fawltyepguide

Show 1 - A Touch of Class

Basil is trying to hang a picture and is complaining about the class of guests at the hotel, when it is visited by Lord Melbury. During frantic acts to make the Lord more comfortable, Basil succeeds at only making himself look like an idiot. When Polly meets up with an inspector at the hotel, he informs her that Lord Melbury is a con artist, which Basil doesn't beleive until he finds bricks, instead of valuables, inside Melbury's suitcase. Basil is furious, and his mad fit drives away the real royal guests, Sir Richard and Lady Morris.
Quote - Basil: 'Have you seen the people in room six? They've never even sat on chairs before.'

Show 2 - The Builders

Basil and Sybil leave the hotel for a weekend, leaving Polly and Manuel in charge. Basil leaves Polly with instructions that Mr. O'Reily was going to do some renovations in the hotel, unknown to Sybil, who believes Mr. Stubbs is doing the work. When the construction goes all wrong, Basil and O'Reily must fix it before Sybil comes back. She does, and throws a fit. She calls Mr. Stubbs to put things right, but when he comes in the morning, the work has already been done.
Quote - Basil: (on phone) 'If you're not over here in twenty minutes with my door, I shall come over and insert a large garden gnome in you. Good day.'

Show 3 - The Wedding Party
While trying to fend off the romantic advances of a French antique dealer, Basil is keeping tabs on the unusaul practices of a young couple in the hotel. Manuel only makes things worse by getting drunk on his birthday. When the couple's parents drop in, Basil goes crazy getting every thing mixed up, and succeeds only in making himself look like the unusual one.
Quote - Basil: (picks up phone whilst looking at Polly's art sketch book) 'Hallo, Fawlty Titties.'

Show 4 - The Hotel Inspectors
With the rumor of hotel inspectors being in town, Basil must try to figure out which of his guests are the inspectors. A couple of wrong guesses and fits of madness on Basil's part lead nowhere, and he is totally unprepared when the real inspectors show up and ends up giving a really bad impression by getting his own back on one of his guests.
Quote - Basil: 'Well I can assure you they were perfectly fresh when they were frozen.'

Show 5 - Gourmet Night
Basil's desperate attemtps to upgrade the class of Fawlty Towers results in a gourmet night for well-known public figures. After throwing out the regular guests from the dining room, only four people show up for the dinner. Their new chef gets extremely drunk not being able to cook. Therefore Basil must pick up a duck from a local restaurant instead of the lobster the guests were hoping for, this is the one where his car breaks down and he decides to give it a dam good thrashing...see the movie by clicking on the picture.
Quote - Basil: 'And on all the other nights we'll just have a big trough of baked beans and garnish it with a couple of dead dogs.'

Show 6 - The Germans
Sybil is staying in the hospital for an ingrowing toenail, and Basil is left in charge of the hotel. His numerous attempts to hang a moosehead in the lobby are interupted by Sybil's phone calls, reminding him to hang the moosehead. A fire drill must be held that day too, which Basil manages to pull off with only a few minor problems, until Manuel sets the kitchen on fire! The extinguisher gives Basil a concussion, but he escapes the hospital to go back to the hotel, where several German guests are arriving. After many failed attempts at not mentioning the war to them, and doing his famous Adolf impersination, his doctor rushes in with a shot. Basil tries to escape, but the moose has other ideas.
Quote - Basil: 'So that's two eggs mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering and four Colditz salads... no, wait a moment, I got a bit confused there, sorry...I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the War, so could you...'
German: 'Will you stop talking about the war!'
Basil: 'Me? You started it!'
German: 'We did not start it.'
Basil: 'Yes you did, you invaded Poland...'

Show 7 - Communication Problems
Basil bets on a horse, which is forbidden by Sybil, and wins 75 pounds. While trying to cover this up from his wife, he must deal with an extremely hard-of-hearing, annoying old woman who claims someone in the hotel stole her money. When both sets of money turn up at the same time, Basil has some explaining to do.
Quote - Basil: 'Well... may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeeste sweeping majestically...'

Show 8 - The Psychiatrist
Basil is jealous of a handsome guest, and turns his attention to a couple who are doctors. However, when he finds out the husband is a psychiatrist, he takes all measures to make himself appear normal. Meanwhile, he is trying to find the girl that Mr Johnson smuggled up to his room in the night. A woman from Australia only makes things worse, because Sybil believes Basil is after her, Basil makes the whole thing very difficult for himeself by always being caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, with his hand in some unexplainable places!
Quote - Sybil: 'Do you really imagine, even in your wildest dreams, that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an ageing brilliantined stick insect like you?'

Show 9 - Waldorf Salad
Two late visitors arrive at the hotel, and English woman and her obnoxious American husband. They insist on eating supper, but Terry refuses to work overtime, so Basil must cook in his place, meanwhile taking the 20 pound bribe from the husband to keep the kitchen open. The husband's demands for a Waldorf salad and a screwdriver cause increasing confusion for Basil, and when the couple discover a real cook is not in the kitchen, they gather all the guests together. They all complain about the bad service, and poor management of the hotel, and Basil tells Sybil it's them or him.
Quote - Mr Hamilton: 'And if you move off that spot, Fawlty, I'm going to bust your ass.'
Basil: 'Everything's bottoms, isn't it?'

Show 10 - The Kipper and the Corpse

A guest at the hotel dies in the night, and Basil believes it to be the cause of out-of-date kippers in his breakfast. A doctor at the hotel says that he has been dead for hours, the kipper thoery is dropped. Basil and Manuel try desperately to keep the dead guest out of sight of the others, with the body ending up in the kitchen, office, and another couple's bedroom. When the dead man's colleagues show up for a meeting, Sybil must explain what had happened.
Quote - Miss Gatsby: 'You're very cheerful this morning, Mr Fawlty.'
Basil: (cheerfully) 'Yes, well one of the guests has just died.'
(Polly slaps Miss Tibbs, who folds up and falls to the floor.)
Basil: (to Polly) 'Oh, spiffing! Absolutely spiffing. Well done! Two dead, twenty five to go.'

Show 11 - The Anniversary
Basil has invited friends over for their 15th anniversary, but Sybil thinks he has forgotten and drives off. When the friends arrive, Basil can't reveal that Sybil has left, so he says she is upstairs, ill. When her friends want to see her, Polly must disguise herself as Sybil and fool them. When the real Sybil returns, Basil throws her in a closet, and the speechless friends leave.
Quote - Basil: 'Right. All right. Fine! All right, OK then, fine! No problem. No problem. Suits me. Good idea. I'll just pop upstairs and ask her to stop dying and then you can all come up and identify her.'

Show 12 - Basil the Rat

The Public Health Inspector declares that the hotel kitchen is far below the standard, and gives the staff one day to fix it. Basil goes to get Manuel to help, when he discovers Manuel's pet, a Filigree Siberian Hamster. Basil declares it as a rat, and tells Manuel to get rid of it. Polly says her friend will take it, but she really hides in a shed out back. When the inspector comes back the next day, Manuel discovers his pet has escaped back into the hotel, and a rat-hunt ensues. Meanwhile, Basil is trying not to give the inspector the piece of veal covered in rat poison.
Quote - Basil:'...Would you care for a rat? Or..just...just the biscuits then.'