Chapter 68


Kevin waited at the door for Lucy, resisting the urge to remind her again that they were going to be late for her appointment if she didn't get in the car.

Finally, Lucy came downstairs and stared at him.

''What?''

''I'm waiting.'' She crossed her arms.

''For?''

''For ‘come on, Lucy, we're going to be late', or the foot tapping, the glaring at your watch, then back at me.''

Her eyes told him she was kidding, so he played along. Tapping his foot on the ground loudly, he glared at his watch. ''Come on, Lucy, we're going to be late.''

Walking past him out the door, she smiled. ''Made you feel better, huh.''

They were almost halfway to the hospital before Kevin finally broke the silence. ''I know something's going around in your head. You're too quiet. I wish you'd tell me.''

''Other than the obvious, you mean.''

He looked at her.

Sighing, she looked out the window. ''Dr. Newman told me that the sonogram today should be able to tell the sex of the babies.''

''Is that a problem?''

''I don't know. Part of me thinks it would be great to be surprised when they're born, but a bigger part of me knows I'm to impatient to wait.'' She smiled. ''It's not a bad thing, I'm just thinking about it.''

''For what it's worth, I'd like to know.'' For a second, he turned to her and stared into her eyes.

After thinking for a moment, Lucy smiled. ''Then I guess we'll find out today.''

''Only if you're sure-''

''Kevin, that's the first time you've offered any opinion on anything concerning them. You actually told me what you were thinking. And if you feel strongly enough to actually share this information with me, I'm okay with it.'' Laughing, she leaned back and shifted her body.

''You okay?''

''Yeah, it's just the sitting still. I can't.'' Wincing, she moved the seat to a more reclined position. ''My back hurts. And there isn't a comfortable position.''

At his concerned stare, she shook her head. ''It's perfectly normal. I'm fine. They're just moving, and it puts pressure on my spine. We're almost there. I'll be fine.''

He thought about what she'd said. It had been the first time he'd voiced any opinion about the twins. They hadn't even discussed names, really. Lucy had mentioned a few, but he hadn't even told her what he thought of them. He was going to have to take a long look at what he really wanted from her.

When he parked the car, Lucy started to stand up and sighed.

''What?''

''My leg fell asleep. Normal, but a total pain.'' Pulling herself to her feet, she leaned on the door and stomped her foot. Coming around to her side, he watched her with a grin on his face.

''Stop laughing at me!'' Laughing herself, she grabbed his arm. ''Tingles! Kevin! Stop laughing at me!'' Now she was laughing as hard as he was. ''I will get you for this, Doc.''

She smacked at his arm. When he saw her hand coming, he jumped out of her reach. All he succeeded in doing was almost letting her fall. Catching her, he took her wrists gently. ''What did I do?'' He was still laughing.

''You're having WAY too much fun at my expense!'' Dragging him with her, she limped to the doors. They were still hanging on to each other when the entered the hospital. The sound of their laughter carried down the hall and people turned to see who was having so much fun. A few of them shook their heads. Eve was not going to like this. In the elevator, Lucy finally let go of him and grabbed the rail. ''It's better now. At least I can stand on it.'' She was out of breath from laughing so hard while she tried to walk. Kevin released her arm, but didn't step away from her. The smell of her distracted him. Her perfume, her shampoo, her. The sudden familiarity of it took his breath away. The look on his face puzzled her. ''What?''

''Nothing.'' Shaking his head, he finally stepped away from her. Mentally, he asked himself why he couldn't think straight when he was close to her.

When they reached Dr. Newman's office, it wasn't long before Lucy was ready for the sonogram.

''So, are you sure you want to know the sex?'' Dr. Newman looked at both of them.

Meeting Kevin's eyes for a moment, Lucy nodded. ''Yes.'' Before she could stop herself, she reached out and took his hand. Her hand in his felt warm and comfortable. Squeezing it gently, he leaned closer to her and looked at her. When her eyes met his again, his heart felt like it had skipped a beat. Before he could react, they heard the soft sound of the babies heartbeats. ''We're there.'' Dr. Newman's voice made them tear their eyes away from each other and look at the monitor.

''It looks like you're going to have two little girls, Lucy.'' Dr. Newman smiled at them. After a few more minutes she smiled. ''Everything looks perfect. They're starting to turn. That's why you've been so uncomfortable. Let me go get this copied for both of you.'' Taking the tape out of the machine, she left the room.

Tears came to Lucy's eyes, and she looked at Kevin to find that he was just as amazed. ''Little girls, Lucy. We're going to have two little girls.''

His voice was low, and gentle, but the impact they had on Lucy was deeper than if he'd shouted them. With her throat tightening, she could barely talk, so she whispered. ''We?''

When he looked at her, their eyes locked, and their faces were inches apart. ''We are going to have two little girls.'' Before he stopped to think, he leaned to her and kissed her.

At first, Lucy reached for him to push him away. But, in the end, her heart won, and she pulled him closer to her, deepening their kiss. His lips on hers sent shivers up her spine, and she clenched her hand in his hair.

Taking her other hand in his, Kevin felt her responding to him, and he took her mouth with his own. The sudden intensity between them shocked them both, and just as Kevin pulled away to look at her, the door opened.

Dr. Newman entered the room, not quite sure what she'd interrupted. Kevin stood beside the bed and stared at the monitor. Lucy's eyes were closed, and she was breathing deeply, as if trying to relax.

Avoiding eye contact, Kevin and Lucy barely heard the rest of what Dr. Newman had to say. As soon as Lucy was ready, they left the office. Both of them felt the tension, and they avoided eye contact. While they waited for the elevator, they heard Eve's voice calling Kevin. Not looking at Lucy, he told her he'd be right back and went to talk to Eve.

When the elevator opened, Lucy stepped inside. With one more look at Kevin's back, she pushed the button to the 5th floor. Mary should be on duty.

''Hi.'' Kevin stood a few feet from Eve, suddenly feeling guilty.

''Haven't seen you since last night. I guess I should have known you were busy.''

''Eve.'' Sighing, Kevin reached for her hand. ''Lucy had an early appointment this morning.''

''I know. And do you want to know how I know? Because the first thing I heard after my coffee was that the two of you came in here holding hands and laughing.'' Eve watched his reaction. She'd hoped the gossip had been exaggerated. But the way Kevin's eyes avoided hers, she knew it was the truth. ''I'm busy right now, so we'll have to talk about this later.''

He nodded. ''Let me take her home. I'll come back and we can go to lunch?''

''I probably won't have that much time. How about tonight?''

''Okay. Dinner?''

Eve was torn between telling him she had plans and telling him how much she loved him. So she simply nodded. Without getting any closer to her, Kevin turned and walked to the elevator. Riding down, he kept thinking about the way he'd felt when he'd kissed Lucy. The way her hand felt in his. The way her eyes had stared into his. When he reached the lobby, he found himself almost afraid to face her. If he saw her, he wasn't sure he could convince himself that it had only been a moment of intense emotion, and nothing more.

When he reached the lobby, he searched for her. Not seeing her, he went to the car, thinking she had gone outside to wait for him.

*************

''I don't understand him. I feel like he's trying to confuse me. I mean, I know he's not, but that's how it feels. He tells me how much he loves Eve, then he kisses me like that? He's been telling me he wants to be the father. Then when I take him away from Eve, she's upset, so he takes it out on me. But if I don't take him away from her, and leave him to his own life, he's angry because he's left out and he takes it out on me. I feel like no matter what goes wrong, it's my fault. And I resent that he can make me feel that way. I hate the fact that he can still hurt me like that. If he doesn't love me, fine. I'll deal with it. But if he's going to keep doing this to me, I can't, you know? Part of me feels like telling him how much I still love him, and that I want to be with him. I want the four of us to be a real family.'' Lucy stared at Mary and wiped her face. ''And the rest of me wants to tell him I don't need his torture and to go to hell.''

Mary waited to be sure she was done. The second she'd seen Lucy, she'd known something was wrong. The last five minutes had been a running dialogue of the entire morning, up until Kevin kissing her after the sonogram. ''Lucy, you're right. You don't deserve this. And to be honest with you, I wish I had the answer. But, honey, I don't.'' Sitting next to her, she took Lucy's hand. ''Whatever is going on in Kevin's head, I'm not convinced he's sure right now. And it's not fair to you. I know you love him, and I think he knows it, too.''

''So what do I do? I want to be with him-''

''But not like this! Not while he's running back and forth between you and Eve.''

Shaking her head, Lucy started to answer.

''I know you don't see it that way. He probably doesn't, either. But are you going to deny that kiss changed everything?''

Tears came to Lucy's eyes again, and she sighed. ''I know it did. I guess I'm just hoping it changed for him as much as it did for me.''

Mary was trying to hide from Lucy how angry she was at Kevin. But it wasn't working. ''Victor's going to be here in about 15 minutes. What say you tell Kevin to take a flying leap, at least for this afternoon, and you have lunch with us?''

Nodding, Lucy started to stand. ''I have to go find him and tell him. If he's managed to tear himself away from Eve, he's probably looking for me.''

''You stay right here. I will tell Kevin that you have plans.''

The tone of Mary's voice scared Lucy. ''What else are you going to tell him?''

''You don't worry about it. I won't get you in trouble.'' She smiled sweetly, but it didn't fool Lucy for a moment.

''Mary,…..''

''Relax, honey. The whole point of this was to relieve your stress level. As soon as Victor gets here, we can leave.'' And she was gone, leaving Lucy to try to decide if she felt sorry for Kevin, or felt he was about to get exactly what he deserved from Mary.

Mary found Kevin back on Dr. Newman's floor, having headed back up after not finding Lucy in the lobby or the parking lot.

''Kevin, just the man I was looking for.''

''Mary, have you seen Lucy?''

''Yes. She's going to lunch with Victor and me. I just wanted to tell you that she has a ride home.'' Mary turned to walk away.

''Where is she?''

''You don't have to worry about her today. Victor and I will take good care of her.''

''I'd like to talk to her.'' Kevin wasn't entirely sure that was true. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her.

''Kevin, to be honest with you, you've said enough to her today.'

' ''What do you…she's been talking to you.'' Kevin knew exactly what Mary was talking about. ''Mary, I would really like to talk to her. Where is she?''

''She's fine. And you don't have to worry about her the rest of the day. We'll make sure she eats and we'll take her home. You just go on about whatever you need to do today.''

Beginning to get angry, Kevin glared at Mary. ''I don't appreciate being spoken to like a child.''

It was the wrong thing to say to Mary. ''Well, Kevin, you stop acting like a child, I will stop treating you like one.''

Kevin's eyes flashed. ''Would you care to explain that comment?''

His temper didn't faze Mary in the least. ''Would you care to explain your actions this afternoon?''

''I think that's between Lucy and me. I'm not sure why she told you.''

''No, it's between Lucy, you, and Eve. That's exactly what I mean. You live with Eve, supposedly an adult relationship, then you show up at Lucy's door to play the family man, which is wonderful, I'm not telling you that helping those babies is wrong. But when you decide to stop being a friend to her and start acting like a hormonal teenager, all you do is confuse her and hurt her. You don't seem to know what you're doing to her. My question is, do you care?'' She'd kept her voice low, but Kevin could see how angry she was.

At first, his eyes flashed at her, but, after a moment, he sighed and looked away. ''Mary, I do care what's it's doing to her. I don't mean to hurt her.''

''You're just as confused, aren't you.''

His eyes, no longer angry, met hers and he sighed again. ''Kevin, I know this is a tricky situation, but you need to decide what you want. I don't know Eve that well, but I do think she genuinely cares about you. I do know Lucy, and I know she loves you. The question is, what do you want?''

Kevin's first instinct was to tell Mary it was none of her business. Then he remembered how close she'd become to Lucy, and he realized that it was only how much Mary cared about Lucy that was making her attack him. And he couldn't be angry with Mary for caring about her. On more than one level, he deserved it. At least someone was looking out for Lucy. He sighed again. ''To be honest with you, I'm not sure. I thought I was past all this with Lucy. Eve and I have been planning our future together.''

''And then you're with Lucy....'' Mary knew where this was going.

''And I can't.... I can't explain it.''

''Let me take a guess. Your heart pounds, you can't think straight, and all of a sudden you're questioning the reasons you walked away from her?''

''No. I mean, I'm not questioning the reasons I walked away from her. She lied to me, and I can't trust her. I never questioned the fact that I loved her.''

Suddenly, Mary saw how much pain Kevin was in, and she shook her head. ''How did the two of you get here?''

''If I knew that, we probably wouldn't be here.'' Kevin smiled. ''We've both made a lot of mistakes along the way. We've done a lot of damage to each other.''

''Do you blame her for all of it?''

''No. I mean, I did for a long time. But not anymore.''

''Well, it seems to me that if every thing she says could be a lie, and you have to question whether to believe her or not every day, that-''

''It's not like that. I don't question everything she says. I just can't forget the fact that when things get bad, she could lie to me again.''

''Just like she has to remember that if things get bad, you could walk away again?'' Mary stared at him, waiting for his response. At first he didn't answer her. His first thought was to defend himself, but, once again, he realized where she was coming from. ''Point taken. We're both walking a line, here, and-''

''That's just it, Kevin! There is no line. At least not for Lucy. It's not a line, it's a fence. You have Eve on one side, and Lucy on the other. And you keep jumping back and forth. I see what it's doing to Lucy, and I suspect it's having the same effect on Eve. You need to pick a side, and stay on it.''

Eve had been suprised to see Kevin still there. As she headed towards him, neither Mary nor Kevin saw her approaching. Mary continued. ''I'm telling you, Kevin, I know I have no right to get in the middle of this, but I call them as I see them. If you want to stay with Eve, fine. Be honest with Lucy, tell her where she stands, and for Heaven's sake, stop kissing her!''

Her voice was low, but Eve was close enough to hear her. ''Kissing her?''

Both of them turned to her. Kevin stepped towards her. ''Eve...'' Shaking her head, Eve stepped back. ''No, Kevin. I don't want to hear it. I can't believe this. Just leave me alone.'' She turned and walked away.

Kevin turned to Mary, who sighed. ''Oh, Kevin, I'm sorry. I didn't know she was there.'' As angry as he obviously was, to her credit, Mary didn't back down. ''I've overstepped my boundaries here, I know it. Lucy has allowed her life to be my business, but that doesn't include your life. And I know that was a horrible way for Eve to hear this. I can't stop-''

''Mary, it's okay. I'm not going to say I'm happy about this. But I do know where you're coming from. You obviously really care about Lucy. And that's good. Lucy has never had many people really care about her. That's a big part of her problem. I know how much you and Victor care about her and what it means to her. It means a lot to me, too.''

''Victor and I care about both of you.''

''I know. I also know that, although Ryan created this whole mess, I've made it a complete disaster.'' He sighed. ''I wish I knew what to do about it. Right now, I have to find Eve and talk to her. I mean, be straight with her. Tell Lucy that I do want to talk to her later.'' With that, he started down the hallway after Eve.

*****************

It took Kevin almost 20 minutes to find Eve. She and Chris were in the On Call Room, sitting at the table. The moment Kevin saw her, he knew she'd been crying.

Chris stood, staring at Kevin.

''I need to talk to Eve.''

''You going to give her some excuse for kissing Lucy?'' Stepping in front of Eve, Chris glared at him.

''Why is it that everyone talks to everyone else about me, but no one talks TO me? Why is that, Eve? Why is Chris discussing our relationship?''

Nudging Chris out of the way, Eve stood. ''Maybe I'm tired of talking to you, Kevin. Maybe I'm tired of you telling me that I mean so much to you, then watching you act like a jealous lover every time Lucy's plans DON'T include you.'' Crossing the room, she stopped in front of him. ''You know, I thought Lucy would be a whiny, controlling, bitch through all this. I thought she would be picking up the phone every five minutes, begging you to come help her. She hasn't. It looked like she'd really gotten over you. You said that was what you wanted. So what happens? She doesn't pay enough attention to you, and you can't deal with it? I don't get it, Kevin. Why don't you explain it to me! Did she blow you off completely? Did she tell you now that Ryan knows she doesn't need you to be a Daddy? Is that why you kissed her? Are you willing to throw away what we have to come out on top of Ryan where she's concerned?''

''Ryan has nothing to do with this!'' Kevin finally, for the first time, really shouted at Eve. ''You don't know anything about me and Ryan. I've told you some, but you can't have any idea what really happened between us.''

''But Lucy does, right? I've heard so many times how she was there for you, how she pulled you through it. How she helped you deal with Ryan, and your mother, and-''

''Don't cross that line, Eve.'' Realization showed on his face. ''How much of that does Chris know? How many of the things I told you because I trusted you and loved you have you shared with Chris?'' Shaking his head, Kevin began to pace. ''I don't know what's worse, you know? Lucy lied to me, but she never said a word to anyone about anything I ever told her in confidence. You've always told me the truth, but you've also told everyone the truth about me.''

''That's not fair, Kevin. I haven't told Chris everything! I'm just tired of hearing how St. Lucy stood by you and saved you when everyone else deserted you! And how you owe her now, not just because of what she did for you, but now you owe her the rest of your life because of Ryan. At first it made sense, but now it looks to me like it was an excuse! An excuse to get close to her again. Ryan knows, Kevin. I didn't mean to be the one to tell him, and I'm sorry. But he knows! It's over. But it's not. Not where you're concerned. You have to win. You have to have the babies, and now maybe even Lucy. Is it worth it to you to lose me to beat Ryan?''

''THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEATING RYAN!''

Eve actually backed away from him. She'd never seen him this angry, and he was beginning to scare her.

''That's enough, Collins!'' Chris pulled Eve away from him.

''Whatever mess you've decided to make of your life, it's not Eve's fault!''

Seeing that he was really scaring Eve, Kevin took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. ''This is none of your business, Chris. This is something Eve and I need to work out.''

Shaking her head, Eve took Chris's hand and looked at Kevin. ''I don't think we can work this out, Kevin.'' She tried to fight it, but she began to cry. ''I can't spend my life wondering where I stand with you. I love you, but not enough to share you with Lucy.''

He started to speak, but she shook her head. ''I don't love you enough to share you, but I do love you enough to let you go. Whatever it is you feel for her, it's every bit as strong as what you feel for me. And I can't live with it.''

Kevin stared at her and realized what she was saying. ''You're leaving me?''

''I'm going to the lighthouse when my shift is over, and I'll get my things. Kevin, if it was just about us, I think it would work out. But it's not. It's about two babies that need you, and the fact that you are so torn about what you want from their mother.''

''Eve...''

''Look, even if you decide today that it's me, great. But what happens tomorrow? You may even believe that you'll choose me again, next year. But I'm not sure enough to wait and see. As long as Lucy is in your life, you'll never be over her. And I can't live with it.''

Kevin stepped towards her, but she tightened her grip on Chris's hand and stepped away from him. ''Eve, I don't know what to say.''

''Don't say anything, Kevin. Just say that you're sorry you wasted the last year of her life and walk out the door.''

''Chris, I'm not going to say this again. Stay out of this!''

''Or what? You know, if you'd really been in love with Eve, I wouldn't be in this in the first place. It's not my fault you can't get over your obsession with Lucy Coe. That's what it is, you know. You didn't have her undivided attention, so you had to chase her and make sure you did.''

Eve jerked on Chris's arm. ''Don't.''

Looking at Eve, Kevin shook his head. ''Is that what you think this is? Make up your mind, Eve, is this about Ryan, or Lucy?'' ''It doesn't matter, Kevin! Don't you understand that? You connection to Ryan started this, but whatever the effect Lucy has on you is going to keep it going for the rest of your life! I have to get out, Kevin.'' Eve shook her head. ''I have to get back on the floor. I would really prefer it if you weren't at the lighthouse when I go there tonight.''

''And I'll be with her, so don't think you're going to try to make excuses to get her to understand.'' Chris led her out the door, leaving Kevin to stare at the wall, wondering where things had started to go so completely bad.

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