February 2002
Franklin Freeman
copyright © the author 2002
Today I bring you a new and urgent message from our American People's Government:-Our allies of Airstrip One (the land known under its former reactionary regime as Britain) have been attacked by imperialist agents of the Evil Axis. The Yarl's Wood holiday home for refugees has been set on fire by these Axis running-dogs.
Our People's Security Forces have ascertained that these agents infiltrated the Center in the guise of refugees. They have also learned that the agents possess the BadTransB virus, concealed in six-packs of Kastrol lager. This virus is particularly likely to affect viewers of soaps, chat-shows and American news programs. Its symptoms are a prolonged vacant stare, punctuated by intermittent fits of sniggering, gawping and cat-calling.
People of Airstrip One! If you should find one of these six-packs by your television set, do not drink it. But if you have already drunk such a pack, do not panic! Contact your nearest People's Psychiatrist immediately, and all will be well.
But prevention is better than cure, Airstrippers! Lock your doors and windows and, if you should see these men, do not approach them. Instead, raise the alarm with loud cries of "Stinking reactionary wogs! England for the English! Pakkies go home!"
Our fraternal allies may rest assured of our unflinching support! We will be only too ready to step in and assist you in your affairs, should you request it.
And never forget, comrades! Here in Washington, in the Oval Office, sits our mighty leader Comrade Bush, pi-jawed and defiant. No turkey can unman him, no pretzel lay him low. Let us gather courage from his example, and facing forwards, march back-to-back to final victory.
Long Live Our National Socialist Revolution!! Long Live the Corporate States of America!!! (And Airstrip One too!)
(Tumultuous applause. All stand. Earth-shaking acclamation. Bats scatter from the rafters in panic.)