Nursing Zachary

I really thought I would just try it because it seemed like the best opportunity you could have to see what it was like. To me growing up I always thought of nursing as a "hippy thing," I don't know why. But imagining weaning at this point brings tears to my eyes. He is my baby and he will only be this age once and I want to savor every magical moment with him. I don't think there are words in the English language or any language that could explain the love I have for my son, as well as the feeling I get nursing him whenever he wants me. It truly is the best decision I have ever made in my life. I am so proud of myself that I stuck to it and have no intentions of stopping one moment sooner until he says so.

He nurses anywhere from 2-8 times a day. When he recently had a double ear infection he was in full swing and wanted me all day long for days in a row. This I did not mind one bit.

But I would like to add, to all those mothers that get bad credit for nursing an older child: Would you ever let anyone talk you into jumping of a bridge? I would think not. I put all the negative comments right with the bridge......If you get my gist! I feel bad for these people: they in the most obvious way did not experience a nursing relationship. I often, too, chalk it up to a severe lack of information.

I have a story I would like to share with you. I had to write a letter about nursing my son in exchange for an invitation to a breastfeeding convention. I have copies I keep and give as gifts when I find out a friend is pregnant and is planning on nursing. I hope you enjoy this....it swells my heart with love every time I read it. I call it "Snuggling with Mommy."

Snuggling with Mommy

In the Webster's dictionary it says: BOND - something that fastens or binds together. I also looked up IRREPLACEABLE - unable to be replaced. Gee that's funny they forgot to mention anything about nursing! This must be a mistake...

I'll never forget when Zachary was born my mother's words to me, "You love him with all your heart and soul don't you?" I felt so ashamed when I lied and said I did. It was very disturbing to me, I felt nothing, only numbness, loneliness and ignorance. I had an emergency C-section, complications, migraines, withdrawals from pain medications, and on top of all this I was trying to nurse my son for the first time in my life. I felt the world was against me. No one said "Go for it" or "Keep up the good work." They all wanted to "fix" it by giving him a bottle. If one more person told me to give him a bottle I was going to scream. What I needed to hear was what I am feeling now. So I hope what I am about to share with you will be an inspiration to all new mothers who say "I'll just try it."

The first time I changed Zachary's diaper in the hospital was the first time in my entire life I ever felt true love for myself. It suddenly occurred to me that I was STILL creating something magical. I thought to myself, Wow I made him POOP! Breastfeeding my son has been such a rewarding accomplishment. I made him grow. How could you REPLACE that?!

The BOND that you develop as you learn what you are doing is astonishing. When you look down at that baby and they are taking food from your body you just know it's right and meant to be. I never in my life felt so important. Knowing that even if he smelled me he knew I was near and so was food, comfort, warmth, security, love, "this little piggy's" on his toes, and an endless supply of forehead kisses.

So I know when I say to Zachary, "So do you want to snuggle with mommy?", and he gives me that "yes giggle," I know that he knows that I mean a special little moment all throughout out the day that is waiting for him on the "best seat in the house"......mommy's lap.

P.S. Zachary I always loved you with all my heart and soul. I had to learn it one day a time. Love, "MeMe"

Copyright 2000 by author
Used by permission
Article published on May 3, 2000

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The image of nursing toddler is copyright 1997-2000 Lori Thompson Photography. Used by permission.
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