Disciplining Babies

Babies start out completely helpless. They do not know how to manipulate their parents. If they pull your hair, they have no clue that it hurts. They are basically incapable of controlling their hands, their legs, their mouth, their whole body. If they cry when they are hungry, it's because their tummy hurts, and that's the best way to let you know... it's their way of communitcating. Or perhaps they just need your presence... a baby's need for the physical nearness of his mother is as intense as his need for food.

Some say you must "teach" your newborn how to be a servant by making your baby sit around while you make dinner for visitors you invited over just weeks after his birth. They say your baby must learn to put others first. This attitude will not have a positive effect on your child. The first and most powerful way a child will start learning to put others first is for a parent to put them first. A mother who consistently and responsively meets the needs of her baby will foster a deep trust and contentment in her child. Her baby will learn "servanthood" by seeing service in action... by being a recipient of the serving.

To a baby, wants and needs are synonymous. We are older than they are, we can wait. If they are made to wait, they will not understand why. They have no concept of time. To them a minute is an eternity. So for a baby, discipline consists of consistently and responsively meeting his needs and thereby creating a strong attachment between you and your child. This will help your child trust you when you tell him he shouldn't do something and will help him want to please you.

Many parents try to force premature independence on their baby by making him sleep alone, even if he sleeps better with them, or by ignoring their baby's cries. They feel that if his diaper is dry, he just nursed, and it's time to sleep, then their baby's needs have been met and to do more would be giving in to their baby and would potentially create a spoiled child. Many think this is the way to discipline a baby.

While at first a baby lives in total dependence on his parents, and this could possibly be perceived as a terrible inconvenience on the parents, this time will not last forever and should be treasured. Full opportunity should be taken to foster a stong attachment and build a sense of trust between the parents and their baby. How a baby relates to his mother will be the basis of his future relationships with others. A baby grows older soon enough, and his independence will blossom if given ample opportunity. By meeting their baby's needs, parents help their baby grow into healthy dependence as he becomes ready.

One of the situations that causes stress to some parents is when their baby learns to crawl or scoot around and refuses to leave certain objects or areas alone. For this type of "problem," babyproofing is essential. Babyproofing not only to helps protect your baby from dangerous objects and situations, but it gives your baby ample room to explore and helps protect your material valuables.

Some parents choose not to put away their valuables and instead slap hands, etc., or even yell, to get their point across. Parents must have patience and not expect something of their child that he is not developmentally ready to handle. Often, the best and safest way to protect both your child and breakable items that are special to you is, if possible, to remove the item. On the other hand, showing a child he cannot touch something by slapping or spanking him will bewilder and scare him and teach him that hitting is an okay thing to do.

If you haven't removed it, and your baby breaks it, please don't blame your baby. There was once a little girl about nine months old who reached up on a table and pulled a pretty glass fish to the ground thus breaking it beyond repair. Her dad got terribly angry, and the baby crawled into her dark bedroom to get away from his anger and cried and cried. This child did nothing wrong and should have been comforted.

If your child wants to touch something dangerous that you can't remove, many parents have found it helpful to use a descriptive word such as "hot" or "ouch." You could say, "This is hot... ouch." You could use redirection and say, "This is not to touch," and then offer an alternative and say, "Let's play with this instead." If a child insists on having something he can't have, and if the object can't be removed, it's often best to remove the child from that situation. Take him to another room or go for a walk if you have to. Also, remember that your baby will probably soon forget what you have told him, so be prepared to take a lesson in patience. These ideas help a child learn gently.

A parent's goal should be to lovingly guide their child into maturity. It's a long process that doesn't happen in one day!

Feel free to write me at mykidzmommy@hotmail.com.

Also see Discipling Toddlers.

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