Disclaimers: Joss is the man. He owns them, not me. I make no claim at all.
Comments: You crazy kids, with all your lovely feedback! Ahh, makes me all warm and fuzzy.
Title: It's what's on the side of my pot of Bodycream, but I think it works with Slayers as well.
 
Authors Notes: Look, you wont like where I am going for a while, but just remember, I'm trying to get it to 50 parts and the course of true Slayer love never runs smoothly.
 
 
Buffy's POV
 
Slayers Do Vegas XXII- For Best Results Apply Regularly, to All Areas of the Body
 

Right, where was I?
 
Oh, yeah, IN HELL!
 
This is so pathetic!
I mean, I'm not gay.
I am so not gay.
And in the place where I'm so not gay, I'm lusting after Faith every single second.
Ok, so that sentence isn't entirely working.
 
I just... I need to...?
We need to...?
No!
We don't need to do anything, Buffy Summers!
There is no we, just me and Faith.
Hold up.
No, not me and Faith!
Just Buffy and her totally platonic Slayer friend, Faith.
There, that's better.
Faith, the platonic friend who nearly made you have a nervous breakdown when you felt her almost nude body all over yours.
I want to look at the menu?
Menu-schmenu!
 
I need to...?
I need to... SLAY!
I NEED TO SLAY!
That's all it is!
I haven't Slayed in 3 days!
God, no wonder I'm getting all wound up.
 
I need a good, hard Slay.
Yeah, a good, hard Slay, with Faith, and we can Slay 'til we get all hot and sweaty and then have to undo our clothes because of the 'hot and sweaty' and...
 
Nonononononononono!
 
I hold my head in my hands.
 
I want to go home!
I want to sit in my room with Mr Gordo!
I want my mom!
 
'Food, B? I'm, getting wicked hungry, you said we could eat, like, 20 minutes ago.'
 
'YES! I KNOW!'
I scream out.
 
'Ooo, time of the month?'
 
'Sorry, look I've just got an... ache, I mean, in my head! A headache thing, you know... oww!'
 
I look up at Faith, she's changed out of that dental floss bikini and is wearing her trademark leathers.
She looks nice.
Mmmm, good enough to...
HOLD UP!
Stop, right there, missy!
You leave that sentence alone and you damn well put it back where you got it from!
 
'You want something for it?'
 
Huh?
What?
 
'Something for what?'
 
'Your headache, B? You ok?'
 
Ok?
Am I ok?
Hmmm?
Let's think... NO!
No to ok; no to anywhere within a hundred mile radius of ok!
 
'Yeah, I'm fine. I don't think a pill will get rid of this, Faith.'
 
I swear, if there was a pill I could take, then I'd be ramming 50 of them down my throat right about now.
This is insane?!
When did I turn into some lusting monster?
Oh; just after we arrived.
Right, well glad we've sorted that out.
 
'I didn't mean a pill, B. Hold up, let me show you how I get rid of headaches. It works, honest.'
 
What?
She's climbed on the bed, behind me and has slipped her hands onto my shoulders.
 
I want to cry!
I just--want--to--cry!
No... please... not a massage!
 
Oh hi, my name's Buffy Summers, doctor.
I've got this case of jonesing like a moron over Faith, anything you can do to help?
You prescribe bikini's? Semi nude not touchy touching? A hot massage?
Oh, done all those!
I must be cured already!
Silly me!
 
Her fingers moving over my shoulders and neck bring me back to sanity.
Pushing and moving and squeezing and, and, and...
Did I say sanity?
 
THAT'S IT!
THAT--IS--OFFICIALLY--IT!
I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!
 
I jump of the bed, in Slayer speed, and turn round.
Faith has got this 'what just happened' look on her face.
 
'Faith! You just need to stop doing...THAT sort of stuff. I mean, we're not like that, you know, and it makes me uncomfortable...' what am I saying? '...so just cut it out, ok? We're friends and that's all, so just... STOP! Ok?'
 
Oh my god, I think she's going to cry!
Why did I say that?
 
'I wasn't... B, I was just... shit, I was just trying to get rid of your headache, I wasn't trying it on with you! You know, SCREW YOU!'
 
I watch her get up, grab some cash and storm out of the room, even managing to slam the slamproof door.
 
I think that may have been slight overkill, Buffy!
Well congratulations, you've just fucked up things with the one person who matters.
I grab my jacket and the hotel room keys and run out after her.
 
You better hope you can sort things out Buffy Summers, or you would have screwed up more than a great friendship.