The News from Sarasota, Lakeland, and the Rest of the World...

New Taco Bell much like Others
The new Taco Bell by AMC Theaters in Lakeland, across the street from the old Taco Bell, is pretty much like all other Taco Bell restaurants, a Pepsico spokesperson said Tuesday. "The menu, prices, hours, and employee reliability are all basically the same for any given Taco Bell.  I guess that's kind of what people expect," the spokesperson said in a telephone interview.

Keith Bentele thinks new Internet Site is stupid
Keith Bentele, a fourth year at New College in Sarasota, said of Ian's new Homepage that it was stupid.  He claimed that he was embarassed for the whole Internet. Readers may wonder about Bentele's claim to knowledge of the futuristic Information Superhighway. When confronted, Bentele could produce no credentials proving any specialized knowledge of things technical.  When asked to respond to the arrogant Swede's criticism, Ian reiterated his previous statement, "Keith is so stupid."

Ian has Creepy Dream about EFF
Last night Ian had a dream in which some of his friends at New College in Sarasota mentioned that Erik From French had died the night before. He had apparently been fooling around with Madonna and her boyfriend beat him (EFF) to death. He had been found dead in his bed in his Pei dorm room that morning.  The casual, almost amused manner in which these events were reported to Ian in the dream really creeped him out. Ian eventually woke up, and thereby stopped having the unpleasant dream. At last report, EFF is fine and excited about going to Brazil.

Phil Collins Dead
Phil Collins died recently, much to the chagrin of his fans. Some of Collins' notable musical achievements were, "I Can Feel It Comin' in the Air Tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord," "We Got a Groovy Kind of Love," "Su, Susudio," and that song from the Tarzan movie.

Mulberry takes three minutes to drive through
And it ain't that pretty.

Parody Newspaper Objects to Rip-Off
A spokesperson for the popular parody newpaper, The Onion, issued a statement earlier today to the effect that the management and employees of that newspaper are "really ticked off" that some unfunny college kid is ripping them off on his Internet Site. The college kid had no comment.

Sharks seen in Vandewalkers' Pool
Janie said Friday that she saw a shark in the Vandewalkers' pool at their Lakeland home. She described the shark as being not very big, but still really scary. Janie is now afraid to swim alone, and consistently asks her Uncle Ian to get in the pool with her.

Symbolic Logic Class taught by TAs
Ken Williams and Ian Vandewalker, the Teaching Assistants for Symbolic Logic, took questions from the class on Friday morning. Prompted by a question from Phil Poeckert, Williams did a derivation of equivilence between two formulas whose truth-functional equivalence is obvious, though the two-way derivation proved difficult. Ian then fielded a question about rules of replacement from David Barnett in which he showed a general strategy for deriving the equivalent formula in sentential logic. Ian was quite embarassed when he needed a hint from the Professor, Aron Edidin, to finish the formula, as he was missing a very obvious case of disunction introduction.

Futard.com changes Homepage
Frequenters of The Rock and Roll Life of Sam Grinstaff at Futard.com, online, we be pleased to hear that the appearance of Futard.com's Homepage has been radically altered. It is now predominantly red with a cool, slate-colored shape in the middle. Those of you who usually go straight to Sam's journal should check it out.