Most men believe that they are to do their own grieving without the assistance of others. They generally believe that they are to bear the full responsibility for their grieving and depend only upon themselves.

A man generally responds to the death of his baby because of a conditioning process that he has undergone through out his life.

Most men respond to the death of their baby in the way that they have been taught to behave, are expected to behave and are capable of behaving.

All men have a personal history of losses that have occurred during their childhood and adolescent years. They have learnt to either survive, cope or avoid the grief associated with these losses. This means that they have developed habits that they then employ when faced with major loss in their adult life.

I am speaking generally when I say that MOST MEN because of childhood and societal conditioning, believe that Big Boys don’t cry.

Most men tend to:

• internalise and hide their emotions. Many men fear that to openly express how they feel will be considered to be a weakness.
• feel a failure. There is an expectation on the part of many men that they should always be in control. The death of their baby shatters their world. They believe that they should still have been in control.
• not permit themselves to show any outward expression of deep hurt. Many men believe that to show how they really feel will make them vulnerable and open to further hurt.
• give the impression to their wives and children that they have not been affected by the loss. When the man refuses to show how he really feels, he generally wears a mask that is mis-interpreted as his not having been affected by what has happened.
• tough it out and be STRONG for other family members. Many men believe that it is their role to be strong and supportive. They are the one’s that other family members lean on in troubled times.