Miscarriage and Stillbirth Grief: Page 6


        MALE GRIEF REACTIONS:

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        CRYING IS GOOD FOR YOU:

        Behavioural Scientists have established that crying when you are Grieving is healthy and promotes healing in Grief Recovery. Unfortunately many men have been conditioned not to believe this.
        The result:

        • Men tend not to cry in front of other men. Many men believe that it is a reflection on their manhood if they cry in front of other men. The belief is that you are a weakling if you cry.
        • Men will cry with women other than their own. Many men will allow themselves to cry in front of a woman who is not in his Loving Protector responsibility.
        • Men are reluctant to cry in front of children. Many men believe that they have to set a good example of always being strong and in control. This is so that their children can learn to be strong too.
        • Men are afraid of breaking down. When crying is seen to be a loss of control by many within our society, men are reluctant to openly show their tears of emotional pain.

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        THE LOVING PROTECTOR ROLE:

        In my many years of experience, I have found that the man will lock into a very Loving Protector Role and tend to:

        • try to delay or stop his own Grief reactions. He feels that he needs to put his own Grief on hold so that he can retain his sanity. His world has crashed down around him and he needs to establish control for his family’s sake.
        • help his family. There is an expectation that men are responsible for helping his family deal with any major crisis. The man is expected to solve problems for this family.
        • make decisions for their partners. Men are expected to take charge in a crisis situation and be the leader. This means making decisions to protect his family and these decisions are generally based upon his conditioning of what he believes is expected of him.
        • attempt to shield their partners from others. Most men will immediately move into a crisis control mode as a Loving Protector. They will do whatever it takes to shield their family from further hurt.
        • discourage his wife or partner from grieving. Most men believe that any outward sign of grief on the part of his wife or family is evidence that he has failed in his Loving Protector Role. He generally can not bear any further sign of his failure, so he insists that they get on with life.


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