Chapter Seventeen -- Be Here Now
*Shannon*
Looking from AJ to Cass, I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I murmured. When AJ’s eyes met mine I looked away. It killed me to see the worry there. Next to me he tensed, and when I glanced up I saw he was already heading for the door. “AJ,” I said. “Please, don’t.”
Turning to look at me, he was quiet for a moment. “I can’t stand this anymore, Shannon. When are you going to face the fact that he’s abusing you?” he asked, and I could hear the pain in his voice.
He didn’t understand. It wasn’t abuse. I’d been neglecting Nick the last few weeks. “It’s not abuse,” I said defensively, the crack in my lip burning as I spoke. “You don’t understand. He loves me, okay?”
Cass sighed. “Come on, Shan. Let’s get to my room and you can take a shower and get some sleep,” she said, placing a gentle hand on my arm.
AJ wouldn’t let it go, though. “How can you say he loves you? Look what he does to you. Jesus, Shannon,” he muttered. “Do a cracked lip and bruised wrists mean he loves you?”
When he stepped over and ran a finger over my lips I almost cried. “AJ,” I whispered, looking up at him.
“You deserve so much better,” he murmured softly. “What will it take to make you see that?”
Shaking my head, I stepped away from him, aware of Cass’ raised brows. “It’s not abuse,” I said meekly before hurrying from the room.
*AJ*
I watched her go, and a few moments later a door slammed. “Fuck,” I muttered, dropping onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t believe this shit.”
Cass cleared her throat. When I glanced up at her, she shook her head. “Neither do I,” she said. Hugging herself, she glanced out the open door. “You really care for her, don’t you?”
Care? That didn’t begin to describe it. If she hadn’t stopped me, there was no doubt in my mind that Nick and I would have been throwing punches. I didn’t know what he’d done, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. All that mattered was that she’d been hurt. When she hurt, I hurt.
“Oh my God,” Cass said softly.
Looking at her, I got to my feet. “What now?” Where had my cigarettes gone?
“Nothing,” she muttered. Sighing, she reached for her room key. “I’d better go help her get into bed.”
“Look, if she says anything about what happened--“
She nodded, glancing at me curiously. “I’ll let you know.”
After she was gone, I lit a cigarette and stared out the window. Would Shannon ever see the light? Or would she just go blindly on with a man who couldn’t treat her right? Sighing, I paced the room. Life was a bitch, I thought, stopping to peruse the lyrics I’d been working on. Crumpling the paper in my hand, I tossed it aside. There was only one thing to do.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I finally set my pen down. Flexing my fingers, I stubbed out my cigarette and realized the room was getting lighter. I was exhausted. My back ached when I stood up. Damn. Not even thirty yet, and long nights were too much for me. Stretching, I glanced down at the words I’d written. I wondered if I’d ever have the nerve to let anyone else read them.
*Nick*
When I woke up, I had a pounding headache. Rolling over, I reached for Shannon, but she wasn’t there. What the--sitting up, I looked around the room. It was empty. Had she gone for a walk? Rubbing my eyes, I tried to remember what had happened last night. The last thing I remembered was coming in and having some words with Shan about getting over her depression.
Groaning, I kicked the sheet down before getting out of bed. Pulling my boxers on, I glanced down and saw a small bruise on my chest. Where had that come from? Had we had a fight or something?
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the door flung open, banging against the wall. Turning, I saw AJ standing there. He looked like he was ready to murder me. What the hell was his problem?
“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do,” he said.
“What now?” I asked, reaching for the phone to call room service. I needed some coffee.
“Are you kidding, or is it possible that you’re this fucking stupid?” he asked, shaking his head.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Damn, man, I just woke up. Have you seen Shannon?” I asked.
“Fuck yeah, I saw her. I saw what you did to her, too.”
Oh, shit.
*Cassie*
I was in the shower when Shannon woke up. Hearing the bathroom door open, I quickly rinsed off and reached for a towel. “You need the shower?”
“No, I just came to say I’m going to my room,” she said.
I’d known she would. Despite sitting up and talking for three hours straight about what was going on, she was going back to him. Despite the fact that I was her best friend, she refused to tell me what had happened. “You’re sure?” I asked softly, wrapping the towel around me before stepping out.
She nodded, looking down at her hands. “Yeah. He and I just need to talk, that’s all. Things will get better, Cass. I promise.”
I opened my mouth to speak and she held up a hand. “Don’t start, Cass, okay? I’ll see you later.”
Before I could respond she’d left. Shaking my head, I heard the door close. Damn. “Please, Shannon, just see the light,” I whispered.
*Shannon*
I saw the door was open as I approached the room Nick and I shared. Pausing in the doorway, I saw AJ standing by the TV, and he was glaring at Nick. Nick looked miserable.
“Baby, where were you?” he asked worriedly when I stepped in. walking over, he pulled me into his arms.
I averted my eyes from AJ’s knowing gaze. “I had to go talk to Cass,” I lied. “Did you just wake up?”
“What the fuck, Shannon--“ AJ began, but cut off when I glanced at him.
I did not want AJ to start something. Not now. Nick and I needed to talk. Alone. “AJ, please,” I said softly. “Nick and I have to talk about something.”
It took him a few minutes to leave. He hemmed and hawed, and finally left, slamming the door behind him. Sighing, I looked up at Nick and smiled slightly. Pulling away from him, I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my sore wrists. “Honey, we need to talk about last night.
“What happened?” he asked, leaning against the desk.
He didn’t remember? Was what he’d said so many weeks ago true, that he blacked out? God, I thought. “You--well, I. Oh, God, you don’t remember?” I asked, looking away.
He sighed, and I felt the bed shift when he sat next to me. “What did I do?” he murmured, his leg shaking with what I hoped was worry.
Sighing, I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. Would I be able to say it aloud? It was so hard to even think about it, I wasn’t sure I could tell him. When he reached for my hand I sucked in a breath, and glanced down at our hands for a moment. His thumb gently traced the bruise on my wrist. Looking up, I met his eyes. Taking a deep breath, I told him.
*Nick*
I listened intently as she told me the details of the night before. When she finished, she looked away, and I felt her pull her hand from mine. Shit. “God, baby, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Why, Nick? Why do things like this keep happening?” she asked, and I could hear pain in her voice.
I didn’t know. I honestly had no idea why. Running a hand through my hair, I got to my feet. I couldn’t believe this. “Fuck,” I muttered. I suddenly wished the earth would crack and swallow me whole. At least then I wouldn’t see the hurt in her eyes. “Goddamn, Shannon, I don’t know what to say.”
She nodded. Standing, she reached for my hand, and I was surprised when she lifted it to her lips and gently kissed my palm. “Just say it won’t happen again,” she murmured.
“You’ve got my word,” I said, pulling her to me. Holding her close, I pressed my lips to the top of her head. “I promise, it’ll never happen again.”
I was lost
Now I’m free
I believe in you
And me