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Gentle Guidance is not Always Easy

One of the most important jobs parents have is providing gentle guidance for their children. I know from experience that gently guiding is not always easy. Sometimes I almost feel that I'd like to bark out commands and have my daughter obey me like a robot. Some days I stuff my negative feelings inside until I explode and end up saying hurtful and unkind things. I have an enormous amount of learning to do, but I find it helpful to remember that children are a gift from God. God chose me and my husband to parent our children, and we can be sure that He will provide the tools necessary to do so in a way that will bring glory to Him.

Listen to your child and try to understand his unique personality and capabilities. Your child may have a good reason for acting the way he is acting. Perhaps he is doing something he saw you do. Children are amazingly good at copying their parents, so setting a good example for your child is vital. Also, be sure your child fully understands what he needs to do and has heard you. Sometimes little children think that if they can't see you, they can't hear you, so it can be helpful to bend down and make eye contact with your child. Also consider whether or not you are expecting too much of your child for his developmental level.

If your child's activity makes your angry, find out why it makes you angry. Are you mad at your child's lack of respect? Are you afraid he is becoming spoiled? Are you fearful of what other people might think? Are you tired or hungry? Don't let your anger boil inside until you do something that hurts your child. Ask for help from people you trust, read helpful books (especially the Bible), and pray--God is the only one who can change your child's heart... and yours. You may also want to reavaluate and clarify your parenting goals.

When your child's actions frustrate you, it can be tempting to call him names, but calling your child names such as "brat" or "bad little boy/girl" serves no useful purpose. The names reinforce in your mind your negative feelings toward your child, and they make your child feel hurt. Also, labels can be self-fulfilling.

Try to dwell on the positive and give your child sincere praise from your heart. When your child does something helpful, thank them for helping you... be specific. Try not to just say, "You are a good little boy." Tell them what it is they've done that makes you so proud and happy.

We are responsible for our actions even if we do something out of anger. . . and our actions have consequences. Everything that we do or say effects our children in some way. We all make mistakes, and we need to be willing to apologize to our children when we make a mistake, and also be gracious to them when they make a mistake.

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