Disclaimers: Joss, Mutant own them
not me. I make no claim to Buffy or Faith.
Comments: Closer and closer we inch to the magic 50!
Date Stamp: Miss K, aka Kitty wrote this 28.11.01
Comments: Closer and closer we inch to the magic 50!
Date Stamp: Miss K, aka Kitty wrote this 28.11.01
Kitty's Mood: I'm listening to 'I Love
You Too' by Veruca Salt, on loop, to try and cheer myself up.
Title: It was originally going to be called 'A Bird in the Hand is Better than a Smack in the Face with a Brick' but I think we all prefer this. It's a song that a friend of mine covered, I have no idea of the title.
Title: It was originally going to be called 'A Bird in the Hand is Better than a Smack in the Face with a Brick' but I think we all prefer this. It's a song that a friend of mine covered, I have no idea of the title.
Authors Comments: Ok, you know when
you are having an argument in your head with yourself, and everything's
going a hundred miles a second, confusing you? Well... keep it in mind
here.
Buffy's POV
SDV XXXVII - I've Made my Bed and Now it's
Time to Sleep
I stand there, looking at the closed door.
Faith's gone.
She's not coming back, I just know it.
I look at her cigarette packet in my hand.
It's all I have left of her.
I put it in my pocket so it's safe.
Faith's gone.
She's not coming back, I just know it.
I look at her cigarette packet in my hand.
It's all I have left of her.
I put it in my pocket so it's safe.
Faith's gone.
I told her I loved her?
I love her?
I told her I loved her?
I love her?
I love her!
And now she's gone.
I open the door and step out into the hall.
Right down the end of it I can see her.
She's waiting for the lift.
She's got her back to me.
Right down the end of it I can see her.
She's waiting for the lift.
She's got her back to me.
I watch her as she presses the lift button, then drops
her bag and rests her head on the wall, her hands flat, either side.
And I know she's crying.
She's crying because of what happened.
What she did... but, she didn't, she DIDN'T!
And I know she's crying.
She's crying because of what happened.
What she did... but, she didn't, she DIDN'T!
Buffy?
She's going.
You're letting her go!
She's going.
You're letting her go!
I'm letting her go?
But I love her.
But I love her.
Oh my god!
What am I doing?
What am I doing?
She hurt me!
YOU HURT HER!
'Don't be sorry. Be happy you broke me!'
'Be happy you broke me!'
'Be happy you broke me!'
'Be happy you broke me!'
'Be happy you broke me!'
SHUT UP!
JUST SHUT UP!
JUST SHUT UP!
Do something!
Buffy?
DO SOMETHING!
Buffy?
DO SOMETHING!
The lift doors open
I see her pick her bag up and walk into it.
'Wait! Faith!'
I say it, but it comes out a whisper.
I say it, but it comes out a whisper.
The doors start to close
I start running, but it's like a nightmare, when you're
moving too slow.
She's leaving, you idiot!
Do something!
Don't let her go!
She's leaving, you idiot!
Do something!
Don't let her go!
'WAIT!'
Louder this time.
She looks up and sees me and quickly jumps forward to slam her hand on the doors, to make them open again.
Louder this time.
She looks up and sees me and quickly jumps forward to slam her hand on the doors, to make them open again.
I get to the lift and I don't know what to say.
What do I say to her?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break you.
I made you feel so bad that you nearly raped me.
What do I say to her?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break your heart.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to break you.
I made you feel so bad that you nearly raped me.
I just look at her.
You were going to rape me!
You were going to rape me!
You were going to rape me!
You were going to rape me!
You were going to rape me!
NO!
She didn't.
SHE DIDN'T THOUGH!
'Faith...you can't...'
She almost raped you, Buffy!
Let her go!
Let her go!
I can't.
She can't go like this.
She's not ok, she... we need to... we can talk about it.
I don't want her to go.
She can't go like this.
She's not ok, she... we need to... we can talk about it.
I don't want her to go.
SHE ALMOST RA....
SHUT UP!
EVERYONE IN MY HEAD!
JUST SHUT UP!
PLEASE!
SHUT UP!
EVERYONE IN MY HEAD!
JUST SHUT UP!
PLEASE!
Silence.
I look up at her and she looks so scared, so alone.
And I just want to tell her that it's all ok, look, I'm in one piece!
I'm in one piece, aren't I?
I mean... in my head, everything's moving so fast, it's making no sense.
Then I see the resignation in her eyes, her face, her body as the silence crawls over us.
I can see her jaw clench and I know that as soon as the lift doors close she's going to start crying again.
And I just want to tell her that it's all ok, look, I'm in one piece!
I'm in one piece, aren't I?
I mean... in my head, everything's moving so fast, it's making no sense.
Then I see the resignation in her eyes, her face, her body as the silence crawls over us.
I can see her jaw clench and I know that as soon as the lift doors close she's going to start crying again.
She moves her hands away from the lift doors.
I just watch.
The automated voice 'Please Mind The Doors'
I just watch.
The doors begin to close.
My brain kicks in to gear and I jump in between them,
just getting into the lift, before they shut.
The automated voice; '23rd floor, going down'
My hand slams on the emergency stop button and we jar
to a halt.
The automated voice; 'We are between floors,
if the lift is not restarted in 3 minutes security will be called. Please
stay calm.'
Finally she speaks, her voice sounds hollow, scratchy.
She's been crying, it will sound like that!
She's been crying, it will sound like that!
'What are you doing, B?'
'Not letting you go.'
'I'm not going to fight you... but if you, I mean, you
have every right to... I wont touch you back, I swear, I won't hurt you
again, not like...'
What?
I look down at my hands and realise they're balled into fists.
My feet spread slightly, in my fight stance.
I look down at my hands and realise they're balled into fists.
My feet spread slightly, in my fight stance.
SHIT!
I take a deep breath and force myself to relax.
I take a deep breath and force myself to relax.
The automated voice; 'We are between floors, if the lift is not restarted in 2 minutes security will be called. Please stay calm.'
'I'm not here to fight you, Faith. You can't leave because...
just because! We need to talk about what happened!'
I see her flinch.
'Faith, we need to talk about what happened between
us; everything! And also... I...I don't want you to go.'
'I just thought... you wouldn't want to... you know,
look at me after what I did. After I, after I...'
The automated voice 'We are between floors, if the lift is not restarted in 1 minute security will be called. Please stay calm.'
'But you didn't. You didn't! Everything's not ok between
us, but you can't leave like this. I'm not letting you go. You're coming
back up to the room to talk to me. Don't make me drag you!'
I smile a little and she lifts her eyes to look into
mine, and then nods.
I push the emergency restart button.
The automated voice 'Lift restarted. Going Up'