After Affects
By: Beth Anne
It's supposed to be the happiest day in a woman's life. Getting married is supposed to be a happy time. But some how for me it never is a happy time something always goes wrong. Like when I married Alan, the bridal shop sent over the wrong dress and I got married in a red dress with a big old hat. But what happened on my wedding day to Kevin Collins...well let's just say that I would rather have walked down the aisle in the red wedding dress than face what really happened....
''I cannot believe what I am about to do. I am about to marry the guy that has loved me for me. I am not doing this for money or status I am doing this for love. And this is not just on my part either Doc loves me and will always love me.'' I said to my reflection in the mirror. ''I just hope nothing will go wrong.''
''Knock, Knock'' Felicia said.''Can I come in?''
''Absolutely'' I said.''Oh God Felicia I am so worried about this I just know something bad is going to happen. I just don't think this wedding is going to happen.''
Little did I know when I said those words that I would be left alone at the altar by the man I loved more than anything or anybody in the world.
''Lucy I seriously doubt that Kevin would be so stupid as to walk out on your wedding when you and he love each other a much as you do. You want me to go and make sure he is still committed to you? Because for you I would.'' Felicia asked.
''Would you? That would be great. What would I do without a friend like you, Felicia?'' I said.
Now I know that my visions and feelings have been right before and this time I thought they had to be wrong but a woman's actions later that day proved only one thing to me. That I could always believe myself.
Chapter 2
THE TRUTH COMES OUT
Well Felicia came back and told me that Kevin was more than ready to make me his wife. Why do I doubt that now? Why do I doubt his love when I only lied to protect myself?
''Lucy, Kevin laughed when I asked him about that. He thought you were crazy for even asking him that. I told him that you were just getting nervous and having doubts.'' Felicia said.
Doubts? more like feelings of sheer terror!
''Thanks Felicia. I want to get this over with soon'' I replied then added silently,'' That way we can head off whatever is going to ruin this day!''
About 20 minutes later I was with my Doc. We were beginning the ceremony and as soon as the minister got to the part about objections who decides to open her mouth but Evie Lambert!! Somehow I knew she would ruin this day for me! But looking back on what I did to her and Scotty I guess I had this coming! We go to the ministers chambers and this is what happened..
''Kevin, you have been a good friend to me and I hate to see you make a mistake. There is something you should know. You cannot marry Lucy.'' Evie said.
''Why not? She has been honest with me about the accident.'' Kevin said.
''Speaking of that remember when I told you that I suspected her tampering with my car that day? She may have said that she did not but I have proof that she did. These are stills from the security camera across the street from the Firehouse. I am so sorry Kevin.'' Evie said.
''Evie! Why are you doing this to me?! I appologized for what I did to you and that I accused you of being the General Homicide Killer. What more do you want from--'' I said.''Oh please tell me you want Kevin? I would rather be shot than hear you say that.''
''No I do not want Kevin. No offense Kevin but I am in love with Scott. I just want to set the record straight. Would you have come clean on your own Lucy? Or would you have let Scott continue to blame me for something you had a hand in?'' Evie said.
Okay I can stand critizism up to a point but Evie was pushing it! I was pushing furious when Kevin asked her to leave so he could talk to me alone. That is when I realized that there was not going to be a wedding that day. I just did not want to believe it!
Chapter 3
I did not really know how much trouble I was in until Doc turned around and yelled at me. I knew he was mad but I have never seen him this angry before...
''Lucy, I thought we had an understanding. That we would both be honest with each other even if it meant that we hurt each other.'' Kevin began calmly.''But lately whenever I mention the accident or ask you if you were a part of it you evade or don't answer. Why?''
Part of me wanted to lie again but I decided to tell the whole sorrid tale of how this lie began and then snowballed...
''Okay, Doc. You want to know why I siphoned the gas out of Evie's car? Fine! I did it because I was jealous and afraid that Evie was taking my place in Rena's life. Doc, you have to understand I feel threatened by Evie. Eventhough I was the one who carried Rena and felt her kick, I am just afraid that Rena will forget me and start thinking of Evie as her mother! Don't you get that?'' I asked.
''Lucy I understand your fears about being replaced in Serena's life but you will always be the mother figure to her. You are the only mother she has ever known. But you have taken this love thing with Serena too far. You are obsessed with her.'' Kevin explained.''But I do not think that is the reason why you siphoned the gas Lucy. Please tell me the real reason.''
I knew I had to tell him but I did not want to. I kept thinking what would he do once he knew? Would we still have a chance? Well a few minutes later I would have my answer and I have to say I knew what it was going into this conversation...
''I siphoned the gas because I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to pick up Rena from dancing class. My jealousy of Eve and Serena's relationship was too great. I never ever meant for this to happen to Rena. Oh Doc you have to believe me on this one. I would never hurt someone close to me let alone a child!'' I sobbed.
''I cannot marry you right now.''
''NO! Kevin please I will do anything you ask just please don't do this!'' I pleaded.
''Alright. Let me walk out the door and don't follow me.'' Kevin said.
''Wait don't go!'' I said.
''You asked me to ask you anything was that another lie?'' Kevin asked.
''No. But Kevin I--''
''Let me go alone.'' Kevin said.
As he walked out the door my emotions took the better of me I threw my veil and flowers at the mirror and cried for what seemed like hours. What have I done?
Chapter 4
I do not know how long Victor was standing next to me but I am glad he was there. I knew that at least he still loved me even though I did something wrong. Victor is like a father to me, he once told me that he loves me like I was the daughter he never had. He knows what it is like to love someone who is not perfect...
''Lucy? What happened honey?'' Victor asked sweetly.
''Victor, I really messed up this time. Remember when you and I got arrested for solicitation? Remember how mad Doc was? Well multiply that by ten and that is how mad he was at me for lying about my part in hurting Rena.''
''Lucy you were only acting on an impulse. An impulse that was never intended to end up the way it did. Monk's mother was impulsive as well only her impulses hurt Ryan. I blame myself for not helping him.'' Victor said.
''Victor, Doc trusted me with a lot of things from his past that he did not tell anyone else not even you! I violated that trust and lost the man that I love forever! And to think that I forgave him even lied for his own protection when he was not well and in the dark place. And this is how he repays me?'' I wailed.
Now I was completely depressed. I was doing fine until I realized that all my hard work was just a waste of time. I wanted to die. But because of Rena and the other people who loved me I vowed to stay strong and live through this. After Victor left I went to the window and thought to myself....
''Oh Doc, where did we go wrong? I gave you my heart the day we met 4 years ago. You changed me from the way I was before I met you. You made me grow up and realize that I don't need to be powerful or greedy to be accepted or loved. Also that I had the ability to love and to be loved. You did a lot for me when I was involved with the Damian mess. You even dressed up as a woman for me. Tony and Alan would not have done that for me.''I said tears falling down my cheeks.''You are my heart Kevin. I need you to be whole. But if you cannot trust me then don't bother to love me.''
I was brought out of my thoughts by a knock at the door. My heart skipped a beat thinking that it might be Kevin but then I realized that Doc would not knock on the door...
''Come in'' I said with a semi steady voice.
''Hey Luce? What happened. Where is Kevin?'' Felicia asked.
''Hey Felicia. Kevin found out about my involvement in the accident. But Felicia you have to believe me that I never intended for Rena to get hurt! As for where Kevin is..I don't know and right now I do not care!''
''Honey, I know you would never intentionally hurt someone especially children, but by lying to him...that is the thing that he is really mad at.''
''Felicia I hope your right.''
But somewhere in my soul I could tell that we were finished. For good!
Chapter 5
Memories come back to haunt us
As I drove to the lighthouse, the place I have called home for years, I realized just how much we went through together. The feeling of dread came back and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Was it completely my fault that me and Kevin were not married right now? I slowly walked up the sidewalk and opened the door and saw my precious Doc glaring at me. I felt horrible all over again...
''Why are you here, Lucy?''
''I live here, remember? Or have you tossed me completely out of your life in less time than it took me to get into your life?''
''Lucy, I love you with my whole heart but I cannot live with you right now. We need our space. I am not saying that it is over completely between us. I just need to be apart from you for a while. I need you to move out of the lighthouse.'' Kevin said with a shakey voice.
''Fine if that is what you want then I will move out. But I want you to remember something pal! Remember that you are the one that suggested it and not me! You cannot turn this around and say that it is all my fault later on.''I said.''Oh my gosh! Doc do you realize that a year ago today I was admitted to GH because of our child? I was 5 months pregnant and all of a sudden everything ended. Do you remember what that was like?''
Hey if he wanted to play hardball so could I!
NOTE: SOME OF WHAT LUCY AND KEVIN SAY MIGHT SEEM FAMILIAR TO YOU. I HAVE REWORDED SOME OF THE QUOTES FROM THE SHOW
I was so sad and frustrated that I did not let Doc answer me. Instead I ran up to our room and threw my suitcase(s) on the bed and started to pack my few things that I could fit in them. The rest would have to be picked up later. I was so busy packing I did not notice Kevin standing in the doorway.
''Lucy, I hope you understand why I had to do this. I never would hurt you but I need some--'' he started to say.
''But what Kevin!? Need space to get over me? You want to know what I think the reason really is for your anger and hastiness to get me out of the house?'' I asked grief and anger burning in my eyes.''I think that because I did something that was not perfect you felt that we should just drop the relationship because of the action I took to protect the relationship! Am I relatively close to the truth?''
''Lucy the reason I am angry is because eventhough I pleaded with you to stop the fighting with Eve you did not listen to me. You thought that you were doing something right. But your actions led to something that was very wrong. I also remember telling you NOT to put Serena in the middle of this! But did you listen? Nope. You thought Oh what the heck Doc will never know. Well Lucy I knew what you were up to but I just thought I would let you tell me when you were ready.''
''I am impulsive that is true! I admit that! But you have to understand that it is just the way I am. I thought that you knew that and you loved me despite that flaw. I thought you understood that I could never change that. I guess I was wrong.'' I said.''But I want you to know something right now. You have had my heart for ever and that my dear is no lie. Goodbye Doc.''
Home Chapters 6-8