Thoughts kept repeatedly running through my mind. I tried to justify her reason for leaving me, but found nothing but mental stress and more anxiety. I just couldn’t - and wouldn’t - allow myself to comprehend the obvious: she didn’t love me. But if she didn’t care for me, at least a little, why in the world would she have led me on? She didn’t want fame. She didn’t want money. What was the point of wasting eight months with someone she didn’t love? Ugh. Why did I insist on tormenting myself any longer? Let it sink in, Nick! Listen to yourself - make mental note of this: Julie never loved you! Just thinking it made my heart ache.

I felt like crying. A stinging sensation had made a home in my eyes and wouldn’t remove itself. Why did I love her so much, anyway? It’s do. Not did.... I still do love her... “She’s just an average girl...” I said aloud, in an attempt to convince myself. No; I knew that one wasn’t true - no matter how hard I tried to convince myself. Julie just had this....aura, this way about her. She was my fate, my destiny, my soul mate. She was the first person I’d ever dated who made me want to be her everything. I wanted to be hers and her to be mine forever and a day. For life, for death, for eternity. It’s silly, I know. But it’s love, and sometimes love is a bit silly I suppose.

______

Nick had asked Julie out on a date after a friendship of a few weeks. Gladly, she accepted. Although Nick had tried to get her to agree to go to dinner with him, she refused. “No, no. Nick, you don’t have to spend any money to date. If you want to get to know me - like you said you did - then how about we just go for a walk on the beach or a walk in the park?” She asked, her eyes sparkling.

“Are you sure? ’Cause, Julie, it’s not a big deal for me to take you out to dinner. I asked you and its -”

“I know you asked me, and I realize that you would like to, but c’mon...this’ll be more intimate, and even quieter and more peaceful. A romantic walk somewhere...that’s not appealing to you?” She smiled impishly.

“Well, yeah. I mean...but...” He sighed heavily, feeling defeated. “We could go to dinner first and then -” He stopped when he saw the look of pure amusement on her face. “Let's go for a walk, then,” he smiled.

Later that night, after the sun had already begun to set, Nick drove by Julie’s house to pick her up. Walking to the door nervously, he knocked lightly. A moment later she appeared wearing a knee-length baby blue skirt, and a matching tank top. Blue eyes immediately shimmered upon seeing her. “You look so pretty,” he mumbled almost inaudibly. She heard his hushed whisper and smiled, feeling a blush rising to her cheeks.

“You look mighty pretty yourself,” she smiled, running a hand over his white shirt. Looking down at his own outfit - which wasn’t very dressy, but was nice he’d been told - he felt nervousness rush over him. He felt his stomach tingling with butterflies, nervousness coursing through it and adrenaline rushing through his veins rampantly.

When the two of them got to the beach they walked barefooted along the soft white sand, watching the stunning summer sunset. Periodically Nick would look over at her, just because he missed seeing her face and loved to see the look of contentment she seemed to carry with her. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, he couldn’t deny it. Every so often, Julie would catch him staring. “You see something on my face?” She asked coyly.

“What?” He asked, turning away quickly in an attempt to pretend he wasn’t staring as hard as he knew he was. “No, no...I was just, um...” He swallowed hard, fearing panic was taking over.

She chuckled to herself in amusement over his stammering.

“I just wanted to ask if it would be okay if I held your hand while we walked...”

Hopefully, he turned to look at her again. His blue eyes met her bright emerald ones, glinting with excitement and anticipation. “Of course you can hold my hand. Nick, you didn’t have to ask. Do you honestly think I would’ve objected?”

“Well, I thought it’d be the gentlemanly thing to do. Just to make sure you were okay with it.”

She smiled, “It was very nice of you.” She replied, as he clasped her hand in his own and they continued down their path on the beach.

_______

The signs of love were there, were they not? She smiled when she looked into my eyes, she let me hold her hand....we walked along the beach and watched the sunset together hand-in-hand.

Another car drove by, splashing more water onto my soaking clothing, shaking me from my thoughts again. I shivered beneath the waterlogged material, but even that couldn't stop me from thinking of Julie. I must just be really pathetic. Or obsessed. Or just insanely in love. And it could very well be all three; that seems logical.

We spent a lot of time together too. In eight months I spent more time with her than I did with my on-again off-again girlfriends of the past. We didn’t even have to go somewhere to be happy being together. She never asked me to buy her anything or take her anywhere either. And she didn’t mention that I was a Backstreet Boy. I wasn’t even sure if she knew for a long time. I was normal when I was with her and I was never afraid to be myself.

A few weeks after our first date, we had our first kiss. I remember we were going so much slower than I was used to. By now I would’ve already slept with her had she not meant so much to me. I know that sounds bad, but it’s blatantly honest. I was used to “dating” once or twice and then immediately - if not a part of the first date - I would sleep with the girl. Julie was too special for me to ruin it like that.

________

“Wanna go for a walk in the rain?” Julie asked, eyeing the wet view out the front window.

Nick was completely against it, saying how 'completely insane' she was for even wanting to do it. “Walk in the rain?” Nick asked, eyes wide, forehead wrinkled. “Are you nuts? Walk in the rain?” He repeated, as if the repetition would bring her to her senses.

“Yes; what’s wrong with walking in the rain?” She asked, an amused look masked on her face.

“I came over here to pick you up and take you out to dinner, and all of a sudden you say ‘let’s go for a walk’ - in the rain?”

Julie’s eyes sparkled. “When you were a kid, did your mom ever let you play in the rain?”

“No; she said I’d get dirty - which I would’ve - and then I’d just stare out the window, wishing I were splashing in puddles.” He said somberly.

“So you’ve turned into your mother?”

“Huh? No...what are you talking about, Julie?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"You just said that your mother never let you play in the rain. And when I invited you to play in the rain with me, you objected...”

“Oh,” he laughed. “I see what you mean.”

“So,” she began, walking closer to him, clasping his hand in hers. “Do you wanna walk with me?”

“Yeah, let’s do it.”

Once outside, Nick realized that this was far from a light shower. But as long as there wasn’t any thunder and lightning, he assumed they’d be all right. They walked along the side of the road, hand-in-hand; the only people walking in the pouring rain of course. The soft pitter-patter of the droplets pounding against the pavement and their skin was kind of soothing and relaxing.

He turned to look at her, and immediately she looked at him as well. Nick couldn’t help but smile; she was so beautiful, even in the rain. Her dark hair was drenched, the ends dripping against her back; her skin was now shiny from the beads of water running down her face. And her eyes: those vibrant, emerald orbs that Nick had become so fond of. They seemed to shimmer as if glitter had been strategically placed inside of them.

“You look so adorable all wet,” Julie laughed, her thumb running gently over the soft skin of his hand.

He chuckled, his cheeks showing a rosy tint.

“Why are you laughing? It’s definitely true. I mean...your skin is so shiny from the rain, and your hair...” Nick smiled realizing her thoughts seemed to mirror his own.

“I was thinking the same thing about you. You look so beautiful tonight,” he said softly.

Julie smiled, blushing a light shade of crimson herself. Nick stopped and turned towards her staring into her eyes. He felt his heartbeat increasing in anticipation and excitement. He swallowed hard as he ran a gentle hand through her hair and over her face, taking in her beauty. Julie’s eyes were scanning his face, searching to read his thoughts.

“Nick, what are you doing?” She asked, as his thumb gingerly ran over the moist skin of her lips.

“I was thinking,” he whispered softly, almost to himself.

“About what?” She asked in an equally soft tone.

“I was debating on whether or not to kiss you,” he replied, his focus still on her lips. His intense gaze and the hopeful look on his face made Julie smile.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” She asked, biting her lip.

“My heart to settle down,” he laughed.

Affectionately she raised her left hand to his heart, feeling the pounding rhythm within. When she looked back up into his gleaming blue eyes, she noticed he was still staring at her lips lustfully and had yet to make a move. She silently laughed. He's so cute when he's nervous, she thought to herself.

Taking a deep breath, gathering all the courage he could muster, Nick slowly brought his face down to meet hers. As their lips gently touched, it seemed like the world had stopped and it only consisted of the two of them and the continuing rain. Carefully Nick’s velvety tongue snaked out, playfully finding its way into her mouth to wrestle with her own tongue. The soft and sensual way his hands caressed her seemed to be the same way his mouth did. When they pulled away, they were both breathless, smiling, staring into each other’s eyes like it was a safe haven they’d never known before.

Her hand still elusively touched the area on his chest where his heart was located. She could feel the ever-increasing rhythm of his heart, the beat had increased dramatically during their kiss.

“I like walking in the rain with you,” he smiled, resting his forehead against hers.

________

And here I am, walking in the rain. My heart’s pounding just the same as it was that evening... I thought to myself. That was the best kiss of my life. It wasn’t one of those “in the heat of the moment” type things. I’d never had that feeling before either: the increased heartbeat, the nervousness... the love. God, why do I still love her? It’s like having a favorite stuffed animal or action figure and then losing it - only this is one hundred times worse. Stupid analogies!