Chapter Sixteen -- Stolen Innocence
*Shannon*
It was all over too soon. When we got to Nana’s, I went with Aunt Margaret and my cousins to arrange the funeral. If someone asked me, I couldn’t tell them anything about what happened. The next three days are a blur to me now. I vaguely remember the friends and family stopping by, the flowers, the music, the prayers. But I don’t remember saying goodbye to Nana.
Nick says I did. He insists we went to the funeral parlor early the morning of the funeral and that I stood at the casket for a long time, talking and crying. But I can’t remember it.
I only remember the exhaustion I felt when it was all over, and we were on the plane to New York. They had postponed a couple of concerts, just for me, and I was grateful for all of their support during that time.
Staring blindly out the small window, I fiddled with the headset in my lap. It was the middle of the night, and when I glanced around I saw everyone was asleep. Though I was exhausted, I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t slept since we’d flown home.
Rubbing my eyes, I reached into my bag and pulled out my folder of music. Somehow, it had gotten in AJ’s suitcase, and he’d given it to me just before boarding. Flipping it open, I saw a sheet of writing. What was this?
Reading over it, I realized it was lyrics. But I sure hadn’t written them. I didn’t recognize the handwriting. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw AJ rubbing his eyes. Was he awake? Maybe he would know who’d written it. With a furtive glance at Nick, I unbuckled my belt and moved past him, nearly tripping over his outstretched legs.
AJ looked up when I settled in the empty seat next to him. “Hey,” he said, straightening. “What’s up?”
I handed him the paper. “Who wrote this?” I blurted. I had to know. The words were so beautiful...
“Crap, that was in there? Sorry. It was some lyrics I was working on last week. You left your music in my room that night,” he murmured.
That night. The night of our kiss. I really didn’t need to think about that now. Nodding, I took the paper from him. “It’s beautiful. Do you have any music yet?”
He fiddled with the frayed hem of his jeans. “I was actually using some of your music,” he said.
I was flattered. He thought my music was good enough to write lyrics to? “Wow,” I murmured. “Which music?”
Taking the folder, he flipped through it, pulling out the one at the back. “This. But I kept getting caught up on the refrain, so I gave up. I thought I’d tossed it,” he murmured, looking down at the music.
Leaning over, I glanced at the sheet music. “Oh, that one. I forgot I still had that in there.” I watched him put the music in the folder, closing it slowly before handing it to me. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked softly, covering my hand with his.
Sighing, I looked at his hand. “For not letting that get in the way of our friendship,” I murmured, and began fiddling with his ring. “For being with me the last few days. For everything,” I whispered, glancing at him.
He was looking at our hands, and when I twined my fingers with his he closed his eyes. “Anytime, babe,” he whispered.
Babe. Biting my lip, I felt tears prick my eyes. “We’ll be landing soon,” I murmured, pulling my hand from his. Moving to stand, I felt his hand land on my arm.
“You still love him, don’t you?”
*Nick*
Shan had been acting depressed for over two weeks. I knew she was upset over her grandmother and everything, but she’d gotten to the point where she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything anymore. She sat in the hotel room all day, watching TV until it was time to go to another city. And she’d started smoking in front of me again. I was getting worried.
“Baby,” I said, dropping my backpack on the floor. Exhausted after our show, I was ready for a shower and some loving.
“Hmm?” she replied, not tearing her eyes from the TV screen.
“It was a good show,” I told her, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“That’s nice.” Still she wouldn’t look at me.
Sighing, I leaned over and snatched the remote from her. Flipping the TV off, I turned to look at her. “Would you lighten up?” I was tired of this. “Look, I know you’re depressed over your grandmother, but damn, baby. It’s been two weeks now. You’ve got to move on.”
“Easy for you to say,” she murmured, pushing the covers back. Picking up her pack of cigarettes, she stepped into her slippers and walked to the window.
Watching her, I got to my feet. “Look, why don’t we go out for a walk or something? It’ll do you good. You can’t stay locked up forever.”
She shook her head, lighting a cigarette as she stared out into the night. “I don’t feel like it.”
She didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. Eat, sleep, smoke and shower, that was all she did. When I stepped over and put my hands on her shoulders she tensed, moving away. “Dammit, Shannon,” I said, exasperated. “Why won’t you let me touch you? I may as well be sleeping alone.” When she looked at me I saw fear and anger in her eyes. “I have needs,” I said. Shit. I was practically begging.
Shannon shook her head, reaching past me to flick her ashes in the ashtray. When I touched her arm she flinched, her cigarette dropping into the small glass bowl. “C’mon, baby,” I murmured, pulling her to me. “You know you can’t hold it back for long.”
“Nick,” she gasped, wrenching against me. “You’re hurting me.”
“So stop fighting it.” Pulling her towards the bed, I felt her struggling to get away. Did she really think I was going to let her go? Holding her tight, I pushed her onto the bed.
“Nick, stop,” she cried.
*AJ*
Cassie had taken an extra couple of weeks off to be with Shannon, and I was surprised she was willing to spend time with me. She’d come to a few shows, and, unable to sleep, I’d invited her to my room to watch a movie or something. Nothing sexual, I just wanted some company.
Now she was splayed across the other bed--somehow I’d gotten a double room this time--engrossed in Titanic. Not my first choice, but it was alright. I was working on some lyrics, anyway. I wasn’t really paying attention to the movie.
To be honest, I was worried about Shannon. She’d stayed locked in the hotel room for so long, and whenever I did see her she didn’t want to talk. Had I done something wrong? I’d asked Cassie, but she said Shan was just taking Nana’s death hard.
Looking up when there was a banging on the door, I saw Cassie slide out of bed. “Hope that’s room service,” she muttered before flinging the door open. “Shan?”
What the hell? Forgetting my lyrics, I got out of the bed and stopped when I saw her.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” she asked, worriedly glancing over her shoulder.
“What the hell’s happened?” I asked as Cass let her in.
“I--he--I need to sleep,” she said, pulling a jacket on. I saw red marks on her wrist.
“What did he do?” Cass asked suspiciously. Slamming the door, she turned a worried face towards Shannon. “What did he do?” she asked again.
Shannon shook her head, pulling her jacket tight around her. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just go to your room?” she asked. She wouldn’t look at me. Goddamn, that hurt. Was whatever happened that bad, that she couldn’t meet my eyes?
“Shannon, tell us what happened,” I murmured, stepping over to her. When I touched her shoulder she jumped. “Shan.”
When she lifted her head and looked me in the eye, I saw pain and confusion and hate, all mixed together. Her lip was cracked and bleeding, and when she licked it she winced. Tears filled her eyes, and it was like someone plunged a knife into my heart when she turned away from me.
Cass angrily pulled her shoes on. “I’m going to talk to him,” she said.
“No, don’t. He’s asleep now. It wasn’t his fault,” Shannon said softly. “It was me. I--“
“Shan, would you listen to yourself? You’re defending him, and we don’t know what’s happened. We care for you, we need to know,” Cass said gently. “Please, Shannon.”
Shaking her head, Shannon pulled her jacket even tighter around her. “No,” she whispered.
She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She’s looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries