The News from Sarasota, Lakeland, and the Rest of the World...

Debra Herrick threatens Web Designer
The popular Web Designer Ian Vandewalker recieved a threatening message Sunday from a miscreant named Debra Herrick. The contents of the messge were not revealed at press time, but Vandewalker issued a statment saying that he was "unnerved."  The message was transmitted by electronic mail, or e-mail, showing that the Internet can be used for both Good and Evil.

City Leaders Object to Article
Mulberry city officials had an emergency meeting Monday to discuss a recent article published on Ian's Website.  The article did not paint Mulberry in a favorable light.  The officials decided to recommend a complete boycott of the popular Internet site, and have already begun a smear campaign against its brilliant creator.

Jessica and Ian's boyfriend/girlfriend status still unclear
Campus gossips are baffled as to what to say about Jessica Willis and Ian Vandewalker.  No official declarations have been made, and the only public references to their relationship are uncomfortable jokes.  Both youngsters are known for their very good senses of humor, but many think this has gone too far.

R.A. Meeting a success
Yesterday's R.A. Meeting, attended by most of the school's R.A.'s, proved a smashing success.  "I didn't think it was going to be very good, but by the end of it, we all breathed a sigh of relief and patted each other on the back," said Third Court R.A. Jessica Turner.  "It was da Bomb!" exclaimed Goldstein R.A. Keith Yonessa.  Lindsey Dedow said she was "very proud" of her squad.  The R.A.'s will be back for another exciting  meeting next week.

Marriott still sucks
A clinical study performed at UC Berkley's Food Science lab last month discovered that, despite the hard work of one of the nation's top food scientists, Marriott food still just isn't very good.  "We don't know what the problem is.  We're working on the theory now that there is somekind of Evil Energy surrounding all school cafeterias and making the food bad.  We're also looking into the possibility that Ham Center was built on an ancient Indian food burial ground.

Last joke obvious, but kind of had to be made
The last joke will surely be recieved by most as too obvious, but fans of Ian's Website should understand that there are some things you just have to do.  If you have a Website with joke stories about New College, can you really deny the pressing need for a Marriott joke?  Besides, food science?  That's funny.

Ian's parents not home over Spring Break
Ian's parents will be in Arizona the entire week of Spring Break.  They are going for a Courtroom Technology conference, and are staying for a couple of weeks to birdwatch.  When asked for his reaction to the news, Ian said, "Party at my hizouse!!"