocked--when Nick called. After all, we’d shared few polite words, and now he was calling me, brimming with excitement.
“Hey, Cass, how’s it going?”
“Um, pretty good. Is something wrong with Shannon?” I asked, worriedly fiddling with the phone cord. If that son-of-a-bitch had--
“No, no, she’s great. Everything’s great,” he added. “She’s in the shower right now, and this is the only time I’ve got to call. I wanted to ask you something.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. What in the hell was he so excited about?
“Shan mentioned the other day that you always take a couple weeks off in the summer, and I was wondering if you’d taken them yet.”
“No, it starts next week. Why?” I couldn’t keep the suspicion out of my voice.
“I was hoping you’d be able to fly out and join Shan for a week or two. She doesn’t have any female friends to hang out with her. I mean, I’m here for her and everything, but she needs a girl to talk to, I guess.”
Holy cow. “Sounds great,” I said softly, staring at the picture of Shan and I at the beach last summer. “But I don’t think I can afford--“
“Hey, it’s on me. Plane ticket, hotel room, everything. come on, you know you can’t tell me no,” he teased.
If he only knew what I wanted to tell him most of the time. But he was being nice, and so should I. “Okay, okay. Don’t start the whole pitiful puppy routine on me.”
I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain
I wanna know
Have you ever seen the rain
Coming down on a sunny day